Dave Barry's Blog

YOU FIRST, EXPERTS

Experts encourage eating jellyfish to curb population explosion in Mediterranean

It is not clear, from this wording, which population would be curbed.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

MIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMI

Rapper SpotemGottem arrested in Miami after allegedly using jet ski to try to get away from police

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida Grandma Arrested With Boatload Of Drugs During Jail Visitation, While Holding Infant Grandchild

(Thanks to pharmaross)

COMMENTS UPDATE

The comments still don't work. I have attempted to contact Typepad support about this but I'm not confident that I'm getting through. If anybody out there has any ideas -- other than "Try hitting the computer" -- about how to correct this problem, feel free to email me. Meanwhile, if you are experiencing Internal Comment Buildup (ICB) and fear you might explode, you could try alleviating the pressure by going to a public place such as a Starbucks and expressing your comments to random individuals. "I saw them open for Whitesnake!" you might say. Or "I blame the squirrels!" Please do not mention my name.   

CANADIAN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Topless breastfeeding mum in boxer shorts tackles bald eagle to save pet goose

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

AS THEY SO OFTEN DO

Woman Naked From Waist Down Claimed Snakes Ate Her Pants

(Thanks to Frank)

ABOUT THE COMMENTS

We have been advised (thanks, Jeff and Jim) that the comments on today's posts are closed. We don't know why; we've checked the "open" box on all of them. We will of course fire judi, but beyond that we don't have a plan, other than to hope that eventually this problem goes away. This is also our approach to medical care and plumbing.

IT WAITED 175,000 HOURS ON HOLD FOR TECH SUPPORT

Mars probe running Windows 98 receives software update after two decades

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR...

Whistling Scrotum

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who saw them open for Counting Crows)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

1:43 a.m. Two sisters were out for a walk.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE NYPD HAS BEEKEEPERS?

NYPD beekeepers called to remove 2,000 bees from Manhattan restaurant

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "The person who counted the bees is recovering in a Manhattan hospital.")

USING 'FUTURISTIC' IN THE SENSE OF 'TOTALLY IMAGINARY'

Futuristic flying nuclear hotel can carry 5000 guests and would never need to land

Two words that do not go together: "nuclear" and "hotel."

(Thanks to ImNotDave and Le Petomane)

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER TERRORIST ATTACK

Squirrel cuts the power for more than 3,000 in downtown Asheville area

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

IMAGINE HOW THE ANIMALS FEEL

Woman Arrested for Slapping Her Husband at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Over “Stress of Disney World Vacation”

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WE STILL HAVE A FEW RIGHTS LEFT

Charges dropped against clown who pressed buttocks against window

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY BATTLED IT FOR THREE HOURS

Firefighters Find Overheated Vibrator After Being Called to Apartment

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: THE ROLLING STONES!

Scientists discover reptiles, amphibians that don’t grow old!

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

AS IF WE NEEDED FURTHER PROOF

Photos prove Australia is the most terrifying place on earth

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

PORCH PIRATE

A 51-year-old Florida man has been arrested after attempting to disassemble and steal someone’s porch.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ralph)

THIS USUALLY WORKS AS A DEFENSE

An Alabama man wearing a t-shirt proclaiming “I’m Too Good for drugs!” was arrested for possessing methamphetamine and narcotics paraphernalia, police report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)