Dave Barry's Blog

CSI: VASTOGIRARDI

Months of Punctured Tire Incidents Revealed to Be Work of Dog Suffering from Gingivitis

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CSI: GENOA

Unusual Number of Bald, Beardless Men Going into Barbershop Leads to Drug Bust

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THIS JUST IN

A prisoner who escaped from the surgical ward of Bang Lamung Hospital after undergoing surgery for a penis infection on Saturday has been recaptured, the Department of Corrections announced on Sunday.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

One-armed baboon escapes northern Ontario home, bites local resident

(Thanks to The Perts)

DEPENDS ON WHO GOT STUNG

Should you pee on a Man-o-war sting?

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN CANADIAN SPORTS

Canadian cyclist rides nearly 81 miles hands-free

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS

A poop pep talk from Cowboys QB Dak Prescott.

(Thanks to Fred Preller)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE LISTERINE

Chinese garlic is a national security risk, says US senator

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

JUST IN TIME FOR HOLIDAY GIFTING

Scientists have developed mini virtual reality goggles for MICE

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and Ron T)

DON'T MESS WITH BROOKLYN

Rocket launcher found in a B’klyn home basement

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

'HE STILL HAS LOVE FOR HER'

Hamilton man shot in testicle by ex-girlfriend

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

PIZZA

First tyrannosaur fossil discovered with its last meal perfectly preserved in its stomach

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IT DOESN'T GET ANY MORE FLORIDA

Man Arrested for Theft After Refusing to Pay for Waffle House Logo Tattoo

(Thanks tio Buck Nekkid)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

Worm’s rear end develops its own head, wanders off to mate

(Thanks to Doug Shedd)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Alabama Robber Shouted, ‘Happy Holidays, I Don’t Want to Hurt Y’all,’ Then Blasted Bear Spray — so Store Owner Shot Her

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

AND IN SPORTS

Large pregnant sea lion hides from horny males on golf course

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHATEVER THE BOTTOM NEWS STORY OF TODAY IS

...this is somewhere below it.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

EVERYONE OUT OF THE LOCHS

Shark warning mistakenly sent to Scotland after mix-up with New Zealand town

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "New Zealand, on the other hand, received a Nessie warning.")

OTHER THAN THAT IT WORKED TO PERFECTION

A toaster placed under a car to warm up the battery is thought to have started a fire which destroyed the vehicle and damaged a house.

(Thanks to Laura)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Florida bear attacks, takes off with reindeer Christmas decoration

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)