Dave Barry's Blog

WHO NEEDS COLLEGE, PART 2,038

How to Make $100 an Hour Scratching Someone’s Back

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WHEN FLIPPER GOES BAD

Traces of fentanyl and other drugs found in bottlenose dolphins in Gulf of Mexico

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

AND IN SPORTS

Ohio golf course offers fresh underpants, wipes and shorts for any golfer who poops themselves

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THEY ARE NATURAL ENEMIES

Bear steals inflatable Grinch from Florida home

(Thanks to John Lobert, who notes that "the bear was released after producing etc.")

LOOKING FOR A GIFT FOR THE OUTDOORSPERSON ON YOUR HOLIDAY LIST?

Look no further.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Wait until the bears find out about this!")

WE ASSUME THEY'RE USING FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES FOR ID

Former SoCal candidate is accused of registering cartoon cats to vote.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

After years on the rise, ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ listenership is slipping

(Thanks to EricY, who says "Hallellujah!")

WE NEED MARSHMALLOWS AND GRAHAM CRACKERS *STAT*

Traffic chaos caused by 30K pounds of melted chocolate on Bay Area highway

(Thanks to Pirateboy)

BUT DID SHE CONFESS?

Italian police arrest nun over links to mafia

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Al Barkafski)

FIRE UP THE BARBIE

Australians urged to eat invasive species — including feral cats

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU GO, ELDERLY RESIDENTS

Tempers spill over as elderly residents revolt against booze ban

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HEY, IT'S 2024

Zoo discovers 10-year-old king penguin 'Maggie' is actually 'Magnus'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

HE HAS OUR VOTE

State Senator Filmed Urinating On Himself During DUI Arrest

(Thanks to Annette)

AND IN SPORTS

An Australian restaurant cooked up 1,212 pounds of kebab meat and french fries to feed festival attendees and break a Guinness World Record.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Once in a while, you get a feel-good story from Australia not involving spiders the size of a stuffed turkey.")

BUT OF COURSE

What’s a Shoulder Meat book? Apparently a photo book of people with different pieces of meat on their shoulders.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE SNAKES WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM

Scarab beetles descend on Canberra homes and businesses as the weather warms up

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Welsh folk fart more than anywhere else in Britain as new study reveals top trumpers

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Without studies, we would know nothing.

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Heron pooping on Ayr homes, not drone, says Waterloo Regional Police

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY BOTH HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Video captures alligator parading massive python through Everglades water

(Thanks to pharmaross and MOTW, who says "Python... the other other white meat.")

JUST SPRINKLES FOR US, THANKS

A soft-serve milk ice cream topped with generous slices of raw whale meat. Anyone?

(Thanks to pharmaross)