May 25, 2019

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

US Astronaut Reveals if Space Farts Can Send One Soaring in Zero-Gravity

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on May 25, 2019 at 09:31 AM
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HE WAS A BRAKE-YANKER

Here’s how cops used a penis pic to bust NYC’s alleged subway menace

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on May 25, 2019 at 09:28 AM
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ALEXA, MAKE THEM STOP

Would you let Amazon 3D-scan your body for a $25 gift card?

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on May 25, 2019 at 09:26 AM
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AS FORETOLD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

Owners of biblical replica of Noah's ark sue over ... rain damage

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, Chris Elzi, pharmaross and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on May 25, 2019 at 09:22 AM
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WE PITY THE JANITOR

Buna teen rides cow to school to celebrate last day of classes

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

Posted by Dave on May 25, 2019 at 09:20 AM
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THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Man caught filling hotel bathtub up with potatoes while wearing a bra and high on MDMA

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on May 25, 2019 at 09:16 AM
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May 24, 2019

ADVISORY

Don't give DNA to people who come to your house asking for it

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 03:09 PM
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YOUR ‘SURGING IN THE POLLS’ JOKE GOES HERE

French mayor offers free Viagra to boost local birth rates

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 10:33 AM
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WE HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU

Jellied moose nose cannot be found in restaurants.

(Thanks to Chris Johnson)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 10:18 AM
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STAY CLASSY, SPANISH-SQUASH-TOURNAMENT ORGANIZERS

A group of champion female squash players slammed the Spanish tournament they won as sexist after being given vibrators as a prize.

(Thanks to B’game)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 10:11 AM
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SCOTLAND: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Hikers stumble across a bizarre piece of driftwood shaped like a naked woman

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 10:07 AM
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IT WILL COME WITHIN 3 MILLION MILES OF EARTH, WHICH MEANS THERE’S A CHANCE IT WILL COLLIDE WITH A MIAMI MOTORIST

Mile-wide asteroid and its tiny moon to zoom past Earth this weekend

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 10:05 AM
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THEY’RE FIGHTING BACK

Cow Squirts Projectile Poop On Farmer: ‘I Didn’t Even Stand A Chance’

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on May 24, 2019 at 10:00 AM
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May 23, 2019

GO AHEAD, ABET THE ENEMY

Squirrel served daily ice cream mini-cones at North Carolina shop

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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A STEPHEN-KING-LEVEL NIGHTMARE

Teen gets penis stuck in drainpipe and has to be freed with circular saw

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:36 AM
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DEPARTMENT OF NEWS STORIES WE DOUBT ACTUALLY HAPPENED BUT WHAT THE HELL

Drunk Man Vomits So Hard, Throws up Undiagnosed Tumour, Then Swallows it Back

(Thanks to MOTW)

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:34 AM
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GUESS THE CONTINENT

Enormous python swallows even bigger python, but can't handle it

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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DUH

IQ rates are dropping in many developed countries

Exhibit A: 56 percent of Americans don't want Arabic numerals taught in schools

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:30 AM
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EMPLOYEE HYGIENE IS IMPORTANT

Local Wendy's investigating video of man bathing in kitchen sink

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:28 AM
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OTHER THAN THAT, HE HAD A GOOD DAY

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the genitals last month at an apartment in Cashmere. His problems didn’t stop there.

...As doctors and nurses performed surgery at Central Washington Hospital, a balloon containing marijuana slipped out of his anus, the affidavit said.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, pharmaross, John Lobert, David Knight and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on May 23, 2019 at 11:25 AM
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