Dave Barry's Blog

'TO HER SURPRISE'

They told the proprietor of Zodiac Hair and Nails, to her surprise, that the box contained a human testicle.

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "BOLO. They usually come in pairs.")

JUST TO BE SAFE, MAYBE AVOID NEWS IN GENERAL

Avoiding COVID-19 news correlated with better mental well-being, Dutch studies find

(Thanks to The Perts)

You don't need "news." You have this blog.

HE HAS THIS BLOG'S VOTE

Alleged links to an anal acupuncturist and a Rasputin-like preacher could prove damaging for a conservative politician hoping to become South Korea’s next president.

(Thanks to Roberto)

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

2:15 a.m. A man who reported his truck had been stolen at 2 a.m. realized later that his truck was at the bar he’d been at before getting a ride home.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S AS IF WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A BILL OF RIGHTS

Woman Complains After Pumpkin Farm Kicks Her Out for Bringing Giant Snake

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

A McDonald's customer assaulted an employee with a french-fry scoop because her order took too long, Nashville police say

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

'IT ALL HAPPENED OVER CHEESE EGGS'

Man says Waffle House waitress pulled gun on him

(Thanks to Jane Linderman and pharmaross)

SEND THESE ELEPHANTS TO WASHINGTON

Elephants squashing pumpkins is a freaky fall tradition

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL OF US

Nurse sued NHS claiming she’d been secretly hypnotised to fart against her will

(Thanks to John Mayson and pharmaross)

THIS BLOG WAS NOT INVITED

'Even the port-a-potties are beautifully designed!' Bill Gates' daughter Jennifer, 25, has tents erected on her 124-acre property as she makes last minute preparations for extravagant wedding to millionaire equestrian Nayel Nassar

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AND IN SPORTS

Wisconsin man grows 2,500-pound pumpkin, but a crack will keep it out of record books

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WILD KINGDOM

A rare bird spotted in England turned out to be a seagull covered in curry

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "And it was delicious.")

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Kentucky store earns Guinness record for world's largest pocket knife

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FORESHADOWING

Unfortunate moment bride bats ball straight into new husband's groin caught on camera

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

Note that she then runs the bases with little apparent concern for her spouse.

IT HAD LEFT ITS FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT

Video shows bison with its head trapped in car at Quebec wildlife park

(Thanks to Bonni and Craig Harden)

INCLUDING A YOUNG KEITH RICHARDS

‘Sophisticated’: ancient faeces shows humans enjoyed beer and blue cheese 2,700 years ago

(Thanks to many people)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Here's a Wall Street Journal article devoted to the topic of whether you should part your hair on the side or in the middle.

TOMORROW'S HEADLINE: CITY COUNCIL TURNED INTO FROGS

The Christchurch City Council will stop paying The Wizard $16,000 a year after more than two decades on the public payroll to “provide acts of wizardry” for the city.

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

WE'RE GUESSING IT'S THE SQUIRRELS

Did a meteor explode over New Hampshire? That may explain the boom

(Thanks to Flathead County Frank)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Toilet Explosion Rocks Pine City Home: ‘It Was Like Old Faithful’

(Thanks to pharmaross)