Dave Barry's Blog

ALWAYS CONSULT THE TIDE TABLES BEFORE DRIVING AT NIGHT

Tesla's Full Self-Driving Feature Mistakes Moon For Yellow Traffic Light

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "This is probably a good thing.")

DO NOT MESS WITH MOM

Mother makes roadblock to force drivers to stop at her children's lemonade stand

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS WILL ACTUALLY IMPROVE THE OVERALL BQE EXPERIENCE

The BQE Is Covered In Peppers Following Major Crash

(Thanks to Ashe Scheiner)

THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO CONVICT HIM

Michelangelo's fingerprint possibly found on butt of wax statue

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

‘CHASE YOUR DREAMS’

The Flagler County Sheriff's Office said a strange vessel washed ashore on Saturday morning. It turned out to be a Central Florida man who was ‘walking on water’ for charity. 

(Thanks to Dave N.)

'DON'T MESS WITH US'

A group of Gisborne "hero nannies" sprang into action, wielding chairs, handbags and kicking over tables, to fight off two wannabe thieves who tried to rob them of $700 during their bingo night.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

HENCE THE NAME

In-flight lightning strike grounds 2 F-35B Lightning II jets

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Couple's anniversary dinner interrupted when nudist cruise pulls up beside them

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

Note that this blog is not making note of the name of the male member (Hah!) of the couple.

'I DON'T KNOW IF HE WAS PRETENDING TO BE A BADASS OR SOMETHING'

O'Riley's Uptown Tavern customer accidentally shoots himself while showing off gun

Guess the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE HIS SMARTPHONE PRIVILEGES

14-Year-Old Forced to Do House Chores Reports His Father to Police for “Illegal Child Labor”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Ministers have privately pointed to evidence that Covid could be spread by people breaking wind in confined spaces such as lavatories.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WHO SAYS NEBRASKA ISN'T EXCITING?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "There will be some sore winners.")

PROBABLY NOT WHAT THEY HAD IN MIND WHEN THEY DECIDED TO BECOME FIREFIGHTERS

Fire crews called to Huddersfield Royal Infirmary to cut metal ring off man's penis

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

California man busted in stolen porta-potty truck

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

6:19 p.m. Someone’s dog threw up.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Mary Smith)

IS THAT BAD?

Woman Completely Filled Her Car's Engine With Water

Advisory: Certain words.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TRAVELING TO VIETNAM?

Keep an eye on the kids,

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

How Trying to Secretly Fart Landed Me In The Hospital

THIS BLOG’S BRAIN MUST BE THE SIZE OF A PRUNE PIT

Too much coffee can cause your brain to shrink

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says “Yet another study says beer will increase your intelligence, which we know to be true: Who doesn't feel smarter after a few beers?”)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING GIANT, BUT VALID, FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

US border agents seize 15 giant snails

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "They didn't get far on foot.")