Dave Barry's Blog

LOOKING FOR A THOUGHTFUL GIFT FOR A SPECIAL GUY?

Here you go.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

COLORADO FORECAST: CLOUDY AND WINDY, WITH A CHANCE OF MATTRESSES

Strong winds in Colorado send dozens of mattresses flying across field

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

WHY THE LONG FACE?

Horse walks into Bourbon Street bar as band plays Old Town Road

(Thanks to  Jay Brandes)

UH-OH

The weird, repeating signals from deep space just tripled

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

FLORIDA DRIVERS’, PILOTS’, BOATERS’ AND MEDICAL LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Machines on display at World Robot Conference in China can fly, swim and even do brain surgery

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Dan Schaumann posts toilet pics regularly for his thousands of Instagram followers

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

YOU HAVE TO DEFEND WHAT’S YOURS

Florida man wildly swings sword at jogger in fight over trash

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Doug Ogg, who asks: “Is ‘trashbuckling’ even a word?”)

WAIT... WHAT?

A Pasco County man is facing a battery charge after deputies say he threw a cup of urine on an acquaintance because he was angry a drug test came back clean.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Kinkajou barges into Florida woman's apartment, attacks her boyfriend, officials say

(Thanks to Another Ralph, who says “We all know who put him up to it.”)

BOLO

Moose crashes pool party, steals taco    

(Thanks to Ralph, The Amazing Steve and John Gregg)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR BOWIE

New Zealanders warned about the consumption of 'sexy pavement lichen'

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE DIAPER WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Driver ticketed after throwing dirty diaper out of car, hitting police cruiser

(Thanks to Susie Q Wacvet and pharmaross)

THIS IS HOW IT STARTS, AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU’RE STEALING SAND FROM SARDINIA

Mother-of-three, 34, who put out recycling rubbish in the wrong colour bags is ARRESTED by police

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WHAT IF EVERYBODY DID IT?

French couple faces prison time for taking 90 pounds of sand from Sardinia

(Thanks to wanderer2575 and Fabian Marson, who says “The death penalty is not good enough.”)

WE MIGHT AS WELL TEAR UP THE CONSTITUTION

Man fights Florida city's citation for landing a helicopter in backyard

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

A Florida man had ‘a midnight rendezvous’ at a construction site. Cops want him

(Thanks to Patricia Hall, who says “At least he got out of his mom’s basement for a little while.”)

BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

NASA preparing for ‘colossal God of Chaos’ rock to arrive in next 10 years

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WE BLAME SOCIAL MEDIA

A New Zealand stick insect that migrated to the UK more than seven decades ago has given up having sex and become asexual, prompting biologists to wonder about the use of sex at all – especially in Britain.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Plague-infected prairie dogs cause shutdown of Colorado wildlife refuges

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w, who ask “Didn’t Plague-infected prairie dogs open for Three Dog Night?”)

BEFORE YOU ASK ‘HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?’ GUESS THE STATE

Three car pileup in McDonald's drive-thru

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)