Scene in the Tropics

Jersey Shore back to Miami for season 4?

Just when you thought Miami Beach was rid of the bad case of reality herpes known as Jersey Shore, rumor has it the cast may flare up again in these parts sometime this spring.  According to Page Six, producers want to film here again and their only issue right now is likely the egomaniacal greed fueling the cast members who may demand outrages fees to commit. Our source who helped us break the news of last spring's infestation says there's no news yet but wouldn't be surprised if they come back for another round of ugly episodes. And people wonder why Miami has been demoted on those "Cities With Beautiful People" rankings.

Miami to get Real---as in Housewives? Perhaps.

 
Seems that the Godzilla or Friday the 13th of TV, Bravo's wildly popular Real Housewives franchise, may have, indeed, invaded Miami in the guise of the tentatively titled "Miami Social Club." Despite rumors that one of the cast member's husbands may have objected to his wife appearing in such scandalous tubeage, our behind-the-camera mole tells us that an "official" Real Housewives promo---you know, the one where the ladies are either fondling an orange, a peach, or something to represent their geographical location (in Miami's case, a bag of cocaine or saline implants wouldn't be such a bad thing since an orange was already taken)---was recently filmed with all the gals in tow.

We contacted our official Bravo mouthpiece who was cagey, telling us that since no air date has been secured, the show sort of remains nameless. But it all sounds like it's pointing to that splashy, trashy, trainwrecky drama-fest many of us, ahem, have grown to love. But first we have to endure what may be the worst of the franchise--Real Housewives of DC--and then the yet to be determined Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, before we get to our own. That's a lot of time to make it good. And by good we mean bad. Like Teresa Guidice and Danielle Staub bad. We can hardly wait.

Casting call for America's Next It Girl: Mug shots not required (yet)

An allegedly major TV network is heading to South Florida on a quest to find America's Next It Girl. You know, like Paris Hilton and Khloe Kardashian? No, we're serious. The call sheet says "A major cable network is casting a new competition show to find the next Khloe Kardashian or Paris Hilton!" All you need to do is be a high achiever and fit the following requirements: "You're out every night and there's not a club you can't get into; you've got the fabulous lifestyle (clothes, car) that demands to be noticed; you are not shy about saying what you feel--and if people don't like it, tough!; every charity wants you at their event; you have high standards that must be met; people aspire to be you and you know it!" Criminal record not required. All you need to do is fill out the application, print it out, schlep to Boca's Lucx Boutique (the Posche of Boca?), 307 SE Mizner Blvd., on Wednesday, September 8 between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. No mug shot necessary, either, just a photo ID. The rest will likely come later if you're chosen. Good luck. No, really, good luck. 

Jersey Shore viewing party: May cause extreme nausea or severe discoloration

Like a car accident on I-95, you know you can't help but look, if but for a quick second. Same goes for the trainwreck/90 car pile up called Jersey Shore, whose second season, partly filmed right here in Miami, will debut on MTV tomorrow night. However, like the Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity, watching too much Jersey Shore will most likely induce severe nausea.  It seems like just yesterday that places like Mynt and pretty much everywhere else not located on Ocean Drive were so aghast, they basically said they'd sooner let a serial killer into their fine establishments than the cast of that show. And wisely so. According to People magazine, the "producers made Miami look as ugly as Seaside Heights, NJ." And that's not even including J-Woww's wardrobe or lack thereof. But if you're gonna watch, you may as well do so at the Catalina, the sister property of the hotel (the Metropole) that probably needed a Hazmat team to sterilize the place after the giddy gang o' guidos packed up their spray tan, Valtrex bottles and Aqua Net and left. And even though the Metropole wisely decided to 86 plans to charge thousands a night for the Snooki Slept Here suite, it doesn't mean they can't celebrate. Which they will tomorrow night at Maxine's Bistro and Bar at the Catalina at 9 p.m. with much food, drink and fanfare--for instance, go dressed as a Jersey Shore cast member and get a free Jersey Shore Situation cocktail. That's almost as good as dressing like a cow for a free sandwich at Chik-Fil-A, though we think we'd rather do that and pay for our cocktail rather than dress like a burnt, overinflated, puffy, pumpkin.

Has Atlanta "Housewife" Kim Zolciak landed Big Poppa II in Miami?

 
Has Kim Zolciak found her new sugar daddy on Star Island? The Real Housewives of Atlanta character is no stranger to Miami men--or women, having allegedly hooked up with DJ Tracy Young several months ago. And while that opportunity relationship didn't quite work out, Zolciak was reportedly on and off with her original benefactor, married Atlanta real estate mogul, Lee Najar. Until now, perhaps. In town with some of her fellow castmates for the Mercedes Benz FashionWeek Swim shows (why, we have no idea and as far as we know there was no She by Sheree show scheduled), Zolciak spent some QT with perennial Miami Beach party man, Thomas Kramer, who feted the Atlanta housewives at his Star Island sprawl, a Chuck. E. Cheese of sorts for the rich and horny. The bon vivant, who's also been trying to get into reality TV, would actually make an exceptional addition to Bravo's Hotlanta Housewives franchise as well as to Zolciak's bottom line, so don't be surprised if we see Zolciak flipping her wig over him in the coming weeks. On Bravo or otherwise.

Photos: Facebook

Open casting call on South Beach for bad girls and bachelors who love them

In an open casting call that sounds like an ad for a Pimps 'n' Hos party, the folks responsible for such mind numbing television as The Real World and Keeping Up With the Kardashians is looking for men and women to try out for the next installments of brain teasers Bad Girls Club and its testosterone-charged spawn, Love Games. Women and men 21 and over who missed the Jerry Springer Show bandwagon are encouraged to show up, photo and ID in town, at Finnegan's Way, 1334 Ocean Drive, on Friday, July 23 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. For those unfamiliar with the Oxygen Network's "highest rated original series ever," Bad Girls Club, you must be in Mensa. As for Love Games, that one features former "Bad Girls Club stars vying for the man of their dreams." It's dating for the E-Harmony rejects! You've tried MySpace, you've even tried writing to some incarcerated criminals, so what do you have to lose?

Valtrex alert: Jersey Shore Season 2 flaring up for July debut

Jersey Shore

Poor South Beach, suffering from that not so fresh feeling after the inexplicably popular MTV virus known as Jersey Shore polluted our beloved beach town. And just when you thought we got rid of it, that virus is about to infect the airwaves when it relapses debuts on Thursday, July 29 at 10 p.m. on that channel that used to play music videos. We're itching from the trailer already. In a way, it's sort of like watching the JonBenet Ramsey story on Lifetime that show Toddlers and Tiaras in which innocent children are tarted up and pimped out for publicity. You can' t help but cringe, and you can't help but watch, either. At your own risk, of course.

Christina Aguilera was, indeed, herself in Miami Friday night

 
Not since Britney Spears went batty in the trophy room at SET has Miami been so excited about a seasoned pop star sighting at a local club (cool your jets Gaga fans.We remember Score. But we said seasoned). But that's how it went down Friday night when Christina Aguilera was seen partying with a bunch of girls including reality show something or other Kim Kardashian, in town for the bachelorette party of their friend/stylist Simone Harouche. Perhaps it was the two together that was such a big deal, or perhaps it was because Kardashian and Aguilera have been seen together quite a bit lately. But what really had eyebrows raised wasn't the fact that Aguilera requested an off duty Cedric Gervais to spin an exclusive set of her hits at LIV Friday night, or the fact that two of her dancers broke out into routines that must have been reserved for her recently canceled concert tour, but, rather, the whole regurgitated trend of famous women pretending to professing their love of other women in a desperate attempt for publicity. Apparently on the heels of her canceled show, X-Tina admitted to being attracted to women in the July issue of Company magazine. True or not, it's hardly shocking and hardly news, considering we witnessed the pop star and another reality specimen, Paris Hilton, thisclose to sucking face many moons ago in the Raleigh penthouse for an MTV VMAs after party. Aguilera, meantime, is a wife and a mom, not that there's anything wrong with that. Maybe she should have just clarified that she has a thing for reality show women?

Good riddance, Guidos: Jersey Shore taking their baggage back to Jersey

Besides a few staged fights on Ocean Drive here and there and some gratuitous bikini shots on the beach, the cast of the Jersey Shore had a pretty uneventful, ordinary stay on South Beach. Like they usually do with tourists, locals ignored them just like the A-list clubs did. We now fondly bid the cast of Jersey Shore adieu and wish them well in their endeavors in the place they belong. Apparently the cast has officially moved out of the Metropole South Beach and are staying at the Catalina for their last night of feigned South Beach debauchery. Snooki and co. spent Wednesday afternoon striking poses for MTV at the Catalina's rooftop pool, where The Situation, who never did pop up after hours at Twist as some expected, was, according to our source, "using an exercise band in between takes to pump up his muscles."  Many of you asked us to wake you when it was all over, but for some reason, all we can do right now is just yawn and go back to sleep. Zzzzzzz.

Tru Story: Cable network filming pool party reality series in Miami

In some twisted attempt to prove that Miami isn't the Paris Hilton of American cities, overexposed to the point of exhaustion and, eventually, obsoleteness, Tru TV, whose tag line is truly "Actuality. Not Reality," is filming a new series in Miami starting on Sunday and based on their hit (?) show Rehab:Party at the Hard Rock Hotel--you know, the splashy show that almost gives you STDs just by watching? Didn't think so. But anyway, joining Tru TV in their efforts behind the scenes are none other than veteran Miami promoters Tommy Pooch and Alan Roth, whose TAI Entertainment will fuel the fires for what they hope will be good, down 'n' dirty reality television. According to Roth, who says he and Pooch will remain off camera as producers, filming will begin Sunday at a new pool party at Finnegan's River, a party that will continue every Sunday for 11 weeks, or until Tru TV has enough ammunition for six episodes. No name yet. Also involved in the show somehow: the promoters at Vitamin C. We asked the somewhat rhetorical question of why Finnegan's as opposed to the already-existent Sunday parties at Shore Club, to which Roth said, "They want to focus on boat culture." Right. And Jersey Shore is a travel show.