Dave Barry's Blog

ADVICE FOR AUSTRALIANS PLANNING TO DO THE LAUNDRY:

Don't.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO

Colorado town pleads for return of stolen phone booth

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

PRECISELY THE PURPOSE FOR WHICH 911 WAS CREATED

Man Kept Calling 911 To Report He Was Tired

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE KNOW WHO *NOT* TO CALL

Whale carcass prompts emergency response at Great Kills Park

(Thanks to Jane Linderman and pharmaross)

EMAIL TO THE BLOG

Because there was once a time when I cared about such things, I will occasionally still get emails from a group that tracks academic publications.  Supposedly (meaning I have to believe these folks) when they spot my name, they send a query to make sure I am the author.

Here is an actual real life question I got today: Are you the Craig Magee who wrote  "Diachronous sub-volcanic intrusion along deep water margins: insights from the Irish Rockall Basin"?

I replied:  No, you've got me confused with the Craig Magee who wrote about diachronous sub-volcanic intrusions in SHALLOW water.  Easy mistake.  Happens all the time.

-- Craig Magee

'BEPANTED?'

Bepanted shovel-toting farmer wins privacy payout from France TV

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Wouldn't that mean with pants?

TIME TO START HOARDING

Earth’s oxygen is projected to run out in a billion years

The toilet paper will be long gone by then.

(Thanks to Roberto)

WHAT NOW

Shopkeepers urged by police not to sell baked beans to children due to new TikTok trend

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT BE TOMARRRRRRRROW, ME HEARTIES

Arr.

IN THAT CASE, SIR, PLEASE RESUME FIRING

Kentucky man shoots out of hotel window, says he was aiming at aliens

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'COREGASMS'

10 per cent of gym goers have had an orgasm while exercising, study finds

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "Please wipe down the equipment when you are finished.")

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR HEART

Stonington police warn residents of aggressive minks

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A PAIR OF FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Indiana State Police say a drunk husband crashed his car into a tractor trailer not far from his house. When his allegedly drunk wife went to pick him up, she crashed her car into his wrecked vehicle that was still on the road.

(Thanks to Jillian)

WE HAVE SOME QUESTIONS

Astronaut blood can be used to make concrete on Mars, scientists say

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE LIKE 'COME AND TASTE TE PUKE'

The hunt for New Zealand's worst-ever city slogan is nearing its end, and it's looking like Hutt Valley is the town to beat.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

'EXCITING ECOLOGICAL OPTION'

Body composting a ‘green’ alternative to burial, cremation

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THAT WOULD BE FLORIDA

Objects at the Solar System’s Edge Are Being Influenced by Something Mysterious

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THERE ARE JOB ACTIONS...

...and then there are job actions.

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

*SO* MANY USES

2:30 p.m. A transient man said he had a dead badger in a sled that he was keeping because it has “multiple uses.” He said he would be moving along shortly and taking the badger with him.

You know the county.

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

IF HE'D BEEN GOING FASTER HE MIGHT HAVE MADE IT

13 foot RV attempts to cross under 9’9” train trestle at Racine, Mo.

(Thanks to pharmaross)