Dave Barry's Blog

WHEN SUSHI PROMOTIONS GO WRONG

A sushi promotion in Taiwan led hundreds of people to legally change their names to "Salmon," only to discover some people couldn't change them back.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Truck hauling dump trailer spills 20,000 rotten eggs in Lancaster County

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "The cleanup crew had to work eggstra hard. Omelette you make some funny yolks.")

DO-IT-YOURSELFER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

With no defense at hand, a man has pleaded guilty to an obscenity charge for pleasuring himself inside a storage shed for sale at a Lowe’s in Louisiana.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH MONEY:

Japanese hotel offers toys their own beds, but it will cost you

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

AND IN SPORTS

‘Big Dumper’ Cal Raleigh’s newest endorsement is with Honey Bucket

(Thanks to PapaJohn)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR MEAT LOAF

Massive Underground Blobs May Tell Us Where the Next Mass Extinction Could Start

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S A QUESTION WE HAVE ALL ASKED OURSELVES COUNTLESS TIMES

Do sloths fart?

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

GO FIGURE

Judge orders famous Seattle nude beach closed because people keep having sex in public there

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Barry Nester, who says "I am shocked, shocked.")

EDUCATION UPDATE

Unfortunately, our strict policy etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BOLO

Ada County Sheriff's Detectives looking for masked buttocks slapper

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Yet another argument against masking your buttocks.

ATTENTION, MEN PLANNING TO GO TO THE BEACH:

Don't.

(Thanks to Annette)

OTHERWISE, THE PERFECT RENTER

Tenant left mountain of 3,000 beer cans in flat and only paid rent once

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DEAD

Lingering Moose Shuts Down Popular Adirondack Trail for a Month

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

'SOME RESIDENTS' NEED TO WAKE THE HELL UP

...some residents are raising concerns about the use of poisonous chemicals to address what the city of San Diego calls “overpopulation” of “very invasive” squirrels in the Windansea area.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Travellers are postponing their toilet visits, according to survey

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU'RE TELLING US

Scientists find Uranus is surprisingly warm

(Thanks to Barry Nester and pharmaross)

'NO ONE TASTED IT EXCEPT THE DOG, WHO HAD VERY BAD BREATH FOR A LONG TIME AFTERWARDS'

Stench in a rented house after tourists cooked shark by mistake

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

NO WORD ON THE STREET VALUE OF THE CARROTS

‘Gargantuan’ $15.6 million in meth seized from tractor trailer hauling carrots

(Thanks to Monique)

ASTEROID-MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of 145 Elmos to fly past Earth on Tuesday, July 15

(Thanks to Roberto)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

An armed man dressed in a bikini storms a donut shop – but staff fight back

(Thanks to Ron Wylie, who notes that, incredibly, this was "not Florida.")