Dave Barry's Blog

OR MAYBE THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO HELP ANYBODY MOVE

Even mathematicians can't figure out how to move a sofa around a corner

(Thanks to Ralph)

FIRST THE STOCK MARKET, AND NOW THIS

People are worried about going back to the office because they don’t want to poo at work

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WAIT... WHAT?

Police find accused leg thief with leg strapped to head

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

THIS IS HOW THEY GET THE KIDS HOOKED

New Zealand police arrest pair trying to enter Auckland with ‘large amount’ of KFC

(Thanks to MOTW and Allen at Division)

Another Version: Gang members are caught smuggling $100 worth of KFC into locked-down Auckland as residents struggle without fast food for almost five weeks

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, who says "gangs I would join...")

SEND THIS GOAT TO AUSTRALIA

Canada: mountain goat kills attacking grizzly bear with ‘dagger-like’ horns

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Nigel Grout)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Wally the wandering walrus is spotted in Iceland

When he's in France, he's striped.

(Thanks to wiredog)

IF WE HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME…

There’s a raccoon eating king crab legs in your attic, workers tell Pa. homeowners

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

World black pudding throwing championships back in Ramsbottom

(Thanks to Ralph)

The winner will immediately be offered a contract by the Miami Dolphins.

WE HAVE THE MEATS

Woman Finds Human Finger After Biting Into Fast-Food Burger

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO

Fake $100 bills shot out of cannon during homecoming are turning up around Georgia

AND IN SPORTS

Football referees trapped in locker room, door blocked with vending machine, file charges

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE BILL OF WELSH RIGHTS

Tourists have been warned against taking selfies with goats on cliffs in a Welsh seaside town.

Huh: The coastguard said the goats are safe and urged people to stay away.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AFTER SPENDING THE SUMMER ON TOUR WITH COLDPLAY

Carnivorous hammerhead worms invade local lawns

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TURNS OUT AL GORE WON

POLK COUNTY, Fla. (WFLA) – A Polk County girl thought she had won the top title in a statewide pageant this past weekend, but the Miss Rodeo Florida Organization has informed the family that it was a mistake.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Dear Dave,

Just checking in one last time to make sure we don't get overlooked in your inbox.

GOOD LUCK, ME HEARTY

This Guy Running For Canadian Parliament Wants Men Not to Ejaculate

(Thanks to Unholy Slackarrrrr)

MATEYS:

DO NOT CLICK HAARRRRR

(Thanks to way too many people)

 

AHOY THE POOP DECK

Nebraska students stealing soap dispensers, toilet seats as part of TikTok challenge

(Thanks to Asher Scheinarrrrr)

ARRRR

Arrrrr.

ADVICE FOR AUSTRALIANS PLANNING TO DO THE LAUNDRY:

Don't.

(Thanks to pharmaross)