Dave Barry's Blog

WHOA

Pregnant woman jumps into water, saves husband from shark attack near Florida

(Thanks to Jeffrey Meyerson, who says -- and he is not referring to sharks -- "Do not mess with them.")

AND IN HOCKEY

Neighbor calls police on Lightning fans screaming ‘shoot’

(Thanks to Ralph)

WELL DUH

RCMP investigating man reportedly hiking nude on Summerland’s Full Frontal trail

(Thanks to Ralph)

MARTHA STEWART UPDATE

Dude.

(Thanks to wiredog)

AUTHORITIES WERE TOLD THE ROOM CONTAINED 'SENSITIVE SUPPLIES'

Three Metro-North Railroad employees were suspended after Metropolitan Transportation Authority investigators discovered they'd created a “man cave,” complete with a flat-screen television and a beer-stocked refrigerator, in a storage room beneath Grand Central Terminal.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Mike)

'AN APOLOGY WAS LATER DAUBED ON THE WALL IN BROWN PEN'

Environmental enforcement speak to Brighton diarrhoea suspect

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

At least they're assuming it was brown pen.

THEY SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Florida man suing McDonald's, claims he was injured by Chicken McNugget

(Thanks to John Lobert and Le Petomane)

IT WAS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW

Illinois man keeps sandwich Richard Nixon half-ate 60 years ago

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND IN SPORTS

Two men are hit with felony charges for cheating in Utah fishing contest after forensic analysis of winning fish proved it came from another lake

(Thanks to Geoff)

SURE IT IS

New Jersey is most physically and mentally fit state, report says

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT... WHY?

Man steals cat blood from Florida clinic, deputies say

(Thanks to Barry Nester, pharmaross and Le Petomane)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Firefighters battle blaze from 22-ton pile of chicken poop

(Thanks to Ralph, pharmaross and John Lobert)

HEY, THEY WASHED THEM FIRST

Vietnamese factory busted recycling hundreds of thousands of used condoms

(Thanks to Andrew MacIntyre and pharma "Not Suzie Q Wacvet" ross)

INSERT YOUR 'BONAPARTE' JOKE HERE

The Journey of Napoleon’s Penis

(Thanks to Suzie Q "Not pharmaross" Wacvet)

YET ANOTHER LINK YOU DEFINITELY DO NOT WANT TO CLICK ON

...can be found here.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

OTHER THAN THAT HE WAS CLEAN

In searching Riojas and the bag he they say he tossed away, police say they found 3 different cell phones, brass knuckles, a pill cutter, $240 in counterfeit currency marked “prop only”, well over a hundred blue oxycodone pills laced with fentanyl, 9 suboxone strips, two pipes, a scale, numerous knives, and some suspicious checks.

Police say they also discovered that Riojas had felony warrants for a DOC violation, possession of heroin, and identity theft.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DEAR ARACHNOPHOBES:

Don’t click on this.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ANOTHER THING NOT TO DO IN AUSTRALIA:

Camping.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SEND THIS PENSIONER TO WASHINGTON

Pensioner wiped out village’s broadband for 18 months by turning on old TV

(Thanks to Prairie Cynic and Allen at Division)

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, YOU CAN’T MAKE IT EVERYWHERE

MTA board to formally ban pooping in subways and buses

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Jeff Meyerson)