Dave Barry's Blog

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

I'm sorry to hurry you up. I've been waiting for your reply during 8 days.

DO *NOT* PASS GO

Man arrested after family Monopoly game turns violent, Tulsa police say

(Thanks to Alan West, who says "I hope he kept his 'Get Out of Jail Free' card.")

THIS IS THE 376,438TH TIME WE HAVE READ SOME VERSION OF THIS STORY

...and we're still not biting.

(Thanks to Ashe Scheiner)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Oxford scientists crack case of why ketchup splatters from near-empty bottle

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN THE ARTS

A contemporary pop artist known for transforming The Simpsons in his art says he could take action against Cardi B for recreating his work in a Halloween Instagram post. Italian artist aleXsandro Palombo claims Cardi B was never authorized to use his art for her Oct. 31 post, in which the rapper portrayed Marge Simpson in a dress cut out on the backside to expose her butt cleavage.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

NOTHING SAYS "'TIS THE SEASON"

...like Caesar salad candy canes.

"With a dash of anchovy."

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

WHY ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO HAVE SPEARS

City employee in  Japan kills wild boar with spear on elementary school grounds

Vaguely related: Japanese zoo practices lion escape protocol in hilarious drill

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT NOT TO PARTY

A French court has ruled that companies can't fire their workers for failing to be sufficiently "fun."

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

THEY ALSO HATE SQUIRRELS

Octopus Brains Evolved to Share a Surprising Trait in With Our Brains

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

THE WORD IS 'HERO'

The 30-year-old supermodel gave researchers a sample of her blood before and after reaching climax so they could study its effects on her body chemistry – and the results will be screened on TV this week. 

(Thanks to Roberto)

AND IN WEST VIRGINIA SPORTS

The Commode Bowl

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LOOKING FOR A SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT?

Sculpture of naked Putin on golden toilet up for auction

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE INTERNET: AN EASILY AMUSED PLACE

"Fast And Furious": Video Of Snake Slithering Away With Slipper Leaves Internet In Splits

(It’s actually a flip-flop.) (Why a snake needs a flip-flop, we’ll never know.)

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SQUIRRELS ARE BASICALLY LARGE FURRY PARASITES

A Mind-Controlling Parasite Is Making Yellowstone Wolves Foolhardy

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

World Cup fan known as 'T*ts Man' forced to remove inflatable boobs by Qatar cops

We’ve known many guys who were T*ts Men.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and pharmaross)

WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT ON THE ROAD, BUT PROBABLY YES IN THE CAR

Will Self-Driving Cars Lead to More Sex on the Road?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STILL SITTING INSIDE THE ORIGINAL VENDING MACHINE

World’s ‘oldest meal’ discovered in 550-million-year-old fossil

(Thanks to Steve K, who says “And another Hostess Twinkie was nearby, still in perfect condition.”)

USA! USA !

THEY WERE BOTH RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Rarely seen snake species shows up in middle of Florida road — eating another animal

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Robert Moats)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Watch RCMP chase down escaped ostriches running amok in Taber

(Thanks to B&C and Roberto)