Dave Barry's Blog

TESTING

Probably still fired, but...

THANKS, SCIENTISTS!

Scientists reveal you lose 12 minutes of your life every time you drink a coke

(Thanks to Al "Dead Man Walking" Barkafski)

OUR THEORY: IT'S WHALE SHRAPNEL

Mystery as multiple pilots report 'lots' of UFOs flying over Oregon

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

STAY CLASSY, BUCKINGHAM PALACE

A CHRISTMAS party for Buckingham Palace staff spiralled “out of control” with cops called to a nearby bar after glasses were hurled and punches thrown.

(Thanks to Steve Pudlo)

AND IN NERD SPORTS

A pair of British brothers earned a Guinness World Record for their collection of 48,339 different Pokémon cards. Pokémon Trading Card game superfans Owen and Conner Gray took the record for the largest collection of Pokémon cards from Benjamin DeGuire, whose collection was tallied at 34,310 in 2023.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "No mention of girlfriends.")

THIS IS HOW IT STARTS

FARMERS SAY INTELLIGENT TRACTORS "ACTED LIKE THEY WERE DEMON POSSESSED" AFTER SIGNAL OUT OF SPACE

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOUNDS RIGHT TO US

AI thought knee X-rays could tell if you drink beer and eat refried beans

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT TRAINS THE STAFF TO HATE THE CUSTOMERS

Angry and foul-mouthed monster robot built to train customer service staff

(Thanks to Annette)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE CZECH BILL OF RIGHTS

Czech man fails to win right to smile on his ID card

The man tried to defend his case by stating that he was a member of the Church of Laughter (Ecclesia Risorum) and that smiling was a manifestation of his religion.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NASA IS *SUCH* A CARD

Wind Blowing Out of Uranus Makes It Hard to Probe, NASA Complains

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

China Deploys Fruit Flies in Space Station

(Thanks to Ron Wylie) 

AND A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS VALID IN ALL OF THEM

Google says its new quantum chip indicates that multiple universes exist

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WAIT... WHAT YEAR IS THIS?

Pennsylvania town attempts world record for largest 'Macarena' dance

(Thanks to John Lbert)

WE LIVE TO SERVE

S.E. Hinton Leans on Dave Barry for Post-Election Comfort

WE'RE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN

Deadly snake found hiding under resident's pillow

(Thanks to John Lobert, who notes that "Unbelievably, it wasn't in Australia.")

IT WAS OF COURSE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida zoo's escaped warthog found using a thermal drone

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I had no idea warthogs knew how to operate one.")

CELEBRITY LIFESTYLES UPDATE

Elton John urinates into a bottle in a luxury shop in France

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "That's SIR Elton John.")

WE THOUGHT IT WAS THE COLDER WEATHER

Women are getting ‘designer nipple’ filler for perkier bosoms

(Thanks to Mezrap)

NEW YORK: CITY OF ROMANCE

Rat upstages marriage proposal in New York City

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

This Canadian is the new world champion of spreadsheets

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and John Lobert)