Dave Barry's Blog

LESSONS FROM LUCY

So here's Lucy with my new book Lessons from Lucy, which basically explains why Lucy (a dog) is smarter than I (technically a human). The book will be published on Tuesday, April 2, but we're having a pre-publication kickoff event on, appropriately enough, April 1, at 7:30 p.m. at Coral Gables Congregational Church. The event is hosted by Books & Books, and although Lucy won't be there -- she'll be home reading -- there will be rescue dogs that YOU CAN ADOPT thanks to the wonderful dog-loving folks of Friends of Miami Animals. So you can get a book AND (Why not?) a dog.

After that I'll be going on a nationwide book tour that will probably result in my demise, while Lucy lounges around the house emitting dog farts and occasionally barking at the mail person as part of her ongoing, and so far successful, effort to keep the mail person from attacking the household. These are the roles we have chosen.

Anyway, I hope to see some of you out there on the road, assuming I am still alive when I get to your city.

Lessons From Lucy will also be available as an audiobook, read by me. Pre-order your copy for delivery on April 2nd:

B&N: http://bit.ly/2T3HbjN
Google Play: http://bit.ly/2SWjUjT
Amazon: https://amzn.to/2SWP4rj
Audible: https://adbl.co/2SYKLMi

WHY WE NEED ORBITING MALLS

The US space agency NASA scrapped Monday a planned historic spacewalk by two women astronauts, citing a lack of available spacesuits that would fit them at the International Space Station.

(Thanks to Phil McCavity)

THAT’S PUNISHMENT ENOUGH

Drunk driver sprayed Axe in his mouth to mask the smell of alcohol, SC deputies say

(Thanks to Vernon)

BEER: IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN’T DO?

Kodak says a new beer hitting the market can be used to develop its Super 8 movie film.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

YOU KNOW THE STATE

Pizzeria Owner Targeted In Slice Fusillade

We saw Slice Fusillade open for the Who.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Le Petomane)

HEH

AirAsia apologises, drops 'Get off in Thailand' promotion

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

AND IN SPORTS

Seagull imitators face off in Belgian championship

The video is pretty great.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NAH. THEY COULDN'T HANDLE THE BOOK TOURS.

The rise of robot authors: is the writing on the wall for human novelists?

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WAR IS IMMINENT

France uncovers massive Italian kiwi fraud

We saw them open for the Doors.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Dave Roe)

AMAZINGLY, IT WAS NOT EATEN BY A SNAKE

Giant Inflatable Cucumber Gets Into a Bit of a Pickle on Sydney Harbour

(Thanks to Roberto)

AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T WIND UP IN EDINBURGH

A drunk passenger on an American Airlines flight urinated on another passenger’s luggage.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SIX OF ONE...

A British Airways flight destined for Dusseldorf in Germany has landed in Edinburgh by mistake, after the flight paperwork was submitted incorrectly.

The passengers only realised the error when the plane landed and the "welcome to Edinburgh" announcement was made.

(Thanks to Roberto)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, WELCOME ABOARD!

Naked Russian man tries to board plane claiming to be more ‘aerodynamic’ undressed

‘He said he flies with more agility when undressed.’

(Thanks to Bob Brogan, Ralph, John Lobert and Roberto)

THEY ALL POSSESS VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Thousands of poisonous toads are swarming a Palm Beach Gardens community, and it's leaving neighbors concerned.

(Thanks to Rick Day, Ralph, pharmaross, A. Wheeler and Le Petomane)

ATTENTION, IDIOTS:

Gucci selling $870 sneakers designed to look dirty

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHILE SOME OF US STRUGGLE TO PICK UP THE NEWSPAPER

Vermont woman, 84, heading to Poland to compete in pole-vaulting championship

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom, we think)

EITHER THAT, OR IT WILL MAKE YOUR MIND THINK ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME

Cam Newton Giving Up Sex for a Month; 'Hopes It Makes My Mind Stronger'

(Thanks to Steve K.)

THERE MAY BE A PARTY FIRST

The U.S. Coast Guard on Friday is planning to offload around 27,000 pounds of cocaine seized recently during operations off the coasts of Mexico, Central and South America.  The drugs have an estimated value of around $360 million and will be sent for destruction after it's brought to the Coast Guard's base in Miami Beach, Florida.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "so if there is another shutdown, the Coast Guard will get paid.")

 

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Thief steals 140 sap buckets in Vermont

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHEN IRISH EYES ARE SMILING, DUDE

Wisconsin woman gives out marijuana-laced cookies during St. Patrick’s Day parade, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)