Dave Barry's Blog

STRUMPDATE

Tonight at 6 p.m. I'll be at Cañada College in Redwood City, CA, talking with Angie Coiro about Class Clown for Kepler's bookstore. Come on out! Or not! Either way I will continue to consider you to be a very close personal friend.

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Florida man accidentally shoots himself at Walmart, startling weekend shoppers

Key Quote: “It’s not the weirdest thing to happen in a Walmart. It’s honestly kind of expected,” said Myra.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

Man making miniatures of every pub in Edinburgh has his work cut out for him

(Thanks to The Perts)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Friendship blossoms between 300-pound pig and little red chicken at B.C. sanctuary

(Thanks to The Perts)

A DREAM COME TRUE

The world’s biggest zipper maker is developing a self-propelled zipper

(Thanks to pharmaross, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

SO MANY DRUMMER JOKES, SO LITTLE TIME...

Chimpanzees drum with regular rhythm when they beat on tree trunks, study shows

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE NEWS FROM ICELAND

Road repair just in time for ovine C-section

Farmers in Skagafjörður were trapped at home after the Héraðsvötn and Húseyjarhvísl rivers overflowed their banks. There was also a sharp increase in water levels at Goðafoss and Aldeyjarfoss in Bárðardalur.

The average flow of the Skjálfandafljót river at Aldeyjarfoss is 50 m³/s, but at its peak this week reached over sixteen times that.

Water flowed over the road further into Bárðardalur on Wednesday night....

Hlini Jón Gíslason, a farmer at Svartárkot at the innermost part of Bárðardalur, could waste no time when it became clear that the ewe Eldsnögg needed a caesarean and had to be driven for about an hour to Akureyri. It was fortunate, then, that the road had already been reopened.

The ewe and her brand-new lamb handled the car ride well, and the young lamb quickly made it to the udder once they were back in the shed.

This has been The News From Iceland.

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

'COULD SHIP AS EARLY AS 2026'

This $1M flying car can reach speeds of 155 mph

(Thanks to The Perts and Mark Chellis)

WELL AT LEAST HE DIDN'T ANY FLUIDS WEIGHING MORE THAN 3.4 OUNCES!

Airport officials were stunned when they opened an overweight luggage belonging to an Australian tourist, prompting them to call in an Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) unit for inspection after discovering what appeared to be mines, ammunition, and explosive components.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SEND THIS CHIP TO WASHINGTON

US Air Force creating AI chip the size of rice grain that 'mimics human brain'

(Thanks to Annette)

WHO SAYS NOBODY MAKES GOOD MUSIC ANY MORE?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...

...to all you wonderful Blog Moms!

OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?

A Met Police officer who hid a Ninja star in his pants, 'hoping a colleague would touch his penis', has been sacked. PC Stewart Clark played the dirty jape on a colleague during a training role play when officers simulate a search on each other by hiding an object, a tribunal heard.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker) 

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

Cohoes resident reportedly restrains chainsaw-wielding man in clown mask

(Thanks to Actual Name)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY SERVICE

Fight at a funeral in Connecticut erupts into gunfire and stabbing, wounding 2

(Thanks to Doug Shedd)

THERE GOES THE BRIDE

The bride's best friends led her to a nearby bush and held up her custom mermaid-style gown designed by Lauren Elaine as she peed. The "dramatic" dress had "an eight-foot train and hundreds of yards of tulle."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OR NOT

Coming soon to a penis near you — the ‘world’s first’ male contraceptive implant

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE NOT LAUGHING. YOU'RE LAUGHING.

2-fingered man caught with largest cache of homemade pipe bombs in FBI history

(Thanks to Actual Name, who says: "Competence.")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Researchers have shown that releasing an egg sideways gives it the best chance of surviving a great fall.

(Thanks to Edmond Orignac and The Perts)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Norwegian fan trades five kilos of fish for ticket to Bodø/Glimt v Tottenham

(Thanks to Ralph)