Scene in the Tropics

Memo to Sammy Sosa: lighten up!

 

 

It seems that the one thing Sammy Sosa didn't get for his birthday was a sense of humor. And that's exactly what radio host Enrique Santos, so-called King of All Spanglish Media and host of his eponymous show on Univision Radio’s Miami affiliate La Kalle 98.3 FM, wanted to give him as a gift last night. Santos never had the chance. Invited as a guest to Sosa's big birthday bash at the Fontainebleau, Santos thought he'd have a little fun with the whole Lightening Gate situation and show up at the party looking like he got locked into a spray tan booth. "I'm currently using a cream which has darkened my complexion," Santos says. "Ironically, Sammy is going through the same process, but the cream he is using is making him white." While on the red carpet doing interviews, Santos was approached by a publicist who asked him what he was doing, telling Santos, "You can't make fun of him," and ultimately kicking him out of the affair. "I explained to her that it was a special cream I was using that darkened my face and then I asked her, 'How many women in here are wearing makeup?'' but she wasn't having it," Santos tells us. "Was I not white enough for Sammy's party or have the millions gotten to his head--I mean skin?"

Tara Reid and Thomas Kramer walk into a restaurant....

 
We thought nothing much of the tidbit we reported that party girl Tara Reid, some pals and party man Thomas Kramer had dinner at Meat Market Tuesday night. Like two cogs in a wheel that's about to blow on a speeding train, Reid and Kramer had dinner. On a slow news day. And they didn't even cause a scene or offend anyone.  But two nights in one week? That's right, Reid and Kramer were seen together again, this time at Quattro Saturday, with a large posse of, says our spy, "table sycophants."  Something's definitely up. And not with Kramer and Reid, either. It's the notion of people sucking up to that table that's somewhat confounding and straight out of a bad reality TV show or something. Kramer has, after all, been shopping his own reality show around, Reid could use a job and South Beach certainly has no shortage of star*uckers, freeloaders and publicity whores, so we guess it all does make some sense after all. And in the We Couldn't Make This Up If We Tried Department: Following the dinner, Reid and Kramer stopped by a private house party on Hibiscus Island. The same party where none other than Vince Shlomi, aka the ShamWow guy, was seen, according to our spy, "Without the ShamWow and without a hooker."

Snap! Pamela Anderson bans photogs from Make-a-Wish

 
What happens when a well known celebrity photographer attempts to shoot Pamela Anderson without a ring light that covers up all the pinup's flaws and blemishes? No, they don't force the photog to sit through Barb Wire on auto rewind, they ban that photographer from taking her picture tomorrow night at the Make-a-Wish gala where the former Baywatch star is serving as emcee of the live auction. Apparently the photographer was called out for not using the magic light at her perfume launch at the W Fort Lauderdale last night. After a run in with her manager, the photog was told he can't shoot her tomorrow night. No big deal, really. In support of the forbidden snapper, another well known celeb photog is refusing to shoot Anderson tomorrow night--sort of. "She wants a ring light, I'll give her a ring light," says the supportive snapper. "I'm going to take my flash and put an onion ring on it."  

To Chris Brown's one fan: He really, really appreciates you. Really.

It's Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Do you know where Chris Brown is? Why, he's prepping for his so-called Fan Appreciation Tour which stops at Revolution Live on November 29th. Tickets are $31, which is $31 too much if you ask us. Unless, of course, proceeds go to a women's shelter or something, which, well, they don't. Fan Appreciation Tour. Please. Shouldn't he be picking up trash instead of spewing it? Hey Kanye West, we hear they're looking for an opening act.
 

Beach police investigating Dennis Rodman crotch grabbing incident

 

Dennis Rodman may have done a good thing walking in a fashion show to benefit breast cancer at the Eden Roc last night, but when all cameras were off, he was allegedly involved in possible sexual battery against a woman who claims the flamboyant ex-baller grabbed her crotch at an after party at LIV.

According to a press release issued by the Miami Beach Police, "On 10/15/09, at approximately 0230 hours, Miami Beach Police responded to 4441 Collins Ave (Club LIV) regarding an alleged simple battery. Officers met with the victim, Ms.[Jessica] Cox, who told the officers that Dennis Rodman had grabbed her crotch area while at the bar. At this time, detectives are investigating this allegation and it is an open investigation. Accordingly, video surveillance is not available at this time. Attached is the Offense Incident Report."

Download 09-115974Battery

Says one of our most astute readers, "The best part of the whole police report? No, not the victim's name. I'll leave that one to your blog's illuminating commenters. Instead, it comes on the first page: 'victim can ID subject.'---- "No, no, officer! It was the *other* seven foot tall black man in a pink boa!"

Meanwhile on Friday Rodman exhibited truly bizarre behavior when he showed up inexplicably to Christine Lee's at Gulfstream Park for an Aventura Chairman's Roundtable Luncheon. "He was out of control," said our spy. "He got up while they were making presentations, took the mic and started making weird, inappropriate comments. It was sad. Everyone was really quiet. Talk aboout awkward. As for what he was doing there was beyond me."

 

Erstwhile reality show spectacle Lina Fidler smacked down by fashion designer

Had cameras been rolling last night, perhaps the Bravo ratings disaster Miami Social would have green lit a second season by now. Acccording to multiple sources, the show's standout psychotic drama queen Lina Fider was punched in the face by designer Lei Marco at an after party for the Columbus Day Regatta on one of Miami's swanky islands. "Apparenly they were being snippy with each other all day, and then finally she came up behind him, said something and he came around and punched her in the face," says one witness. "No matter what she said, or how psycho she is, and the fact even that Marco is gay does not excuse him from punching a chick. She was on the floor---the wet slap sound of the punch reverberated throughout the whole house." As expected, she flipped out and had to be restrained by three people while Marco snuck out and drove off. So where was Fidler's on-again, off-again beau George French? "He was too busy restraining her to respond to Marco before he left. She was a handful and just kept on screaming." No police were called to intervene, it was just another bad episode, folks, so keep moving along. 

Britney Spears brings home the bacon while K-Fed just eats it

While Britney Spears made gazillions last night during round two of her Circus at the American Airlines Arena, her bloated ex hubby Kevin Federline, in town presumably to watch his kids while mommy worked it, was busy making the Miami rounds, partying like a rock star at BED on Monday night. On Tuesday night, Over-Fed was seen with girlfriend Victoria Prince at Louis Bar Lounge, sipping on vodka and soda and hanging out with Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy, Scott Disick. What a perfect boys' night out. The only thing missing were some fried oreos and Jon Gosselin.

Get your hardhats ready, kids. The Fontainebleau is back in biz!

 

This just in: a memo from Mabel De Beunza, director of public relations for the Fontainebleau saying "All Fontainebleau restaurants, spa, nightclub and outlets are open for business and resuming their regularly scheduled  business hours." We asked her about the condition of the allegedly destroyed Blade and severely damaged LIV, to which she replied, "Yes, both are open this evening--everything. [They were] not destroyed." Whew, but, wow, that was fast, huh?

Photo: Alfred Spellman

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are coming to town but there's little chance of a train wreck reunion this weekend

Britney Spears is en route to Miami, where she will bring the Circus--as in her tour--to the American Airlines Arena on Saturday despite reports of abysmal ticket sales. Also in town this weekend and it peeves us to even write about it: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, who are doing a make good on their inexcusable no show to the Valentine's Day party at Passions Nightclub at the Seminole Hard Rock Saturday night. We hear that Spears will absolutely be on the straight and narrow, flying in and out of Miami just for the show. As for the other two, who cares?

In case you were wondering what Wilmer Valderrama was up to these days

Wilmer Valderrama and Damien Wayans, the nephew of the famed Wayans brothers and star of upcoming movie Dance Flick,  rocked out at Kung Fu Sushi at The Catalina Hotel in South Beach. The duo along with their crew started their night with a bang at Kung Fu Sushi restaurant and then kicked it up a notch and played Rock Band on the restaurant's Wii Play Station. Valderrama grabbed the mic like Jamie Foxx, who, incidentally was having dinner up in Fort Lauderdale at Cafe Martorano, as restaurant guests got in on the action. Call it what you will, but we say it's a major upgrade from when Valderrama dated Lindsay Lohan.