Dave Barry's Blog

THIS IS WHY YOU DO NOT HEAR YOUR TOMATOES CRYING FOR HELP

Scientists found that a caterpillar called the tomato fruit worm not only chomps on tomatoes and their leaves, but also deposits enzyme-laden saliva on the plant, interfering with its ability to cry for help.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE OLDER HUMANS COULD USE SOMETHING LIKE THIS

"After conducting research and speaking with veterinary staff, the aquarist team decided to attach a block of material to the top of the crab’s shell to increase buoyancy and allow her to stand with less effort," the Aquarium said.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Seal found in P.E.I. neighbourhood gets ride in police cruiser

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

The Medical Board of California said it would investigate a plastic surgeon who appeared in a videoconference for his traffic violation trial while operating.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, pharmaross and Bill Hudgins)

IN AN AFFECTIONATE MANNER, WE ARE CERTAIN

The man said Morgan grabbed his testicles and squeezed them while he was standing in the living room.

(Thanks to Mikey)

THE END IS NIGH, PEOPLE. VERY NIGH.

Turns Out, Hats On Snakes Are A Thing And There’s A Community Celebrating It

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDA EDUCATION UPDATE

12-year-old girl accused of selling stun-guns at Tampa middle school

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM AN OFFER HE CAN'T REFUSE

Horse Statue Beheaded Outside Suffolk County Antique Store

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STOP THE PRESSES

Chicago tops list of most corrupt city in US, report says

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AUSTRALIA: EVEN THE GRANDMOTHERS ARE DANGEROUS

Grandma celebrating her birthday takes down purse snatcher in Australia

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DANS CE CAS, MONSIEUR...

An 88-year-old man caught speeding at a breakneck 191 kilometres (119 miles) per hour on a French country road told officers that he was late for his Covid-19 vaccine appointment, police said.

(Thanks to coscolo)

THE LEGAL LIMIT IS 75

Police seize 80 alligator heads from a house in Birmingham

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT LAUGHS AT YOUR WINDOW SCREEN

Australian Woman Photographs Moth Larger Than Her Hand

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

YOUR ‘LOG OUT’ JOKE HERE

Teacher masturbating in Zoom classroom thought he ‘was logged out when class was over’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says “In that case, sir….”)

BY WAY OF APOLOGY, THE OFFICIALS WILL RECEIVE ANTIQUE TRADITIONAL FRUIT BASKETS

China Gave US Diplomats Anal COVID Tests ‘In Error,’ American Officials Say

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Mike Leone)

DUH

In cockroach fights, bet on the roach with the bigger respiratory system

(Thanks to Jim Anderson, who says “I know I do.”)

WASH BEFORE USING

'Antique Chinese traditional fruit basket' sold on Amazon for $72 is actually a chamber pot

(Thanks to Ralph)

SO RELEVANT

A mister no more: Mr. Potato Head goes gender neutral

(Thanks to many people)

THE WONDER CONDIMENT

Mayonnaise helps save turtles rescued from oil spill

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says “They’ll lay deviled eggs.”)

‘WE KNOW WHAT TYPE OF SOUP YOU’RE EATING TONIGHT’

Man called Colin Pidgeon catches a pigeon during government Zoom call

(Thanks to John Lobert)