Dave Barry's Blog

PRO TIP FOR BANK ROBBERS:

Leave the beer outside.

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "I object, Your Honor! Corona Light isn't really 'beer'!")

IF HE SAYS YOU ORDERED IT WITH ANCHOVIES, YOU ORDERED IT WITH ANCHOVIES

Mafia boss found working as pizza boss after 16 years on the run

(Thanks to B&C)

FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

‘Swingers’ swap upside-down pineapples for color-coded loofahs

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias and John Lobert)

WE OBJECT TO THE SOCKS

A Spanish high court has ruled in favor of a man who was fined for walking naked in the streets of Aldaia in the Valencia province and later stopped from entering a courthouse wearing only black socks and hiking boots, Reuters reported Friday.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

You don't want to know.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

HELLO, FARMERS?

Loose cow in California breaks windshield, poops on Tesla

(Thanks to Rob and Ralph)

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

A Minnesota woman was jailed yesterday for domestic assault after allegedly clobbering her boyfriend in the head with “a whole chicken,” according to cops who reported that the victim “still had some chicken residue in his hair” when they responded to his 911 call for assistance.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

...the 63-story building will feature 216 units with sweeping ocean views, a slew of amenities, and an elevator designed to take residents up to their doorstep while seated inside their cars.

(Thanks to Steve K)

THEY'RE BLAMING A WOODPECKER, BUT IT'S OBVIOUS WHO'S REALLY RESPONSIBLE

Guy Cuts Hole In Wall And Is Shocked By What Comes Pouring Out

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Quebec's Weather Groundhog Was Found Dead On Groundhog Day

(Thanks to many people)

BOLO

Thieves steal gold-plated SEX TOYS worth £15,000 EACH from Spanish factory

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

BECAUSE YOU NEED MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

Sushi Terrorism.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

THEY DETERMINED ITS AGE BY LOOKING AT ITS FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A 319-million-year-old brain has been discovered.

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

Unattractive people are MORE likely to keep wearing face masks in post-Covid era, study suggests

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi again

I hope you appreciate my helpful reminder. 

CSI: REYKJAVIK

Police Called Out to Investigate Sound of Resident Pounding Pork

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Tom Jones classic Delilah banned by Welsh rugby

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w) 

CAN THE MIRROR MAKE A ‘NEWS’ STORY OUT OF VIRTUALLY ANYTHING?

You be the judge.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says “I’m guessing they were gobsmacked.”)

FLORIDA’S IS A MIXTURE OF SEA AIR, POT FUMES AND VOMIT

New Mexico considers roasted chile as official state aroma

(Thanks to GJ and Ralph)

WE’RE NOT 100 PERCENT CERTAIN THAT CANADA EXISTS

Montreal's No. 1 restaurant on Tripadvisor didn't really exist

(Thanks to The Perts)