Dave Barry's Blog

'HE ATE A *LOT*'

Vet in shock after dog poops out entire bag of rainbow Orbeez

(Thanks to Rick Day)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Woman pleads guilty to trying to smuggle 29 turtles across a Vermont lake into Canada by kayak

(Thanks to The Perts)

THESE ROBOT VACUUMS TODAY

Hacked U.S. robot vacuums are yelling racial slurs, chasing pets

(Thanks to B&C)

COMPELLING

Pizza Hut Will Deliver Your Resume Printed on a Pizza Box to Prospective Employers

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

WHICH IS GOOD, BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE IT POOPS

A brown bear that underwent brain surgery in the first operation of its kind in the UK is doing well, but "not out of the woods" yet, said the charity caring for him.

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

San Diego fines massage parlor after "loud sexual moaning" disrupts Bible study sessions

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

'HEADSPIN HOLE'

Man develops scalp tumor after decades of breakdancing

(Thanks to B&C, Mezrap, Ron Wylie and Alan West)

CATEGORY WHOA

BBC Weather app forecasts 15,759mph winds in UK

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE COMMENTS

We know.

SURE IT COULD

A flying shopping cart could make your future grocery runs that much easier

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT ALMOST WORKED

Officers seize bag with ‘Definitely not a bag full of drugs’ printed on it – and it was full of drugs, Police Bureau says

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Ralph)

OUR DARKEST HOUR

The history of The Great Squirrel Stampede

(Thanks to Ranger Denny, who says "I've recently relocated from central Illinois to Carmel, Indiana — home to a bazillion roundabouts — and where every September the locals celebrate The Great Squirrel Stampede of 1822.  Road trip?")

WITHOUT EXPERTS, WE WOULD BE LOST

A Butt Expert Reveals The Single Biggest Mistake You're Making Down There After You Poop

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Mystery lemur found wandering loose in Houston park

(Thanks to John Lobert, who saw them open for the Cowsills)

APPARENTLY KEITH SNEEZED THERE

Oldest living microbes found in 2-billion-year-old rock

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS IS WHAT GENE WEINGARTEN CALLS AN 'APTONYM'

Funeral home of the week so far.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

A GRATEFUL WORLD REJOICES

The largest arthropod to ever live finally has a head

(Thanks to John Hayden and Barry Nester)

BOLO

Koala leads police on chase through Sydney train station

(Thanks to John Lobert, who believes the headline should be "Brave Police Chase Only Creature in Australia That Will Not Kill You.”)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

...instead, we have this.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

YET ANOTHER REASON NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH A SLOTH

Brain-swelling ‘sloth’ fever could be caught via SEX

(Thanks to Annette)