Dave Barry's Blog

FLARRRRRRRRRRIDA

For the second time in two years, a Florida Woman has been arrested for a dildo-related domestic battery.

(Thanks to Carlos Montage)

IMAGINE THE SNEEZES, ME HEARTIES

Hay fever may have led to extinction of woolly mammoths

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

ONLY KEITH RICHARRRRRRDS CAN SETTLE THIS, ME HEARTIES

Scientist Disputes That Big Bang Actually Happened

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

TIME FOR SCHOOLIN', ME HEARTIES

Pirate Lingo 101

(Thanks to Jeff Meyarrrrrson)

WE BE DISTRAUGHT

Tupperware, iconic food container brand, files for bankruptcy

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, Steve K. and MOTW, who says "Time for a benefit concert with RBR so Dave can sing The Tupperware Song!")

AND IN SPARRRRRRRTS

Florida Python Challenge winner awarded $10K grand prize for killing 20 Burmese pythons

(Thanks to pharrrrrrrrmaross and The Parrrrrrrrts)

THAT BE RIGHT NEIGHBARRRRRRRLY

California man accidentally pays neighbor's power bill for years

(Thanks to Long John Lobert)

IT ALWAYS BE THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK, MATEY

California woman finds marmot hiding in her engine

(Thanks to John Lobarrrrrt)

NEED A PIRATE NAME, ME HEARTY?

Here be a Pirate Name Generatarrrrrrr.

A FLARRRRRIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE BE ON THE WAY

An Incredible Organism Is Evolving at Lightning Speed—Faster Than We Ever Imagined Possible

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

AHOY, MATEYS!

Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. The Wikipedia arrrrrrticle be here, and this blog's arrrrriginal column be here. the So let's get out there and shiver them timbers, haul them keels and swash them buckles. We be exhausted already.

BE GRATEFUL IT WASN'T A GATOR, CONNECTICUT MAN

Connecticut man surprised by garage-invading bear

(Thanks to John Lobert)

We saw Garage-Invading Bear open for Entangled Badger.

YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD

Eating grasshoppers might improve your sleep, hair, and libido

(Thanks to EricY)

AND IN SPORTS

Entangled badger rescued from Arizona soccer net

(Thanks to MOTW and John Lobert, who says he saw them open for the Monkees)

TIME TO GET PRODUCTIVE WITH A PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

We're seeing orange.

(Thanks to MOTW)

CASE CLOSED

Bloke swimming across Loch Ness ‘touched by something big under water’

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "This settles it for me.")

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

New wasp species bursts from flies like horrifying ‘Alien’ creatures

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SO THAT'S.... GOOD?

People who exercise have healthier belly fat, new study finds

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

FINALLY SCIENCE DOES SOMETHING USEFUL

One day, we may all have brain chips to help remember where our keys are: scientists

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

WE'RE GUESSING COLD

WHAT WAS PUBERTY LIKE FOR ICE AGE TEENS?

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)