Dave Barry's Blog

GOOD TO KNOW

Scientists stuck grizzly bears on treadmills and confirmed they hate hills as much as we do

(Thanks to Ralph)

¿HAY ALGÚN PROBLEMA, OFICIAL?

An investigation has been launched after a man drove the wrong way down a highway in Spain with a dead body in the passenger seat.

(Thanks to Steve K., unkle johno and pharmaross)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

There's Now a Tiny Washing Machine to Clean Your Wax-Encrusted Earbuds

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

JUSTICE

Man fined £425 for 'provocatively farting at police officers' in Austria has fine reduced to £85 on appeal

(Thanks to Roberto)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Snake catcher removed a giant python after a couple reported their clogged drain

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OOPS

The University of Kentucky mistakenly sent acceptance emails to 500,000 high school seniors for a program that usually accepts about three dozen students a year.

(Thanks to pahrmaross)

WE LIKE THEIR STYLE

No one in small southwest Missouri town voted on Tuesday

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALWAYS A SOUND LEGAL STRATEGY

Kansas Senate majority leader was drunk in police chase, called an officer ‘Donut boy,’ authorities say

Bonus Legal Maneuver: “He looked me up and down stating he played state sports competitively" in high school, Shepley wrote in the affidavit, which was reported by the Topeka Capital-Journal and other local media on Thursday. “He stated he could ‘take me.’”

(Thanks to Alkali Bill and Jeff Meyerson)

LET'S PARTY, RHODE-ISLAND STYLE!

Commerce Secretary Stefan Pryor said students will be allowed to dance, but only with members of their “pod.”

(Thanks to Monique)

MANY REASONS

Why Dye Your Hair When You Can Have It Printed?

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

HELICOPTER PARENTING HAS GONE TOO FAR

According to information released by State Police in Schuylkill Haven, a Schuylkill County man allegedly threatened to have his ex-girlfriend beaten up. And he wanted his mom to do the beating.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CLEARLY THIS PANEL HAS NEVER READ ANY SCIENCE FICTION

Studies that make brainlike structures or add human cells to animal brains are ethical, for now, panel says

(Thanks to wiredog, who asks "What if they use squirrels?")

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

....for the Wobbling Muons.

(Thanks to Alan West)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Ontario boy with world's longest baby tooth wonders: 'How did it fit into my gums?'

(Thanks to The Perts)

IT'S FINE, BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Monkeys reportedly escape private collection in Cincinnati, search underway

(Thanks to Alan West and Roberto)

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE BILL OF RIGHTS?

A home inspector caught pleasuring himself with an Elmo doll has been charged with two misdemeanor counts in a Rochester Hills district court.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT COULD ETC.?

Elon Musk’s firm Neuralink has the tech to build a real ‘Jurassic Park,’ co-founder says

(Thanks to DaninDallas and John Lobert)

GUY HORSES IN ACTION

"You are doing it wrong!"

(Thanks to Roberto)

‘YES, BLOOD’

494 Ramp To Nicollet Avenue Closed Due To Tanker Leaking Blood

(Thanks to unkle johno and Rod Nunley, who says “Did somebody shoot it?”)

IT’S GETTING WORSE

People are shocked, impressed and even a little jealous of a muscular squirrel with an abnormally large scrotum after his photo went viral

(Thanks to Ralph)