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May 07, 2013

Faux Real & Holy Matriphony: A Real Housewives of Miami wedding & other bamboozlery

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If only feigned drama caused faux frown lines, the women of The Real Housewives of Miami would save a lot of time and money on injections. But enough about Botox. We're hearing a whole lotta nonsense going on in an attempt by some of the women to emerge either as relevant or, as they all not so secretly wish, as the coveted 'breakout star'. And what lengths some will go in a vain attempt to achieve that. According to our on and off set sources, a huge chunk of drama once again centers around a blog post we did back when the second season came to a flaccid finish.

It all started back in January when a tweet by a sleuth named Beth from Texas revealed that cast member Adriana de Moura (who, incidentally, was also allegedly married to someone else in Texas) had already been married to her so-called boyfriend, Frederic Marq since November 4, 2008. While the news created a tiny rumble in the Neverland that is reality TV, it allegedly solidified de Moura's place in the show's third season. That wasn't always the case, however.

"Some of the cast members got wind of the fact that they were going to be axed and conspired to try to get Adriana fired from the show for lying to Bravo in order to save their own asses," says our reality television Deep Throat. "They put it out there and it backfired because Adriana was asked back."

Lying is putting it midly, considering the fact that de Moura was moaning and groaning for two seasons on the show as to whether or not marry the man to whom she was secretly betrothed. While she won't win any Oscars for her performance, she did win a third season despite her lying to the network and to her own publicist, who told us back in January that de Moura and Marc got married on a whim and that there was a typo in the marriage certificate.

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Let's break this down, shall we? A whim doesn't take 30 days to apply for as does a marriage license. Miami may have its debauchery, but it ain't Vegas. And as for that typo, it had something to do with the difference between her real maiden name Moura and her assumed maiden name de Moura. Semantics is all it was. de Moura is a married woman whether she likes it or not. We can't wait to hear how she spins this on season three. Hopefully she won't bring in her young son as a dramatic device. That would just be tacky.

Now it seems that de Moura, unbeknownst to her, has aligned herself with at least one of the spreaders of the news that has now become her official season three storyline, one that would have Shakespeare rolling over in his grave. What de Moura fails to realize is that her marriage certificate is public record. No leakage necessary. "Adriana blames Lea Black for leaking the story to the press," says our insider. Black, for those who were wise enough to avoid the show's freshman season, was once de Moura's very own Norma Rae. But that was then. Betrayal, only by Bravo.

In the meantime, however, de Moura is going along with her own story, having a May 17 wedding at the Coral Gables Congregational Church, followed by a reception at The Biltmore, despite the fact that she's been married since Beyonce released her women's empowerment anthem 'Single Ladies.' We got our hands on a copy of the lengthy 9-page Evite--er, invitation, which has strict instructions on how to attend a pretend wedding.

"Adriana and Frederic's wedding and the reception are being heavily featured on Season 3 of 'The Real Housewives of Miami,'" begins the "Wedding Reception Dress Code Inspiration" written by "the producers and event producer" Rick Campbell. "We are planning a beautiful affair and your participation is an important part of our special day. Your wardrobe selections will play a significant role in the overall look, feel and ambiance of the scenes, so we have attached an inspiration mood board to give you an idea of the dress codes we are requesting . . . Bravo has become known for their high profile events and weddings on camera, so we want to be sure that Adriana and Frederic's event goes down in the Bravo history books."

Nothing says love and romance like an an inspiration mood board! One that goes on almost as long as this post featuring photos of Sofia Vergara, some unrecognizable royals and assorted Vogue photo spreads. This certainly will go down in someone's book, that's for sure! Oh, and the not-so-newlyweds are registered at Saks. Click here for that invitation, obtained by an invitee who claims they "don't even know these people."

"Adriana is doing whatever she can to become the breakout star," says the source. That even includes her fianc--er, husband, Marq, who has been spotted frantically running around town asking anyone who would listen if they knew of any high end fabulous types who'd be willing to appear at this grand affair. Yep, he's casting for his own wedding. Can you say holy matriphony?

"Frederic is trying to recruit beautiful people as their 'friends' to attend the wedding. Adriana is determined to be the star of the show and outshine Joanna at all costs. She's begging and bartering, all to appear fabulous!" Correction: it's not a wedding and, if anything besides a gratuitous attempt to attract attention, it's more like a vow renewal, if anything.

Speaking of the comely Joanna Krupa, whose own wedding to on again fiance and South Beach club owner Romain Zago will be filmed in Los Angeles, we hear that de Moura has been overheard complaining that RHOM is "becoming the Joanna show," so it sounds like she is going to have to work a little harder than having a faux wedding and a boozy bachelorette party at hip hop hot spot Bamboo, conveniently a client of castmember turned 'friend of the Housewives' Marysol Patton.

Yup, it appears Patton has been demoted. We asked her about it and all she would say is "It is that time of year when RHOM and my life collide." Speaking of colliding, what of Lisa Hochstein, Ana Quincoces and Alexia Echevarria? While Hochstein seem to be on Team Krupa, Quincoces, along with Patton, is on team de Moura. Echevarria seems to be a floater. Good grief.

"It is an extremely orchestrated, fictional account of the demented sense these women call reality," says one insider. Indeed. And one we have no doubt the show's producers will spin into a tantalizing television tizzy.

Comments

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Miss Yip

"If you don't like my smile, then don't look my way"

-KS

SoBe Socialite

HOLY FAKENESS! SHUT THE FCK UP! IS she kidding with that invitation? Why would these people agree to be on this lie? I was going to watch but hell no. Now that we know it's all fake, I may as well watch a real scripted show for a change.

Barky

Why is Lea Black on this show?

Mrs. Potter

A FAKE WEDDING WITH INSTRUCTIONS! LOLOLOLOL. SAD. SO SO SAD.

Stephanie G.

Like they say,

"Miami is a Sunny Place for Shady People" & this gaggle of gals are the Phoniest bunch of broads in town.

Adriana was a maid for my friend on Fisher Island & got pregnant by the owners son from Texas then blackmailed the family. (that's the word on the island)

Marysol is going down the cosmetic pathetic path as her mother did. FREAK SHOW.

Leah is a Snob.

Alexia, Marysol are a 'alleged' to be extremely fond of 'White Marching Powder'.

Joanna is not from Miami.

Lisa is insincere it seems.

Karent is out & she's the lucky one.

Maria

One would have to be on narcotics to agree to go on this farce! What a story. Nice work, Lesley.

C.K.G

No one can hold a candle to Joanna in the beauty department & it drives Seedy Sidi (de Mora's former name) crazy or did she come to the show already CRAZY ?! It would be super cool if Bravo canceled her wedding altogether & call it, Season 3-Redemption. So glad Anna & marysol were downgraded to Atmosphere status they were worthless on camera anyway.

Joanie

The only one getting anything remotely positive out of this comedy is Joanna, who seems to have at least given her 15 minutes an extension and that's only because she's pretty.

Buck Winthrop

Here we go again. Anyone who didn't get the memo, here it is. "Reality TV isn't real." Not a murmur of it. And, the fine print is this: "If you are cast in one it isn't because you are Angelina Jolie. It's because you're Danielle Staub or close to it."

That being said, of course this Adrianna woman is pulling out all the stops to become a break out "star" But, that is a "star" in the pseudo celebrity capital of the world--Miami, not in LA, NY or the real world.

Whatever can be said about Joanna Krupa by these women (and in full disclosure I know her and like her) She is the ONLY cast member who had celebrity status going into this including DWTS and 120 world wide magazine covers. IF Adrianna lives to be 105 she will never be on the cover of a single one.

The demotion of "celebrity" publicist Marysol Patton and Anna whatever her name is was too kind. How they ever got cast in the first place is one of the greatest mysteries of reality TV. They lack even the most basic appeal needed to be on a show like this about a city like Miami. What a waste of air time. Can anyone say "politics?"

Lea Black, who I also know and like, knows very well this is beneath her, but, holds out that it will help her business ventures. Interestingly, she has more camera appeal and personality than any of the cast. No wonder they all attack her. In another life, Lea could have starred on "Days of Our Lives"

No one has ever gotten Miami right. When you deal with LA producers being manipulated and conned by Miami social climbers instead of the viewpoint of an insider, "The Real Housewives of Miami" is what you get. Which, we all know is not either real or the best they could do.

Sandy Boyer

Why did they bring Lea Black back on the show? I can't stomach this woman. My stomach clenches into a tight little knot every time she opens her big mouth. And that high-pitched screech comes out of it. Self-serving, entitled and arrogant, she seems so vicious and calculating. Her *friends* she brings along with her to the others womens charities and events are shady types that her husband has represented in the past. Joe whatever from Girls Gone Wild for one. Then there is that creepy bully Elaine the tranny who bullied Marysol for Lea. Lea was relentless and half of the episodes were of her bashing Marysol over a list of people she was supposed to give to Marysol for her big yearly charity gala and never did. So tranny guy didn't get to parade on the red carpet and Lea doesn't make mistakes so Marysol caught hell for that and would not apologize as she did nothing wrong. But Lea not wanting to admit it was her screw up, totally discredited and imo slandered Marysol and on half of the season she ranted on and on about her disdain and disgust over Marysol and her business as an event planner. She is just an awful woman and uses her husbands power to back her. Frankly I was surprised Bravo asked her back. I would think they would be afraid of threats of suits etc from Lea. The Reunion was totally edited so Lea wouldn't be embarrassed over evidence Ana Q. had about Lea. Ana had gathered the info as Lea was bragging in their social circles she was going to *bring Ana down.* You can tell by watching part one of that reunion something big went down. It is edited so poorly and choppy. You can also tell Lea looks like she had been crying at one point. She was so upset she kept standing up and leaning forward toward her accuser and almost fell she was so pissed off. Then afterwards she hired a whole gaggle of fake followers to comment on blogs and on Twitter bad mouthing Ana and saying how awesome Lea was. Something about how much money the charity actually gets which is available for anyone to see in the tax records, I don't know the correct terminology. You probably won't post this as it is long and also bad mouthing this Miami socialite. She should expect it . She puts herself out there on a reality show. She is about as authentic as a three dollar bill. Why is she back full time and Marysol and Ana the most hated on the show by Lea reduced to *friends* of the housewives? I adore Mama Elsa! I will miss seeing her and Marysol having slumber parties and hearing her wonderful speech. Mama Elso is the best thing about this show. Lea makes the show mean. Everything that happens, all the fights etc were instigated by either Lea or her friends. Joe, Thomas Kramer, Elaine etc. Ugh. I don't think I will watch it anymore. Her voice is like finger nails on a blackboard. The whacko from Waco....

APK

So the Adriana's ex-employer's son from Texas is Roberto Sidi?

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