Scene in the Tropics

Caption This: Elsa Patton strikes a pose for The Real Housewives of Miami

Although it was a benefit for The Little Lighthouse Foundation, a non-profit organization that "rallies volunteers and conducts high-profile events to benefit children and their families throughout South Florida," Saturday night's Hearts & Stars gala at the home of socialite Malinka Max (more on her later) and George Wallner turned out to be yet another opportunistic spectacle by The Real Housewives of Miami, namely Elsa Patton, who we are told was overheard complaining "What is this horrible event? I'm ready to go." We can't tell you whether or not the event was horrible--not everyone loves a splashy gala. What we can tell you is that the producers are completely exploiting "Mama Elsa" as a sideshow attraction in order to keep those rubbernecking viewers coming back for more. As for Malinka Max, a socialite whom some say would have been an excellent addition to this cast, we're told "She was horrible on camera." How much worse than the others could she possibly be?  Anyway, stay tuned as the cameras continue to film at the opening of every envelope and toilet lid around town.

When it comes to these Housewives shows, there's several sides of a story: hers, hers, hers, hers, the "truth" and the truth. Shortly after posting the above, we received this photo with a comment that Patton had a blast and danced all night. "She danced all night even after being accidentally kicked in the head by one of the new cast members," says our informant. Kicked in the head by one of the new cast members. Hey,the show must go on. Slapshtick only by Bravo.

Rock of Ages recon: topless Tom Cruise, dallying Diego & Debbie Gibson!

 

Mexican soap star/singer/Rock of Ages star Diego Boneta's having a fine time in between his shoots in the grueling South Florida heat, from flirting with female fans on the beach to partying last night at SET with "a few models from fashion week." Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes aren't having such a bad time either, from salsa dancing at Larios on Ocean Drive to frolicking on the beach. Our set snitch tells us that while those filming next to Cruise mustn't wear high heels, he's pretty cool---especially when he's topless, as is Russell Brand--topless and in tighty whities--who we're told, "provides comic relief on the set." Not so cool--literally--is Catherine Zeta-Jones, a bit of a diva, with people "fanning"--and fawning all over her, though she did laugh through a scene that then had to be re-shot, so she's not so uptight. As for Alec Baldwin, well, don't look too hard for him as he's no fan of Miami's and thus has become an unofficial Tweeter for the Greater Fort Lauderdale Visitor and Convention Bureau, professing his love for the 954. Plus, he's back in NY now anyway. Keep your Cruises, Baldwins and Zeta-Joneses, because the original 80s pop tart Debbie--er, Deborah Gibson is also in the flick. But for many the real star is the set itself, which has transformed a bleak stretch of downtown Miami into an 80s era Sunset Strip. Welcome to the jungle, Hollywood, stay cool.