Dave Barry's Blog

AS IF WE NEEDED ANY MORE TACK-SHARP, CRYSTAL-CLEAR, IRREFUTABLE VIDEO PROOF THAT IS NOT BLURRY AT ALL

Charlie Chaplin movie from 1928 'proves time travel is real' as woman has 'mobile phone'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Solid Point From Mr. Bill In The Comments: "They must have had cell towers in the 20s then. I wonder why they built the cell towers before the phones were invented?"

ART UPDATE

Police broke into an art gallery to help an unconscious person inside, only to discover it was an art installation.

The lifelike sculpture is a depiction of gallery owner Steve Lazarides' sister, Kristina, with her head in a bowl of soup.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

'Electrified roadways': Coils hidden in streets could charge your electric vehicle while you drive

(Thanks to Geoff Scott, who says "Loads of fun on rainy days.") (To which we add: Doo-dah, doo-dah.)

(YOUR FLACCID ECONOMY JOKE HERE)

The Cost of Living Crisis Is Ruining Sex

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING BECAUSE WE WERE GETTING A HEADACHE

Dear My Friend,
The Best Performance On 3.7V20Ah Li Polymer Pouch Battery Cell (NMC), Discharge On 8C Continuous To 15C Burst, Fastly Charge 5C Constant, The Cycle Life Is Even 1500 Times, Is Satisfied In Special EV Or 

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:12 p.m. A crowd had gathered behind Baskin Robbins because a bear was sitting in a tree.  

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY’RE NOT FOOLING US WITH THESE OBVIOUS PLOYS

Woman's cookie-leaving secret admirer is caught on tape

(Thanks to many people, including nursecindy, who asks “Does this video soften your feelings for squirrels just a little bit?”)

(NO)

IF THIS ISN’T THE THE TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT IS

Yorkshire pudding addict vows to eat 600 of them in two days over Christmas

(Thanks to John Lobert)

We’d be more impressed if he did this with fruitcakes.

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, ESPECIALLY IN FLORIDA

Florida man accused of hitting wife with Christmas tree after asked to help with making dinner

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE ALREADY-LOW BAR FOR GOBSMACKERY GETS STILL LOWER

Domino's customer left gobsmacked after receiving dirty pizza cutter with food

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

“Finally the Flint police and the airport authority came over and said we were removed because I said the word ‘penis’ on board an airplane,” he said.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Snakes have a clitoris

(Thanks to pharmaross, wiredog, Jim Kenaston and Holland Daze)

WE SAW CELEBRITY EMUS OPEN FOR THE BYRDS

A pair of celebrity emus that vanished after being banned from an outback pub for bad behaviour have been rediscovered — and they have multiplied.

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi [NAME],

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Do you really need deodorant? Experts weigh in

(Thanks to GJ and B&C, who ask "Do we really need experts for this?")

FLORIDA DINING REPORT

A man accused of pointing a loaded gun at several patrons, threatening to kill them after they were offered free pizza at a Cuban restaurant faces multiple charges.

Well that explains it: Andrade-Banegas became upset because those accepting the pizza from the restaurant had already eaten their food, the report says.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS, BUT IT SOUNDS BAD

True giant wombat gives Diprotodon podium a wobble

(Thanks to The Perts)

GÄVLE GOAT UPDATE

We have no Gävle Goat update. We have not received any news. It's quiet on the Gävle Goat front. It's too quiet.

THE SCIENCE IS UNSETTLED

Drug-free period pain relief brand Ovira told TikTok users their clitoris will 'disappear' if it's not 'used'. Doctors say it's not exactly accurate.

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "It's hard enough to find already!")

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH DISEASES TO WORRY ABOUT

Doctors warned over deadly 'camel flu' symptoms as World Cup fans return to England

(Thanks to pharmaross)