Dave Barry's Blog

‘NOT AN IDEAL SOLUTION’

An international team led by researchers from the University of Otago in New Zealand were able to show that castration of male sheep delays the aging of DNA, and the same principles could apply to humans as well.

(Thanks to Roberto)

IN OTHER BAT-RELATED NEWS

Trailer filled with hundreds of pounds of bat droppings stolen from Lincoln business

(Thanks to Steve Bradford) 

SCIENTISTS FINALLY DO SOMETHING USEFUL

Scientists Create AI-Powered Laser Turret That Kills Cockroaches

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

MAKE IT A HALLOWEEN THEME

California school dance postponed due to bats in gym

(Thanks to Ralph)

Rats are basically winged squirrels.

BOLO

He can blend right in.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AFTER HE CONSUMED THEM

Man attacks restaurant employees after being denied refund for his tacos

(Thanks to Bill Carver, who says “What choice did he have?”)

THIS IS HUGE

The purple M&M is here, but not the way you might think

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "I've always hoped I'd live long enough.")

UPDATE

American Airlines says a mechanical issue was responsible for strange sounds coming from a plane’s public announcement system during a flight from Los Angeles to Dallas.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

"Mechanical issue" is code for "evil spirit."

AND IN SPORTS

Diamondback rattlesnake interrupts Florida high school football game

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Ontario driver busted with insecure load of carrots

(Thanks to Ralph)

We believe Insecure Load of Carrots opened for Strawberry Alarm Clock.

THEY ARE RELENTLESS

Red squirrel shuts down Scottish bakery for two days

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Parcel thieves fought back against a Texas couple who tricked them into stealing dirty diapers by spraying their house with cow manure.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

IF YOU SAY SO

ADDING ROBOTIC GOOGLY EYES TO SELF-DRIVING CARS MAKE THEM SAFER

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

(Not to nitpick, but it should be "makes.")

THAT'S ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE WHAT THEY DO

Water-filled condoms bring 'mermaid vibes' to Paris Fashion Week

(Thanks to Joshua Evans and Allen at Division)

BLOG STATUS UPDATE

To answer your questions:

1. No, we don't know why the blog went away for a while there.
2. No, we don't know what the hell this means:
3. Yes, judi has been fired.

WE GOT YER UPDATE RIGHT HERE

Hello,

Can I get an update on this?

Waiting for your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Mon, Sep 26, 2022 at 6:44 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hello,

Hope you had a good weekend. Can I get an update on this?

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Fri, Sep 23, 2022 at 6:22 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

Hope you are well

Just wanted to follow up on my previous emails. Did you get a chance to see them?

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Thu, Sep 22, 2022 at 1:41 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hello,

Can I get an update on this?

Waiting for your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Tue, Sep 20, 2022 at 6:28 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

Have you given this a thought?

Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Mon, Sep 19, 2022 at 6:50 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

Any new updates on this? Waiting for your response.

Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Fri, Sep 16, 2022 at 7:13 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

I hope you are well. Can I get any update on this?

Regards
Patrick Parker

On Thu, Sep 15, 2022 at 7:43 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

I hope you are well.

I just wanted to follow up on my last email. Did you get a chance to see it?

Regards
Patrick Parker

On Wed, Sep 14, 2022 at 6:31 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hello Miami Herald Team,

I know you probably receive tons of emails every day, so I’ll keep it short.

I see that you publish some really great content on miamiherald.com. I am writing a well-researched, data-driven, and in-depth blog post, which might be a great addition to your blog.

IAN

We're getting a LOT of rain in Miami, but the worst of Ian appears to be headed for the Tampa-St. Pete area. We hope the folks up there get through it OK. And we urge everyone to heed the words of Walter the Weather Oosik, who reminds you to make sure you have enough emergency supplies on hand to last until you pass out.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

New fully self-driving Volkswagen allows you to work, eat and SLEEP

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

ADVISORY TO CHIHUAHUA OWNERS:

Keep your mouth closed while you sleep. Trust us, you don’t want to know why.

(Thanks to Rick Day and Matt Filar)

WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE

Cobra regurgitates entire snake after eating too much for lunch

(Thanks to Ralph)