Dave Barry's Blog

IN CASE YOU HAD ANY LINGERING DOUBTS ABOUT HIS UNFITNESS TO REIGN:

Prince William says his dad Prince Charles is ‘infatuated’ with squirrels

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Catherine DeLorey)

DUH, BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU'VE JUST BEEN

Walking backwards can boost your short-term memory, study suggests (but scientists have no idea why!)

(Thanks to coscolo)

AND IN SPORTS

Farting Controversy Clouds Grand Slam Of Darts Quarterfinal

(Thanks to Cindy Pearson)

POLLY WANNA SHUT UP

Parrot’s smoke alarm impression was so good firefighters were called

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "You know who put him up to it.")

URGENT CELEBRITY UPDATE

Shania Twain once accidentally urinated during performance

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

A man accused of threatening to blow up Willie’s Chicken Shack Tuesday night (Nov. 13) claimed to police when confronted about the allegation that his words were merely a reference to a bowel movement, the man’s warrant states.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Man attacks roommates with ax over thermostat setting

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY CEREMONY

Casey walked down the aisle in her wedding gown, and when it came time for them to do her vows, she turned to all of their friends and family members and said, “There will be no wedding today. It seems Alex is not who I thought he was.” Then she took out her phone and read the text messages that he had sent this other woman out loud.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WHOEVER THAT IS

A holidaymaker who is suing British Airways for £10,000 has told a court he was injured after being forced to squeeze into a seat next to an obese man who was “the size of Jonah Lomu”.

County We Are Not Making Fun Of The Name Of: "Pontypridd"

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and pharmaross)

THESE KIDS TODAY

You don't want to know.

Seriously, you don't.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and coscolo, who says, quote, "Ew.")

WE SAY GIVE HER THE CHAIR, IF THEY HAVE THE CHAIR IN CANADA

The Supreme Court of Canada agreed Thursday to hear the case of a woman who was ticketed and arrested after she refused instructions to hold onto an escalator handrail.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE MEANT TO BUY CLOTHES

A man in China woke up with more than just a hangover Sunday after allegedly splashing out on a peacock, a giant salamander and a pig while drunk.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

STILL MORE FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Large-necked man and Joker lookalike are upping the ‘Florida Man’ mugshot game

An elderly woman worried about the meth she was smoking. So she took it to her doctor, cops say

(Thanks to pharmaross, Steve K and Jane Linderman)

WE BET IT'S REGISTERED IN FLORIDA

A camel - an actual camel - joins stranded motorists on Pa. highway

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

It's a Worldwide Epidemic: German police secure seven camels loitering in supermarket car park

(Thanks to Charles Steindel)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY ETC?

Ford is testing self-driving cars in Miami for delivery of items like diapers and groceries

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

AND ON BEHALF OF CARL HIAASEN, THIS BLOG AND MANY OTHERS IN THE HUMOR INDUSTRY, WE SAY: THANK YOU, FLORIDA

Federal judge calls Florida the 'laughing-stock of the world'

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

POLICE HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

Officials in an Alabama county have a financial mess to wipe up after the sheriff's department mistakenly ordered 24,000 extra rolls of toilet paper.

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says this creates a "big budget deficit to wipe out.")

IT SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

McDonald's Worker Charged In Bacon Attack

(Thanks to elseabs, who says "Could have been worse, like a broccoli attack. Ew.") (Also thanks to Allen at Division)

Maybe We Should Ban Food Altogether: A Pittsburgh woman is facing several charges after allegedly throwing several cans of SpaghettiOs at a woman’s vehicle in Pittsburgh’s Terrace Village neighborhood.

(Thanks to DaninDallas and timbang)

TODAY'S TOP STORY

Shrine to Danny DeVito found behind college restroom's towel dispenser

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Allen Park police happy to announce there’s no feces on road

(Thanks to pharmaross)