Dave Barry's Blog

OH SHUT UP

Daily glass of wine is not good for you, world heart experts say

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "This is why we always drink more than one glass.")

ARE YOU TAKING A SOLO, OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME?

Man stole $8,000 guitar from store by stuffing it down his pants, police say

(Thanks to B&C)

NEVER MIND

‘Swan in peril’ turns out to be plastic chair

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS IS TERRIFYING

Giant cat looks set to break world record after weighing in at 27.5lb

(Thanks to coscolo)

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY

House Flush With Toilets Listed In South Milwaukee

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Static Joeage)

FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Probation For Man Who Violated Stuffed Unicorn, "Frozen" Doll Inside Target Store

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAA

A man who sleeps in a tent in his yard while his wife sleeps in their bed says their arrangement doesn't affect his marriage

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE HAS OUR VOTE, DUDE

U.S. Senate candidate from Louisiana smokes marijuana in campaign ad

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

‘IT TASTES JUST LIKE CHICKEN’

As the Price of Pork Rises, People Are Turning to Crocodile Meat

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

ART UPDATE

A Russian artist has been arrested for creating a snow sculpture in the form of a giant turd near a burial site in St. Petersburg.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and pharmaross)

WE’RE OK WITH THIS AS LONG AS THE DOG WAS VACCINATED

A locally-owned restaurant in Alberta was temporarily shut down after investigators dined indoors by presenting a photograph of a dog.

(Thanks to B&C)

UN TROOPS ON THE WAY

A neighbor’s noisy toilet is a human rights violation, Italy’s top court rules

(Thanks to GJ and pharmaross)

NO WORD ON WHY

CAMPBELL’S RELEASES SOUP SCENTED CANDLES

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IF HE IS, HE’LL RECEIVE A FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

DNA testing to decide whether 'world's largest spud' nicknamed 'Doug' is a potato

(Thanks to Ralph, and John Lobert, who says “But will we know the father?”)

WELL WHAT ROAD IS IT *SUPPOSED* TO TAKE?

Florida Highway Patrol troopers work at corralling 12-foot gator on Alligator Alley

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PRIORITIES

Woman takes selfie on top of her car as it sinks into icy river and rescuers rush to save her in Canada

(Thanks to Corey Smith)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Water buffalo escapes Fresno home, gets involved in low-speed chase with CHP officers

(Thanks to Ralph)

ATTENTION, AUSTRALIANS SEEKING A FUN CAREER OPPORTUNITY:

Seek no further.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

THERE'S A 'SHORTFALL'

Condom sales limp during pandemic, world's biggest maker says

(Thanks to The Perts)

MIDWEST DINING REPORT

Drunk Wisconsin Woman Drops Pants and Runs Around IHOP

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)