Dave Barry's Blog

OF ALL THE PRODUCTS THAT AREN'T REAL BUT WE WISH THEY WERE

This is the one we wish was real the most.

'WHO, ME, OFFICER?'

An alligator tried pulling off a rather peculiar stunt in coastal North Carolina, when it crawled into a donkey pen and tried to blend in, according to the New Hanover County Sheriff’s Office.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Woman wins UK cheese rolling race despite being knocked unconscious

(Thanks to many people)

SHE'S A SELF-DESCRIBED 'AMATEUR SCIENTIST,' SO THIS HAS TO BE LEGIT

Aliens are mutilating sheep in Wales and leaving 'very precise' clues, claims UFO hunter

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEREBY QUALIFYING FOR AN ADDITIONAL FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Woman drives into water at New Smyrna Beach park, faces DUI charge, deputies say

(Thanks to Duane Carrell)

'DAREDEVIL' IS ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE HIM

British daredevil sailor is forced to delay solo attempt to cross the Atlantic in a tiny 3ft boat after discovering his boat takes on water

(Thanks to Mr. Ridley Pearson)

STRUMPDATE

Here I am on a Portland (Ore.) TV station talking about my new book, which apparently is called "Swap Story."

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

85-year-old man arrested for stealing condoms from convenience store

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

JUST BLACK COFFEE FOR US, THANKS

A cafe in the Russian city of Perm has been getting a lot of attention after announcing plans to introduce a controversial breast milk-infused latte on its menu.

(Thanks to Ralph)

GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE STRIKES AGAIN

Heavy rains expose ancient phallus

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THINKING OF GOING FOR A SWIM THIS MEMORIAL DAY?

Think again.

(Thanks to The Perts)

A FLORIDA SAILING LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

BMW convertible drifts out to sea after owner parked on beach

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and Ralph)

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good one. But please remember -- and remind your kids -- what it's about.

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Man breaks in, mops floor, takes selfies, steals cupcakes in Vancouver robbery

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

NOPE

Squirrel haggis and Japanese knotweed reach UK menus as invasive species trend grows

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "I'd rather eat the bugs.")

AMBIENCE!

Seagull scarer in bird outfit helps diners eat their seaside fish and chips in peace

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CRY US A RIVER

Warming Arctic Could Put Chill On Squirrel 'Date Nights'

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

AND IN BASEBALL

Mets’ Pete Alonso hit first-pitch homer because he had to poop: ‘Straight to the bathroom’

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

ALSO 'GOOD SHERRY'

I’m a 102-year-old — good sex is my secret to a long life

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Michael Parry)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Last week, police shared online that Rhinehart was a wanted man for having multiple warrants. They alerted the public to contact them if the 20-year-old was spotted. Rhinehart then replied to the social media post saying, “Y’all almost had [me] the other day you gotta be quicker than that.”

(Thanks to nursecindy)