Dave Barry's Blog

THE END IS NIGH, PEOPLE. VERY NIGH.

Turns Out, Hats On Snakes Are A Thing And There’s A Community Celebrating It

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDA EDUCATION UPDATE

12-year-old girl accused of selling stun-guns at Tampa middle school

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM AN OFFER HE CAN'T REFUSE

Horse Statue Beheaded Outside Suffolk County Antique Store

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STOP THE PRESSES

Chicago tops list of most corrupt city in US, report says

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AUSTRALIA: EVEN THE GRANDMOTHERS ARE DANGEROUS

Grandma celebrating her birthday takes down purse snatcher in Australia

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DANS CE CAS, MONSIEUR...

An 88-year-old man caught speeding at a breakneck 191 kilometres (119 miles) per hour on a French country road told officers that he was late for his Covid-19 vaccine appointment, police said.

(Thanks to coscolo)

THE LEGAL LIMIT IS 75

Police seize 80 alligator heads from a house in Birmingham

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT LAUGHS AT YOUR WINDOW SCREEN

Australian Woman Photographs Moth Larger Than Her Hand

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

YOUR ‘LOG OUT’ JOKE HERE

Teacher masturbating in Zoom classroom thought he ‘was logged out when class was over’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says “In that case, sir….”)

BY WAY OF APOLOGY, THE OFFICIALS WILL RECEIVE ANTIQUE TRADITIONAL FRUIT BASKETS

China Gave US Diplomats Anal COVID Tests ‘In Error,’ American Officials Say

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Mike Leone)

DUH

In cockroach fights, bet on the roach with the bigger respiratory system

(Thanks to Jim Anderson, who says “I know I do.”)

WASH BEFORE USING

'Antique Chinese traditional fruit basket' sold on Amazon for $72 is actually a chamber pot

(Thanks to Ralph)

SO RELEVANT

A mister no more: Mr. Potato Head goes gender neutral

(Thanks to many people)

THE WONDER CONDIMENT

Mayonnaise helps save turtles rescued from oil spill

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says “They’ll lay deviled eggs.”)

‘WE KNOW WHAT TYPE OF SOUP YOU’RE EATING TONIGHT’

Man called Colin Pidgeon catches a pigeon during government Zoom call

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT WAS A CONSENTING PENIS WORM

Woman has fun with penis worm during deep dive

(Thanks to Allen at Division and pharmaross)

MAKES AS MUCH SENSE TO US AS BITCOIN

Sneakerheads Have Turned Jordans and Yeezys Into a Bona Fide Asset Class

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

eBay sellers listing 'rare' plastic McDonald's straws for as much as £5,000

(Thanks to Ronal Troyer)

PROTESTING THE REMOVAL OF 'CHARLOTTE'S WEB'

Venomous spiders prompt temporary Michigan library shutdown

(Thanks to Rick Day and EricY)

CANADA PLUNGES EVEN DEEPER INTO ANARCHY

Erotic snow sculptures heat up parody City of Winnipeg Facebook page

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

Baffled Canadians Spread Reports Of 'Hard' Butter

(Thanks to MOTW)

The Vancouver Park Board confirmed to CTV News on Tuesday the sign from Dude Chilling Park has been stolen and staff are working to get another.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'DAMN I'M BUZZED'

When the deputy asked the driver for his license, Charles Kensill handed over his credit card instead.

You know the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross)