Dave Barry's Blog

TODAY'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you Today's College Football News.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

OR NOT

See farmers provide acupuncture treatment to their cows in France

(Thanks to Ron T)

NEARLY A TWO-DAY SUPPLY FOR MIAMI

Over half a billion dollars worth of cocaine offloaded in Fort Lauderdale by Coast Guard

(Thanks to pharmaross and Not My Usual Alias)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Louisiana Man Claims It Was "Not A Crime To Throw Food On His Wife"

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WERE THERE ANY PENGUINS IN THE AREA?

FAA: Ice chunk that crashed through Florida roof was not from plane

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I blame global climate change.")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Scientists invent 3D-printed penis implant to restore erections — and it works in rabbits and pigs

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND THEY LOOK AS APPETIZING AS THEY SOUND

Marco Island man turns iguana eggs into breakfast

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ralph)

NO SENSE WASTING IT

A Tampa man accused of stealing an ambulance on Saturday “finished drinking a beer in full view of Troopers” before he was arrested, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GEESE ARE ALWAYS IN DISTRESS

Police: Reported swimmers in distress 'turned out to be geese'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

POLICE ETC.

Jury convicts man who stole $6M golden toilet from English palace

(Thanks to many people)

YOU'RE TELLING US

HUMAN INTELLIGENCE SHARPLY DECLINING

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUESS THE STATE

Man Wearing "I Never Argue" T-Shirt Busted For Violent Argument With Woman

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AS IF THE SNAKES WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH

American fast-food giant Chuck E. Cheese confirms first Australian venue will open in Perth

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

'SLOW TV'

A Dutch 'fish doorbell' has turned into an unlikely online hit combining slow TV and ecology

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND IN SPORTS

“I would like to apologize for my actions on third base yesterday.”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PRIORITIES

Egg interceptions up 116% so far this year, while seizures of fentanyl down 32%

(Thanks to The Perts and Jim Maiwurm)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Florida Man Arrested For Lap Dance Heist

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ENTREPRENEUR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

An Australian woman admitted that she planned to sell on the black market two human toes that had been regurgitated by dogs at an animal shelter

(Thanks to Ed. Floden and Dave Vander Ark, who notes that "This happened in Australia but there were no snakes involved.")

WAKE UP!

Coffee brand ‘found to contain erectile dysfunction drug’

(Thanks to Rick Day and Rob Magnuson)

WHAT CHOICE DID HE HAVE?

Upset that the karaoke machine at a Florida bar was not working, a man pointed a Glock pistol at another patron and fired off a round

(Thanks to Charles Cates, Jim Kenaston, Asher Scheiner and Annette)