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March 19, 2003


As you may be aware, this blog has been closely monitoring the story of the Giant Cheeto. Recently, this blog had an idea, which it proposed to Bryce Wilson, the man who arranged to bring the Cheeto to Algona, Iowa. Specifically, this blog sent the following email to Bryce:

Dear Bryce --

Do you need a giant corn-flake clot to go with the Monster Cheeto? Some years ago, one of my readers (unfortunately, I no longer have his name) found a big clot of clumped-together flakes in his corn flakes and sent it to me in a handsome baseball-display case. I've had it in my office ever since, but it occurs to me that it might make a nice addition to the Monster Cheeto display. The way I picture it, after people have looked at the Cheeto for a while, they'll say, "Hey! Let's go look at the giant corn-flake clot!" And then a little while later they'll say, "Hey! Let's go back and look at the Cheeto some more!" And before they know it, the day will have flown by.

Let me know, OK?

Dave Barry

Today, this blog received the following email response from Bryce:

Dear Dave,

I don't know what to say. I would be honored to receive your clot. I just spoke to a friend about it and the gears are turning. There is a Hormel Foods plant in town. My friend has a guy who could make an enormous pepperoni. By enormous, he's saying 40 ft. And while 40 ft of anything --especially something as delicious as pepperoni-- is fantastic, I believe that freak foods found in their natural habitat are the most impressive.

Luckily the natural habitat of most snack food is not limited to its original container. For instance, I've seen colonies of snack food turn up in places like sofa cushion cracks, where they evolve and live full, happy lives. These are the freak foods I find most intriguing. This is the type of freak that your clot is. I'm sure it's a beautiful thing.

I assume you need a street address to send it to. If you still are interested in sending me your clot, my address is below.

This entire experience should be a lesson to people. A lesson in chasing one's dreams, pursuing one's goals, and never throwing anything away. Can you imagine where this world would be if the great men and women who first discovered these giants, hadn't had the foresight to preserve them for future generations? I shudder to think. If more people would pause before discarding anything and ask themselves, "what would this be worth on eBay?", the world would undoubtedly be a kinder, warmer, crunchier place.

I thank you Dave for your great contribution. Iowa thanks you, and yes, Dave, the world thanks you.

Let me know what happens next. Thank you, and Godspeed.

Bryce Wilson

It goes without saying that this blog is deeply moved, and has asked its Research Department, Judi Smith (who actually purchased the handsome baseball-style case) to send the corn-flake clot to Bryce.

And next, maybe... A giant pepperoni!

This blog can barely breathe.


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