December 13, 2024

TESTING

Probably still fired, but...

Posted by judi on December 13, 2024 at 06:38 PM
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THANKS, SCIENTISTS!

Scientists reveal you lose 12 minutes of your life every time you drink a coke

(Thanks to Al "Dead Man Walking" Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 05:30 PM
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OUR THEORY: IT'S WHALE SHRAPNEL

Mystery as multiple pilots report 'lots' of UFOs flying over Oregon

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 05:23 PM
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STAY CLASSY, BUCKINGHAM PALACE

A CHRISTMAS party for Buckingham Palace staff spiralled “out of control” with cops called to a nearby bar after glasses were hurled and punches thrown.

(Thanks to Steve Pudlo)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 05:21 PM
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AND IN NERD SPORTS

A pair of British brothers earned a Guinness World Record for their collection of 48,339 different Pokémon cards. Pokémon Trading Card game superfans Owen and Conner Gray took the record for the largest collection of Pokémon cards from Benjamin DeGuire, whose collection was tallied at 34,310 in 2023.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "No mention of girlfriends.")

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 08:42 AM
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THIS IS HOW IT STARTS

FARMERS SAY INTELLIGENT TRACTORS "ACTED LIKE THEY WERE DEMON POSSESSED" AFTER SIGNAL OUT OF SPACE

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 08:36 AM
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SOUNDS RIGHT TO US

AI thought knee X-rays could tell if you drink beer and eat refried beans

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 08:31 AM
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IT TRAINS THE STAFF TO HATE THE CUSTOMERS

Angry and foul-mouthed monster robot built to train customer service staff

(Thanks to Annette)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2024 at 06:32 AM
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December 12, 2024

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE CZECH BILL OF RIGHTS

Czech man fails to win right to smile on his ID card

The man tried to defend his case by stating that he was a member of the Church of Laughter (Ecclesia Risorum) and that smiling was a manifestation of his religion.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 04:29 PM
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NASA IS *SUCH* A CARD

Wind Blowing Out of Uranus Makes It Hard to Probe, NASA Complains

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 04:26 PM
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WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

China Deploys Fruit Flies in Space Station

(Thanks to Ron Wylie) 

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 04:25 PM
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AND A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS VALID IN ALL OF THEM

Google says its new quantum chip indicates that multiple universes exist

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 04:24 PM
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WAIT... WHAT YEAR IS THIS?

Pennsylvania town attempts world record for largest 'Macarena' dance

(Thanks to John Lbert)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 04:19 PM
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WE LIVE TO SERVE

S.E. Hinton Leans on Dave Barry for Post-Election Comfort

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 10:41 AM
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WE'RE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN

Deadly snake found hiding under resident's pillow

(Thanks to John Lobert, who notes that "Unbelievably, it wasn't in Australia.")

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 08:56 AM
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IT WAS OF COURSE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida zoo's escaped warthog found using a thermal drone

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I had no idea warthogs knew how to operate one.")

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 08:52 AM
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CELEBRITY LIFESTYLES UPDATE

Elton John urinates into a bottle in a luxury shop in France

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "That's SIR Elton John.")

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 08:48 AM
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WE THOUGHT IT WAS THE COLDER WEATHER

Women are getting ‘designer nipple’ filler for perkier bosoms

(Thanks to Mezrap)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 08:46 AM
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NEW YORK: CITY OF ROMANCE

Rat upstages marriage proposal in New York City

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 08:44 AM
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CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

This Canadian is the new world champion of spreadsheets

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2024 at 08:42 AM
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