Dave Barry's Blog

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY CONTRACT IT IN AN AIRPORT

Man found living in Chicago airport for three months 'due to fear of Covid'

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "I've spent three months circulating the passenger pickup loop, but never been inside that long.")

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:09 p.m. A woman reported her brother was manufacturing drugs and messing with her Wi-Fi.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THEY TOOK HALF THE DAY OFF

Magicians mark 100 years of 'sawing woman in half' trick

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

SEND THEM TO FLORIDA; THEY CAN FIGHT IT OUT WITH THE PYTHONS

Colombia’s ‘cocaine hippos’ must be stopped, scientists warn

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE ON HER

Police say Oregon man who stole a car with a child in the backseat came back and 'lectured' the mom about parenting

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

THEY WERE TRAINED BY THE SQUIRRELS

Shrewd macaques prefer to target items that humans are most likely to exchange for food, such as electronics, rather than objects that tourists care less about, such as hairpins or empty camera bags

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

AUTOMOTIVE OPTION OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Alabama man finds $300,000 of heroin in car bought at Tennessee government auction

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STEP 2: 'DRAW THE REST OF THE F***ING OWL'

Year Seven pupils at Holderness Academy and Sixth Form College were surprised when they downloaded the art worksheet which "clearly had not been checked before it was sent out".

(Thanks to pharmaross and Matt Filar)

THIS IS WHY THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD MAINTAIN AN EMERGENCY RESERVE

Nestlé recalls 762,000 pounds of pepperoni Hot Pockets

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

DIDN'T THEY TOUR WITH MOTT THE HOOPLE?

Enormous pigeon-eating catfish wreaking havoc on Europe’s ecosystems

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

'It'll be full': 'Amazing' video shows snake devouring possum

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PLEASE WATCH YOUR STEP WHEN STAGGERING OUT

Massive sinkhole reopens outside Florida sports bar

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AT LEAST POLICE HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

Dozens of adult diapers spilled along ENC highway

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE LAW IS SETTLED

Russia’s Supreme Court rules attending football match is good reason to miss work

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Two pigs have reportedly entered a police station in Sindh after which cops were seen running out of the building to save their lives.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NO ARGUMENT HERE

A French waiter fired for being “aggressive, rude and disrespectful” says his behaviour wasn’t out of line – he’s just French.

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

This blog, speaking from personal experience, agrees with the waiter.

'HERE TO KEEP THE INNER PEACE'

Yoga Joes

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

BULLETIN UPDATE ON JOE THE PIGEON

A pigeon that Australia declared a biosecurity risk has received a reprieve after a U.S. bird organization declared its identifying leg band was fake.

(Thanks to pharmaross and EricY)

WITHOUT STUDIES, WE MIGHT NEVER HAVE KNOWN

Guppies have varying levels of self-control

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

CSI: CANADA

The car was missing its front windshield. There was a hole in the back window, glass on the highway and an axe on the backseat.

...Lewis asked police why he had been pulled over. It was then, Judge Paul Scovil writes, that the officer noticed Lewis had his pants pulled down to his knees. "I believe I can take judicial notice that this is an unusual way to wear one's pants when operating a motor vehicle," Judge Scovil wrote.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)