Dave Barry's Blog

WE SAW B.C.O.M. OPEN FOR DISGRUNTLED MONKEY

Florida Sheriff Warns Beachgoers to Ignore Bizarre Clumps of Manatees Near Shore for NSFW Reason

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

BOLO

Thieves steal €30,000 in bull semen from farm in northern Germany

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE ANIMALS

Disgruntled monkey tears down 'No Feeding' banner in apparent protest

(Thanks to Ralph)

VERY HARD PASS

CARBONATING TUNA FISH

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Tempting, but no.")

TWO WORDS THAT DO NOT GO TOGETHER: 'BREAKFAST' AND 'ADVENTURE'

The father, John Tolkien, sat down with his family for what was marketed as an unforgettable dining experience—the Princess Breakfast Adventure. When the bill arrived, it totaled a staggering $937.65 for five people, which included a hefty tip of $150.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)

IRREFUTABLE

I waited 50 years for loch trip – and took a photo of ‘Nessie’ in just minutes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LETTER TO A BRIDE-TO-BE

Do not screw it up.

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi Name,

We saw your book, "Book," on Amazon and think it deserves even more attention!

BOTH THE MAN AND THE CAMEL WERE RELEASED AFTER ETC.

In an unusual and dangerous incident, a visibly inebriated man was seen riding a camel on the PV Narsimha Rao Expressway in Hyderabad, terrifying motorists.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Poisonous hammerhead worms rising in Texas. When chopped in two, they double

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

IT PRODUCED A VALID ETC.

At Virginia motel, an odd guest checks in: A six-foot alligator

(Thanks to Gary Shcroeder)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

No-nonsense Texas judge scolds man for wearing ‘World’s Best Farter’ shirt in courtroom

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

WHAT *CAN'T* HE DO?

Jack Bauer, who has thrown 102 mph pitch, flips from Virginia to Mississippi State baseball

(Thanks to  [of course] The Amazing Steve, who says "p.s. Edgar is still dead.') 

IT WAS THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE TO FLORIDA

An 80-year-old drives a luxury Mercedes sedan down Rome’s Spanish Steps and gets stuck

(Thanks to John Lobert)

LEAVING HIM WITH NO CHOICE

Pasco man starts roadway gunfight because victims were ‘2 big guys’ in a ‘bigger truck’: affidavit

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Liquid Death Is Selling Empty Iced Tea Cans Containing Ozzy Osbourne’s DNA

(Thanks to Ralph)

SEND SOME TO WASHINGTON

Mouth tape has become a billion-dollar industry.

(Thanks to Fred Preller)

ALWAYS THE LAST ETC.

Astronomers locate universe's 'missing' matter

(Thanks to Steve K, who says "It was in the unclaimed luggage at O'Hare Airport.")

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Southern Europeans protest overtourism with water pistols

(Thanks to Steve Pudlo)

THEY HAVE AN ASSOCIATION?

Ghana: Reduce alcohol prices or we’ll shut down everywhere — Drunkards association warns govt

(Thanks to Ralph)