Dave Barry's Blog

SOUNDS LEGIT

A representative of Dollar General, 3416 Montvale Road, Maryville, reported at 10:24 a.m. April 5 that two women tried to buy several gift cards with a counterfeit $1 million bill. One of the women said she received the $1 million bill in the mail from a church and that she was going to buy items for care packages for homeless people, an incident report states.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUIDANCE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

Go ahead, pee in the shower

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SERIOUSLY?

Would You Spend $899 for a Kitty Scratcher?

(Thanks to Art Kraus, who says "Pfft, my cat will scratch me for free.")

THAT'S WHERE IT WOULD HAVE ENDED UP ANYWAY

40K pounds of Bud Light beer spills onto Georgia highway

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SWELL. NOW PLEASE SHOW US TO OUR FLYING CAR.

Boston Dynamics’ robot dog Spot has been taught to pee beer on command

(Thanks to Dave Emery, who says "Presumably pees Sam Adams.")

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

NFT Pet Rocks

(Thanks to Katie Holmes)

No, this blog does not really understand what "NFT" means. We just know it's apocalyptic.

THE HEART OF DARKNESS

Scientists go inside the brains and bloodstreams of squirrels

(Thanks to Ralph)

BUT DON'T WORRY: THEY ALL HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

Florida is full of invasive species. They’re coming for the rest of us.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

SPREAD THE WORD ON YOUR CB RADIO

It's National Eight Track Tape Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross) 

WE NEED TO SUE SOMEBODY

Tons of Invisible Asteroid and Comet Dust Falls on Us Every Year

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "I could use that to explain my weight gain, except it's not so invisible...")

GOOD TO KNOW

Scientists stuck grizzly bears on treadmills and confirmed they hate hills as much as we do

(Thanks to Ralph)

¿HAY ALGÚN PROBLEMA, OFICIAL?

An investigation has been launched after a man drove the wrong way down a highway in Spain with a dead body in the passenger seat.

(Thanks to Steve K., unkle johno and pharmaross)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

There's Now a Tiny Washing Machine to Clean Your Wax-Encrusted Earbuds

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

JUSTICE

Man fined £425 for 'provocatively farting at police officers' in Austria has fine reduced to £85 on appeal

(Thanks to Roberto)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Snake catcher removed a giant python after a couple reported their clogged drain

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OOPS

The University of Kentucky mistakenly sent acceptance emails to 500,000 high school seniors for a program that usually accepts about three dozen students a year.

(Thanks to pahrmaross)

WE LIKE THEIR STYLE

No one in small southwest Missouri town voted on Tuesday

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALWAYS A SOUND LEGAL STRATEGY

Kansas Senate majority leader was drunk in police chase, called an officer ‘Donut boy,’ authorities say

Bonus Legal Maneuver: “He looked me up and down stating he played state sports competitively" in high school, Shepley wrote in the affidavit, which was reported by the Topeka Capital-Journal and other local media on Thursday. “He stated he could ‘take me.’”

(Thanks to Alkali Bill and Jeff Meyerson)

LET'S PARTY, RHODE-ISLAND STYLE!

Commerce Secretary Stefan Pryor said students will be allowed to dance, but only with members of their “pod.”

(Thanks to Monique)

MANY REASONS

Why Dye Your Hair When You Can Have It Printed?

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)