Dave Barry's Blog

WE GUESS THIS IS GOOD NEWS

Deadly asteroid feared to be on collision course with Earth in 2052 will miss planet

(Thanks to John Lobert)

EVERY WEDDING HAS THIS GUEST

This is a video of a drunk man at a wedding reception dancing with a sparkler then dry humping his partner and setting a dry flower display on fire in the process. He then proceeds to wipe the fire off the barrel with the sleeve of his suit jacket, and stomp it out, before continuing his dance and getting reprimanded by who I assume is his daughter. “I did it for the Tok!”

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BETTER THAT THAN THE LARGE HAIRY ONES

Lumberjack saw 'fire in the sky' before being experimented on by 'small hairless aliens'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TICKETS ARE VIRTUALLY UNOBTAINABLE

Tasmanian hopeful off to world ploughing championships in Ireland

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

BLESSED ARE THE CHEESEMAKERS*

The Bridge Bakehouse was asked to make a public apology and donate to a village church after a customer took offence when the bakery named a sandwich ‘Cheesus Christ’

(Thanks to John Lobert)

*Monty Python reference here.

WE CAN'T WAIT FOR THE FLYING VERSION!

Cruise driverless cars blocked traffic for hours Tuesday night

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, Fabian Marson and Jay Brandes, who says -- correctly -- "Wouldn’t happen in Miami; the cars would be stolen or someone would run into them and push them off a bridge.")

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:29 a.m. Two vehicles went to a car wash, but only one was successfully washed.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS HOW THE GRAND CANYON WAS FORMED

A huge mass of used wet wipes has formed an ‘island’ that has changed the course of England’s second longest river, MP says

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

AND IN SPORTS

Nude Pickleball Is Taking Off

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'IT WAS LIKE AN EYEBALL-LOOKING UFO'

UFO over Iowa can't be explained, officials investigating

(Thanks to Frank)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

South African Gin Is Made With Elephant Waste

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker) 

A FLORIDA ETC.

Car lands on top of caravans after Glossop collision

Derbyshire Fire and Rescue Service said no-one was injured in the collision, which happened due to a "parking mishap".

"Mishap."

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAAAAAAAAAAAAME

Minor league manager sings classic tune to thousands while getting a prostate exam

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

SOME THINGS ARE TOO TASTELESS EVEN FOR THIS BLOG

And this is one of them.

(Thanks to pharmaross, Unholy Slacker and Chuck Cody)

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Please celebrate responsibly.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SORRY, BUT THERE WON'T BE MUCH BLOGGING TODAY

We're kinda busy.

FORTUNATELY THEY ALL POSSESS VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

More than 10 million bees released when semi-truck crashes on Utah highway

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

'MONSTER GALILEO'

New Baby's Name Is So Bad That Nurse Calls Child Services

Another Baby Name Mentioned: "Latrine."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

HARD TO ARGUE

Putin: Western leaders would look 'disgusting' topless

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

Frisky orangutan grabs woman’s breasts, lays on sloppy kiss at zoo

(Thanks to pharmaross)