Dave Barry's Blog

EVEN IF YOU’RE A WOMAN!

Brushing your teeth twice a day can boost your sperm count.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HAS THE INTERNET DESTROYED JOURNALISM?

Why do you ask?

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WELCOME TO HELEN, GA.!

“They can truly kick me out in the middle of the night, from a hotel for giving a review of three and five?” Leger asked the police officer. “And he says, ‘yes, ma'am. It’s within the law.’”

(Thanks to B&C)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Cat Alerts Owner to Deadly Snake Hiding in Shopping Bags

The family were setting up their tree on Wednesday when they discovered a snake had slithered among the tinsel and decorations.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Florida Mom Pulls Giant Python Out of Car Wearing Flip Flops and Apron

(Thanks to Geoff Scot, who says "So...the Python was wearing flip flops?")

(Looks to this blog as though the car was wearing the flip flops.)

YOU MEAN THEY HAVEN'T ALREADY?

The swine bomb: is 2021 the year wild hogs take over the world?

(Thanks to The Perts)

BIG DEAL. THEY CAN ALREADY DRIVE LEGALLY IN FLORIDA.

The UK Will Finally Officially Recognize Octopuses And Crabs as Sentient Beings

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THIS IS GONNA MESS UP THE SUPPLY CHAIN, DUDE

4,000 Bongs, $23K In Unreported Cash Seized At Dulles Airport

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Pigs injure golfer and force Lightcliffe Golf Club closure

(Thanks to B&C)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BLOG PEOPLE!

Don't spend the day here.

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CRICKETS

Meat-eating vulture bees have evolved special gut bacteria to feast on flesh

(Thanks to Steve K.)

AUSTRALIA: EVEN THE COWS ARE WEIRD

Cow caught chewing on a large python in outback northern Australia

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

(We don't know why the headline says "caught." The cow does not appear to be hiding the fact that it's chewing on a snake.)

IS WE, AS A NATION, GETTING EVEN STUPIDER?

Are TikTok users pretending to be the Kool-Aid Man by running headlong through fences?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE BILL OF RIGHTS

Walmart pulls children's toy off its website that swears and sings in Polish about doing cocaine

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED DOCTORS

I’m a doctor and this is the strange place you never knew you could have a nipple

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT CHOICE DID HE HAVE?

On Tuesday, WVLT reported that a Knoxville, Tennessee man held up a Little Caesars in Cedar Bluff with an AK-47 rifle after being told his pepperoni pizza order would take ten minutes.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SOUNDS LEGIT

Preacher claims ancient reptile imitated her husband so it could have sex with her

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS II

Pillow fighting enters combat sports arena

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS

After a four-hour drive back to West Point, they unveiled not Bill No. 37 but Bill No. 34, an arthritic, 14-year-old retiree with only one horn

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Venomous Snake Found Hiding Under Child's Bed Where Girl Was Sleeping

(Thanks to pharmaross)