Dave Barry's Blog

UPDATE

Deputies: Florida man stole $1,375 worth of toothbrushes, threw them off a bridge

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

'ARTIST'

This artist is exhibiting a nightmarish display of intestines around the world

(Thanks to Nelson From Michigan)

WANT TO HEAR BETTER SONGS ON THE RADIO?

Leave the Earth.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AND IN FUTURE SPORTS

Psychic lion predicts England vs France World Cup result

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

IMAGINE

A "very, very fancy" toilet which once belonged to Beatles legend John Lennon has been placed on show.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

CREEPING FASCISM CREEPS INTO FLATHEAD COUNTY

1:02 p.m. An officer informed a homeowner that he could have, at most, seven chickens in his yard.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

A man claims he’s now making £22,000 a month by selling burps in a jar and a sending people his used socks.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WELL IF THAT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT IS

Emergency sirens activated after ant attack, police say

(Thanks to Kathy Conroy)

WHY ON EARTH NOT?

When a Hernando County man left a bar, he walked past a sheriff's office patrol vehicle and "decided he'd like to set it on fire," according to deputies.

(Thanks to S2per)

‘WHAT, THIS PYTHON, OFFICER?’

Stolen python slithers out of suspect’s jacket during arrest, Hamilton police say

(Thanks to B&C, who say “We don’t know why anyone would want to steal a python.”)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

Booze ban, extra cops on commuter rails planned for SantaCon pub crawl

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AND IN SPORTS

The popular poker player and YouTuber known only as Sashimi was competing in a live stream event this week called 'Max Pain Monday' when the nip-slip happened - but it turned out she was wearing a prosthetic body suit and the breasts that went on display were fake.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

'DO NOT LET YOUR PETS ROAM FREE'

What are people saying about a giant python roaming the streets of Doral? ‘Stay away’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALWAYS A SOLID LEGAL STRATEGY

Dearborn man charged in antisemitic incident has bond revoked after mooning judge

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHEN YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO RETIRE

Legendary San Diego sword swallower hospitalized with slashed abdominal cavity, pierced liver

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

BOLO

German police seek help in solving bull sperm heist

(Thanks to Ralph)

SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE PINCHING

Birth control made with compounds from LOBSTERS blocks 98 PERCENT of the nearly 100 million sperm trying to penetrate the cervix

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A JOB WE DID NOT KNOW EXISTED

Intimacy coordinator shares how she helps actors look naked on TV

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

FINE DINING, FLORIDA STYLE

Chez Waffle House

Advisory If You Click On The Video, Which You Definitely Should: Bad words.

(Thanks to Lynn Goodfriend and pharmaross)

MAYBE THE MOST FLORIDAN FLORIDA MAN EVER

We can't even.

(Thanks to Holland Daze)