Dave Barry's Blog

THIS IS BRILLI... WE MEAN, VERY BAD

A Texas man is wanted by authorities for divorcing his wife — apparently without her knowledge.

(Thanks to Roberto and pharmaross)

IT WAS THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE TO FLORIDA

Video shows black SUV driving inside Chicago area Mall, suspect in custody

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS STANDARD IRS PROCEDURE

The investigation began Sept. 4 when a victim received a call from a person impersonating the IRS. The caller asked the victim to pay $2,200 in Target gift cards.

(Thanks to man tom)

WE TOTALLY BELIEVE HER

Suspected drunken driver claims squirrel forced her off Oregon cliff, authorities say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE ARRR MAKING A DIFFERENCE, PEOPLE

Here's Jimmy Kimmel on the impact of Talk Like a Pirate Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS -- SERIOUSLY -- THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE MARLINS' SEASON

Miami Marlins' Austin Dean shows off dead aim in delivering perfect throw at fans' beer can pyramid

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

'HE'S SCARED. I DIDN'T KNOW WHO TO CALL.'

Raccoon takes wild ride on Wonder Bread truck for 16 miles in Florida

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Of course, he does have a valid Florida license.")

'NOT THE CLOSE ENCOUNTER PEOPLE HAD IN MIND'

Cow, car collide on Nevada's 'Extraterrestrial Highway' near 'Storm Area 51' events

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THIS WILL NOT END WELL

Antarctica scientists find bizarre creature 3,500m under ice: ‘Like nothing seen before'

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

CANADA: A NATION OUT OF CONTROL

Brandon police find intoxicated man covered in nachos and cheese, discover warrant for sexual assault

(Thanks to The Perts)

AS VEGAS AS VEGAS GETS

Dwarf porn star jailed in Las Vegas, accused of stabbing boyfriend

(Thanks to James Flynn and pharmaross) (And Jeff Meyerson, he claims)

SHE AROUSED SUSPICION

A woman bicycling topless down the center of U.S. Highway 98 on Okaloosa Island turned out to be a shoplifting suspect fleeing the scene of a crime, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office.

“When a deputy pulled alongside and told her to stop, the woman replied ‘Make me,’ ” the news release said.

You know the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, GUINNESS WORLD-RECORD JUDGES

Returning prisoner caught with four mobile phones hidden in rectum

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AN OUTRAGE, DUDE

A pot product was recalled because it won't get you high enough

(Thanks to Ralph)

EVIDENTLY THEY DID NOT LIKE IT

A man has been ordered to carry out unpaid work after he farted at police during a strip search, telling them: “How do you like that?”

(Thanks to Ralph)

CELEBRATION TIME

Women can now legally go topless in Utah, 5 other states, after federal ruling

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and pharmaross)

A DREAM COME TRUE

Man will finally drink 'Sourtoe Cocktail' containing his own amputated toe

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IT WAS A CONSENTING CONE

Man caught performing sex act on cleaning cone at Wigan train station

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHY THE HELL NOT?

We demand the United States annex the Moon as the 51st state.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

BOLO-BELOW

The Florida International University Police Department said a man has been crawling underneath tables at the FIU Library to take a whiff at feet.

(Thanks to pharmaross)