Dave Barry's Blog

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETINNNNNNN

This flushing system can make your toilet explode. So, 1.4 million have been recalled

TRICK OR TREAT

Burger King seems bound and determined to mess with your bowels.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TO BE RETURNED ON NOVEMBER 1ST

Giant Inflatable Colon Stolen in Kansas City

(Thanks to Jay B., Kevin S., Janice G., Richard W., Peter M., and Chris J.)

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

Yeah.

IT NEEDED A GETAWAY CAR

Sales manager James Merrins said: “I saw one of my guys running towards us shouting ‘cow, cow, cow’

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

SPEAKING OF COOKIES

You may experience "some emotional issues" if you read this.

(Thanks to a bunch of sick puppies)

OH CANADA, DUDE

Girl guide sells out of cookies in front of Edmonton cannabis store on 1st day

(Thanks to Jeff Sutton)

AND FLATHEAD COUNTY WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY

11:20 a.m. A Snapchat photo resulted in a call to the police.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

OH CANADA

Your crime is ADORABLE.

HEADLINE OF THE WEEK*

We Might Finally Know What Smacked Uranus Sideways

(*Not this week.)

(Thanks to MOTW)

OBITUARY OF THE WEEK

"He owned restaurants in Boulder, Colorado..."
"He was a jeweler and oriental rug dealer, not a pilot."
...her brother was a cartoonist and freelance television critic for the New Yorker.
...believed Stein wrote an internet sports column for ESPN...
...he was a YouTube sensation who had just signed a seven-figure deal with Netflix.
...worked as a trail guide in Rocky Mountain National Park.
Etc.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WHOOPSIE!

Belgian air force mechanic opens fire by mistake, blows up another F-16

(Thanks to Geoff, Rick, Fabian, coscolo and David Roe, who added "France immediately surrendered.")

THE NEWS FROM THE PHILIPPINES

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the News from the Philippines.

(We are fairly confident judi has not already posted this item, but as a precaution she has been temporarily rehired so that she can be fired if necessary.)  

SHE COULD USE A GOOD CAMPAIGN SLOGAN

Candidate with panty-selling alter ego says she ‘cannot quit,’ will stay in race

(Thanks to Chris Elzi and Craig Roberts)

MEN WITHOUT KILTS

At Busch Gardens

In an aquarium

On a donkey

At Chick-Fil-A

On Grandma's porch

(Thanks to yekj. Jon Harris, Jim K., Bill H., Alkali Bill, and Ralph K.)

Note: Why do men do so many things naked? These are just the recent ones. 

WE'VE BEEN TO MANY MEETINGS IN WHICH THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A WELCOME DEVELOPMENT

Snake falls from ceiling in the middle of a business meeting

My apologies if this was already posted by judi, who will be fired as a precaution.

SCIENCE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

But it has something to do with hot pink dinosaurs.

(Thanks to funny man)

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

Step 3: Turning urine back into beer.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

MORE MEN IN KILTS

Washing Windows

MEN IN KILTS

Doing Yoga

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and nursecindy for the thought)