Dave Barry's Blog

IF THERE WERE ONLY ONE EAGLES FAN IN THE STADIUM, HE WOULD FIGHT HIMSELF

Here's video of Eagles fans throwing violent haymakers at each other while breaking every COVID-19 protocol in the book during Philly's loss to Baltimore on Sunday.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:08 p.m. A pig reported to be “pretty friendly” was on the loose near a fast food restaurant.

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

WE'LL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE AWFUL NEWS

Celebrity star Betelgeuse is smaller and closer to us than we thought

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "Yet another 2020 disappointment.")

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM...

Florida woman keeps telling police her name is "My butt just farted" during arrest

Here's What Makes This a Quintessential Florida Story: ...she had her last name tattooed on her back...

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

Sheriff's deputies say a man accidentally destroyed a trailer home in a fire while he was trying to scare away a family of raccoons.

Shocker: "...a 38 year old male who had been using narcotics..."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE'D HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF HE'D USED ROQUEFORT

Naked teen taken into custody after damaging Topeka business, covering himself in ranch dressing & crashing car

(Thanks to pharmaross and Kevin Smith)

LASSIE COME... OH, THERE YOU ARE

Police rescue 'missing' dog that was stuck under owner's reclining chair for two days

(Thanks to maryann, who notes that "It's always the last place you look.")

WE MISS 2019

The Flaming Lips performed a concert with the band and fans encased in plastic bubbles

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SOMETIMES WE WONDER HOW SOCIETY COULD HAVE FUNCTIONED BEFORE WE HAD THE INTERNET

A woman from New York recently showed off how a pair of pants that she bought made an embarrassing noise when she bent down. A video she posted to show the pants making the noise apparently clicked with users and it quickly went viral.

(Thanks to John Lobert, Emily, Leslie and w, and pharmaross)

SO IT'S MONDAY...

...and perhaps you are not looking forward to the work week. If that's the case, you might take some comfort in this song by Mac McAnally, a pretty darned wonderful songwriter.

(Thanks to Mr. Greg Iles for sending me this link.)

WHAT'S THAT GLOW?

You can visit a theme park in Germany - built in a former nuclear power plant

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Palacios told a deputy the Porsche 911 Turbo is a fast car and cannot go slow after “burning out” pulling away from a stoplight and reaching speeds over 100 mph.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

The Lyon County Sheriff’s Office arrested a man after he was found living in the ceiling of the Raley’s grocery store in Fernley.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW DISTURBING TWINKIE OPEN FOR BIG PILE OF EELS

A Disturbing Twinkie That Has, So Far, Defied Science

(Thanks to Ranald Adams and Suzie Q Wacvet)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

GUY MANAGES TO RUN DOOM ON A GRAPHING CALCULATOR POWERED BY 700 POTATO PIECES

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "If this guy doesn’t deserve a Nobel Prize, nobody does.")

ALSO THE MUSIC IS WORSE

In other words, people today are about 10 percent heavier than people were in the 1980s, even if they follow the exact same diet and exercise plans.

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE WHO

‘Big pile’ of eels dumped in NYC park; impact not yet known

(Thanks to Ralph, Asher Scheiner and vee)

NOT UNHINGED AT ALL!

News Anchor Threatens to Murder Alaska Mayor After Their Texting Affair

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Send her to Washington.")

IN THAT CASE, SIR, PLEASE RESUME POUNDING THE SKINS

Man accused of masturbating in LSU parking lot, claims he was playing 'air drums' in his truck

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

OK, THIS IS BRILLIANT

Florida janitor turns heads with leaf blower-powered vehicle

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)