Dave Barry's Blog

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETINNNNNN

Average woman pops 4,153 pimples in her lifetime — and pandemic is making things worse!

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

AWKWARD

Twerking dancers overshadow ceremony for Royal Australian Navy’s new warship HMAS Supply

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

LET THE ARGUMENTS BEGIN

All US states ranked from best to worst, according to Americans

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Aldi shopper stunned to find live SNAKE in bag of lettuce

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MOTHER’S DAY IS ALMOST HERE

Japanese Ballpoint Pen Comes With a Live Parasitic Worm

(Thanks to Ralph)

MOVE OVER, R2-D2

Make way for the Beerbot.

(Thanks to Dave N, who says “I would name it after my ex-wife.”)

NOPE

Creepy 'Eyecam' is shaped just like a human EYE and can see, blink, look around and observe you during video calls

(Thanks to Roberto)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE NEWS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

There’s a looming shortage of tea bubbles.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, who asks “Where will it all end?”)

YUP

America’s most stressful road is in Miami.

SO THE HORNETS CAN MOVE, BUT NOT *KNOWINGLY*

The agency seeks to impose a quarantine on all live hornets, which would outlaw the sale, distribution or knowing movement of hornets in Washington.

(Thanks to B'game, who says "This will do the trick.")

SO YOU’RE ALREADY DONE WITH THIS WEEK

Humans Only Need To Work Eight Hour Weeks, Study Finds

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE $82.56, BUT SCHWAB HAD JUST INSTALLED A SOFTWARE ‘ENHANCEMENT’

Louisiana woman refuses to return $1.2M mistakenly deposited into her account

(Thanks to pharmaross and Dave N., who says “I wouldn't have purchased a house and a car.  I would have purchased a one-way plane ticket to a country that does NOT have an extradition treaty with the U.S.”)

CANADA: A NATION IN TURMOIL

Flood-causing beavers must be 'eradicated,' says mayor of Quebec town

(Thanks to The Perts)

YOU CAN’T TRUST YOUR OWN BROTHER

A driver was pulled over at 9 p.m. March 30 and reportedly gave police a false name due to the fact that his license was suspended. However, the name he provided – that of his brother – also returned as having a suspended license.

(Thanks to Stever)

BOLO

'World's biggest rabbit' stolen from owner's garden

(Thanks to Ralph)

SIRI, SHOW ME SOMETHING SAD

Fancy Feast releases cookbook for humans inspired by new cat food line

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says “Thanks, but no.”)

EW

Maharashtra Police busts factory stuffing mattresses with used face masks

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

SOUNDS LEGIT

A representative of Dollar General, 3416 Montvale Road, Maryville, reported at 10:24 a.m. April 5 that two women tried to buy several gift cards with a counterfeit $1 million bill. One of the women said she received the $1 million bill in the mail from a church and that she was going to buy items for care packages for homeless people, an incident report states.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUIDANCE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

Go ahead, pee in the shower

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SERIOUSLY?

Would You Spend $899 for a Kitty Scratcher?

(Thanks to Art Kraus, who says "Pfft, my cat will scratch me for free.")