EXCELLENT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for... Los Dryheavers!
(Thanks to Michael and Laura Zucker)
« March 2003 | Main | May 2003 »
April 30, 2003
IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN KEEPING UP WITH THE NEWS
This should clear everything up.
(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)
IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! IT'S... YUCK
Say hello to Polyp Man.
(Thanks to Sandy Miller)
WHY GUYS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE INVOLVED IN PLANNING THEIR OWN WEDDINGS
They do not take very important things seriously.
(Thanks to Jim Romenesko's media site.)
ATTENTION. MEN
Do not even think about reading this.
(Thanks a lot to Alan West)
BREAKTHROUGH DIET CONCEPT
Hey, why wouldn't this work?
(Thanks to Kellii Dube)
IF ONLY I COULD MISTAKENLY RECEIVE HIS ROYALTIES
This correction appeared in the Los Angeles Times:
Festival of Books -- An article in Sunday's California section incorrectly identified Stephen King as one of the writers participating in a concert by the Rock Bottom Remainders band at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books. The guitar player was columnist Dave Barry. King did not attend the festival.
CHEERLEADING UPDATE
GIVE ME A "C"!
GIVE ME AN "O"!
GIVE ME AN "R"!
GIVE ME A "P"!
GIVE ME AN "S"!
GIVE ME AN "E"!
(Thanks to Mike Harris)
WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET, REASON 67,493
ART UPDATE
Now this is what we call "class."
(Thanks to Claire Martin, who is now basically writing this blog.)
NOBODY COULD EVER HAVE PREDICTED THIS
Joe Millionaire runner-up Sarah Kozer is going to -- prepare to be very shocked -- pose naked for Playboy. But it's OK because her family approves and it will be tasteful and, as Sarah put it, "I was a women's studies major."
April 29, 2003
OUR STANDARDS (CONT.)
It will be a cold day in hell before this blog links to such a cruel and vicious site as this one.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
OUR APOLOGIES
What with Iraq and SARS and whatever, we overlooked the important and ongoing story of Yipyip the weight-pulling poodle.
SQUIRREL UPDATE
Rampage in Germany.
April 28, 2003
REALLY BIG CHICKEN EGGS IN THE NEWS
TALK ABOUT YOUR TAINTED EVIDENCE
Here's a good example of why police officers are underpaid.
ATTENTION, COLLECTORS OF HISTORIC ARTIFACTS
We have no doubt whatsoever that this is the genuine item.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
NATURE ALERT
Somebody is feeding something other than acorns to the squirrels.
(Thanks to Diane Duane)
April 27, 2003
WHY WE CANNOT TRUST THE NEWS MEDIA
Here is an account of the Remainders' non-musical event with Steve Martin. I link to it because it's the only time in history that anybody has ever described me as "well-coiffed."
SEAFOOD AND NARCOTICS UPDATE
Psssst... Wanna do some squid?
FINAL BAND UPDATE
We played our final "gig" yesterday at the Los Angeles Times book festival, before a large and festive outdoor crowd that really loved us, or at least did not open fire. We had several Special Guest Artists, including "The Simpsons" creator Matt Groening, who sang part of "Wild Thing" and moved in a semi-rhythmic manner, and Dr. Demento, who performed in "Leader of the Pack" as a motorcycle gang member who, inexplicably, wore tails and a top hat.
Today we return to Reality on a long plane flight, which is a concern because my daughter has somehow acquired an electronic Mr. Potato Head game that NEVER STOPS TALKING.
April 26, 2003
LA UPDATE
The legendary Rock Bottom Remainders will make their final appearance of the current tour today at the Los Angeles Times book festival. We're a little nervous because of this story about some fans who have sued the band Creed for $2 million on the grounds that the band gave a bad performance. By that standard, our legal liability currently stands at 800 trillion dollars.
April 25, 2003
SO THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT A COCKPIT
We boarded a Southwest Airlines flight this morning, opened our USA Today, and saw this story.
AMAZING
Here's an idea so bad that even O.J. turned it down.
ANOTHER BAND UPDATE
We played last night in San Francisco at the Fillmore West, and the evening was excellent (except for the part where we played). The toilets at the Fillmore were every bit as good as Roger McGuinn said they would be.
Our opening act was a comedian: Robin Williams. (Really.) He was quite funny. We in the band think he has a real future in show business.
Today we're on our way to Los Angeles; tonight we're doing a mostly nonmusical event with Steve Martin (another "up-and-coming" comedy star). Saturday we play at the Los Angeles Times book festival. That's an outdoors concert, and it's free. We promise you'll get your money's worth.
April 24, 2003
FINE CUISINE UPDATE
On Southwest Airlines, for breakfast, you get the following nutritious meal option: Chips Ahoy.
Yes. For breakfast.
IT WAS WORTH IT
You have to be tough with mice.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
BAND UPDATE
I'm on the road with the legendary semi-all-author rock band, the Rock Bottom Remainders, and have not had time to blog because we're racing around doing glamorous rock-band things, such as trying to locate our luggage. We played last night in Seattle and it was a huge artistic success, by which I mean the audience had been drinking. The highlight, aside from Roger McGuinn (who actually plays IN TUNE) was the Louie Louie Lyrics Contest, in which we had four audience members compete to see if they knew any lyrics to Louie Louie. The winner sang entirely in French.
Today we are in (I think) San Francisco. We play tonight at the legendary Fillmore West, which according to Roger McGuinn has GREAT toilets backstage.
April 23, 2003
FINAL UPDATE (I HOPE) ON THE CAT-BEING-FLUNG-BY-THE-CEILING-FAN VIDEO
Read this, and then let's just forget all about it.
(Thanks to Oscar Bartos)
EDUCATIONAL SITE OF THE YEAR
I'll never think of this mathematical concept quite the same way again.
(Thanks to Gene Weingarten)
YOU THINK YOUR JOB SUCKS?
Tell it to this guy.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
TERRORISM UPDATE
Be on the lookout for vegetables.
(Thanks to Reuben.K.Westmaas)
COW UPDATE
A heartwarming headline from Montana.
BAND UPDATE
The almost-all-author rock band, the Rock Bottom Remainders, spent yesterday rehearsing in a secret undisclosed location called the EMP in Seattle. This is a building that was designed by a Very Famous Architect and is, as you would expect, hideously ugly.
Speaking of ugly: The band has learned a number of songs and will attempt to perform them before a live audience tonight. We also plan to hold a Louie Louie Lyrics Contest, featuring fabulous prizes consisting of a T-shirt. It will be a one-of-a-kind evening, and yet, incredibly, tickets are still available! You can get information here.
April 22, 2003
BEER UPDATE
Old people: Guess what the young folks are (burp) drinking?
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
NEWS BULLETIN FROM CROWHEART, WYOMING
Moo.
A FEVER PITCH
The huge throbbing tumescent mass of publicity for the forthcoming tour of the almost-all-author band the Rock Bottom Remainders became even more massive today with the publication of this story. The band has gathered in Seattle, and, recognizing that our first performance is tomorrow night, we decided to break with longstanding tradition and spend at least part of today rehearsing. I will not reveal our repertoire, except to say that at one point we intend to attempt to play a chord called "F sharp minor." So blogging may be sporadic today.
Despite the tidal wave groundswell of publicity, there are, incredibly, some tickets still available. So if you live anywhere in the Seattle area, scrape the mushrooms off your body and come on out. Details are here.
April 21, 2003
ATTENTION MEN!
Here's a terrific romantic gift idea for the little lady.
(Thanks to Laurie White)
YET ANOTHER CAT-BEING-FLUNG BY-CEILING-FAN UPDATE
It turns out that it IS a commercial.
(Thanks to Robert Lendvai)
GIVE ME AN R!
An email from Abhimanyu Radhakrishnan:
Hi Dave, I saw your blog entry about the college in Notre Dame whose initials are CONDOM. This is even better ... I study in India and there's a very famous engineering school in the southern state of Tamil Nadu (of which Chennai, formerly Madras is the capital city) in a town called Tiruchirapalli (called Trichnoply or Trichy in British times). The school is popularly called REC Trichy (Regional Engineering College, Trichy). However, I once went for an inter-varsity sports meet where in order to avoid confusion with the local University in Trichy, to which REC is not affiliated, the college was referred to, throughout the meet on the scoreboards as RECTUM (Regional Engineering College Tiruchirapalli, University of Madras). The local papers carried headlines : RECTUM pips Loyola for title! I couldn't help but commend the students for being part of such a kick-ASS school. We took digs at the budding engineers for their ANALytical skills and ...you get the picture!! Cheers Abhi
DAVID HASSELHOFF UPDATE
I have suspected this for years.
(Thanks to Stephen Nielsen)
TRAVEL UPDATE
We made it to Seattle WITH a three-year-old, for a total travel distance of 47 hillion jillion miles. The weather here in Seattle is 87 degrees and sunny. I am lying, but it's my blog, dammit.
TRAVEL ADVISORY
I leave today for the West Coast (of the United States), where the
legendary almost-all-author band the Rock Bottom Remainders will be
getting ready for the big Fire in The Belly Tour of Seattle, San
Francisco and Los Angeles. So blogging will be sporadic this week,
although I will try to get on here from time to time to report on the
band's efforts to master our extremely difficult musical arrangements,
some of which require us to all be playing EXACTLY THE SAME CHORD at
EXACTLY THE SAME TIME.
The band continues to receive a tidal wave of publicity for this much-anticipated tour. And yet, incredibly, some tickets are
still available.
TINY FROGS FROM HELL
The're taking over Hawaii.
April 20, 2003
THE VOICE OF GENIUS
According to this review, Madonna's new CD includes these lyrics:
I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I feel shy
I think I can fly
Closer to the sky
GOODS NEWS AND BAD NEWS
The good news is, we are getting less and less likely to catch on fire.
(Thanks to Jeff Arch)
EASTER TRADITIONS
At my house, on this very special day, we roast a big ham, then we gather around the table and give thanks, then we pour a TON of soy sauce on that baby and sing this traditional song.
UPDATE: CAT BEING FLUNG BY CEILING FAN
The tasteless and not-at-all-funny video I linked to a few days ago is mentioned toward the end of this Slate story, about a tasteless and not-at-all-funny fake Puma ad that some people think might not be fake. Man, this is confusing, isn't it? It makes me wonder if maybe the Time Cube is involved. Personally, I blame everything on Ken Layne, who got me into blogging in the first place.
WHY WE'RE GLAD WE HAVE THE FIRST AMENDMENT
Because we won't have our right to free expression taken away, like what happened to this German guy.
(Thanks to Michael Greenspan)
April 19, 2003
HIGHER EDUCATION UPDATE
Jen Kim emails to point out that the initials of the College of Notre Dame of Maryland are... well, they're unfortunate.