Dave Barry's Blog

SUMMERTIME ADVISORY

For the next two weeks this blog will be on hiatus (from the ancient Greek words "hia," meaning "not," and "tus," meaning "blogging"). We will probably post random items from time to time, but you will have to rely on some other source for the kind of comprehensive global hard-hitting news coverage we provide. 

THIS WOULD BE EXTREMELY USEFUL IN MIAMI

Mechanic customizes car to shoot flames from headlights

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THIS CLIMATE CHANGE IS GETTING OUT OF HAND

City worker reels in alligator from Michigan sewage lagoon

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Scientists mail freeze-dried mouse sperm on a postcard

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Andrew Mendez, Alkali Bill, Michael Moyer and Ralph)

AUSTRALIANS ARE LIKE, 'SO?'

Highly poisonous cobra on the loose in Grand Prairie

(Thanks to Dave N. and Asher Scheiner)

IT WOULD TAKE A HEART OF STONE NOT TO LAUGH

Little boy nurtures caterpillar into butterfly — until dog eats it

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YES

New law targeting slow left lane drivers in SC goes into effect soon

(Thanks to pharmaross, who observes, correctly, that "A similar law in Florida  would rake in millions of dollars.)

WAS IT A CONSENTING ELMO?

Home inspector charged with indecent act with stuffed dolL

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CHLOE! I NEED AN ‘E’, DAMMIT!

There’s a Kiefer Sutherland guitar.

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

MAYBE SO, BUT WE’D BE MORE BOTHERED BY A PERSON SITTING ON OUR BACK

Equestrian jumpers say horses might spook at life-size sumo wrestler statue

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Ralph)

OLYMPICS UPDATE

According to Reuters, a life-sized emu and kangaroo — the Australian team’s mascots — also temporarily disappeared from the Australian team’s accommodation, but were later found in the area where the German team is staying.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Men who ejaculate at least 21 times a month slash their risk of prostate cancer by A THIRD, Harvard study finds

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "Men have been begging women for help in this department for years, now we have a Harvard study to prove we need this assistance.")

AND IN SPORTS

Cat runs onto field at Yankee Stadium

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "The only Yankee I could ever cheer for.")

DID THEY CHECK UNDER THE SOFA CUSHIONS?

Bolivia’s second-largest lake disappears

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Airborne turtle survives crash through windshield on Florida highway

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

OUT OF THE WATER, MEN

Environmental scientist warns that pollution is causing penises to shrink

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE REPORT

Iguana Found Thrashing Around Toilet In Hollywood Home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THAT'S PRETTY FAR INLAND FOR AN ICEBERG

At least three guests were injured Monday night after an iceberg wall collapsed at the Titanic Museum Attraction in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

We blame climate change.

(Thanks to Ed. Floden)

A GIANT LEAP

Masturbatory aid rocket launches in Japan

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW MPB OPEN FOR CHIPMUNKS WITH PLAGUE

Couple Arrested For Mutual Pasta Battery

(Thanks to pharmaross, Rod Nunley and Bill Hudgins, who says "They could serve 6 months orzo.")