Scene in the Tropics

Get your hardhats ready, kids. The Fontainebleau is back in biz!

 

This just in: a memo from Mabel De Beunza, director of public relations for the Fontainebleau saying "All Fontainebleau restaurants, spa, nightclub and outlets are open for business and resuming their regularly scheduled  business hours." We asked her about the condition of the allegedly destroyed Blade and severely damaged LIV, to which she replied, "Yes, both are open this evening--everything. [They were] not destroyed." Whew, but, wow, that was fast, huh?

Photo: Alfred Spellman

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are coming to town but there's little chance of a train wreck reunion this weekend

Britney Spears is en route to Miami, where she will bring the Circus--as in her tour--to the American Airlines Arena on Saturday despite reports of abysmal ticket sales. Also in town this weekend and it peeves us to even write about it: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, who are doing a make good on their inexcusable no show to the Valentine's Day party at Passions Nightclub at the Seminole Hard Rock Saturday night. We hear that Spears will absolutely be on the straight and narrow, flying in and out of Miami just for the show. As for the other two, who cares?

In case you were wondering what Wilmer Valderrama was up to these days

Wilmer Valderrama and Damien Wayans, the nephew of the famed Wayans brothers and star of upcoming movie Dance Flick,  rocked out at Kung Fu Sushi at The Catalina Hotel in South Beach. The duo along with their crew started their night with a bang at Kung Fu Sushi restaurant and then kicked it up a notch and played Rock Band on the restaurant's Wii Play Station. Valderrama grabbed the mic like Jamie Foxx, who, incidentally was having dinner up in Fort Lauderdale at Cafe Martorano, as restaurant guests got in on the action. Call it what you will, but we say it's a major upgrade from when Valderrama dated Lindsay Lohan.

Mom pants aren't the only thing Jessica Simpson's guilty of

Watch Jessica Simpson Speedfit in Video Blogs  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Jessica Simpson is entitled to wear mom pants, as she did at the Kiss Country Chili Cook-off in Pembroke Pines Sunday, if she wants. But apparently Simpson is not  entitled to screw with the SpeedFit Company, who hired the country bumpkin to appear in an exercise video in 2004. According to owner Alex Astilean, who contacted us with the story,  the company offered initially offered Simpson and then hubby Nick Lachey a cool $1 million to appear in the video. Simpson's people, a.k.a. father Joe, said if they gave all $1 million to Jessica she'd do the video without Nick. 

Astilean says he never found out if Lachey was ever presented with the initial offer. "We knew that Joe Simpson gets the percentage just from Jessica's work . . .We felt sorry for what we did by accepting the final offer, but we were in such a rush to come out with the video," Astilean admits. "For Joe to screw his own son in law for half a million dollars was still not enough, nor was the money from Jessica's side, because he wanted another Ferrari and was trying to get Jessica's trainer into the picture and force me to teach him the SpeedFit Routine."

Papa Joe, it turns out, was also conveniently the agent for his daughter's trainer, Mike Alexander, and tried to force SpeedFit to use him in the video instead of the company's own fitness experts. Astilean said no way to the Alexander proposal and also told Jessica, who admitted to never doing cardio with her trainer, that her Alexander was doing her wrong. "That started the war between SpeedFit and the Simpsons. If Astilean didn't put her trainer in the video, she was going to shoot the video but never give it the final approval, thereby never releasing the video, but collecting the money for shooting it.

"What diabolic mind they had to shoot an exercise video for people to lose weight, but to never think about the millions of fat people who needed this video, knowing the entire time that this video would never be released." The issue? "We are now in 2009 and they have dragged this out for so long they ruined the SpeedFit Company and put it in the worst financial crisis," Astilean says "All the assets we had vanished, we cannot afford a lawyer to litigate with them and they got me at the point where they want me to be, broke. All I was trying to do is make this country skinny."

In the meantime, check out the banned video. Maybe it is a good thing it never came out--especially considering how good Simpson looked back then compared to now. We think she shoulda stuck with the program. Word is that papa Joe forced his daughter to gain weight so he could tell the judge that because his daughter looks completely different now, the video can't come out. And we thought karma was a bitch, Wow.

It Dunst make sense; Mary Kate and Kirsten are just two good schlubs hangin' out

After we reported that Mary Kate Olsen and Kirsten Dunst were seen at The Florida Room sitting next to each other but not saying a word all night, Page Six reported erroneously that the two had a fight. Not so at all. They just didn't have much to say to each other, that's all. In fact, the duo and Olsen's boyfriend Nate were all seen three nights in a row partying at--appropriately--Cocaine Cowboys producer/director Alfred Spellman's Bella Rose, where they drank, danced and made DJ requests until 5 a.m. What we want to know, rhetorically speaking, is, if they don't talk to each other, what the heck are they doing together?

Reid her lips

Tara Reid was laying out at The Setai with her posse Saturday and some paparazzi with nothing else to do were there taking her picture. According to our spy, "She got up and it looked as if she was going to yell at the photogs and tell them to leave her alone, but instead, she was like 'No guys, come here, I want to talk to you.' Tara proceeded to tell the paps to make sure to include the name of her bikini line, 'Mantra' in the caption of their photos. It was pretty sad and pathetic." Desperate times call for desperate measures, no?

Girl Next Door Goes Wild For Joe Francis

GIrls Gone Wild-man Joe Francis was was digging Girls Next Door star Kendra Wilkinson Friday night. Despite the fact that one of Hugh Hefner's harem is rumored to be dating a football player, Wilkinson finished up hosting duties at Karu & Y and joined Francis at Heathrow Lounge  where CAA agent Kevin Huvane was holding court. According to a witness, Huvane "Sat back and watched Francis and Wilkinson getting pretty close while dancing to a Billy Idol remix." We're not sure what's worse, the not so odd coupling or the fact that someone decided to remix a Billy Idol song.

Photo: Ralph Notaro/Splash News

It's Not Posh, But It's Scary--And Splashy. Well, Not So Much,

And the "names" keep trickling in for this weekend's swim show bonanza. On Sunday afternoon at the Hotel Victor, it's Detox with Christian Audigier from 1-6 p.m. And besides the Ed Hardy brainchild, special guest Mel B. will B there as well. Update: Mel B. bailed. Something about being too tired from her trip to Vietnam and the Miss Universe pageant. We'll live.

Brooke Hogan Doesn't Know Best

Can someone get this girl a stylist? Photographed last night at Mansion for the premiere of her VH-1 reality spectacle, Brooke Hogan showed no signs of family strife, just a whole lotta leg. Here she is, posing for the cameras solo and with roomie Glenn Douglas Packard.

Photos: MAVRIXPHOTO.COM 

The Longest 15 Minutes Ever

Kevin Federline should be hired to work a dairy farm considering his amazing ability to milk his 15 minutes. Although we thought Father of the Year K-Fed may have been too busy making an acceptance speech in Vegas where our very own Prive has bestowed him with the dubious daddy honors, Federline, riding high on his honors, has been confirmed to appear at various events this weekend for the big DJ Irie charity golf hootenanny, and it's in his contract that he must show up at the golf tourney and the dinner later that night. Apparently he was AWOL from the golf tourney last year, busy in his hotel room reading Nietzsche. In addition to his Irie obligations, K-Fed will also be the special guest "host" at Mansion on Friday night, which means he'll be sitting in a corner boozing and contemplating Nietzsche. Good times.