Dave Barry's Blog

THE SITUATION IN CANADA

It's even worse than we thought.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SILVER LINING

Beached Rat Carcasses Indicate Mass Rodent Death During Ida, Experts Say

(Thanks to wiredog, who says "Vermin Depopulation Event would be an excellent name for a punk band.")

WHEREAS THE OLD ONE DID THIS ON PURPOSE

The new Roomba uses AI to avoid smearing dog poop all over your house

(Thanks to The Perts)

YES

Couple hailed 'iconic' for using 'beer boy' instead of flower girl in wedding

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Steinholding.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHERE THE HELL IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

NSW Health limits residents of locked-down tower block to six beers per day

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

GOT A SNAKE IN YOUR SCOOTER?

Here's what you do.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT 'YOWIES' ARE, BUT SINCE THIS IS AUSTRALIA WE CAN SAFELY ASSUME THEY'RE VENOMOUS

Yowie hunter Jason Heal claims he has proof yowies exist in Perth bushland

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w, who claim they saw them open for the Yardbirds.)

OR MAKEUP TIPS FROM WARREN BUFFETT

FCA chair urges investors not to take cryptocurrency advice from Kim Kardashian

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Tesla granted patent for laser 'windshield wipers' that zap debris

Didn't James Bond have those?

(Thanks to MOTW)

DUQUOIN: ALMOST AS EXCITING AS ARCOLA

Officers find dentures at the DuQuoin State Fair

(Thanks to man tom)

CLIMATE CHANGE UPDATE

Zebras Spotted in Prince George's County

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

YOU HAVE NO DOUBT ALREADY MARKED YOUR CALENDAR, BUT:

This weekend is the world-famous Arcola Broomcorn Festival. Once again, despite popular demand, the world-famous Lawn Rangers precision lawnmower-and-broom marching unit, of which this blog is a proud anonymous member, will appear in the parade. If you live anywhere in the greater Midwest, please hide your children and your more-attractive livestock. 

THE MEDICAL SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Doctor warns against holding in farts and says it can have grim consequences

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THE VERY ESSENCE OF FLORIDA

A tense standoff between Florida authorities and an armed suspect became even more dangerous over the weekend when a naked 28-year-old woman suddenly drove into the crime scene on a golf cart, according to reports.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Le Petomane)

CSI: IDAHO

Caldwell man, 49, accused of stealing lizards

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

He can have ours.

WHAT?

Workers block ISRO truck in Thiruvananthapuram for 'nokku-kooli'

(Thanks to Ralph)

PLEASE CELEBRATE RESPONSIBURRRPPPPPPP

It's National Beer Lover's Day.

(Thanks to MOTW)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

'Lenin' and 'Stalin' Come to Blows in Moscow's Red Square

(Thanks to Ralph)

THURSDAY AT 5:15 PM EASTERN

Scientists Figured Out How And When Our Sun Will Die, And It's Going to Be Epic

(Thanks to pharmaross)