Dave Barry's Blog

SORRY, BUT THERE WON'T BE MUCH BLOGGING TODAY

We're kinda busy.

FORTUNATELY THEY ALL POSSESS VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

More than 10 million bees released when semi-truck crashes on Utah highway

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'MONSTER GALILEO'

New Baby's Name Is So Bad That Nurse Calls Child Services

Another Baby Name Mentioned: "Latrine."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

HARD TO ARGUE

Putin: Western leaders would look 'disgusting' topless

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

Frisky orangutan grabs woman’s breasts, lays on sloppy kiss at zoo

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SEE A LAWSUIT COMING

Grape-Doling Tourists Gave Endangered Iguanas High Blood Sugar

(Thanks to Ralph)

Announcer: Are you Northern Bahamian Rock Iguana with high blood sugar? Have you ever consumed grapes doled out by tourists? If so, call the number on your screen now.

THE 'CHALLENGE' IS, BASICALLY, 'DIG A HOLE'

TikTok challenge blamed for deep holes left on Florida beaches

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

BUT YOU KNOW WHO THE PARROT WAS WORKING FOR

Louisiana kangaroo was released from enclosure by a parrot

(Thanks to Ralph)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE

There's a shortage of crab sperm.

(Thanks to Rich Alpin)

DEPARTMENT OF THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN TO YOU

Delta Air Lines offered passengers $10,000 each to get off an oversold flight

(Thanks to EricY)

THE WORST PART IS, THEY CAN LEGALLY DRIVE DOWN HERE

Another giant African snail sighting forces Florida county into quarantine

(Thanks to many people)

AND IN SPORTS

Plan to replace Wimbledon ball boys with dogs fails for very adorable reason

(Thanks to Annette)

We personally would watch a LOT more tennis if the players had to battle dogs to get the balls back. 

A GIANT LEAP FOR VEGETARIANISM

Gefilte dogs.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "Hard pass.")

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Missing homing pigeon Bob found 4,000 miles away in Alabama

(Thanks to Steve Bradford and wiredog)

AND DO THEY CARE?

Do dogs know when they fart?

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'LIGHTEN UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN'

Brawl breaks out at Hyde Park gig as the Eagles play ‘Take It Easy’

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Ralph)

IT'S SETTLED

You Need to Make a Personal Poop Bank, Scientists Say

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston and Jay Brandes, who says "I've made some big deposits.")

CANADA: LAND OF MYSTERY

When 'loose snakes' mysteriously appeared on the sidewalk, he stepped in to help

But it turns out, upon further investigation, that they were not in fact snakes:

When the truck awkwardly hit the curb,  a lot of water sloshed onto the sidewalk.  "Suddenly, I realized that something is moving," said Pourazam. "[I went] 'Oh what is that? Is that snakes?'"  "I went closer and saw no, they are eels," he said. "At that moment I didn't know what to do."

(Thanks to The Perts)

STEPHEN BREYER AND THE BLOG

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer is retiring today, which makes this a good time to recall Justice Breyer's interaction with the blog at the Sun Valley Writers Conference back in 2014, when the blog explained some of the finer points of constitutional law to him. Here's the original post.

 

FROLICKING WITH THE SQUIRRELS

Moose spotted on roof at Montana guest ranch

(Thanks to Ralph)