Dave Barry's Blog

THE PEACOCKS IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD

...are NOT practicing social distancing.

(Photo by Mrs. Blog)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Why Not Wearing A Bra During Self-Isolation Is The Best

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE....

Quarantined New Yorker Tries to Recreate ‘Italy Magic’ By Singing Out Window — But is Told to ‘Shut The F**k Up’

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Asher Scheiner)

TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT

Criminal group Jalisco Cartel can no longer secure the chemical ingredients required to make the drug fentanyl, which are also supplied by China, according to Insight crime.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SURVEILLANCE STATE HAS GONE TOO FAR

NASA Discovers Gas Emanating From Uranus

(Thanks to pharmaross and Mark Schlesinger)

‘THE CHILDREN REACT STRONGLY AFTER SEEING THIS’

Policeman wears coronavirus helmet to warn people to stay home

(Thanks to Ralph, and John Lobert, who says “I’m convinced.”)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE LOOKING FOR WAYS TO PASS THE TIME:

Here you go.

(Thanks to John Lobert) 

AND IN QUARANTINE SPORTS

Dunno if you can see this, but... FORE!

(Thanks to Rod Cink) (who is not to be confused with nursecindy)

SATURDAY NIGHT THREAD

How much fun is everybody having? A lot, right?? Ha ha!!! Here in Miami we just got an emergency phone warning -- such as you might receive during a nuclear attack -- telling people over 65 to STAY HOME. Which is pretty much what we've been doing anyway. FUN!!

Feel free to comment in the comments. Or not! Either way we're staying home.

WELL IN *THAT* CASE....

The five Chinese nationals arrested in Cairo Wednesday evening were cooking meals of animals' genitals, not grilled snakes, a veterinary official has said.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLATHEAD COUNTY COPES WITH THE PANDEMIC

10:45 a.m. A Kalispell man did some social distancing by sitting in his backyard by himself and firing his gun almost nonstop

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

A SONG FOR THESE TIMES

It is NOT safe for work. But most of you should not be AT work.

This opens in Facebook, so we don’t know if it will work for everyone.

(Thanks to Mark McAlear)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Astronaut Urine To Build Moon Bases

(Thanks to Andrew Simmons)

SIDE ORDER

Truck hauling 80K pounds of french fries overturns on Maine Turnpike

(Thanks to David Emery, who says “We’re gonna need more ketchup.”)

SILVER LINING

The Abbey Road crossing has been repainted now that crowds of people aren't lining up to re-create the Beatles' iconic album cover

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND THE 88 PERCENT ARE GRATEFUL

A survey of stay-at-home workers in the United States suggests 12 percent of workers have kept their cameras switched off during video calls due to a lack of clothing.

Related: As more work from home, Walmart sees rise in sales of tops, not bottoms

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FRIDAY OPEN THREAD

How is everyone doing? Here at the blog we are doing fine except for the fact that WE ARE GOING INSANE.

Speaking of which: If you have Netflix, and you are in the tiny group of people who have not yet checked out Tiger King, give it a look. However weird you think weird is, the people in this documentary are weirder. It goes without saying that Florida is involved.

If you have Hulu, you might like What We Do In The Shadows, which is a sitcom about vampires on Staten Island. This blog thinks it's hilarious. This blog's wife and daughter are not so sure. One of the episodes features the most wonderful vampire-werewolf battle in the history of vampire-werewolf battles.

Feel free to suggest other shows/movies/books/narcotics in the comments.

TODAY'S ACTIVE SENIORS

AN 80-year-old woman in Navarra has been denounced by the police for breaking lockdown, possession of drugs and flashing the officers.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE WORD IS HERO

Drone Pilot Flies Drone With a Roll of Toilet Paper Across San Francisco to a Quarantined Friend in Need

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

*GOOD* GIRL

Man in coronavirus self-isolation sends dog to shop with list and money attached to collar

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Ralph)