Dave Barry's Blog

FLORIDA WILDLIFE REPORT

Iguana Found Thrashing Around Toilet In Hollywood Home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THAT'S PRETTY FAR INLAND FOR AN ICEBERG

At least three guests were injured Monday night after an iceberg wall collapsed at the Titanic Museum Attraction in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

We blame climate change.

(Thanks to Ed. Floden)

A GIANT LEAP

Masturbatory aid rocket launches in Japan

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW MPB OPEN FOR CHIPMUNKS WITH PLAGUE

Couple Arrested For Mutual Pasta Battery

(Thanks to pharmaross, Rod Nunley and Bill Hudgins, who says "They could serve 6 months orzo.")

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

New Study Finds That Crows Are So Intelligent They Understand the Concept of Zero

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY TOURED WITH THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY

Chipmunks with plague prompt closure of some areas of South Lake Tahoe

(Thanks to ImNotDave, Le Petomane and Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Gardner Minshew Is Refusing To Poop Before His QB Battle With Trevor Lawrence

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BECAUSE YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TO BE ALARMED ABOUT

Two red things are hiding in a part of the solar system where they shouldn’t be.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

6:53 p.m. Dogs were heard barking on a butt dial.

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

UPDATE: 5:14 p.m. A suspicious male taking photos in the bathroom was just “taking pictures of the tile to capture the face of God.”

(Thanks to Roberto and Mary Smith) 

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A FAIRYTALE WEDDING

Groom allegedly shoots friend after wedding because he suspected affair with wife

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTRACTED BY THE SCENT OF HAMBURGERS

Hundreds of Sharks Are Swarming People’s Backyards Because of a Toxic ‘Red Tide’

(Thanks to Rick Day)

THIS SHOULD VASTLY IMPROVE OUR UNDERSTANDING OF CONGRESS

Chinese scientists hope to unlock secrets of human brain with high-res image from a monkey

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IT ORDERED THE SALMON

A bear ran into a Gatlinburg restaurant Friday afternoon, according to visitors who witnessed the incident.

(Thanks to John Wheat, who says "Bartender says, 'You want to watch the Cubs?'”)

JUST KEEP DRIVING

If you see a squirrel laying flat on the ground, don’t panic. It’s probably just ‘splooting,’ officials say

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “If there are treadmarks on its back, it is 'splatting'.”)

PIGS MAKE RULES?

Bacon may disappear in California as pig rules take effect

(Thanks to Ranald Adams and Le Petomane)

SOUNDS… EXCITING!

Scientists develop male contraceptive that uses magnets, nanoparticle injections

(Thanks to ImNotDave and Michael Parry, who says “Apparently, the only side effect is that you get stuck to the refrigerator.”)

FIXER-UPPER

Mexico is raffling off one of El Chapo’s safe houses for $12.50

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY’RE EVERYWHERE

Here’s a YouTube video posted by this blog’s old pal Jeffrey Berkowitz, who swears this actually happened.

WE BLAME CLIMATE CHANGE

A dark gray-brown Bean goose flying upside down was snapped by an amateur photographer near the Dutch town of Arnhem.

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

CSI: COLUMBIA, S.C.

SCHP later told News19 that a truck carrying chicken had a relatively small spill on the road which someone apparently mistook for a deceased person.

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)