Dennis Rodman was seen holding court Wednesday night at the bar at Joe's Stone Crab, where our source tells us he was "slapping everyone on their back as hard as he could, screaming in a loud voice, totally wasted." He then walked over to the host stand to ask for a table and "made a giant scene," causing a staffer to pull him aside, quietly telling him he'd not be seated. After that, not even a North Korean dictator could command the beleaguered baller a table as he was overheard telling his group--a male friend and his parents--they'd have to leave and go to Prime 112 instead, saying he can always get a table there. Police quietly approached and Rodman was overheard apologizing, saying he understood, whispering to the cop that he was "very sorry and respected the decision to kick him out." Was quite the scene, says our source, who says "he looked truly remorseful." Meanwhile, over at Prime 112, Rodman ended up happily nestled at an outdoor table on the restaurant's terrace and, at one point, smoking a cigar inside. "He's such a mess," said our Prime mole. And all was well again in his world. Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Pyongyang anymore.
March 30, 2012
After being axed by Oprah, Rosie O'Donnell has decided to pare down, first putting her Chicago home on the market for $2.5 million and now trying to unload her 11,000 square foot Star Island estate for the low, low price of $19,500,000, according to the South Beach Condo blog. She bought it back in '99 for $6,750,000. O'Donnell's not the only one to flee the island. Shoe designers Donald and Lisa Pliner are also outta there and moving to LA after reportedly selling their home, which was on the market for $19,999,999. We're sure the tour boats will miss O'Donnell mooning them from her Jet Ski.
March 23, 2012
The rumors are partially true. Like the person Carly Simon sings about in "You're So Vain," Madonna's where she should be all the time (though when she's not, she probably isn't with a spy or the wife of a close friend, but then again, you never know), and when you have a new (mostly) dance CD out, you go to Miami during Winter Music Conference. Madonna doesn't have to leave her house to sell records, but ever the savvy icon, she will indeed be at a major Miami Music Week event, but it's not the one everyone thinks it is, not the "official" MDNA release party tonight at the Delano. Nope. Madonna's been there, done that. And she won't do it tonight. What she will do is stop by somewhere major, somewhere sold out tomorrow night to spin the record and get the crowd hyped up. Says Miami Herald music writer Howard Cohen, "Tony Orlando at the Alper JCC! She'll tie a yellow ribbon around Dawn and take over the harmonies." We wish. Scalpers, you're about to make a mint and Madonna, well, you're Madonna. Enough said and welcome back. We've missed you.
It wasn't enough for Dr. Michael Salzhauer to offer free nose jobs to anyone who could make a better video than the one made for The Groggers' questionable parody Jewcan Sam (A Nose Job Love Song). Today, the doc announced a plastic surgery scholarship for members of the Orthodox Jewish singles community. Salzhauer wants to do a mitzvah or two to "help singles in the Orthodox community who are struggling to find their perfect match." But there's a catch. "Applicants must be referred for the surgery through their local matchmakers or 'Shadchan' to determine their needs and for scholarship approval." “I was inspired to help after reading an article on JewishPress.com documenting a mother’s process of finding her son a wife. There are more women than men in the Orthodox community creating more competition to find their perfect man. I am more than happy to donate my expertise to help these men and women find their perfect match,” Salzhauer says. The singles scene is pretty cutthroat these days, so why not cut that throat and make it tighter while falling in love? Watch out, Patti Stanger, you may have some competition here.
March 19, 2012
Just when we thought we've unearthed them all, we uncover yet another new cast member of the retooled Real Housewives of Miami. This one, Karent Sierra, likes to multi-task. She's an actress, a spokesperson, a model and . . . a dentist. What she's not is a wife, so she'll fit right in with all the other unmarried women in the misnomer of a franchise. We met her Saturday night with her BFF and bon vivant, party animal Beau Beasley, who will also make his Bravo debut in season 2. We asked her what in her right (?) mind would have her subject herself to such a thing and she told us bluntly that she wanted to promote world peace prove to viewers that not all the women on these shows are classless fame addicts with low IQs and Botox for brains. We can count on one finger hand a few who are smarter than they appear, but smarts don't always equal sanity. Sierra, a Colgate spokesperson with obviously very white teeth, says she has a passion for being out there in the public eye, and wants to do right by Miami. She also tells us that yes, there's fabricated tension between her and all the other ladies who, uh, drill her on camera for, among other things, being a dentist and having a publicist. Sierra says she refuses to stoop to the level of some of the other gals--no table throwing, no screaming, no cursing. So what then? "I'll just kill 'em with kindness," she says, sharpening her teeth. That, or laughing gas. Stay tuned.
March 14, 2012
Dr. Michael Salzhauer of Bal Harbour Plastic Surgery thought it would be funny to commission The Groggers, a self professed "Jewish pop-punk band with a comic twist," a song and video encouraging plastic surgery for a character whose nose is described as a "beak like Jewcan Sam." Incidentally, the band's lead singer L .E. Doug Staiman took the song's advice and had his own nose fixed by Dr. Salzhauer, who told ABC News that "the song is meant to be funny, not offensive." The American Society of Plastic Surgeons is not amused and "has initiated an investigation under its Code of Ethics which clearly requires ASPS members to uphold the dignity and honor of the medical profession." Salzhauer couldn't care less. He is now running a contest encouraging entrants to make their own videos for the song. Whoever gets the most views on YouTube will win a free nose job. Incidentally, Salzhauer is Jewish.
March 13, 2012
Although it was a benefit for The Little Lighthouse Foundation, a non-profit organization that "rallies volunteers and conducts high-profile events to benefit children and their families throughout South Florida," Saturday night's Hearts & Stars gala at the home of socialite Malinka Max (more on her later) and George Wallner turned out to be yet another opportunistic spectacle by The Real Housewives of Miami, namely Elsa Patton, who we are told was overheard complaining "What is this horrible event? I'm ready to go." We can't tell you whether or not the event was horrible--not everyone loves a splashy gala. What we can tell you is that the producers are completely exploiting "Mama Elsa" as a sideshow attraction in order to keep those rubbernecking viewers coming back for more. As for Malinka Max, a socialite whom some say would have been an excellent addition to this cast, we're told "She was horrible on camera." How much worse than the others could she possibly be? Anyway, stay tuned as the cameras continue to film at the opening of every envelope and toilet lid around town.
When it comes to these Housewives shows, there's several sides of a story: hers, hers, hers, hers, the "truth" and the truth. Shortly after posting the above, we received this photo with a comment that Patton had a blast and danced all night. "She danced all night even after being accidentally kicked in the head by one of the new cast members," says our informant. Kicked in the head by one of the new cast members. Hey,the show must go on. Slapshtick only by Bravo.
March 05, 2012
The castmembers of The Real Housewives of Miami continue to post pictures on assorted social media channels, trying to convince themselves everyone that all is swell and eagerly attempting to build up a speck or two of public interest, but we can't help but notice Rush Limbaugh's favorite drag queen, Elaine Lancaster, in many of them, unlike the first season, when many of the ladies were allegedly jealous of her, er, commanding presence. This season, however, producers don't care and want the jealousy. Says one insider "The ladies were so worried that Elaine would appear as the breakout star, so they complained to Bravo, who then forced Lancaster to lay low. Now producers want that jealousy, so they welcome Elaine." So who else will hover in the drag queen's shadow? A third new castmember has emerged and is pictured to Lancaster's left in this photo taken yesterday when the Housewives crashed the annual gay gathering known as Winter Party: Ana Quincoces, someone whom we know from our other job as editor of Eater Miami as a full time lawyer, part time chef and bigtime networker who managed to campaign herself all the way to last year's title of Eater's Hottest Chef in Miami. Says one castmember who is already exuding insecurities, "She's not too exciting, but sweet." That may be debatable, but what's not debatable is the fact that it took casting agents a helluva long time to find willing and able participants for the second go around, making many realize that maybe most Miami women are smarter than people think. And so it begins...
March 04, 2012
In the wake of Rush Limbaugh's misogynistic "Slutgate", we thought we'd dig into the archives and post some old pix of him (Fat Rush) with Miami's most colorful drag queen, Elaine Lancaster, and a newer one (Not As Fat Rush) with Lancaster's male incarnation and brainchild, James Davis. Lancaster isn't quite the type of, er, woman Limbaugh usually lashes out against, and judging by the euphoric look on his face in the photo with Davis, suddenly some things really do make sense. But we'll just let the pictures speak for themeslves.
March 02, 2012
They're really trying hard to pile on the drama for the retweaked Real Housewives of Miami version 2.0. First we hear of a "scene" filmed at Smith & Wollensky involving Marysol Patton's mother Elsa passing out or something like that, and now an incident last night at Mynt, the club owned by Romain Zago, the boyfriend of new castmember, model Joanna Krupa, who quite vocally and sort of ironically said he'd never allow Jersey Shore to film there. This ain't too off from that Shore, we're afraid. Says our spy, "While miced last night, Joanna Krupa stood in front of the DJ's booth, flipping him birds and cursing him out. Apparently the DJ had a rough break-up last year with Joanna's sister. Romain ripped off his mic and stormed outside to try to cool off." Classy, and exactly what Bravo is looking for when it comes to its "reality" shows. Speaking of which, we're also told that the drama is so faked, it's hard for these regular folks to act like it's anything other than that. "Apparently, they had a 'staged' employee meeting so that all can see how big a happy family they all are. Everybody who works there was of course rolling their eyes over the hypocrisy," says our snitch. "Apparently even the silent investors made it in, which they never do, [but did it] just for the ruse." Insert feigned Tayor Swiftian shock here. Money can't buy you class, but it sure can afford you the opportunity to prove it can't. Stay tuned for more nonsense (cooking party, anyone?) on the Ruse Housewives of Miami if you can stand it.