Dave Barry's Blog

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

US Astronaut Reveals if Space Farts Can Send One Soaring in Zero-Gravity

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE WAS A BRAKE-YANKER

Here’s how cops used a penis pic to bust NYC’s alleged subway menace

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALEXA, MAKE THEM STOP

Would you let Amazon 3D-scan your body for a $25 gift card?

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

AS FORETOLD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

Owners of biblical replica of Noah's ark sue over ... rain damage

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, Chris Elzi, pharmaross and Le Petomane)

WE PITY THE JANITOR

Buna teen rides cow to school to celebrate last day of classes

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Man caught filling hotel bathtub up with potatoes while wearing a bra and high on MDMA

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

ADVISORY

Don't give DNA to people who come to your house asking for it

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOUR ‘SURGING IN THE POLLS’ JOKE GOES HERE

French mayor offers free Viagra to boost local birth rates

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

WE HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU

Jellied moose nose cannot be found in restaurants.

(Thanks to Chris Johnson)

STAY CLASSY, SPANISH-SQUASH-TOURNAMENT ORGANIZERS

A group of champion female squash players slammed the Spanish tournament they won as sexist after being given vibrators as a prize.

(Thanks to B’game)

SCOTLAND: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Hikers stumble across a bizarre piece of driftwood shaped like a naked woman

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WILL COME WITHIN 3 MILLION MILES OF EARTH, WHICH MEANS THERE’S A CHANCE IT WILL COLLIDE WITH A MIAMI MOTORIST

Mile-wide asteroid and its tiny moon to zoom past Earth this weekend

(Thanks to The Perts)

THEY’RE FIGHTING BACK

Cow Squirts Projectile Poop On Farmer: ‘I Didn’t Even Stand A Chance’

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

GO AHEAD, ABET THE ENEMY

Squirrel served daily ice cream mini-cones at North Carolina shop

(Thanks to Ralph)

A STEPHEN-KING-LEVEL NIGHTMARE

Teen gets penis stuck in drainpipe and has to be freed with circular saw

(Thanks to John Lobert)

DEPARTMENT OF NEWS STORIES WE DOUBT ACTUALLY HAPPENED BUT WHAT THE HELL

Drunk Man Vomits So Hard, Throws up Undiagnosed Tumour, Then Swallows it Back

(Thanks to MOTW)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Enormous python swallows even bigger python, but can't handle it

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

DUH

IQ rates are dropping in many developed countries

Exhibit A: 56 percent of Americans don't want Arabic numerals taught in schools

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

EMPLOYEE HYGIENE IS IMPORTANT

Local Wendy's investigating video of man bathing in kitchen sink

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT, HE HAD A GOOD DAY

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

...As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, pharmaross, John Lobert, David Knight and DaninDallas)