Dave Barry's Blog

WAKE UP, CANADA

Squirrel in equipment causes downtown Edmonds power outage Wednesday afternoon

(Thanks to EricY)

WE ASSUME THEY'LL USE A DELOREAN

Scientists Are Preparing to Create a Traversable Quantum Wormhole

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says "These scientists have never been to the movies.")

IF PEPPERONI WAS INVOLVED, IT'S A FELONY

A Summerfield man was arrested after allegedly slapping a woman’s face with a slice of pizza during an argument.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

THE GOOD NEWS: THEY'RE ABOVE-AVERAGE DRIVERS

Florida's Burmese python population explodes, and USGS says it's 'likely impossible' to eradicate them

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WE ASKED CHATGPT, AND IT SAID: 'THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. YOU CAN TRUST ME!'

In San Francisco, some people wonder when A.I. will kill us all

(Thanks to EricY, who says "If the squirrels don't get us first.")

NO WORD ON HOW MANY GIRAFFES IT IS

Asteroid to fly between Earth and the Moon this week: report

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

HELP YOURSELF

Crocodile joins picnic, steals cooler box

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Man Invents Device So He Can Kiss Insects

(Thanks to Ralph)

After You Kiss Them, You Can Eat Them: Scorpion tamales and grasshopper tacos are on the menu at one of America’s best restaurants

(Thanks to The Perts)

SPRING IS HERE, TIME TO REPAINT THE LAWN

Do Your Neighbors Paint Their Lawns Green? Increasingly, Yes

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Poop and parody to be argued at Supreme Court

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and Robert Moats)

WE'RE SEEING KERMIT

Woman discovers Shrek's face in pistachio ice cream

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "You guessed it: she was gobsmacked.")

HE'S PROBABLY THRILLED TO LEARN THEY WERE WRONG

Norfolk council sorry for wrongly telling man he is dead

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

HARD PASS

Pike Place Fish Market to Offer New Smoked Salmon Peeps for Easter

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

BUT WE KNOW WHO'S REALLY GIVING THE ORDERS

Murder, Inc.: Gang of Crows Runs Denver's Uptown Neighborhood

(Thanks to Ralph)

'LAMB MOWERS'

This company lets you rent sheep to mow your lawn in an environmentally friendly way

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

CSI: NORFOLK

Burglar stole vibrator after breaking in through dog flap

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

ALSO VERY FAINT TRACES OF FARTS

Mount Everest has preserved climbers’ frozen sneezes for centuries: study

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Six scientists swallow lego heads to see how long it takes to poo them out

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

We have the vague feeling that we already blogged this, but we are way too lazy to look into it. As a precautionary measure, we will fire judi.

WHY THE HELL NOT?

Florida woman pushes for ‘Sugar Daddy and Mommy Appreciation Day’ at board meeting

“You guys may not be aware, but Florida has the largest per-capita population of sugar daddies in the U.S.”

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

YOU GO, STUD

90-year-old tortoise becomes father of three

(Thanks to Michael Parry, who says “Guy tortoise in action)