Just when we thought we've unearthed them all, we uncover yet another new cast member of the retooled Real Housewives of Miami. This one, Karent Sierra, likes to multi-task. She's an actress, a spokesperson, a model and . . . a dentist. What she's not is a wife, so she'll fit right in with all the other unmarried women in the misnomer of a franchise. We met her Saturday night with her BFF and bon vivant, party animal Beau Beasley, who will also make his Bravo debut in season 2. We asked her what in her right (?) mind would have her subject herself to such a thing and she told us bluntly that she wanted to promote world peace prove to viewers that not all the women on these shows are classless fame addicts with low IQs and Botox for brains. We can count on one finger hand a few who are smarter than they appear, but smarts don't always equal sanity. Sierra, a Colgate spokesperson with obviously very white teeth, says she has a passion for being out there in the public eye, and wants to do right by Miami. She also tells us that yes, there's fabricated tension between her and all the other ladies who, uh, drill her on camera for, among other things, being a dentist and having a publicist. Sierra says she refuses to stoop to the level of some of the other gals--no table throwing, no screaming, no cursing. So what then? "I'll just kill 'em with kindness," she says, sharpening her teeth. That, or laughing gas. Stay tuned.
March 19, 2012
March 13, 2012
Although it was a benefit for The Little Lighthouse Foundation, a non-profit organization that "rallies volunteers and conducts high-profile events to benefit children and their families throughout South Florida," Saturday night's Hearts & Stars gala at the home of socialite Malinka Max (more on her later) and George Wallner turned out to be yet another opportunistic spectacle by The Real Housewives of Miami, namely Elsa Patton, who we are told was overheard complaining "What is this horrible event? I'm ready to go." We can't tell you whether or not the event was horrible--not everyone loves a splashy gala. What we can tell you is that the producers are completely exploiting "Mama Elsa" as a sideshow attraction in order to keep those rubbernecking viewers coming back for more. As for Malinka Max, a socialite whom some say would have been an excellent addition to this cast, we're told "She was horrible on camera." How much worse than the others could she possibly be? Anyway, stay tuned as the cameras continue to film at the opening of every envelope and toilet lid around town.
When it comes to these Housewives shows, there's several sides of a story: hers, hers, hers, hers, the "truth" and the truth. Shortly after posting the above, we received this photo with a comment that Patton had a blast and danced all night. "She danced all night even after being accidentally kicked in the head by one of the new cast members," says our informant. Kicked in the head by one of the new cast members. Hey,the show must go on. Slapshtick only by Bravo.
March 05, 2012
The castmembers of The Real Housewives of Miami continue to post pictures on assorted social media channels, trying to convince themselves everyone that all is swell and eagerly attempting to build up a speck or two of public interest, but we can't help but notice Rush Limbaugh's favorite drag queen, Elaine Lancaster, in many of them, unlike the first season, when many of the ladies were allegedly jealous of her, er, commanding presence. This season, however, producers don't care and want the jealousy. Says one insider "The ladies were so worried that Elaine would appear as the breakout star, so they complained to Bravo, who then forced Lancaster to lay low. Now producers want that jealousy, so they welcome Elaine." So who else will hover in the drag queen's shadow? A third new castmember has emerged and is pictured to Lancaster's left in this photo taken yesterday when the Housewives crashed the annual gay gathering known as Winter Party: Ana Quincoces, someone whom we know from our other job as editor of Eater Miami as a full time lawyer, part time chef and bigtime networker who managed to campaign herself all the way to last year's title of Eater's Hottest Chef in Miami. Says one castmember who is already exuding insecurities, "She's not too exciting, but sweet." That may be debatable, but what's not debatable is the fact that it took casting agents a helluva long time to find willing and able participants for the second go around, making many realize that maybe most Miami women are smarter than people think. And so it begins...
March 02, 2012
They're really trying hard to pile on the drama for the retweaked Real Housewives of Miami version 2.0. First we hear of a "scene" filmed at Smith & Wollensky involving Marysol Patton's mother Elsa passing out or something like that, and now an incident last night at Mynt, the club owned by Romain Zago, the boyfriend of new castmember, model Joanna Krupa, who quite vocally and sort of ironically said he'd never allow Jersey Shore to film there. This ain't too off from that Shore, we're afraid. Says our spy, "While miced last night, Joanna Krupa stood in front of the DJ's booth, flipping him birds and cursing him out. Apparently the DJ had a rough break-up last year with Joanna's sister. Romain ripped off his mic and stormed outside to try to cool off." Classy, and exactly what Bravo is looking for when it comes to its "reality" shows. Speaking of which, we're also told that the drama is so faked, it's hard for these regular folks to act like it's anything other than that. "Apparently, they had a 'staged' employee meeting so that all can see how big a happy family they all are. Everybody who works there was of course rolling their eyes over the hypocrisy," says our snitch. "Apparently even the silent investors made it in, which they never do, [but did it] just for the ruse." Insert feigned Tayor Swiftian shock here. Money can't buy you class, but it sure can afford you the opportunity to prove it can't. Stay tuned for more nonsense (cooking party, anyone?) on the Ruse Housewives of Miami if you can stand it.
February 08, 2012
Proving yet again that Nostradamus may not have been so far off about 2012, Bravo is allegedly, actually, unbelievably going forward with a second season of The Real Housewives of Miami, but, like many of its castmembers, it's going to be a retweaked version of the hideous, poorly rated original. Hollywood Reporter has confirmed this, while Bravo remains noncomittal confirmed it a day later, but we also have it on excellent authority that two of the new "wives" are model and ex Dancing With the Stars contestant Joanna Krupa, who, we think is still engaged to Mynt nightclub owner Romain Zago (who ironically refused to allow Jersey Shore to film in his club), and Lisa Hochstein, the wife of plastic surgeon Lenny of the short-lived Bravo version of Nip/Tuck called Miami Slice. Beverly Hills it ain't, and although Miami has proven to be ratings posion for the reality show network, we hear that the real reason that a second season was even considered wasn't the new, willing and eager castmembers who were harder to find than Bin Laden, but the curiosity that is Elsa Patton, for whom Andy Cohen has a fancy or something. Still, others say it's not definite and it's just a test. "They're filming with these new women to see if it makes it more watchable, which compared to the first season, shouldn't be that hard," says one TV insider. We'd go to Bravo for confirmation, but they keep giving us the standard canned "No decision has been made on The Real Housewives of Miami." Their unwillingness to admit to this isn't surprising. Filming is set to start soon so keep an eye out for the cameras capturing all that feigned camaraderie and, they can only hope, more drama than the first season's slow, painful IV drip of, well, absolutely nothing.
Update: Bravo finally confirmed the second season, saying "The Real Housewives of Miami follows a group of the most beautiful, connected and influential women in town who work hard and play harder. This
season will give viewers an inside look at these aspirational women as
they juggle family, work and the fabulous social scene in a city where the food is spicy, and the drama is even spicier." Pass the Tums. We can't stomach the excitement.
November 15, 2011
For the politically inclined, Blackwater elicits images of the scandal-plagued security firm with dealings in Iraq. For others, black water is just the stuff that comes out of the sink in a schlocky old Art Deco apartment. But for the Manzos of The Real Housewives of New Jersey infamy, blk.Water, as it's spelled, is a way for sons Albie and Chris to make a living that doesn't involve strippers, car washes or the LSATs. One of the young Men-zo--Albie--will be at the Hotel Breakwater on Ocean Drive Friday night along with mom Caroline and aunt Jaqueline Laurita to celebrate the launch of this bizarre dark liquid. For famewhores, no, the cameras won't be rolling, and for RHONJ fans, no, arch enemy Teresa Guidice won't be there either, as she's busy famewhoring herself on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice.
October 24, 2011
As the relentless Real Housewives casting agents allegedly scrape every surface begging and pleading to find some willing and able Miami women for their cruel psychological experiment take two, we bring to you yet another casting, one that combines that inimitable Housewives horror magic with the bloat whimsy of Pregnant in Heels. Audition at your own risk.
The casting directors responsible for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and Million Dollar Decorator are casting for a new reality show featuring new and soon-to-be moms. If you are a first-time mom living in South Florida (either trying to conceive, pregnant, or with a baby under 6 months old), we want to talk to you! Do you have great style, a successful career, an impressive home and the overall life that other women envy? Are you ready to be a mom, but not ready to give up your glamorous lifestyle? Our series will focus on the challenges, compromises and joy that come with becoming a first time mother, while still balancing the hectic lifestyle of women who want it all. If so, send an email to email@example.com with a photo of you and your significant other and a brief paragraph about your decision to become a parent, your relationship, your goals and what you and your partner do for a living. Don't forget your full name and phone number so we can get in touch with you. We’ll be in South Florida on November 11th to cast for the show.
October 03, 2011
Almost three weeks after we originally reported that casting agents were having an impossible time filling some vacant slots on the second attempt at The Real Housewives of Miami, sources tell us that yet another wave of wise women have declined the dubious offer to appear on the show. Seems like the casting crew is going through all of the city's illustrious publications and contacting everyone who appears in them in various incarnations from staffers to pose striking socialites--in other words, pretty much everone and everything but the font and those annoying subscription cards. One woman told us she was contacted twice, even after adamantly refusing the first time. "They're calling everyone," she wrote in an email. "It's embarrassing." Sounds like the only way they'd fill the vacancies was if Michaele Salahi, Jill Zarin and all the other Housewives castoffs just moved to Miami. But that won't happen, plus, the name Desperate Housewives is already taken.
September 15, 2011
When it comes to our telegenic, yet ratings-challenged city, Bravo just won't leave it alone. After firing the first casting crew responsible for the worst TV chemistry since Rock Hudson and Susan St. James
in McMillan and Wife several months ago, the network has been on a relentless, hardcore, yet thus far futile quest to fill a few vacant slots left by Christy Rice (whose ex baller hubby Glen has eclipsed her once again thanks to his allegations of scoring with Sarah Palin) and Larsa Pippen, two of the Real Housewives of Miami freshman class. After today's alleged mass firing (Jill Zarin, Alex McCord and Kelly Bensimon are supposedly out) at The Real Housewives of NYC, there could be more openings to fill.
If TV viewers are lucky, all spots will remain vacant and it will just go the way of that last reality show hangover, Miami Social, but casting agents are persistent and combing our city for a few women insane enough to feign camaraderie with the other ladies and have a camera crew follow their oft-staged and more oft-than-not mundane exploits (cooking party, anyone?). From what we hear, no one wants anything to do with it. Can you blame them? If you ask the casting agents, however, they just haven't found the right ones. We did contact them for comment but we're sure they have to pass it by their TV bosses for approval. But what do you think they're gonna say?
In addition to a bizarre, random Twitter campaign, here's the email that's been sent all over town, from publicists' in boxes to journalist tool Help A Reporter Out (HARO) and, at this point, we'd not be surprised if it was plastered on some bathroom walls: "Major Cable Network is seeking fabulous, glamorous, affluent, women and their families in Miami! Email: firstname.lastname@example.org for additional information." The casting agents are cold calling, too. Said one local publicist, "They called our offices yesterday saying, 'You never know, you might be the next housewife.' Uhh, no thanks."
We also spoke to one of those "fabulous, glamorous, affluent women," one who asked us not to use her name, who said, "Someone, I guess, recommended me to them and they called me out of the blue and begged me to consider doing it. I saw two episodes of the first one and was mortified for them. Who in their right mind would ever?" Well, lots of women, and that's what the casting agents and the network are banking on. Someone feisty enough, funny enough or downright crazy enough to do such a thing and to pull off the impossible and prove to us naysayers that a season two isn't the television equivalent of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.
August 17, 2011
While most people have long forgotten the eyesore, earsore and brainsore that was The Real Housewives of Miami, others the original cast members and gluttons for punishment have not and continue to perpetuate the cacophony composed of rumors of a second tormenting. Meanwhile original cast member Alexia Echevarria, who did Tweet last week that big changes are in store for the as yet second season, and whom we did spy at the Eden Roc with Bravo's producers a few months ago, has some bigger issues to deal with as her son Frankie was involved in a terrible car accident. We wish him a speedy recovery.
In the meantime, as the fate of RHMIA remains offically unconfirmed and the fate of the series is being questioned in the wake of the Russell Armstrong/Real Housewives of Beverly Hills suicide tragedy, Bravo has confirmed its Real Housewives road show for those masochists who just can't get enough and the only one handpicked from Miami to join the reality roadies was Marysol Patton, who joins NeNe Leakes (RHOA), Jill Zarin (RHONY),and Melissa Gorga (RHONJ) October 15 at the tour finale in Atlanta.
"I got an email that said 'hey were doing this experiment' and I said sure, I'll do it," she told us, in addition to telling us there is indeed a season two ("we're allowed to say there's a season 2") and those who did watch (sorry) can figure out who won't be back. "They asked if my mom would go on the tour, too, and she hasn't confirmed, but I didn't know any of the other girls weren't going. I'm really excited. I would have liked to go with Kyle and Countess LuAnn and all the fancy pants, but I'm afraid. NeNe Leakes, Jill Zarin? Those girls scare the bejeezus out of me. That's a rough crowd."