Dave Barry's Blog

AUTOMOTIVE OPTION OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Alabama man finds $300,000 of heroin in car bought at Tennessee government auction

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STEP 2: 'DRAW THE REST OF THE F***ING OWL'

Year Seven pupils at Holderness Academy and Sixth Form College were surprised when they downloaded the art worksheet which "clearly had not been checked before it was sent out".

(Thanks to pharmaross and Matt Filar)

THIS IS WHY THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD MAINTAIN AN EMERGENCY RESERVE

Nestlé recalls 762,000 pounds of pepperoni Hot Pockets

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

DIDN'T THEY TOUR WITH MOTT THE HOOPLE?

Enormous pigeon-eating catfish wreaking havoc on Europe’s ecosystems

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

'It'll be full': 'Amazing' video shows snake devouring possum

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PLEASE WATCH YOUR STEP WHEN STAGGERING OUT

Massive sinkhole reopens outside Florida sports bar

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AT LEAST POLICE HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

Dozens of adult diapers spilled along ENC highway

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE LAW IS SETTLED

Russia’s Supreme Court rules attending football match is good reason to miss work

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Two pigs have reportedly entered a police station in Sindh after which cops were seen running out of the building to save their lives.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NO ARGUMENT HERE

A French waiter fired for being “aggressive, rude and disrespectful” says his behaviour wasn’t out of line – he’s just French.

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

This blog, speaking from personal experience, agrees with the waiter.

'HERE TO KEEP THE INNER PEACE'

Yoga Joes

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

BULLETIN UPDATE ON JOE THE PIGEON

A pigeon that Australia declared a biosecurity risk has received a reprieve after a U.S. bird organization declared its identifying leg band was fake.

(Thanks to pharmaross and EricY)

WITHOUT STUDIES, WE MIGHT NEVER HAVE KNOWN

Guppies have varying levels of self-control

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

CSI: CANADA

The car was missing its front windshield. There was a hole in the back window, glass on the highway and an axe on the backseat.

...Lewis asked police why he had been pulled over. It was then, Judge Paul Scovil writes, that the officer noticed Lewis had his pants pulled down to his knees. "I believe I can take judicial notice that this is an unusual way to wear one's pants when operating a motor vehicle," Judge Scovil wrote.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

Oscar Mayer hiring ‘hotdoggers’ to drive Wienermobile

(Thanks to pharmaross and Matt Filar)

'OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NO OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE FOR THAT'

Fish are better and happier now they are British, claims Rees-Mogg

(Thanks to Ralph)

GO FIGURE

Dad With Tattooed Eyeballs Says Other Parents Are 'Scared' To Let Their Kids Play With His

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE ALREADY HAVE CONGRESS

A man who makes a living by renting himself out “to do nothing” has garnered an enormous following online and thousands of clients.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE NEWS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

Scientists make 'extraordinary' find of electric eels hunting in packs

(Thanks to Art Kraus, who says "Some might call this discovery 'shocking', but I'll settle for 'illuminating.'")

IDAHO: WHERE FOR $200 A NIGHT...

...you can sleep in a potato!

(Thanks to John Lobert)