Dave Barry's Blog

AUSTRALIAN WILDLIFE REPORT

Large Python Snake Found Hidden in Toilet Rolls in Family Bathroom

Australian woman finds fish with wedding ring around neck

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Student designs ‘third eye’ so you can walk and text at the same time

(Thanks to Ralph)

DON'T BE FOOLED BY IMITATIONS

“Only the Polytron reduces an entire mouse to a soup-like homogenate in 30 seconds"

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

BUT IT WILL WARD OFF HOUSEGUESTS

People in India warned smearing themselves in cow poo will not fight Covid

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE WE DON'T ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

Russia Is Going to Try to Clone an Army of 3,000-Year-Old Scythian Warriors

(Thanks to John Gregg)

NO WORRIES, MATE, THE SNAKES’LL GET ’EM

Horrifying video shows mice 'raining' from sky as 'biblical plague' sweeps Australia

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, Ranald Adams, Barry Nester and Michael Parry)

STEP UP, FELLOWS

Tyson blames underperforming roosters for US chicken shortage

(Thanks to Death Row Doc, pharmaross, Bill Hudgins, Roberto and Marie Bentley, who says she saw Underperforming Roosters open for Flock of Seagulls)

ATTENTION, CONSUMERS:

'Do not fill plastic bags with gasoline'

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

WHO’S UP FOR DIVING OFF THE COAST OF FLORIDA?

Pass.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Study Finds Ghost Forest ‘Tree Farts’ Contribute to Greenhouse Gas Emissions

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOA

A Zimbabwean father who has 16 wives and 151 children has revealed he follows a strict four-times-a-night sex schedule to help keep his family growing.

(Thanks to Roberto)

MOTHER'S DAY IN LONE ROCK, WIS.

During a disturbance yesterday afternoon, a 43-year-old woman was tased in the neck by her son, who was upset “because he could not find his phone,” according to police.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA'S DEFINITION OF 'DESIGNATED DRIVER'

It's a little different.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU KNOW THIS WASN’T IN AUSTRALIA, BECAUSE AN AUSTRALIAN BIKER WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN SURPRISED

Biker Screams After Noticing Snake Entangled In Motorbike Handle

(Thanks to Ralph)

HOW ABOUT WHAT?

Want to try something different in the New Year? How about fartlek training?

(Thanks to vee)

BRING YOUR OWN GARLIC

‘Dracula’s castle’ offers tourists Covid shots

(Thanks to The Perts and Anil Haji, who says “Are you sure the vaccine is injected into my neck?" "Yesssss.")

IT’S AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT YACHT

Jeff Bezos' superyacht is so big it needs its own yacht

(Thanks to Steve K)

HOUSTON HOUSECAT

"There is a freaking Bengal tiger roaming in this yard"

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU KNOW THOSE COOL-LOOKING BRIDGES THAT ARE MADE OF GLASS SO YOU CAN LOOK STRAIGHT DOWN, AND YOU FIGURE THEY ARE ENGINEERED TO BE PERFECTLY SAFE?

Yeah, no.

(Thanks to Steve Bradford)

SOUNDS LEGIT

BJP MLA Surendra Singh has claimed that consuming gaumutra (cow urine) every morning on an empty stomach will “guarantee” protection from the novel coronavirus.

I’ve been abducted by aliens 50 times – people think I’m crazy but I’ve the bruises to prove it happened

(Thanks to pharmaross)