Dave Barry's Blog

SPORTS NEWS FROM DOWN UNDER

‘Abnormally Large Testicles’ Lead To Sale Of Australian Racehorse

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS JUST IN

Giant snow penis appears in Swedish town

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE POLICE

Woman calls police after arriving too late for McDonald’s drive-thru breakfast

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede)

WE HOPE THEY KNOW WHO THEY’RE MESSING WITH

Navy to continue bombing in Florida

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: KENNESAW, GA.

"After a quick investigation, we located the turkey that was holding up traffic…..literally a turkey."

Needless to say it produced a valid Florida driver’s license.

(Thanks to Ralph) 

Journalism Question: Is there some rule requiring that EVERY news story involving a bird MUST include some play on the words “foul” and “fowl?” 

IT BIT THE MOTOR

Boat captain pets great white shark off Pinellas coast

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

AMERICA DEMANDS AN ANSWER

Do Testicles Have Taste Buds?

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NOW THIS IS WHAT WE CALL INITIATIVE

Gwinnett County Police Detectives arrested a 19-year-old man after he scammed over $980,000 from Kroger.

In two weeks.

(Thanks to Dave N, who says “In the old days we’d just shove steaks into our pants and walk out.”)

TWIT

Prince Charles is celebrating Red Squirrel Appreciation Day!

"As you will all know so well, these charming and intelligent creatures never fail to delight," Charles, 72, wrote. "I take enormous pleasure in having them around – and in! – the house when I am at home in Scotland.

(Thanks to B’game)

Somebody needs to tell the prince: Toronto woman finds knife-wielding squirrel in back yard

(Thanks to Doc Occ)

'AUTO BREWERY SYNDROME'

Man gets drunk WITHOUT boozing as bizarre condition turns cake into alcohol inside his stomach

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

TO BOLDLY GO

Haggis launched to the edge of space in celebration of Burns Night

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, who says "not far enough.")

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Naked man driving stolen JSO cruiser crashes into woods on I-10

Huh: The man... appeared to be in a distressed mental state

(Thanks to pharmaross, who notes that the "distressed mental state" is Florida)

AS RESIDENTS OF THIS CITY, WE ARE AMUSED

Elon Musk: Dig tunnels as solution for traffic jams in this Florida city

(Thanks to pharmaross and Woozy Barnes)

AND IN SPORTS

‘Call of Duty’ pro gamer retires at 25 due to thumb injury. ‘It breaks my heart’

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

WHERE THE HELL IS THE SO-CALLED ‘UNITED NATIONS’?

A college student in Norway peed his pants on camera to win a wacky $5,000 contest — but the money was seized by customs officials and he never saw a dime of it, he told the Post.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

Making more money really does make people happier, study says

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DAVE CLARK FIVE

Obese, snoring mini pigs show how air flows through the throat during sleep apnea

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU CANNOT MAKE IT UP

Darth Vader babysuit recalled due to choking hazard

ATTENTION, MEN:

Male Mantises Evolved a Vital Trick to Avoid Being Decapitated After Sex

(Thanks to The Fourth George)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Senior citizens waiting for COVID-19 vaccine mistaken for ‘illegal rave’

(Thanks to DaninDallas)