Dave Barry's Blog

FOLLOW THE SCIENCE, PEOPLE

Ice Cream Is Better for You Than a Multigrain Bagel, New Study Suggests

(Thanks to MOTW)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hey Miami Herald, me again

THIS JUST IN

Organisers at a peanut festival felt they had no choice but to rethink their mascot’s costume after complaints rolled in likening the original design to a penis.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE HAD HIS REASONS

Man Ordered to Pay Ex-Girlfriend $1,150 After Urinating in Her Louis Vuitton Handbag

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOOOOOOOOO

Major motorway flooded with BEER after a truck carrying kegs smashes into another heavy vehicle causing traffic chaos

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BRATWURST QUEEN DEPOSED

Abigail was forced to give up her crown at a special meeting held by the Bratwurst Festival Board on Monday, August 8.

We will never forget where we were when we got the news.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE VERY YOUNG

Toddler Bites Snake to Death after It Sunk Its Fangs into Her Lip

Incredibly, this did not happen in Australia.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

Male spiders maximize sperm transfer to counter female cannibalism

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “Spider scientists come up with an excuse for premature ejaculations.”)

THEN IT BLENDED, UNDETECTED, INTO THE MIAMI TRAFFIC

Spinning UFO Makes Appearance at Miami Air Show

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

COMING SOON: FROZEN URINAL POPS

Miller High Life Makes an Ice Cream Bar That Tastes Like Dive Bars

(Thanks to kenzen in Oregon)

THIS IS GOOD, RIGHT? RIGHT??

The 10,000th hellbender is released into Missouri river. Watch ‘snot otter’ swim away

HOW NOW, BRONZE COW

Cows invade beach, take over sunbathing hot spots

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SIR, A LOST BANANA IS NOT AN EMERGENCY

Monkey at California zoo calls 911

(Thanks to MOTW)

IT LOOKS EVERY BIT AS INVITING AS IT SOUNDS

You Can Rent a Giant Potato Airbnb in Idaho

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MUST HAVE BEEN A QUARTER POUNDER

During an argument at Burger King, a Florida Man threw a cheeseburger at his girlfriend with such force that when the sandwich struck the back of her head, the woman fell “over a curb onto the ground,” police charge.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, pharmaross and Le Petomane)

WE’RE GONNA NEED MORE NOBEL PRIZES

Someone Gave A Snake Robot Legs

(Thanks to Ralph, pharmaross and kenzen in Oregon) 

This is the thanks we get: Snake causes power outage in Horry County

(Thanks to pharmaross) 

ATTENTION: OREGON

The 17-metre adult male sperm whale that was found dead on a Nelson beach on Wednesday is to be left to decompose naturally in the tidal zone, the Department of Conservation says.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE

Spaghetti Sauce Is Under Threat as Water Crisis Slams Tomatoes

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THEY JUST WANT ATTENTION

City tells New Yorkers: don’t panic about ‘splooting’ squirrels

(Thanks to many people)

WHAT'S THAT NEW-CAR SMELL?

This Toyota Fortuner Has A Built-In Toilet That Is Accessible From Inside The Cabin

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)