Like a car accident on I-95, you know you can't help but look, if but for a quick second. Same goes for the trainwreck/90 car pile up called Jersey Shore, whose second season, partly filmed right here in Miami, will debut on MTV tomorrow night. However, like the Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity, watching too much Jersey Shore will most likely induce severe nausea. It seems like just yesterday that places like Mynt and pretty much everywhere else not located on Ocean Drive were so aghast, they basically said they'd sooner let a serial killer into their fine establishments than the cast of that show. And wisely so. According to People magazine, the "producers made Miami look as ugly as Seaside Heights, NJ." And that's not even including J-Woww's wardrobe or lack thereof. But if you're gonna watch, you may as well do so at the Catalina, the sister property of the hotel (the Metropole) that probably needed a Hazmat team to sterilize the place after the giddy gang o' guidos packed up their spray tan, Valtrex bottles and Aqua Net and left. And even though the Metropole wisely decided to 86 plans to charge thousands a night for the Snooki Slept Here suite, it doesn't mean they can't celebrate. Which they will tomorrow night at Maxine's Bistro and Bar at the Catalina at 9 p.m. with much food, drink and fanfare--for instance, go dressed as a Jersey Shore cast member and get a free Jersey Shore Situation cocktail. That's almost as good as dressing like a cow for a free sandwich at Chik-Fil-A, though we think we'd rather do that and pay for our cocktail rather than dress like a burnt, overinflated, puffy, pumpkin.
July 28, 2010
April 11, 2010
Canceled: Bombshell! LIV sinks to new lows, tapping Jesse James mistress as party host
In a move that makes Snooki and co. look like members of the noble class, LIV at the Fontainebleau has apparently tapped Michelle "Bombshell" McGee to host a party, "Bad Girl's Night Out," on Wednesday night. There's really not much more to say about it other than we guess Sandra Bullock won't be visiting the club anytime soon. You stay classy, Miami.
Update: since our original post and column in the Herald today, LIV has canceled the party. Says the club's operating partner David Grutman, "We didn't know about the Nazi stuff until today. We just thought she was some bad girl that was coming to town and wanted to host a bad girls night for the hipster Wednesday night party, Dirty Hairy. LIV is the place for the A-list to play. She does not fit with our regular programming." A-list and B.S. But Grutman, who clearly LIVs under a rock, insists he had no idea about the Nazi stuff. "I swear. I thought she was just some sex freak," he added.
April 03, 2010
Bienveguidos a Miami: Jersey Shore tsunami hits South Beach
Roll out the welcome mats, the red carpets, the parties hosted by Snooki with special guest DJ Pauly D', fashion shows by J Wowww, work out sessions with The Situation, spray tanning with the other ones whose names we forget but, you know, the ones riding on this gravy trainwreck, too, and, well you get the picture. They're heeere, them Jersey Shore kids, and Miami's about to get a lot more sensational, and you decide which definition of that word we're using here. Between the hush-hush nature of their arrival and the MTV lockdown on information you'd have thought it was a matter of national security. Even the details of President Obama's April 15 visit to Miami are less secretive than this tried to be. But anyway, the giddy gang of self professed juiceheads and their molls are staying, just as we expected, in the same place as the classy chongas casting we told you about the other day. Yep, as Miami hopefuls for the Latin version of Jersey Shore lined up to outclass each other in front of casting agents at the Catalina Hotel & Beach Club, in walked a well-oiled Ronnie Magro (that's his name!), who emerged from a minivan sporting headphones and a decent tan. Ronnie was pretty low keyed when he walked past Maxine's restaurant. And then, one by one, the rest of Ronnie's entourage arrived a la the Beatles at Shea Stadium circa 1965. The anticipated (?) arrival took a lot longer than expected, perhaps because they were detained by security out of fear they may have been carrying some communicable diseases or because their stashes of gel were over the 3 ounce limit. If you missed it, don't worry. They'll be here for the next two months. But don't go stalking them at the Catalina. That was just a temporary holding cell before their "permanent" digs at sister hotel, the Metropole, was ready for them. But back to those Beatles. As all this excitement happened, none other than Sir Paul McCartney, a bona fide celebrity with talent and pedigree, quietly slipped into his hotel nearby with hardly any fanfarfe. Jersey Shore could end up being a great distraction for real talent who may actually dare to vacation in Miami for a change. In the meantime, who else will join Team Mynt as a Jersey Shore-free zone? Stay tuned for details. We you know you can't wait even if you can't admit it.
