Dave Barry's Blog

YEEPERS

Man drops gun, flees charging polar bear in Norway

(Thanks to John Lobert, who asks “How do you say “I need a change of underwear” in Norwegian?”)

PRIORITIES

Student rescued from Mount Fuji goes back for his phone and has to be rescued again

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Jim Perth and Fabian Marson)

THOROUGHBRED RACING REPORT

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bring you the Thoroughbred Racing Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IN FRANCE'S GENERAL DIRECTION

Night vision camera captures beaver breaking wind

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE WORD IS 'MIRACLE'

Valerie the sausage dog ‘fit and well’ after 529 days alone in Australian bush

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "The story here isn’t that she’s 'fit and well,' it’s that she’s alive.")

NEW YORK CITY

Try not to inhale.

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Snake falls into margarita at Henrico restaurant, leaving woman traumatized

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOME OF YOU STATES SHOULD BE ASHAMED

Most popular beer in America revealed in new study

(Thanks to MOTW)

UH-OH

Trusted Toilet Paper Supplier Files for Bankruptcy

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

OR, NOT

From now through Friday, May 16, passersby can smell a giant armpit on the street, which will give them a whiff of Billie’s newest tropical-inspired scent, Coco Villa.

(Thanks to Annette)

PARENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Texas mother arrested after bringing Jell-O shots to 5th-grade classroom party

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

 

AND IN COLLEGE SPORTS

...a USC student won the first-ever sperm race

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHO SAYS CUSTOMER SERVICE IS DEAD?

Drug Dealer Apologises For Poor-Quality Heroin and Crack Cocaine, Offers Freebies to Customers

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOO

Do You Have 'Ghost Poops'?

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

OOPS

Charity accidentally distributes drug-laced candy to around 400 people

(Thanks to EricY)

WE'RE SURE THEY'LL RETURN IT TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS

Dozens of Chicagoans grab $300K cash that fell off back of Brinks truck

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU GO, GIRLS

These apes form girl gangs to scare off aggressive males

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YET ANOTHER REASON TO BAN KARAOKE

Woman Allegedly Catches Herpes Virus by Holding Karaoke Mic Too Close to Her Mouth

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'VE SAT NEXT TO THIS GUY

Southwest Airlines passenger allegedly stripped naked, pooped on seat as plane landed

(Thanks to Mezrap, pharmaross and Unholy Slacker)

MAKES SENSE

Belief In Satan, Hell Linked To Greater Stress

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)