ULTIMATE SPORTS UPDATE
Men: Are you man enough for this?
(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)
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March 31, 2003
GERALDO UPDATE
According to this report, he is still in Iraq, and appears to be wearing a tuxedo.
ANOTHER SNAKE UPDATE
This story just will not quit.
RECREATION UPDATE
More and more, active people are getting into Big Pant Trekking.
(Thanks yet again to Claire Martin)
BAD NEWS FROM IRAQ
Geraldo has been kicked out, which means there's a risk he'll be coming back here.
A GOOD REASON TO GO TO SCOTLAND
Because you might encounter a traffic sign that says (really) "Beware of the Toads."
SNAKE UPDATE
We have your python news AND your condom news here.
YOU LOSER
You missed Zora Day in Lambertville.
March 30, 2003
MORE TROUBLE BREWING
As if the world wasn't in enough of a mess, now there's conflict looming over the plan to burn the sacred snake.
PEACE IS AT HAND
(Thanks to Elizabeth Leavy-Watts)
NEW CONCEPT IN BABY FASHIONS
The "Dead Frog Look," by Bum.
THIS GAL IS SUCH A KIDDER!
Madonna, out promoting her single, says "All everyone is obsessed about now is being a celebrity. That's bullshit,"
March 29, 2003
WHY I LOVE MIAMI, REASON NO. 34,983
OK, the current plan for getting rid of the rabbits at Miami International Airport and Drug Smuggling Facility is to put them on a Delta flight and send them to Texas.
Nobody could make this city up.
WILDLIFE UPDATE
Anybody missing a large beaver?
MOTORIST ADVISORY
Avoid Beanford Lane.
March 28, 2003
UH-OH
Another danged sign of the Apocalypse.
HOLEY MOLEY
Employee of the year? This guy is the employee of the damn millennium.
(Thanks to Scott Koon)
BATH TOYS FOR ADULTS
(Thanks to Kip Sundquist)
URGENT MEDICAL UPDATE
If I read this headline correctly, death could, in many cases, prove to be fatal.
(Thanks and arrrr to John Baur)
CHILDREN'S LITERARY UPDATE
Harry Potter better watch out.
(Thanks to Bonnie Crowder)
YET ANOTHER REASON TO CARRY DUCT TAPE
To guard against terrorist hawks.
(Thanks to Laura Wenham)
FUN VACATION IDEA
It's a small world, after all. But fortunately it has adult beverages.
(Thanks to Mike Rouch)
PETA TAKE NOTE
Here is yet another activity that we do not find amusing at all.
(Thanks to L. Muller)
SECURITY UPDATE
"Gas attack! Everybody BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NECKTIE!"
(Thanks to Suzanne Levinson)
CHER UPDATE
She is hanging tough.
SCIENCE MARCHES FORWARD
A Welsh experimenter answers a burning question.
(Thanks to Will Clarke)
March 27, 2003
MEDICAL UPDATE
You can't be too careful.
(Thanks again to Claire Martin. This might as well be the Claire Martin blog.)
CONSUMER SAFETY ADVISORY
This is exactly why real men do not clean the bathroom.
(Thanks to Michele Crost)
WHY I LOVE MY JOB
So I wrote a column about a trip I took in 1963, and I mentioned one of the great songs of that year, "My Boyfriend's Back," by the Angels. So today I got a nice voicemail message from Peggy Davison, the lead singer for the Angels, who reports that they're still performing, and (surprise) have an official website. Peggy points out that, although in the column I described them as "women," she was still in high school when their hit came out.
A phone message from an actual Angel. Man.
HOME ENTERTAINMENT
Here's a great party idea: Invite the "whole gang" over, get out the chips and dip, and exhibit these fun photos..
(Thanks again to Claire Martin.)
(Get back to work, Claire)
HUMANITARIAN PLEA
To anybody who tells me there are no worthy causes out there, I say: Oh (burp) YEAH?
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
IN SYMPATHY
Take a moment to voice a quiet moo of mourning for Jessica.
HISTORY UPDATE
Here, at last, is the real story.
(Thanks to Mike Atkinson)
YOU PATHETIC SLUG
Here's yet another way to remind you what a loser you are.
(Thanks to Cyndi Schoenbrun)
MORALE BOOSTER
In these trying times, we, as a nation, can always use an upbeat tune that expresses our core values..
(Thanks to Joy Durham)
March 26, 2003
DEPARTMENT OF SPARE TIME
Don't tell me Americans don't care about the issues.
(Thanks to Marianne Ledford)
THEY ALSO DETECT ENEMY BANANAS
More forces join the coalition.
(Thanks to Eric Brewer)
UFO UPDATE
We are not ruling out the possibility that this was an alien cat.
(Thanks to Becky Barwick)
CONSUMER ADVISORY
Do NOT go to bed.
TRAVEL ADVISORY
If you're flying Thai Airways to Vietnam, be careful where you step.
EMPLOYMENT (RIBBET) OPPORTUNITY
When people ask me: "Dave, what are the options for a person who wishes to count frogs and toads?" I direct them here.
March 25, 2003
TIP FOR WILDLIFE LOVERS
Make sure you check to be sure the wildlife loves you back.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
ONE FINAL OSCARS NOTE
Jon Macks wrote a joke during the show that, because of time, Steve Martin didn't get to use. It was right after the Oscar was handed out for best original song, and the joke was: "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't want to alarm anybody, but the Bible says that one of the signs of the Apocalypse is when Barbra Streisand gives an Oscar to Eminem."
TRAVEL ADVISORY
I am on my way to Omaha today. Why? Because like most people, every now and then I get a case of that Omaha Fever.
IF IT ASKS FOR A CRACKER, YOU BETTER GIVE IT A DAMN CRACKER
A six-ton parrot is on the move in Miami.
HOME SECURITY TIP
This is why every homeowner should always have a machine gun handy.
(Thanks to Leslie Harder)
March 24, 2003
SENSITIVITY UPDATE
The wonderful thing about the Internet is the way it teaches us about complex concepts.
(Thanks to Michele Crost)
MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD
We all need to take a position on the issues.
(Thanks again to Amanda Boote)
SPIDERMAN UPDATE
Maybe "man" is the wrong word.
(Thanks to Amanda Boote)
TERRORISM UPDATE
This time, they have gone too far.
(Thanks to Clem)