Scene in the Tropics

Weekend forecast: Sunny, bunnies, with a chance of guidos

Poor Easter Bunny. He's about to be upstaged (or poisoned) by the carrot-colored cast of Jersey Shore, which is en route to Miami and expected in town at some point this weekend. Perhaps the bunny will mistake Snooki, The Situation and co. for a snack and devour them before they have a chance to soil our shores. Wishful thinking, because we all know rabbits can't digest Power Bars, Red Bull, spray tan, Aqua Net, Axe Body Spray and Got2B Max-Control Styling Gel. And if the rabbit tried to consume these toxic ingredients, PETA would be down here faster than Kelly Bensimon can say "I’m not abusing animals. I’m just wearing fur." Anyway, we know what they did last summer and frankly, we're scared. We also think we know where they're staying and possibly "working" but we were told if we reveal that before they arrive, they may keep the cast from the gym and No Lines Tanning for a week and then sic 'em on us. Uh, no thank you. We'll just have to wait until they make their grand entrance to find out what places to avoid for the next month or so. In the meantime we never thought we'd say this, but the Kim Kardashian is suddenly looking like Grace Kelly in our eyes (with her sisters as the princess's lesser minions), though we wonder if they'll pull a cross-pollinating Happy Days visits Laverne & Shirley (Lenny, Squiggy and the Fonz were, after all, precursors to this whole Jersey mess) and bring the two reality shows together for one big, bad publicity stunted photo-op. And while they're at it, maybe the crew from "Miami Social Club" can stop by for a cameo. And then there's the Bad Girls Club. And then[Lost reference alert] a deceased Locke, possessed by forces of evil, will blow through here and smoke 'em all away and all that will remain will be flowing, breezy palm trees and a very hungry Hurley. The end.

The Daily Mail Makes a Big Stink About Marc Anthony's Profuse Perspiration

We know some Brits don't love the Daily Mail for all sorts of socio-political reasons, but we absolutely adore them for honing in on the real story here: Marc Anthony's sweaty pits stealing wife Jennifer Lopez's limelight at the Dolphins/Saints game yesterday. No, we're not kidding. They wrote an entire story on Anthony's "unsightly sweat patches" complete with pictures to illustrate in case you didn't already get the stomach churning point. Oh yeah, and they also talk about Lola @ LIV, where those who were expecting a live performance of Fresh Out Of The Oven got a video launch instead which some said, shockingly, was also 'the pits.'  Read the DM's exclusive story, 'Jennifer Lopez's husband Marc Anthony works up a real sweat in the Miami heat' here.

Photo: Manny Hernandez Photos
 

Lola "Live" at LIV

American Idol Winner Kris Allen Performs @ Sunday's Dolphins Game

While American Idol runner up (and if you ask some, the only winner) Adam Lambert lands on the cover of DETAILS magazine, telling 'em "I am gay, but I like kissing women sometimes. Women are pretty. It doesn't mean I 'm necessarily sleeping with them.") the actual winner, Kris Allen, who is finalizing his debut album set for release on November 17, will perform at Landshark Stadium Sunday as the main act on the Dolphins tailgate stage on the Grand Plaza. Show will start before the Dolphins-Saints game at 4:15 p.m. Says Allen, "As a HUGE football fan, I 'm thrilled that my first gig for my band and me is at the Miami/New Orleans tailgate party." Lambert told DETAILS something similar, saying, "It's all fantasy--that's what entertainment is. I'm here to entertain you and if my sexuality is apparent and you respond to it, and you're attracted to it, then great, I'm doing my job."

Her first name ain't J-Lo, it's Lola if you're nasty

Here's a class photo of some of the new minority owners of the Miami Dolphins, taken last night at Jorge Perez's Viceroy Hotel where a party was thrown for Hispanic Heritage Month. Pictured from left to right: Perez, Emilio Estefan, Lola Lopez, Marc Anthony and the team's actual owner, Stephen Ross. Incidentally Anthony and Lopez are said to have purchased a condo in Perez's Icon at Viceroy. If Estefan moves in, too, then something's definitely fishy.  

Photo: Peter Richardson/Red Eye Productions

Over The Hills: Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth Dol'Fin around @ Landshark Stadium

 

So this is how it's gonna be, huh? Seen at yesterday's Miami Dolphins game were the now usual (yawn) suspects, Mr. and Mrs. J-Lo and the Estefans as well as a few new faces thrown into the mix--Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth of The Hills, who arrived at the game with an entourage of about eight seat fillers friends. Big deal, right? Football fans couldn't have cared less. But for some attending the pre-game breast cancer awareness fundraiser hosted by Kara Ross, wife of 'Fins owner Stephen, at the stadium's Ocean Drive Club,  the best thing to do with the reality show posse was to banish them to the hills far, far away. Apparently Conrad, Bosworth and crew skipped out of part of the fundraiser presentation in favor of effing around on the sidelines where they were seen taking pictures of the players warming up. Said one in attendance, "Those girls are immature, rude and classless." Did anyone ever think anything different, though? We guess there was no one to sponsor or loan them their best game faces so they went with what they already had, which apparently wasn't much.