Things just got real between former Real Housewives of Miami cast member Joanna Krupa and current Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Celebrity Apprentice star Brandi Glanville, who had some unsavory words to say about Krupa and her personal hygiene, among other things. The following letter was sent directly to Glanville via Raymond Rafool, Krupa's attorney, who explains that the letter serves as notice of Krupa's and husband Romain Zago's intent to sue the outspoken Glanville for libel, slander and defamation. Read at your own risks and preferably not on a full stomach.
September 28, 2012
Last night was a big TV night, but not for the ladies of The Real Housewives of Miami, unfortunately. The show's viewership has tanked again, this time going from last week's 9 p.m. numbers of 1.025 million viewers to last night's 0.967 which, in ratings talk means 967,000 viewers. Yikes. According to BravoRatings.com, that's worse than the lowest rated episode of The Real Housewives of D.C. (1.1 million), which Bravo cancelled.
To compare, though there's really no comparison, The Real Housewives of New Jersey on Sunday scored a whopping 3.4 million viewers; Wednesday night's finale of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo brought in 2.7 million and last night's Grey's Anatomy premiere, airing at the same time as RHOM, had 11.7 million people tuning in, according to TV By the Numbers.
The RHOM rerun at 10 p.m. also lost viewers compared to last week: last week's rerun had 815,000 viewers while last night's dropped to 711,000.
Despite the numbers (or lack thereof) speaking volumes and a general apathy about the show, the Twitterverse was abuzz last night over the debut of drag personality Elaine Lancaster, who eventually gets into it with the show's main sideshow, Elsa Patton. Maybe they should have put her on the first episode and, come to think of it, on the first season? Oh well. Perhaps Lancaster's celebrity BFF Pamela Anderson can help bring in some viewers now that she has some free time on her hands after being booted from Dancing With the Stars. Stay tuned. We dare you.
September 27, 2012
Just a few weeks before Dwyane Wade heads back into a Chicago courtroom to battle it out again with his ex wife, Siohvaughn, this time on visitation issues, Wade's ex mother-in-law, Darlene Funches, put out this exclusive statement through a publicist who described Funches as a, "virtual surrogate mom to Dwyane and biological grandmother of those two gorgeous Wade grandsons." We sent it to Dwyane Wade's publicist but didn't hear back. Sit back for this one--it's a long, bumpy ride.
My name is Darlene Funches; I am the mother of Siohvaughn Funches-Wade, the grandmother of Zion and Zaire Wade—and the ex-mother-in-law of NBA star Dwyane T. Wade Jr.
You may have read about some of the
ugly things that have happened in the divorce proceedings, and especially the
child custody battle, between my daughter and ex-son-in-law. Because Dwyane is a
rich and powerful man, it’s his side of the story that is most often portrayed
in these stories. Such as the occurrences on June 16, 2012, when Dwyane had my
daughter arrested for kidnapping her own children. Regarding this incident,
Dwyane went on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” and sat in that chair across from Oprah …
and lied to her.
He told her that “the day before game 3 of the NBA finals, his sister Tragil was scheduled to pick up his sons from their mother’s home; there was no answer. For eight hours, family members were unable to find the boys and their mother.” There’s a court transcript that reveals this version of events as a series of lies.
First, it was it was actually Dwyane’s younger half-sister Marrya McDaniels who went to pick up the children at Siohvaughn’s home, and NOT Tragil Wade. This may seem like a small point, but his younger half-sister was NOT a court-appointed authorized individual to facilitate transportation for parenting time.
Dwyane told Oprah he was worried about the boys when they couldn’t be found. Why, then, does his half-sister’s testimony reveal that she never attempted to contact Siohvaughn at all on that day when she went to pick up the children? And why did she testify that at some point after 4 p.m. (which is the same time that the Cook County Sheriff’s police arrived), she saw from a neighbor’s residence that the children were being safely supervised in the pool of Siohvaughn’s home enjoying themselves? It was considerably less than the eight hours during which Dwyane claims “family members were unable to find the boys and their mother.”
Despite what Dwyane’s younger half-sister’s testimony clearly indicates—that she saw the children supervised in the pool of Siohvaughn’s home—Siohvaughn was arrested and charged with two counts of child abduction and unlawful visitation interference. But on Aug. 13, 2012, justice was served! ALL these charges were dropped in the Markham Court by prosecutors. And yet no one heard that news.
The efforts to destroy the life of my daughter and her children, sadly, are coming from the person who once came to my door with just two black garbage bags to his name. Dwyane entered my life not long after the death of my firstborn child, Garrica, a premed student who was killed in a car accident on her way back to school. God allowed me to do for Dwyane exactly what I did for Siohvaughn and Garrica: By His grace, I provided a safe home environment for Dwyane; I fed, clothed, sheltered, educated and encouraged Dwyane to pursue and fulfill his dreams. I took him to the doctor and hospital when he was sick, filled his prescriptions, tended his wounds, and even defended him against his own father, who abused him. I took Dwyane Wade Jr., then 17, to get his driver’s license; I opened up his first checking account and taught him how to write checks and balance his check book, and provided him with his own debit card; I motivated Dwyane by rewarding him for his good report cards and grades.
I remember when Dwyane knocked on my door late one Friday night in May of 1999, and asked me if I had meant it when I said I would never let a kid go hungry or have no place to live or not have what they needed to go to school, or no clothes to wear. I told him I did, and he said, “Mama, I’m home.” I found out that Dwyane was kicked out during one of many abusive and violent episodes at his home between his father and stepmother.
Before Dwyane moved in permanently, there were many explosive fights in his home and many nights when he and his younger half-sister Marrya McDaniels (the same sister that on June 16, 2012, was outside my daughter’s home with police to have my daughter arrested) came knocking on my door because it was late and they had no place to go to. They would spend the night, and I would go looking for their parents to bring them back home. Once, after Dwyane had permanently moved into my home, Dwyane sustained an injury when Wade Sr. clotheslined him in the throat. When he told me what had happened, I got in my car and drove over to Dwyane Wade Sr.’s house and confronted him. I stated very clearly to him that if he ever put his hand on Dwyane again, I would personally make sure that he sat in a jail cell for as long as the sentence could be mandated by the law. To this day, I have never been told that Dwyane’s dad ever put his hands physically on him again. I bless God for that, because God did not allow me to fear him.
When Dwyane began attending Marquette University, I worked with his coach to set up a surgical procedure on his knee; worked with the physical therapist on Dwyane’s rehabilitation; worked with another coach to schedule dental appointments and orthodontic surgeries. My repayment was this: Dwyane and his attorneys went to court to remove my daughter off the NBA health insurance plan. Even worse, the Cook County Court’s Family Division went along with Dwyane and his attorneys.
It was right after the NBA draft in
June 2003 that Dwyane’s transformation for the worse began. Then it escalated to
an unbelievable level that was, in my opinion, officially sanctioned when Cook
County Court enabled him to now become “legally abusive.” Dwyane is no longer
physically putting his hands on my daughter; however, he continues to verbally,
psychologically and financially abuse my daughter and my grandsons—by using his
money and influence to keep his children away from their mother. Dwyane’s
decision to take my grandchildren away from their mother was not an act of love,
but of punishment, selfishness and hate—and the manifestation of a pattern of
This isn’t the first time wealth and fame has revealed its power to corrupt. I just hope that Dwyane Wade will wake up to what he has allowed himself to become and to get right with God. Dwyane’s greatest offenses have not been to his wife, his children or me—his greatest offenses have been to God.
[End of statement.]
And to Oprah. No one--besides Tom Cruise & James Frey &.. oh, never mind.
September 24, 2012
Much parodied Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte was in Miami Sunday for the Dolphins/Jets game where he spent most of the game at Liv’s Sun Life Stadium spot, and then later asking his followers on Twitter where he should go to party despite hash tagging Liv along with his bizarre, toolish, trademarked, uh, catchphrase “Jeah.” Turns out, Lochte took his own advice and did party at Liv “all night” says our source, who added that he “shot the CO2 gun all over The Situation, who had an instant bromance with him. The two hung out all night after having their pick of model-like girls rushing over to both of them all night.” Uh, jeah?
September 21, 2012
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child, it isn't. Nor is it Pawn Stars, though some would say it's alliteratively something like it). Looks like The Real Housewives of Miami is a niche novelty for a handful of viewers, most who likely come from the city of Miami, watching purely as they would a car accident on the Palmetto during rush hour. Then again, most Miamians you talk to want nothing to do with Bravo's latest. Whatever the case, the numbers were down last night from the previous premiere week.
Viewership during the 9 p.m. time slot last week was 1.066 million as compared to last night's 1.025 million. That's a loss of approximately 41,000 viewers. To the show's credit, however, the in-your-face immediate rerun aired at 10 p.m. last night attracted (or repelled) an additional 815,000 viewers or people still sleeping from that confounding, mind numbing, nonsensical texting caper "plot" of the original airing, according to TV By the Numbers.
To put it into perspective, last night's episode of Glee, the Britney one, airing against RHOM in the 9 p.m. slot, garnered a whopping 7.42 million viewers, some who may have tuned into the RHOM repeat at 10. In fairness, the Housewives don't rake in numbers like that; The Real Housewives of NYC's Monday episode brought in 1.989 million viewers. Honey Boo Boo's Wednesday night episode had 2.157 million voyeurs. When Honey Boo Boo meets Elsa Patton, the ratings will be through the roof.
September 14, 2012
The Real Housewives of Miami's premiere episode was as if the city of Miami went out on a long bender of stereotypes and spent the entire next day hurling over the toilet bowl. We've got the fiery Latinas, the smarmy, "wealthy" boyfriends, the boobs, the waterfront estates, the boobs, the models, and more boobs. As another housewife from another city famously said, "Money can't buy you class," and everyone knows that The Real Housewives franchise is to class as Teen Mom is to abstinence.
That being said, there are hints of class in some of the cast members, namely Lea Black, wife of famous attorney Roy and about whom many wonder what the hell she is doing on the show besides promoting her skin care line (or surgeon) that has obviously been very good to her. In terms of class, Black is truly out of her element. But we'll see if that remains so as the trainwreck starts careening out of control off the track.
With no need to do a recap of the dizzying, mostly dull first episode, it's easy to sum most of the women up: professionals (some, allegedly, in more ways than one) whose current, impressive (dentist, lawyer, publicist) careers obviously aren't enough to satisfy them. They want more. More money, more fame, and by golly, they will do whatever it takes to stand out on this show even if it means coming off as a telenovela cast off who got fired for overacting. And who can blame them, really? But to achieve fame, they'll need to do a whole lot more than re-Tweet fawning fan mail ("Team [Insert Name of Fave Housewife as If She's a Derby Horse or an NBA Franchise]" hashtag, excamation points) from lonely, celeb-obsessed followers sitting at home alone with their cats unable to get replies from actual celebrities. A root canal is really cool, but it's not going to get you on the cover of Us Weekly. There's the rub.
What will get them on the covers of any magazines (including Modern Science if it still exists) is the elephant in the room: Elsa Patton, a dramatic device of Shakespearean proportion and someone without whom this show could never survive. Call it exploitative, call it cruel, call it scary, but Patton is the Honey Boo Boo Child/Big Ang/Snooki of this franchise and everyone else has no choice but to, er, pale in comparison. No amounts of plastic surgery, implants or even money can compete. For better or for worse, this show needs her. And it is due to that rubbernecking reflex that this writer, among many others, will continue to watch even if it is up against Glee a show about, you know, talent.
Patton, incidentally, will be laughing her own way to the plastic surgeon's office bank: She, of course, now has her own coffee line and her own Bravo web series, both which go by the name Havana Elsa.
As for the general public's consensus, it was all about Elsa with some sprinklings of comments about model Joanna Krupa's beauty and the irony of her upgrading, not downgrading remark considering where she's making them--on a television "reality" show.
Bravo definitely missed the Miami boat by not starting this series years ago, when people still had patience to follow the vapid, insipid lives of "regular" rich folk. Like some of the women on this show, it's past its prime. Today, people would rather commiserate with the real "real" people, following the so-called white trash, wacked out woes of the working class. The women on Miami aren't working, they're just working it (some really, really, painfully hard)--something that's a little too late for the reality TV bubble.
[Full disclosure: A few of the cast members on this show are this writer's personal friends and/or acquaintances]
Real Housewives of Miami premiere ratings: 1.066 mil viewers compared to NFL at 8.5m, Pawn Stars 2.2m, Project Runway 2m, Snooki & JWoww 1.5m (Source: http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2012/09/14/thursday-cable-ratings-thursday-night-football-tops-night-awkward-sullivan-son-snooki-jwoww-project-runway-impractical-jokers-more/148643/)