Dave Barry's Blog

HERE'S A FUN ITEM

Earth is getting a black box to record events that lead to the downfall of civilization

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "They'll need to backtrack back to Barry Manilow.")

HO HO HOLY CRAP THAT LOOKS LAME

Children were left asking to meet the "real Santa" after a volunteer Father Christmas took their wishlists with his beard around his neck.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

KEY CLUE: IT 'HAD AN AIR FRESHENER ATTACHED TO IT'

Hawk found by B.C. kids was taxidermy, not in need of rescue

(Thanks to The Perts)

HEH HEH HEH

A cocaine shipment was found floating off the Florida Keys. It weighed 69 pounds

(Thanks to pharmaross)

EXCITING MEDICAL NEWS

Taking Viagra cuts the risk of Alzheimer’s by up to 69% and it could be prescribed to beat dementia, study suggests

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Roberto, The Perts, Asher Scheiner and Le Petomane, who says "This study will be hard to disprove.")

WE'RE ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW

Subsequent keynote authors over the years have included Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist the late Dave Barry, Mitch Albom, the late Anthony Bourdain, John Grogan (Marley & Me), Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook), Candace Bushnell (Sex and the City), Kathryn Stockett (The Help), Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl), and Kevin Kwan (Crazy Rich Asians), leaving this year’s speaker in good company.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HOLIDAY GET-TOGETHER

Tracker shows great white sharks gathering on East Coast

(Thanks to Ron T)

NEWS YOU CAN USE II

How to stop your children ordering Christmas fart extensions through Alexa

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A GRATEFUL WORLD REJOICES

Cobra with head stuck in beer can rescued in India

(Thanks to Ralph)

NEWS YOU CAN USE

Yes, it’s possible for a corpse to explode during cremation

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WORST EFFORT TO BLEND IN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A man wearing a pink bunny suit was arrested in Kirkland after attempting to steal handbags on Thursday, according to Kirkland police.

(Thanks to B'game and Ralph)

'I'VE HEARD WORSE BRITNEY SPEARS COVERS'

Texas substitute teacher who brought karaoke machine to class asked to leave

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Man arrested for shooting flamethrower at neighbors

Abrams reportedly stated that he has had ongoing issues with parking and admitted spraying the flamethrower near the car but denied that he was targeting the juveniles. He reportedly said that if he had wanted to burn the car, he would have.

Well in THAT case, sir...

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

‘Super invader’ monster goldfish are taking over Hamilton stormwater ponds by the thousands

(Thanks to The Perts)

GUYS IN ACTION

Even for guys, this is a bit much.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Holland Daze, who says “I'd love for my friends to do this for me.”)

AND IN SPORTS

Alhaji Grunsah apologises to Asamoah Gyan over ‘bloated buttocks’ comment

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TELECOMMUTER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A man has been accused of working as the principal of a Providence, Rhode Island school—while simultaneously keeping his former job, as a middle school assistant principal, all the way in Washington, D.C.

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

THEY WERE ALL RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Colombia seizes hundreds of tarantulas and insects bound for Germany

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Scientists have made a plastic cup out of salmon sperm

(Thanks to pharmaross)