Dave Barry's Blog

GUESS THE STATE

Update: Those who guessed South Carolina are correct. This is a state where the largest industry appears to be selling fireworks to people from North Carolina and Georgia. This particular fireworks store was part of South of the Border, a major tourist attraction on I-95. (We are using "major" in the sense of "creepy.")

'IN 48 YEARS I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN EMU'

An emu was running loose through Paterson

(Thanks to Jeffrey Meyerson, who notes that it was released after producing a valid Florida driver's license.)

SHE DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE SAID NO

Stunt actor proposes while on fire

(Thanks to maryann and pharmaross)

HANDY ON LADIES' NIGHT

Hungry Worms Can Toggle Their Sex by Activating a Single Genetic Switch

(Thanks to pharmaross)

INSTEAD THEY'RE GOING WITH A TICK

Mississippi rejects state flag featuring giant mosquito

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Ralph)

OOPS

Man accidentally streams Pornhub for family instead of playing music

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

'MAYBE'

A Florida man who admittedly had “maybe a little too much to drink” was caught on dash camera video riding a lawn mower on a highway, according to the Marion County Sheriff’s Office.

(Thanks to pharmaross, DaninDallas and Not My Usual Alias)

AMEN

Gabola church 'connects with God by drinking alcohol'

(Thanks to wired)

WE KNOW EXACTLY WHY, AND IT RHYMES WITH 'FQUIRRELS'

Have you spotted a satellite dish on a beaver lodge? Here's why it's happening

(Thanks to The Perts and Ralph)

HAPPENS TO US ALL THE TIME

Florida man tells cops he was gifted pants by passerby after drugs found in pockets

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OLYMPIC MEMORY

Eight years ago yesterday, this blog and this blog's daughter, Sophie, were part of a team representing San Marino (which is an actual country) (we think) in the International Rock Paper Scissors championships, which were held in a London pub during the 2012 Olympics (a major sporting event). Here's our column on this event, and here's a blog post by Richard Gottfried, who, with his wife, Emily, made up the rest of the San Marino squad. We finished fourth. It was definitely one of the highlights of our life. Or at least of that evening. 

ANOTHER DAY...

Couple finds 6-foot-long snake in their toilet

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALSO WHEN THE KIDS ARE AWAKE

Glowing worms have less sex when the lights are on

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS

Higher Flows on Butt Creek

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HOMEOWNER HEADACHE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

"Honey, there's something on the roof."

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE...

...I might find myself in the subway with a snake.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

South Korean YouTuber sets private parts on fire during gaming livestream, gets 2nd-degree burns

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE NEED THE DEATH PENALTY

Blazing Saddles Is Being Remade as an Animated Samurai Movie About Cats and Dogs

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Semi-Related: New dating app for cat lovers launches on International Cat Day

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FINALLY, A BRIGHT SPOT IN THIS DREARY WORLD

It's... MulletFest 2020!

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

OPEN THREAD

This is not a topic, but: If you’re looking for a good documentary series and you have Netflix, consider Cheer. It’s excellent.