Dave Barry's Blog

ATTENTION, SOUTH FLORIDA SPORTS FANS WISHING TO JUMP ON THE HEAT OR PANTHERS PLAYOFF BANDWAGONS:

Here you go.

YOU KNOW WHO'S GIVING THE ORDERS

Hawaii is waging war on 'aggressive' feral chickens. The chickens are winning.

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Le Petomane and Rich Alpin)

NEW JERSEY POLICE CHIEF OF THE WEEK SO FAR

“You’re sleeping in the middle of the road… your pants are down.”

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

THEY'RE ALSO A STRONG OPENING ACT

'Voracious' Jumping Worms Can Leap 1 Foot In The Air, Destroy Soil

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Man Invents The ‘Burrito Bumper’ That Collects All The Dropped Food And Places It Into A New Burrito

(Thanks to Ralph)

AT LEAST IT WAS DEAD

Horrified dad finds dead frog hanging out of McDonald's burger

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE BACON

35,000 pounds of eggs spill on Dallas freeway

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

DRAMA CLUB NEWS

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Drama Club News.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FOR AN EXTRA $250 THE SALESPERSON WILL SPIT ON YOU

Luxury Brand Sells $1,850 “Fully-Destroyed” Sneakers

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT STUDIES?

Women really do fancy men more if they’re richer, study confirms

(Thanks to Frank)

SACRILEGE

The water tower in Kingsland, the birthplace of Johnny Cash, bears a painted silhouette of the famous Man in Black — but an unknown person recently took careful aim at Cash’s crotch and pulled the trigger. Now the mural is perpetually leaking from that spot, video shared May 11 by the Cleveland County Herald shows.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Doug Ogg)

JUST FRIES FOR US, THANKS

Child porn investigation reveals Arby’s worker peeing in milkshakes, Washington cops say

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

MAKES SENSE, SINCE FLORIDIANS DRIVE ON GOLF COURSES

Florida man caught golfing on side of I-75

(Thanks to Ralph)

THAT SHOULD DO IT

Two-seater plane spells 'make beer not war' using its flightpath in skies over Poland

(Thanks to Roberto)

OK, WE HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS

Engineer who designed Sask. bridge that collapsed hours after opening facing disciplinary hearing

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DEFINITELY NOT A GUY IN A GORILLA SUIT

Two hikers claim they've spotted scary Bigfoot creature while walking in woods

(Thanks to John Lobert)

JUST A BEER FOR US, THANKS

Chop Bar Owner Confesses To Using Water From Dead Bodies To Cook Food For Customers For The Past 15 Years

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Full manure spreader overturns in Schuykill County

Full. Why did it have to be full?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

*THE* PLACE TO BE

One Phuket Sustainability Fair and Lean On Me Live Fest 2

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

9:14 a.m. Someone reported hearing a dog bark, then gunshots, and then no more barking.

(Thanks to pharmaross)