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July 16, 2013

Golden Beach swears in its new cop: Shaquille O'Neal

In addition to hawking Icy Hot and cars, Shaquille O'Neal can now stop cars as an official Golden Beach police officer. The ex-Miami Heat player, who was once a reserve cop on Miami Beach, was sworn in today in a ceremony that included the city's mayor, Glenn Singer. The tony beach town had, as of 2010, a population of 919, but it's money, not size, that matters here. And while the crime rate as of 2011 was a nominal 97.8 versus the United States average of 302.7, they're not messing around in Golden Beach, one of Miami's most notorious speed traps. The connection between Shaq and Golden Beach? Police Chief Donald DeLucca used to be chief in Miami Beach. As for when to be on the lookout for Officer O'Neal, according to a city rep, "I’m not sure when exactly he’ll be on [but] I do know that he has been brought on as a part-time reserve officer with the Town though." As for how to weasel your way out of a Shaq-issued citation, tell him it's your opinion that you have done nothing wrong because, according to the quotable O'Neal (who himself was once busted for speeding), "Opinions are like belly buttons; everybody has one. I never knock a man for his opinion."

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If Shaq pulls you over, just tell him your kid made you take him to see "Kazaam". That should get you off.


more of this stupid Shaq playin cop crap? shouldnt that job go to someone that really needs it.. or.. you know.. DESERVES it?!!


man i would hate to be reading this if i was one of those cops that lost their job due to the economy. although im sure Shaq did receive extensive weapons training as part of playing in LA.


If he stops you challenge him to a one shot foul shot. He makes u get ticket. He misses u won't. He won't have any tickets.


His heart is in it. He has worked for police on online child porn stings, even participated in a (botched) raid, according to google.

doreen buchanan

I am now my grandmother; if he ever caught me I would get a shaqattack!

Mark Oliver

Reserve cops don't get paid, so any one can apply in any city or towns. You give the town or city a free cop for the weekend normally.

Lesley Abravanel

This made me howl: If Shaq pulls you over, just tell him your kid made you take him to see "Kazaam". That should get you off.

Posted by: Cromulent | July 17, 2013 at 03:21 PM


Most cops are idiots, thats why they become cops. He should fit right in with all his antics...lol


The population is less than 1000. Go figure.

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