Dave Barry's Blog

ATTENTION: OREGON

The 17-metre adult male sperm whale that was found dead on a Nelson beach on Wednesday is to be left to decompose naturally in the tidal zone, the Department of Conservation says.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE

Spaghetti Sauce Is Under Threat as Water Crisis Slams Tomatoes

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THEY JUST WANT ATTENTION

City tells New Yorkers: don’t panic about ‘splooting’ squirrels

(Thanks to many people)

WHAT'S THAT NEW-CAR SMELL?

This Toyota Fortuner Has A Built-In Toilet That Is Accessible From Inside The Cabin

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SOUTH FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

This is how they relax in between toilet forays.

WE’RE TOO EXHAUSTED TO READ THIS

Why thinking hard makes you tired

(Thanks to Roberto)

THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR ECONOMICS IS A LOCK

Study says 5'6" men need to earn $175,000 more a year to be as desirable as 6’ men

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

AND IN NERD SPORTS

The World Excel Championships!

(Thanks to Ralph)

SCIENTIFIC GUYS IN ACTION

As an experiment, this man let a Venus flytrap digest his finger for an entire day

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SERIOUSLY?

The sign read: "Ladies...This toilet is to be used for PEEING only. If you need to create a smell please use the plaza toilets upstairs or the toilet across the road at Rydges! Please have respect for your fellow workers."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THESE FOOLS THINK THIS IS FICTION

A new game known very simply as Squirrel With a Gun has gone viral after some gameplay clips showed the playable squirrel terrorizing the world with guns.

At least some people understand what is happening: The government had decided to remove the grizzled giant squirrel as the national mammal of Sri Lanka, given that it is an animal that caused much crop damage through its voracious eating habits 

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

'World's longest pub crawl' sees two mates down more than 165 pints over 3,000 miles

(Thanks to John Lobert)

INDISPUTABLE

Man captures footage of 'sparkling UFO' hoovering in sky above his garden

Yes, “hoovering.”

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says “I, personally, have seen enough.”)

IT HAS HAPPENED TO EVERYONE

Man's Penis Held Ransom For £700 By Hackers Who Accessed His Digital Chastity Belt

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER; THIS IS ABOUT WILDLIFE

How to keep your beaver wet when things are getting a bit too hot

(Thanks to James Flynn)

SEND THIS BEE TO WASHINGTON

Doug Ford swallows bee while responding to question about healthcare

(Thanks to Roberto and B&C, who says “Who says Canada is boring?”)

YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY

Anonymous poop gifting site hacked, customers exposed

(Thanks to Sean T)

WHAT POOL, OFFICERS?

Illegal pool with 60 tons of water discovered on rooftop in New York City

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

PRO TIP FOR SCAMMERS:

If you're pretending to be a government agency, you should consider trying to get the agency's name right.

MAYBE IT HAS A DIPLOMATIC POUCH

Kangaroo caught red-handed trying to break into Australia's Russian embassy

(Thanks to pharmaross)