Dave Barry's Blog

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

Making more money really does make people happier, study says

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DAVE CLARK FIVE

Obese, snoring mini pigs show how air flows through the throat during sleep apnea

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU CANNOT MAKE IT UP

Darth Vader babysuit recalled due to choking hazard

ATTENTION, MEN:

Male Mantises Evolved a Vital Trick to Avoid Being Decapitated After Sex

(Thanks to The Fourth George)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Senior citizens waiting for COVID-19 vaccine mistaken for ‘illegal rave’

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

A DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY

Seriously?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and B'game)

OKLAHOMA TACKLES THE ISSUES

A bill to establish a Bigfoot hunting season was introduced in Oklahoma Wednesday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

This Premium Gin Is Made From Distilled Elephant Dung

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOOD LUCK GETTING THEM TO LET GO

Invasive pythons hold key ingredient for COVID-19 vaccine

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Australian Open players in quarantine accused of feeding mice in their hotel rooms

(Thanks to Susie Q Wacvet)

We never knew that mice had hotel rooms.

WE READ THE STORY, AND WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA

“We’re not crossing our fingers, we’re pressing our buttocks,” the organizers shouted to Roselyne Bachelot

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER THE HORSES PRODUCED VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Florida man accused of trying to steal horses, riding them home, deputies say

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

APPARENTLY THEY USE THEIR WINGS

Scientists have finally worked out how butterflies fly

INAUGURATION DAY

Here's a story about the time I marched in a presidential inaugural parade, back when we had those.

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Edwin Poots issues jelly and gravy shortage warning

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

APPROACH WITH CAUTION

Cumming man accused of trespassing naked

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: MYRTLE BEACH

The couple, who live in Myrtle Beach, were arguing when McCoy allegedly “brought up how the victim only has one testicle which caused the victim to get upset.”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THESE JUST IN

Wiltshire referral centre treats world-first dual penis dog successfully

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE 2021 MEN'S FASHION COLLECTION

...will make you long to have 2020 back.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Finally in 3-D: A Dinosaur’s All-Purpose Orifice

(Thanks to Steve K. and vee)

We think "all-purpose orifice" might be a good replacement for a cruder term we sometimes use to describe people we do not care for.

Another Way of Putting It: Scientists Have Described a Dinosaur's Butthole in Exquisite Detail

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, Jim Kenaston and Jen Hansen)

Also: This fossil reveals how dinosaurs peed, pooped and had sex

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Also: 1st preserved dinosaur butthole is 'perfect' and 'unique,' paleontologist says

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento and Doug Ogg)