Dave Barry's Blog

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

‘Shaman’ charged with starting California wildfire after allegedly boiling bear urine

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE BE SURPRISED?

‘Got the surprise of his life’: Queensland worker spots brown snake while sitting on toilet

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

To clarify: The worker, not the snake, was sitting on the toilet.

THAT'S A LOT OF BAHT

Phuket man finds 30 million baht surprise “whale poop” on beach

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT, DUDE

The World’s First Plane Made From And Powered By HEMP

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert, who says "No mention of how high it gets.")

THE PLUMBER CHARGED $238 MILLION FOR THE HOUSECALL

An alarm went off on SpaceX's all-tourist space flight. The problem was the toilet

(Thanks to Barry Nester and EricY, who says "To boldly go... maybe not.")

APPARENTLY THE FUTURE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE A BAD FAKE PHOTO OF THE FUTURE

'Time traveller' claims to have photo evidence of what the future will look like

(Thanks to pharmaross)

2,000 FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Seattle driving school instructor sold fake passing grades to at least 2,000 people

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NO

Is Steeping Your Balls the Future of Male Birth Control?

(Thanks to Ralph)

REMINDS US OF LASSIE

Caiman Islands snorkeler follows squid to man's lost wedding ring

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says “The snorkeler said that was a good squid and the fried calamari was excellent.”)

IT’S CALLED RECYCLING

A gravestone missing for almost 150 years was being used as a marble slab to make fudge

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko and The Perts)

OTHER THAN THAT. A TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL OPERATION

Ohio haunted house actor accidentally stabbed boy, 11, in foot

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says “The kid was lucky the actor couldn't get his chainsaw started.”)

YOUR FLYING CAR?

It will have to wait.

(Thanks to Michael Johnson)

THEY ALSO LOVED TO PLAY FETCH

Dinosaurs wagged their tails while running, simulations reveal

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

PLEASE CANCEL OUR RESERVATION

No, Portales motel doesn’t have meth on tap

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

LOOKS LEGIT

'Loch Ness Monster' caught on drone footage by wild camper

(Thanks to pharmaross)

"Wild camper?"

A GIANT LEAP

They're sending up William Shatner.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BUT OF COURSE

A sneezing ferret has tested positive for COVID in Florida, federal authorities say

ADVISORY TO FLORIDA GARDENERS:

Always carry a shovel.

'I HAD NO IDEA THAT WAS A NATURAL ACT'

Gorillas shock onlookers with oral sex show at Bronx Zoo in hilarious video

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE GONNA PASS ON THE ENGINEERS' BARBECUE

Engineers figured out how to cook 3D-printed chicken with lasers

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)