Dave Barry's Blog

PROUDLY NOT DEAD YET

Wisconsin man celebrates 50 years of eating Big Macs every day

(Thanks to Rick Stevenson, who says "A life well spent.")

PRESENTING THE ROLLING STONES

Scientists Discover Nearly 1 Billion-Year-Old Organisms, Possibly Alive

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

CSI: WICHITA

A woman defecated in the middle of an aisle at a beauty supply store in Kansas, ruining several wigs in the process, according to police.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THE SEAGULL GETS THE BLAME, BUT YOU KNOW WHO'S MASTERMINDING THIS OPERATION

Shameless and greedy seagull steals 17kg of food from Tesco worth over £300

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'LL HAVE A CHARITABLE SPACE BEER, THANKS

New charitable space beer launched in Guelph, Ont. to raise funds for science centre

(Thanks to EricY)

(YOUR 'NUTS' JOKE HERE)

A Queensland man once caught trying to smuggle squirrels into Australia by hiding them in his pants has avoided jail for drug trafficking.

(Thanks to Watson B)

NOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

YOU WANT CONCLUSIVE UFO PROOF?

You got it.

Hey, seeing is believing:

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

MIAMI IS NO STRANGER TO NON-HUMAN DRIVERS

Ford-backed robotaxi start-up Argo AI is ditching its human safety drivers in Miami and Austin

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

Things are heating up.

(Thanks to Mary Smith and pharmaross)

IT WILL SOON BE COVERED IN SEAGULL POOP

Park bench dedicated to man who used to sit and shout at seagulls to 'f**k off'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

St. Pete woman charged with felony battery after throwing lettuce at someone

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND YOU THOUGHT THE NEWS COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE

A TikToker claiming to be a time traveller from 2236 has issued a stark warning to their followers, including a claim that Europe will be struck by a “deadly meteor” in autumn.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Dave, I think this guy is for real.")

(Agreed. If we can't trust time-travelers on TikTok, who can we trust?)

JUST WHAT WE NEED

Aggressive hamsters.

(Thanks to Josh Evans)

They definitely opened for somebody.

LET FREEDOM RING

A federal judge ruled Monday that North Carolina bureaucrats violated the Constitution when they tried to ban a Flying Dog beer over a possible penis on the label.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA EDUCATION REPORT

Large alligator blocks door to Central Florida elementary school

(Thanks to pharmaross)

COMING SOON TO THE HOME SHOPPING NETWORK

Mind-Altering Parasite May Make Infected People More Attractive, Study Suggests

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

NO PRESSURE

Man with nine wives 'anxious' as all partners want to be first to bear his kids

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

ATTENTION, SOUTH FLORIDA SPORTS FANS WISHING TO JUMP ON THE HEAT OR PANTHERS PLAYOFF BANDWAGONS:

Here you go.

YOU KNOW WHO'S GIVING THE ORDERS

Hawaii is waging war on 'aggressive' feral chickens. The chickens are winning.

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Le Petomane and Rich Alpin)