Dave Barry's Blog

A PAIR OF FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Copulating couple’s car rolls, flips over after handbrake released during romp

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Emily, Leslie and w)

FLORIDIAN + FLATHEAD = CRITICAL MASS

5:04 p.m.  A Floridian who had previously been unable to find the library was now at the library and unable to find his car.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TRAFFIC ADVISORY

The great tarantula migration is underway in Colorado

(Thanks to The Perts)

'STAY OUT OF NATURE'

Terrified woman hears 'squeak' then finds bat hanging upside-down on her crotch

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

IT HAD *BETTER* BE RARE

Man poops out of penis due to rare condition

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede and DaninDallas)

THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK

Scientists Are Trying To Save Texas Ocelots. So They Sent Testicles To Ohio

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ALMOST THE PERFECT CRIME

Lake City man steals car, tries to trade it back to same dealership days later

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, Jim Kenaston, Barry Nester and pharmaross)

BUT NO IGUANAS

Elon Musk says Inspiration4 crew had 'challenges' with the toilet

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

'THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE'

Hey, South Florida, Look Before You Sit! Beware Of Iguanas In The Toilet!

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THESE CARP TODAY

Hundreds of carp dead in Michigan had herpes, DNR says

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SQUIRRELS TOOK THEM

How Humans Lost Their Tails

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

OR MAYBE THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO HELP ANYBODY MOVE

Even mathematicians can't figure out how to move a sofa around a corner

(Thanks to Ralph)

FIRST THE STOCK MARKET, AND NOW THIS

People are worried about going back to the office because they don’t want to poo at work

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WAIT... WHAT?

Police find accused leg thief with leg strapped to head

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

THIS IS HOW THEY GET THE KIDS HOOKED

New Zealand police arrest pair trying to enter Auckland with ‘large amount’ of KFC

(Thanks to MOTW and Allen at Division)

Another Version: Gang members are caught smuggling $100 worth of KFC into locked-down Auckland as residents struggle without fast food for almost five weeks

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, who says "gangs I would join...")

SEND THIS GOAT TO AUSTRALIA

Canada: mountain goat kills attacking grizzly bear with ‘dagger-like’ horns

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Nigel Grout)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Wally the wandering walrus is spotted in Iceland

When he's in France, he's striped.

(Thanks to wiredog)

IF WE HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME…

There’s a raccoon eating king crab legs in your attic, workers tell Pa. homeowners

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

World black pudding throwing championships back in Ramsbottom

(Thanks to Ralph)

The winner will immediately be offered a contract by the Miami Dolphins.

WE HAVE THE MEATS

Woman Finds Human Finger After Biting Into Fast-Food Burger

(Thanks to pharmaross)