Dave Barry's Blog

PHARMAROSS SIGHTING

Tonight at my event at the Poisoned Pen in Scottsdale, the completely insane extremely prolific blog contributor known as pharmaross presented me with a miniature ceramic Cialis bathtub. Do not ask me why.

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

'This should not be published': Scientists cast doubt on study claiming trees 'talk' before solar eclipses

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

After solar eclipses you can't shut them up.

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Naked Man Found in Lowe’s Display Shed with Vaseline and Phone

(Thanks to Actual Name)

CANADA: A NATION IN FEAR

Plane Drops Frozen Excrement Through Unsuspecting Homeowner’s Roof: “My head was only about 12 or 15 feet away”

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A radar image of a speed offender caught in central Switzerland last month has revealed that the culprit was not only a duck but probably a repeat offender, local authorities have said.

(Thanks to Doug Shedd, Ron Wylie and Ralph)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Mystery of 'exploding birds' deepens in California

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

HOLD OFF ON THAT MORTGAGE PAYMENT

Universe expected to decay in 10⁷⁸ years, much sooner than previously thought

(Thanks to Ralph, The Perts and some guy who doesn't want credit for some reason.)

HOW MANY BEERS DO YOU HAVE?

What is the optimal number of beers to drink in one sitting?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SHE HAS OUR VOTE

South Jersey Assembly candidate selling photos of her feet as online adult content

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BASICALLY IT'S A HORROR MOVIE

Booming squirrel population leads to Santa Monica's insistence not to feed wildlife

(Thanks to man tom)

CSI: LEANDER

Flock of mystery sheep found wandering near Texas school

(Thanks to MOTW)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Over a ton of cocaine worth nearly half a billion dollars seized off Australian coast

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "This interdiction could dramatically reduce cocaine use in the U.S. for about 15 or 20 minutes.")

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER ETC.

Cow causes delays for commuters on Oklahoma City highway

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT'S NOT US

Florida city finally figures out why it smells so bad

(Thanks to Ralph)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Florida man accidentally shoots himself at Walmart, startling weekend shoppers

Key Quote: “It’s not the weirdest thing to happen in a Walmart. It’s honestly kind of expected,” said Myra.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

Man making miniatures of every pub in Edinburgh has his work cut out for him

(Thanks to The Perts)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Friendship blossoms between 300-pound pig and little red chicken at B.C. sanctuary

(Thanks to The Perts)

A DREAM COME TRUE

The world’s biggest zipper maker is developing a self-propelled zipper

(Thanks to pharmaross, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

SO MANY DRUMMER JOKES, SO LITTLE TIME...

Chimpanzees drum with regular rhythm when they beat on tree trunks, study shows

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE NEWS FROM ICELAND

Road repair just in time for ovine C-section

Farmers in Skagafjörður were trapped at home after the Héraðsvötn and Húseyjarhvísl rivers overflowed their banks. There was also a sharp increase in water levels at Goðafoss and Aldeyjarfoss in Bárðardalur.

The average flow of the Skjálfandafljót river at Aldeyjarfoss is 50 m³/s, but at its peak this week reached over sixteen times that.

Water flowed over the road further into Bárðardalur on Wednesday night....

Hlini Jón Gíslason, a farmer at Svartárkot at the innermost part of Bárðardalur, could waste no time when it became clear that the ewe Eldsnögg needed a caesarean and had to be driven for about an hour to Akureyri. It was fortunate, then, that the road had already been reopened.

The ewe and her brand-new lamb handled the car ride well, and the young lamb quickly made it to the udder once they were back in the shed.

This has been The News From Iceland.

(Thanks to Art Kraus)