Scene in the Tropics

Kardashian baby daddy Disick in holistic dog house

After hanging out drinking beer and bantering with the guys in a South Beach barber shop, after spending many nights partying in Coco De Ville, Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy Scott Disick finally got a "job" as the "VIP and Marketing Director" at the Biscayne Boulevard nightclub/restaurant, MIA. Apparently that's not enough, though, because Disick has been staying away from Kardashian at the Canyon Ranch Hotel & Spa far, far up Collins Avenue and away from the assorted Kardashian family drama back on South Beach. Says a source, "Scott is supposedly giving Kourtney her space." If you ask stepdad Bruce Jenner, it's no love lost. Said Jenner to OK! Magazine, “I still can’t figure it out. Again, they are adults. Kourtney is thirty years old now and they have a baby. Mason. Great kid… Scott could leave… Honestly, I wonder about that because I look at him and some of the things that he has done have been so stupid.” Checking into Canyon Ranch was probably one of the smarter things he's done lately.

Real Housewives of NYC's Kelly Bensimon says she needs a man, not a sex toy

Live from the reality show cesspool that is Miami: Real Housewives of NYC cast member Kelly Bensimon spotted at the Winter Music Conference Alize Oasis celebrity guifting suite at the Raleigh hotel earlier today. Bensimon, a divorced mother of two who always seems to appear in our fair city when there are large scale events going on (she was last here for the South Beach Wine & Food Festival), was offered a free vibrator "Vida luxury pleasure object" but turned it down, saying "Honey, I fornicate to procreate. I'm just looking for my Mr. Right who wants me to have lots of babies." When the vibrator pusher replied to the 41-year-old former model, "But you have babies!," the Playboy covergirl said, "I'm no cougar. Do you think I'm a cougar?" Maybe, but we're sure she's been called a lot worse by her fake Real Housewives cohorts.

Game Over: Stupor Bowl 2010 party wrap up. Plus: Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Brad Pitt!

Although Lindsay Lohan's train hasn't yet pulled into the station, where she's expected to host a party at the W tonight for 1OAK, and Snooki's still getting all pumped and bronzed up for her party at Finnegan's River, as far as we're concerned, Super Bowl is over.

With the exception of a few noteworthy events, the Audi party, the DirecTV Celebrity Beach Bowl, the uber private, exclusive, bizzy CAA party, and Michael Bay's Big Game Big Give benefiting The Giving Back Fund, we found the oversaturated celebrity party scene to be a bit lackluster, diluted and, frankly, washed up. What we witnessed was a Febreze-sponsored, Bud Light-lit, Bacardi pouring frenzy, turning compulsive scene chasers into frat boys and girls on a weekend bender and turning some stars into overexposed victims of their own (or their publicist's) self promotion, boredom, or the likeliest, quid pro quo. Not all pay for their gas, food and lodging out of their own pockets, you know.

As for Bay's event at his waterfront sprawl formerly lived in by Hulk and the Hogans, a  motley slew of celebs from the now ubiquitous Kellan Lutz, AnnaLynne McCord, Ed Westwick, Chace Crawford (channeling Gossip Girl costar Westwick's Chuck Bass sipping Dewar's),and Russell Simmons, to the less visible, on a completely different level kind of celebrity like famed attorney Alan Dershowitz. The biggest star in Bay's living room, however, was his massive Mastiff, the object more pix and fawning than everyone else in the house. Maybe that's why we saw Lutz doing a lonely boy's walk of shame across the courtyard and straight to the exit.

And the week wasn't without some titillation. There was the Twilight drama, Warren Sapp's arrest, Jared from Subway, Lutz getting rejected by Maxim, some snowboarder getting rejected by Playboy, and Justin Bieber's hair.

Then at the nth hour, there was Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Cameron Diaz (see below), Nick Lachey, Carrie Underwood (proving she can dance more than a two step) Wilmer Valderrama, Timbaland, A-Rod, Derek Jeter and Kate Walsh at the very industry-heavy CAA party at the W. But compared to 2007 when Cruise channeled his inner thetans and boogied down with his Holmes-girl at the Marc Anthony concert and Mokai, for those of us not there to witness it, sounds like one big Ice Blended orgy at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Which, for some, ahem, is a delicious thing.

Then there's A-list latecomers (see below) John Travolta and Brad Pitt, who came on game day. Better late than never, we guess. But still, there were many more somewhat amusing tidbits, from Adam Sandler showing up late, late night to STK Miami solo and helping staff clean up, to the missing swag bags lifted accidentally by the security detail of Snoop Dogg and Nick Lachey.

And though we saw our fair share of losers, there were some huge winners, such as LIV, which not only had the likes of Diddy, Rihanna and J-Lo, but bigger than that, it reeled in record breaking profits, busting the million dollar mark. Other big winners: the working girls, who sources tell us were raking in $1,000 an hour at the higher end hotels.

As for the Kardashian factor, to our delight, it wasn't as big as expected. Yes, Kim shopped at The Webster, dined with Reggie Bush at his last supper at Prime 112 in a dress allowing even those not in Miami to see as much of her as we have, hosted her own event, Leather and Laces, and showed up to a few more, but she wasn't the most ubiquitous. Not even close. In fact, we think poppet Bieber flipped his Breck Shampoo commercial hair more times than Kardashian sashayed on the red carpets. That award would go to a few people, including our beloved DJ Irie, who we're convinced has a clone to help him spin himself everywhere from The CBS Early Show and the Hennessy Black Penthouse to, well, pretty much everywhere else. Other frequent sightings included Ludacris, Pete Wentz, Nick Lachey, the aforementioned Lutz, McCord, Simmons and Westwick, Wyclef, assorted beefy former and current NFL players whose names are like Farsi to us, and, oh yeah, those kids from them thar Hills.

And, of course, at the Playboys, Penthouses, Hotel 944's, and Maxims of the week/end, lots of skin. And not of the football kind. Thanks for the mammaries, Super Bowl XLIV, it's been fun-ish. And with that, we present you with a constantly updated list (just like that ridiculous Super Bowl party on steroids list we did) of amusements as they trickle in, spanning most of the party circuit in case you, unlike us, haven't tired of it just yet. Because even though the game hasn't been played yet and Lohan has yet to crash onto the scene, as far as we're concerned, the whole thing at this point is, well, played out.

*Just like in 2007, brothers in Scientology Tom Cruise and John Travolta are both in town for the big game. Clearly the two are big football fans, because why else would they come? Certainly not to party, although both did their fair share when the 'Bowl was in town in 2003. This year, though, TomKat boogied down at Wall, while Travolta brunched it up Sunday at his fave Miami hotel, The Ritz-Carlton Key Biscayne, where our spies saw him eating with a sizeable posse.

*Thanks to Grey Goose, the CAA party at Wall at the W South Beach had everyone up and dancing on banquettes, but none as enthusiastically as Tom, Katie and Cameron, though Carrie Underwood demonstrated some rhythm of her own. While the usual Super Bowl celebrity suspects were also there, so were some fresher, not so tired, faces: Benji Madden, Eli Manning, Harry Connick, Jr. and Andy Roddick.

*Now it all makes sense. All the heavy hitters come in just for the game. Which means Brad Pitt can't be too far behind, reportedly already in Miami with son Maddox to cheer on their adopted home team the New Orleans Saints. Last time Pitt was here, he was with his dad for the 2005 Orange Bowl between the USC and Oklahoma, during which time we uncovered his hotel check in pseudonym, Bryce Pilaf, which surely has been retired since.

*E Online reports that Cameron Diaz was all over A-Rod at the CAA party at the W. If we believe the pre-fabricated hype , it's as if A-Rod is impregnated with love by osmosis as soon as he sees a blond he likes. We don't even know if this is worth investigating but, par for our course, we're on it even though A-Rod and his blondes, famous and non famous, are becoming as cliche as a Kardashian. Photo/Getty.

*Though Jennifer Lopez did make good on her concert at LIV Saturday night, when it comes to the press waiting for her midnight red carpet arrival, Jenny's on the chopping block because, well, she bypassed the red carpet completely and went straight in, pissing off many a media outlet which had fifty other places to be besides stranded on a red carpet.

*Overheard at Jim Carrey's and Jenny McCarthy's Saturday Night Spectacular benefiting autism non profit Generation Rescue at the Bank of America building downtown:Creed lead singer Scott Stapp discussing plans to attend the Super Bowl with Florida Marlins president David Samson. Rumor has it the Marlins are going the way of the Dolphins and Stapp's in talks with the baseball franchise to develop projects synergizing music and entertainment in the upcoming season. And giving Carrey some serious comedic competition last night: E!'s Chelsea Handler, who was there as were magician David Blaine, Shannon Elizabeth, Cheryl Burke, Jason Derulo and Mary McCormack. On Super Bowl Sunday, Carrey and McCartney left their hotel room in a white stretch limo with two SUV's and three motorcycle cop escorts. A motorcade, really. No wonder we have police issues down here.

* For those wondering why it took The Black Eyed Peas so long to get to their own Playboy after party, here's why. Developer John Turchin chartered a yacht and took the entire band and backup dancers direct from the back of the American Airlines Arena and back to his Dilido Island home where they partied with Turchin's friends and family, including Turchin daughter Ashley and boyfriend/biz-man Philip Levine. Only after partying there did they go to their own party. Par for the course, all of the Peas expressed great interest in buying homes at Turchin's Eagle's Nest in North Carolina. Four peas in a posh pod, indeed.

* At the Tao party at the W South Beach Friday night, Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter sat across from each other as DJ and Alicia Keys fiance Swizz Beats had Empire State of Mine on instant replay. Thing is, neither Yankee said a word to each other the entire night.

* Also at the Tao party, Chris Rock, who arrived asking for good friend Jamie Foxx, who was not yet in the house. Rock sat with the diminutive David Spade until Foxx finally arrived and, guess what, jumped on the mic, joined by Rock in an apropos-ish duet of Run DMC's King of Rock.

*At Club Play Saturday night: DJ Joe Dert, Tommy Lee and T-Pain all took turns on the turntable while Chris Brown, Keri Hilson and Nelly showed up to look and listen. Apparently T-Pain was shocked that Brown showed up. We're not. And while the irony of being in the same room as someone named T-Pain may have been lost on Brown, it wasn't with the everyone. As for, uh, Pain's spinning skills? All hip hop. Lee's? "Crackhead techno." Drama? "T-Pain went on first which he was so not happy about."

*While Wyclef played a 90 minute set at The Florida Room Friday night for "free" along with guests Queen Latifah and Robin Thicke, our sources tell us TFR made a donation to 'clef's charity in lieu of a performance fee. If you can call it 'in lieu of.'

*Wyclef again performed a monster set at Hotel 944 at Eden Roc Saturday night. When things started wrapping up, none other than Shaggy appeared and at 944 co-publisher Alan Roth's request, jumped on stage and joined the former Fugee for some playful duet-ing. When Roth noticed legendary rap pioneer turned NCIS star LL Cool J. standing by the stage, he asked him to join in and after some hesitation he did just that, doing an impromptu version of his classic Mama Said Knock You Out. And knocked out they were, ending the show around 3:30 a.m.

*Ubiquitous Twilight star Kellan Lutz must've partied himself out Friday night because he missed his spa appointment early Saturday morning. A class act or the product of wise handlers, Lutz, who reportedly was refused entry into the Maxim party Saturday due to a guest list snafu, tipped the spa for the services he never received.

*The Hills Audrina Patridge freaked out en route from LA to MIA when she realized she forgot to pack her panties. After calling stylist to the stars Joey Tierney in a panic, Patridge had her panties, conveniently purchased by Tierney at the ALENE Too Pop Up Boutique Poolside Bungalow at the Eden Roc Renaissance Miami Beach. The Hills were alive all over town, in fact, stopping by that J-Lo concert at the Axe Lounge at LIV where, unlike Lopez, they, of course, stopped and posed for multiple pix. Photo/Seth Browarnik, Red Eye Productions.

*Gossip Girl's resident Brit Ed Westwick, who also made quite the rounds over the weekend, arrived with a group of friends at Coco deVille and was peeved to find out the club's tables were all sold out for the night. That said, Westwick was all smiles after one of the hosts brought him to the bar and ordered him rounds of drinks.

*Melrose Place 2.0 starlet Katie Cassidy's publicist had some strict rules for SushiSamba Thursday night, telling them her client was a vegan. Turns out the clueless publicist confused vegan with "watching her carbs." Whatever the case, Cassidy ate all sorts of things and didn't look an ounce bigger. Speaking of bigger, Ross "the Intern" Matthews was also seen at the Lincoln Road sushi spot and later at Midtown sister restaurant SUGARCANE raw bar grill.

*Party politics: Seen at Sun Life Stadium: Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a huge football fan and scholar who was once urged to take the NFL Commissioner's gig; and passionate Democratic strategist/pundit and New Orleans native James Carville, who even made it onto the field along with--who else--Kim Kardashian and mom Kris Jenner, who'd throw themselves into a fiery inferno just to get on TV. Maybe they thought Kim would get her ring at that moment too? 

*Nick Lachey did much more this weekend than posing with Captain Morgan. Thanks to his and Jimmie Johnson's 3rd Annual Super Skins Celebrity Golf Classic at the Biltmore Friday, close to $300,000 was raised for over 20 different charities.

*This may be the picture of the week in a very twisted way. Chris Brown with Keri Hilson at The Axe Lounge at LIV. Is that a black eye on Hilson's shirt or is she just creeped out to see him? Photo: Seth Browarnik, Red Eye Productions.

 

To be continued...

Miami Cookie Diet Doc Sues Kim Kardashian For Cyber Attack Via Twitter

After shooting off a cease and desist letter to Miami-based Dr. Siegel's Cookie Diet accusing the company of falsely claiming she was endorsing the brand, Kim Kardashian was smacked right back with a lawsuit filed by the doc who claimed that the reality fixture defamed him with a cyber attack via Twitter. The Siegal Medical Group, the practice of Dr. Siegal's Cookie Diet, and its creator Dr. Sanford Siegal claim that Kardashian called the diet "unhealthy" and claims she had a "commercial motive"  for the attack because she just so happens to be a spokesperson for a rival weight-loss program, QuickTrim. Her Tweet: "Dr. Siegal's Cookie Diet is falsely promoting that I'm on this diet. NOT TRUE! I would never do this unhealthy diet! I do QuickTrim." Of course she does. Can someone remind us one more time why Kardashian is the spokesperson for anything other than vapidity in the first place?

Either Wilmer Valderrama's sporting a new 'do or Avril Lavigne's sporting a new dude

   

Newly single rocker grrrrl Avril Lavigne has been making headlines lately and not because she filed for divorce and seeks to deny spousal support to estranged hubby Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley. Nor is it because she has any song out worth listening to at the moment. It's because she has contributed to the inexplicable reputation of actor Wilmer Valderrama as a lothario of sorts when the duo was spotted recently "touching and getting cozy" at an LA nightclub. Possibly dashing the hopes of anyone who thought those two were a couple was a mystery man (or was he?) whom Lavigne was seen cozying up to on Saturday night at Macaluso's on South Beach. Also at the table: producers Scott Storch and Chris Jones, brother of Roman of Opium Group fame.  According to our spy, the dude Lavigne was thisclose to and seemingly on a date with was not Valderrama, but then again, maybe it was. "He looked familiar," says our spy. "But his hair was long, like a Dutch boy." Being that Valderrama is not Robert Pattinson or anyone else associated with that whole Twilight insanity, we couldn't find a recent enough paparazzi photo of the former That 70's Show actor to see if, indeed, he was sporting a new Dutch boy 'do so for now, those who care will just have to continue to wonder.

Who is Cynthia Rodriguez's new boyfriend?

New York media is much more obsessed with A-Rod than we are, but when it comes to what happens in our own backyard, we've no choice but to pay attention. Which brings us to this post. Page Six published a picture of A-Rod's ex wife Cynthia Rodriguez holding hands with a mystery man. Worse than that, they asked women what they thought of the new dude, and one woman bluntly called him, well, "ugly." Not nice! To each his own, and if anyone has any idea who he is, feel free to let us know.

Tara Reid and Thomas Kramer walk into a restaurant....

 
We thought nothing much of the tidbit we reported that party girl Tara Reid, some pals and party man Thomas Kramer had dinner at Meat Market Tuesday night. Like two cogs in a wheel that's about to blow on a speeding train, Reid and Kramer had dinner. On a slow news day. And they didn't even cause a scene or offend anyone.  But two nights in one week? That's right, Reid and Kramer were seen together again, this time at Quattro Saturday, with a large posse of, says our spy, "table sycophants."  Something's definitely up. And not with Kramer and Reid, either. It's the notion of people sucking up to that table that's somewhat confounding and straight out of a bad reality TV show or something. Kramer has, after all, been shopping his own reality show around, Reid could use a job and South Beach certainly has no shortage of star*uckers, freeloaders and publicity whores, so we guess it all does make some sense after all. And in the We Couldn't Make This Up If We Tried Department: Following the dinner, Reid and Kramer stopped by a private house party on Hibiscus Island. The same party where none other than Vince Shlomi, aka the ShamWow guy, was seen, according to our spy, "Without the ShamWow and without a hooker."

Hulk Hogan's taxing new gig

 

It's a far cry from cheering on his denim-assless-chaps-sporting daughter on stage at Mansion, but Hulk Hogan, a fellow Floridian taxpayer, has a new job at GuaranteedLowerPropertyTax.com and will embark on a 30-day state wide publicity tour crusade to help property owners save thousands of dollars a year and ensure an ongoing lowered rate. "In the wrestling business, it's not about getting knocked down, it's about how many times you can get back up. This is a way you can get back up and get back on your feet," says Hogan. Translation: my ex wife is going after my $30 million fortune and I need all the help I can get.

Real Housewives stars not getting along so swimmingly as usual

 "Real Housewife" of NYC, Kelly Bensimon made a quickie appearance at the Shay Todd 2010 Swim show at the W South Beach Friday night and the weather wasn't the only thing that was inclement. Bensimon, who dashed inside to save her borrowed $5,000 dress from the deluge, refused to pose for pictures with New Jersey's "Real Housewife," Dina Manzo. Meanwhile, not exactly making a splash on the party scene, Tara Reid, who showed up with a new guy and double fisted cocktails while yapping loudly about how much money she has. At least, unlike Reid, the fashion show wasn't a total washout.

  

Bottom three photos: Seth Browarnik

Paris is burning

After a whirlwind tour of Dubai and the Middle East, Paris Hilton leaves a Miami courthouse Friday, where she is defending herself, like, Your Honor, against an $8.5 million lawsuit that alleges she failed to promote the 2006 film she starred in, National Lampoon’s Pledge This! which was also shot in Miami. Really, though, can you blame her?

Photo: Manny Hernandez: TheSceneMiami.com