Dave Barry's Blog

SO SHOULD WE PRACTICE, JUST IN CASE?

Mammals can breathe through anus in emergencies

(Thanks to Rick Day, ImNotDave and Michael Moyer)

'HOW WAS THE SUPERMARKET, DEAR?'

Wild boar surround woman near Rome and steal food shopping

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

GET READY FOR THE DASHBOARD TO BE PUNCHED

Get Ready for In-Car Ads

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Stretch of I-80 in Omaha gets a little slick because of animal guts

(Thanks to Steve Bradford)

THEY ALL PRODUCED VALID ETC.

About 100 chickens recovered after breaking loose on I-10 in Escambia County

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

AFTER SOMEONE ORDERED 750 CARROTS FROM ROOM SERVICE

47 rabbits rescued from Schaumburg hotel room

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ONE DOWN, EIGHT TO GO

Chicago cat fleeing fire survives 5-story jump, walks off

(Thanks to Dave N. and EricY)

ALWAYS A DANGEROUS AISLE

Responding to a report of a disturbance in the potato chip aisle of a Walmart in Ohio, police Tuesday arrested a Cleveland woman for allegedly striking a female victim in the face with a 10-pound log of ground beef.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAN WILDLIFE REPORT

Large Python Snake Found Hidden in Toilet Rolls in Family Bathroom

Australian woman finds fish with wedding ring around neck

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Student designs ‘third eye’ so you can walk and text at the same time

(Thanks to Ralph)

DON'T BE FOOLED BY IMITATIONS

“Only the Polytron reduces an entire mouse to a soup-like homogenate in 30 seconds"

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

BUT IT WILL WARD OFF HOUSEGUESTS

People in India warned smearing themselves in cow poo will not fight Covid

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE WE DON'T ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

Russia Is Going to Try to Clone an Army of 3,000-Year-Old Scythian Warriors

(Thanks to John Gregg)

NO WORRIES, MATE, THE SNAKES’LL GET ’EM

Horrifying video shows mice 'raining' from sky as 'biblical plague' sweeps Australia

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, Ranald Adams, Barry Nester and Michael Parry)

STEP UP, FELLOWS

Tyson blames underperforming roosters for US chicken shortage

(Thanks to Death Row Doc, pharmaross, Bill Hudgins, Roberto and Marie Bentley, who says she saw Underperforming Roosters open for Flock of Seagulls)

ATTENTION, CONSUMERS:

'Do not fill plastic bags with gasoline'

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

WHO’S UP FOR DIVING OFF THE COAST OF FLORIDA?

Pass.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Study Finds Ghost Forest ‘Tree Farts’ Contribute to Greenhouse Gas Emissions

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOA

A Zimbabwean father who has 16 wives and 151 children has revealed he follows a strict four-times-a-night sex schedule to help keep his family growing.

(Thanks to Roberto)

MOTHER'S DAY IN LONE ROCK, WIS.

During a disturbance yesterday afternoon, a 43-year-old woman was tased in the neck by her son, who was upset “because he could not find his phone,” according to police.

(Thanks to pharmaross)