Dave Barry's Blog

SUNDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Some words should go here.

'IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?'

Hit-and-Run Driver Caught Wearing Motorcycle as a Hood Ornament

(Thanks to Steve K.)

AS IS HER CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Woman charged with firing gun trying to stop neighbor’s fireworks

(Thanks to Karen "Tinkerbell" Durkin)

WE TAKE ISSUE WITH THE WORD 'RARE'

Rare brain-eating amoeba infection reported in Florida

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko and Tom Meerschaert)

FAKE NEWS

Clever cat wins police plaudits in Japan for leading to rescue of man stuck in canal

From the story: On June 16, a 77-year-old woman taking a walk around 7:30 p.m. found Koko, a female cat who belongs to a neighbor, staring into the canal and acting strangely. When she followed the cat’s gaze, she discovered a man lying on his back in a 60-centimeter-wide and 40-cm-deep canal.

So this cat did not lead anybody anywhere. This cat is being lionized (Ha!) for "staring into the canal and acting strangely." If little Timmy had this cat instead of Lassie, he would still be stuck down in the well.

(Thanks to Mad Hatter)

THIS WILL NOT END WELL

Scientists Grew A Plant From A 32,000-Year-Old Seed And It’s All Thanks To Squirrels

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND YOU KNOW WHO THEY ANSWER TO

It's Not Just You, There Actually Are A Lot More Chipmunks Out There

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

BUT IT'S OK AFTER THE PANDEMIC ENDS

Michigan library urges visitors not to microwave books amid pandemic

(Thanks to The Perts)

JULY FOURTH OPEN THREAD

O’er the comments we watched.

ONE BY ONE THEY ARE DESTROYING OUR CHERISHED BELIEFS

Dog owners typically abide by the age-old “multiply by 7” method, but a new study says that’s just a myth. Instead, researchers from the University of California San Diego School of Medicine say they have a formula which more accurately measures the age of your beloved pooch.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE NEED A FEDERAL BAN

Cab driver robbed by woman armed with fork

(Thanks to Ralph)

CSI: PALMYRA

Rhine is a manager at Klick Lewis, a new and used car dealership on East Main Street. He said golf balls started appearing on the car lot and surrounding streets 18 to 24 months ago — and it hasn’t stopped.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOLO FOR FLAMING INDIVIDUAL

Police are searching for an arson suspect in Northeast Philadelphia who accidentally set himself on fire.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

JULY 4

Happy Independence Day, blog people. Let’s be careful out there.

(Thanks to Roberto)

FRIDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Good evening, everyone.

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Why do some men take so long to poop?

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT'S NOT HIS NOSE?

Florida man with cocaine on nose tells deputies it's not his, officials say

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WE'D RATHER NOT FIND

Authorities end search for naked person in Duluth sewers

(Thanks to Ralph)

Update: Naked Man Rescued From Duluth Sewer System

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NOW THEY TELL US

Money actually can buy happiness, study finds

(Thanks to Le Petomane,who says "The scientists who did this study are enjoying the money they got paid
for this study.")

THANKS

...for all the birthday wishes. I truly believe that 73 is the new 71 and a half.