Dave Barry's Blog

WE WILL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE NEWS

Butter cow sculpture returns in 2021

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

After hearing clattering sounds in the middle of the night, a woman woke up to find a 10-foot scrub python wreaking havoc in her living room.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

This is the moment a sex shop worker chases a thief out of the store with a long double-ended dildo. 

(Thanks to Roberto and pharmaross)

AS THE JOKE GOES: BETTER THAN FINDING HALF A LIZARD

A Seattle woman says she was eating a salad she bought from Evergreens when she discovered a dead lizard halfway through eating.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

German lawyers wrangle over pensioner's WW2 tank in basement

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Pogo-stick crutches.

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

The Below Zero ice cream machine uses a unique technique to freeze alcohol, which allows you to turn beers, cocktails and even spirits into delicious soft-serve ice cream.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

OMAHA: HOTBED OF TERRORISM

Council Bluffs park hit by repeat bubble vandals

(Thanks to pharmaross)

We saw them open for the Troggs.

THEN STRAIGHT TO THE ER

Woman Celebrates 50th Wedding Anniversary By Drinking 50-Year-Old Coors

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE LABOR SHORTAGE IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

2 dogs, no driver found in tractor-trailer that crashed into Braintree home, neighbor says

(Thanks to Ann Farr)

ALWAYS CONSULT THE TIDE TABLES BEFORE DRIVING AT NIGHT

Tesla's Full Self-Driving Feature Mistakes Moon For Yellow Traffic Light

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "This is probably a good thing.")

DO NOT MESS WITH MOM

Mother makes roadblock to force drivers to stop at her children's lemonade stand

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS WILL ACTUALLY IMPROVE THE OVERALL BQE EXPERIENCE

The BQE Is Covered In Peppers Following Major Crash

(Thanks to Ashe Scheiner)

THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO CONVICT HIM

Michelangelo's fingerprint possibly found on butt of wax statue

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

‘CHASE YOUR DREAMS’

The Flagler County Sheriff's Office said a strange vessel washed ashore on Saturday morning. It turned out to be a Central Florida man who was ‘walking on water’ for charity. 

(Thanks to Dave N.)

'DON'T MESS WITH US'

A group of Gisborne "hero nannies" sprang into action, wielding chairs, handbags and kicking over tables, to fight off two wannabe thieves who tried to rob them of $700 during their bingo night.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

HENCE THE NAME

In-flight lightning strike grounds 2 F-35B Lightning II jets

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Couple's anniversary dinner interrupted when nudist cruise pulls up beside them

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

Note that this blog is not making note of the name of the male member (Hah!) of the couple.

'I DON'T KNOW IF HE WAS PRETENDING TO BE A BADASS OR SOMETHING'

O'Riley's Uptown Tavern customer accidentally shoots himself while showing off gun

Guess the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE HIS SMARTPHONE PRIVILEGES

14-Year-Old Forced to Do House Chores Reports His Father to Police for “Illegal Child Labor”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Ministers have privately pointed to evidence that Covid could be spread by people breaking wind in confined spaces such as lavatories.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)