Dave Barry's Blog

IF YOU WATCH ONLY ONE COLA AD CREATED BY PEOPLE ON DRUGS THIS YEAR

Make it this one.

(Thanks to Rachel Manteuffel)

IT'S OUR VERSION OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS

Falling iguanas and lazy snakes expected in Florida as cold front moves in

(Thanks to B'game)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Indonesia Burned Hundreds of Sex Toys Amid Spiking Demand

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE NEWS FROM NEW ZEALAND

A ceramic dildo-making workshop has caused a relationship breakdown in the senior ranks of a Wellington’s potters’ association.

This has been The News From New Zealand.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA MARINE REPORT

A person talking a walk on a Central Florida Beach the day before Thanksgiving stumbled upon almost 70 pounds of cocaine that washed up on the shore, according to the U.S. Border Patrol.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Asher Scheiner)

GUYS IN ACTION

Earlier this month a Taiwanese man found himself having to put his new PlayStation 5 (PS5) up for sale after his wife caught on to his attempt to pass it off as an air purifier.

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE FAILED THE BREATHALYZER TEST

A Policeman Was Arrested for Allegedly Accepting Onions as a Bribe

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW PARACHUTING BEAVERS OPEN FOR THE KINKS

In 1948, Idaho Officials Sent 76 Beavers Parachuting Into Idaho’s Wilderness

True Fact: The test beaver was called Geronimo.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

Update: According to commenter "wiredog" (that is not his real name; his real name is "wirecat") an account of this historic event has already been posted on this blog. judi will of course be fired, assuming we can find out where she currently is.

LIKE EVERY OTHER AIR TRAVELER

Giant pandas slept, snacked and passed gas on flight home

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE

Va. woman charged after opening fire on suspected drunk driver who crashed in her backyard

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Authorities arrested a wanted fugitive Friday in Baxter County after he crashed his motorcycle into a deputy’s patrol car.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PLANNING A SWIM IN AUSTRALIAN WATERS?

Carry a camera.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

COUNT THIS BLOG AMONG THE FAITHFUL

Tequila bar applies to become church to skirt COVID-19 lockdown rules

(Thanks to Le Petomane, pharmaross and Ralph)

HE WILL OF COURSE BE GRANTED A FLORIDA CAPTAIN'S LICENSE

Drunk boater in Naples gives ‘poop deck’ new meaning…

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ASK MISTER LANGUAGE PERSON

I have a question for Mr. Language Person.

The question is: is there a difference between a Clusterf#$% and a Sh@# Show?

Thank you for your masterful use and explanation of all things “wordy”.

With warmest regards,   Susan Kosturik, Dawsonville, GA

Dear Susan:

Yes, there is.

Warmest Human Regards,

Mister Language Person

WE NEED TO STOP DOING STUDIES

Otter penis bones are becoming less dense and more breakable due to toxic chemicals trickling into rivers from oil hubs in Canada - and it could have the same impact on human men, study reveals

(Thanks to Michael Moyer and pharmaross)

THE SEVENTIES....

...every bit as tasteful as you remember.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TMI

Why I’m Embracing Peeing Outside

(Thanks to Matt Filar, who says, "Embracing?")

WORKS FOR US

Cambodian villagers trust magic scarecrows to ward off coronavirus

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

A PENNILESS fisherman has stumbled on possibly the world's biggest blob of rare whale vomit - worth an astonishing £2.4million.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)