Dave Barry's Blog

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Sales of viral plush toy Labubu halted in UK stores after reports of brawls

(Thanks to EricY)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

11:44 p.m. The suspect of a marinara sauce assault could not be located.

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

EVERYONE'S PITCHING IN

How penguin poop can help to mitigate climate change

(Thanks to The Perts)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

New photos have revealed a massive haul of drugs that a former flight attendant denies she was carrying in two large suitcases.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THINK IT'S FATAL

Yawning may be more dangerous than you think, experts say

(Thanks to The Perts)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Punk band Private Function release record that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL OF US

Norwegian man wakes to cargo ship in his garden

(Thanks to Ralph and Jan in Grimsby)

SEND THIS MAN TO WASHINGTON

An outgoing state MP caused a scene in Western Australia's parliament after he ended his valedictory speech with a shoey - the act of having a celebratory drink, typically alcohol, out of a shoe.

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WENT EXACTLY AS PLANNED

Giancarlo was just trying to help. But he set the dog on fire, the dog set the couch on fire, the couch set the curtains on fire, and before long, residents of a five-story, 114-unit apartment building in San Francisco were fleeing for their lives down a fire escape amid a blaze that sent two people to the hospital.

(Thanks to Malcolm Hoar)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Swedish Guillemot Mistaken for Spy Bird in Ethiopia

(Thanks to Ralph)

'OLIVIA'S WATER HAS BROKE'

Schenectady news anchor goes into labor on air, but delivers the news

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TODAY'S SUBSTACK TOPIC

It's important.

THAT SHOULD DO IT

Snakes released in condo hallway in protest against noisy dog

(Thanks to pharnariss)

ATTENTION PULITZER BOARD

Chicago Paper Publishes ‘Summer Reading List’ of Fake Books Created With AI

(Thanks to John Lobert)

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Toilet Scrolling Is Hurting Your Butt

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DIDN'T ASK US TO DRIVE

Wienermobiles to compete in inaugural ‘Wienie 500’ at Indianapolis Motor Speedway

(Thanks to Ralph and The Perts)

REMINDS US OF COLLEGE

This Austin book club has been reading the same book for 12 years. They’re not even close to done.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "Maybe they should get off their phones.")

HE WILL FIGHT FOR YOU

A Charleston personal injury attorney was arrested last week after police say he was downtown yelling at the top of his lungs without any clothes on.

(Thanks to Actual Name)

'URBAN?'

CNC Research Forest team is looking for public help with collecting urban bear poop

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ATTENTION MEN:

GP issues urgent warning over 'summer penis' phenomenon that could destroy intimate moments

(Thanks to pharmaross)