Scene in the Tropics

Faux Real & Holy Matriphony: A Real Housewives of Miami wedding & other bamboozlery

If only feigned drama caused faux frown lines, the women of The Real Housewives of Miami would save a lot of time and money on injections. But enough about Botox. We're hearing a whole lotta nonsense going on in an attempt by some of the women to emerge either as relevant or, as they all not so secretly wish, as the coveted 'breakout star'. And what lengths some will go in a vain attempt to achieve that. According to our on and off set sources, a huge chunk of drama once again centers around a blog post we did back when the second season came to a flaccid finish.

It all started back in January when a tweet by a sleuth named Beth from Texas revealed that cast member Adriana de Moura (who, incidentally, was also allegedly married to someone else in Texas) had already been married to her so-called boyfriend, Frederic Marq since November 4, 2008. While the news created a tiny rumble in the Neverland that is reality TV, it allegedly solidified de Moura's place in the show's third season. That wasn't always the case, however.

"Some of the cast members got wind of the fact that they were going to be axed and conspired to try to get Adriana fired from the show for lying to Bravo in order to save their own asses," says our reality television Deep Throat. "They put it out there and it backfired because Adriana was asked back."

Lying is putting it midly, considering the fact that de Moura was moaning and groaning for two seasons on the show as to whether or not marry the man to whom she was secretly betrothed. While she won't win any Oscars for her performance, she did win a third season despite her lying to the network and to her own publicist, who told us back in January that de Moura and Marc got married on a whim and that there was a typo in the marriage certificate.

Let's break this down, shall we? A whim doesn't take 30 days to apply for as does a marriage license. Miami may have its debauchery, but it ain't Vegas. And as for that typo, it had something to do with the difference between her real maiden name Moura and her assumed maiden name de Moura. Semantics is all it was. de Moura is a married woman whether she likes it or not. We can't wait to hear how she spins this on season three. Hopefully she won't bring in her young son as a dramatic device. That would just be tacky.

Now it seems that de Moura, unbeknownst to her, has aligned herself with at least one of the spreaders of the news that has now become her official season three storyline, one that would have Shakespeare rolling over in his grave. What de Moura fails to realize is that her marriage certificate is public record. No leakage necessary. "Adriana blames Lea Black for leaking the story to the press," says our insider. Black, for those who were wise enough to avoid the show's freshman season, was once de Moura's very own Norma Rae. But that was then. Betrayal, only by Bravo.

In the meantime, however, de Moura is going along with her own story, having a May 17 wedding at the Coral Gables Congregational Church, followed by a reception at The Biltmore, despite the fact that she's been married since Beyonce released her women's empowerment anthem 'Single Ladies.' We got our hands on a copy of the lengthy 9-page Evite--er, invitation, which has strict instructions on how to attend a pretend wedding.

"Adriana and Frederic's wedding and the reception are being heavily featured on Season 3 of 'The Real Housewives of Miami,'" begins the "Wedding Reception Dress Code Inspiration" written by "the producers and event producer" Rick Campbell. "We are planning a beautiful affair and your participation is an important part of our special day. Your wardrobe selections will play a significant role in the overall look, feel and ambiance of the scenes, so we have attached an inspiration mood board to give you an idea of the dress codes we are requesting . . . Bravo has become known for their high profile events and weddings on camera, so we want to be sure that Adriana and Frederic's event goes down in the Bravo history books."

Nothing says love and romance like an an inspiration mood board! One that goes on almost as long as this post featuring photos of Sofia Vergara, some unrecognizable royals and assorted Vogue photo spreads. This certainly will go down in someone's book, that's for sure! Oh, and the not-so-newlyweds are registered at Saks. Click here for that invitation, obtained by an invitee who claims they "don't even know these people."

"Adriana is doing whatever she can to become the breakout star," says the source. That even includes her fianc--er, husband, Marq, who has been spotted frantically running around town asking anyone who would listen if they knew of any high end fabulous types who'd be willing to appear at this grand affair. Yep, he's casting for his own wedding. Can you say holy matriphony?

"Frederic is trying to recruit beautiful people as their 'friends' to attend the wedding. Adriana is determined to be the star of the show and outshine Joanna at all costs. She's begging and bartering, all to appear fabulous!" Correction: it's not a wedding and, if anything besides a gratuitous attempt to attract attention, it's more like a vow renewal, if anything.

Speaking of the comely Joanna Krupa, whose own wedding to on again fiance and South Beach club owner Romain Zago will be filmed in Los Angeles, we hear that de Moura has been overheard complaining that RHOM is "becoming the Joanna show," so it sounds like she is going to have to work a little harder than having a faux wedding and a boozy bachelorette party at hip hop hot spot Bamboo, conveniently a client of castmember turned 'friend of the Housewives' Marysol Patton.

Yup, it appears Patton has been demoted. We asked her about it and all she would say is "It is that time of year when RHOM and my life collide." Speaking of colliding, what of Lisa Hochstein, Ana Quincoces and Alexia Echevarria? While Hochstein seem to be on Team Krupa, Quincoces, along with Patton, is on team de Moura. Echevarria seems to be a floater. Good grief.

"It is an extremely orchestrated, fictional account of the demented sense these women call reality," says one insider. Indeed. And one we have no doubt the show's producers will spin into a tantalizing television tizzy.

Name droppers & eavesdroppings: #ArtBaselMiamiBeach

Photo/Manny Hernandez

For real running Art Basel commentary, follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/lesleyabravanel. For party wrap ups, this would be the place if you're into the bold faced sort of thing. Speaking of bold faced, there are plenty of those down here with more on the way. Among those, Robin Thicke, who is performing at a private Basel party Friday in the Design District and, for those longing for the Art Basel of 10 years ago, we hear the Hilton sisters are on some guest lists as well. What follows is a dispatch of sorts from the trendy trenches. Enjoy or something.

• On Tuesday night, (BELVEDERE) RED joined Ferrari and Interview Magazine in celebrating Art Basel 2011 with an exclusive bash in the parking garage at 1111 Lincoln Road.  Guests enjoyed music by DJ Solange Knowles and a surprise performance by singer Janelle Monae, who took over the stage and performed her top hits. The see and be scene set also previewed Ferrari’s signature car models, which were strategically placed around the 7^th floor parking lot. Guests in attendance included Peter Brandt, Stephanie Seymour, Wendi Murdoch, Mia Moretti and Caitlin Moe, Dasha Zhukova, Damien Hirst, Brett Ratner, Aby Rosen, a very robust Val Kilmer and other art world influencers in town for the week’s events. Overheard at this party: "After what he said [a gay slur and TMI about his alleged sexual partners], Brett Ratner will have a hard time getting a date with one of those Ferraris over there."

• The DEWAR’S-hosted MOCA North Miami/Vanity Fair Art Basel kick-off bash Tuesday night was like an old issue of W Magazine--when it was all loose papers, with NYC heavyweights including Donna Karan, who debuted her pop-up store, proceeds from which benefit charities in Haiti, Calvin Klein, Blaine Trump, Julian Schnabel, Ingrid Sischy, Sandy Brandt, Tamara Mellon, Bruce Weber, Nan Bush more. Honorees were Sischy and Brandt, of Vanity Fair and ardent Art Basel supporters. Said Sischy, "There is no doubt that Sandy is my better half." Brandt, for the uninitiated, was once married to mogul Peter Brandt, who has had a rocky marriage to supermodel Stephanie Seymour-all of whom are in town. The haves then left the have nots for a private dinner at the manse of philanthropists and NFAA trustees Sandra and Stephen Muss. Eavesdropping of the event: "There's Christian Slater. He used to be famous until he moved here and dated a local. Now he's just one of us." 

• Wednesday night proved chaotic, with the fire marshalls shutting down the entrances to the Art Basel Vernissage and the Shelborne Hotel grand reopening and Real Housewives of New York City's scene seeking housewife, Ramona Singer stopping to pose for pix. And while a slew of random celebs turned out everywhere---Luke Wilson at Vernissage once the flood gates were reopened and Alanis Morrissette with artist James Rosenquist at the Shelborne, the A-list seemed to convene at The Raleigh for the Maybach dinner and the Jeffrey Deitch MOCA LA party, including Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Parasiting off their A-list glow were Paris and Nicky Hilton. Also there: Naomi Campbell. 

Photo/Meg Pukel

Photo/Seth Browarnik, duh

• Art of Night at the Shelborne celebrated Seth Browarnik's celeb photos. Among those spotted there were Ivana Trump and D. Wade's main squeeze Gaby Union.

Photo/Meg Pukel

• But back to Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. The couple was seen once again Thursday morning at the PULSE VIP brunch at the Ice Palace, and in the afternoon at Wynwood Walls, Goldman Properties’ outdoor street art park, featuring 40 of the world’s most famous urban artists. Jessica Goldman toured them throughout the walls for 45 minutes. Director Brett Ratner and art collector/photog Jean Pigozzi joined them. While Douglas looks fantastic, Zeta Jones, we're told is still chain smoking ciggies all over town despite her hubby's recent bout with throat cancer. The couple was also seen having a late snack at Joe's Stone Crab Thursday.

Photo/Meg Pukel

• As for Real Housewives of New York's Ramona Singer, she's in town with her hubby Mario (and photographed at left with her number one fan, Miami Herald biz writer, Brett Graff) and will be attending the Rock-n-Art Basel event tomorrow night at The Catalina, where cameras will be capturing the madness for an upcoming episode of the retweaked Bravo show.  Also spotted at The Catalina, actor Adrien Brody, who was also at WALL at the W Wednesday night, as were those Hilton sisters.

• Brody was also seen late Thursday afternoon at Pulse as were, most randomly, Jane Seymour and Diddy in  a sling--separately--we think. 

• At the uber A-list Dom Perignon dinner at The Dutch at the W South Beach Thursday hosted by W developmer Aby Rosen and his socialite shrink wife Samantha Boardman, we witnessed all walks of life, from Vanity Fair's Bob Colacello, Work of Art host China Chow, socialite Blaine Trump, and Andre Balazs, to the very ubiquitous headband sporting Paris and Nicky Hilton. Incidentally when those two walked in, the men standing with Pat Riley and Micky Arison started snapping photos with their cells. The Hilton star quickly faded when Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones walked in and schmoozed and eventually sat with Arison and Riley, among some other heavy hitters from NY. The party later moved to Wall at the W, hosted by, among other folk, ex Paris Hilton beau Stavros Niarchos. Among the eavesdroppings we caught at this very loud, crowded event included the fact that Twist was the de rigueur spot for NYC elite to after party during Art Basel and this little gem from a dandy looking man wth a British accent, "So many ****ing ***ots on South Beach and not one has hit on me. It's ok, though, they're only after money." Not at the dinner but at the after party at WALL: Sean Penn. As we exited the dinner we saw actress Gina Gershon schmoozing with W hotel staff.

Photo/Manny Hernandez

The following photos of the Aby Rosen dinner at The Dutch are by Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com

•On Friday, it was back to the W for a party at Mr Chow hosted by gallerist Andy Valmorbida, record exec Jimmy Iovine, Sean “Diddy” Combs, in collaboration with VistaJet, celebrating the art book Culo by Mazzucco, a fancy Art Basel way of saying 'ass' by a famous fotog. Anyway, this party was undoubtedly the Star Wars bar of Basel, with the motliest of crews yet, from NSync's Lance Bass and Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis to, yep, those sisters, who seem to have cloned themselves in order to attend every. single. toilet lid opening party. Diddy was somewhere in there, too, as was Will Smith and actor Adrien Brody. A press release also says that Robin Thicke was there, but he was down in the Design District performing at the Casa FENDI Beats By Dre event. Soundtrack was stellar, crashers were aplenty. Oh, and Naomi Campbell entered through the back entrance by the garbage. Because she felt like making an entrance. There were so many scene suckers in Mr Chow that the best place for air was, ironically, the smoking section. The following pix from the party are from Getty.

•Adrien Brody, incidentally, may be the only celebrity to have actually spent a dime this past weekend and bought, wait for it, art, spending upwards of $20,000 for this piece by up and coming street artist Alec Monopoly at Avant Gallery. Brody, meanwhile, may be our fave celeb thus far: while hanging out poolside Friday at the Delano for the Visionaire party, Brody, bombared by photographers was overheard saying "I'm not doing this," as he fled the scene. Those who were doing that, however, included Bass, actor Brian Greenberg of How to Make It in America, and Grey's Anatomy's Jesse Williams.

•Selling his own art was Nas, who, while performing “Made You Look,” at Ricochet Thursday night for the Spotify event, picked up the paintbrush and crafted his first ever masterpiece. The painting, auctioned during the show, sold for $14K, with all proceeds going to charity.

•Meanwhile, while his famous friends were busy Baseling, Cee-Lo Green spent Friday night bowling at Lucky Strike with friends. Art Basel? Forget you.

•A very robust Val Kilmer checked out the new collection of Phulga magical flea sculptures at Miguel Paredes' Wynwood gallery with 3 females on Friday night.

•Chicago-based artist Dzine converted a room in The Standard Hotel to replicate his living room growing up, where his mother would take nail appointments. Among those seen having their nails done: Academy Award-winning actress Tilda Swinton, whom we'd love to actually see photographed against a neon background next to George Hamilton. (Photo: Dzine's Imperial Nails Presented by Perrier at The Standard Spa/Chris Mosier-SocietePerrier).

• Moby and Will Smith were both seen separately at Art Miami. Smith, who knew, is an art fan was seen Thursday night at the Claire Oliver Gallery at Art Miami, where he was tooling around with fair director, Nick Korniloff.

• Jumping on the Basel-bandwagon was the big birthday bash of songwriter/producer Rico Love, whose Friday night party was co-hosted by Usher, who, uh, generously gave away one of his 900 Grammys as a gift. Among those there: Mary J. Blige, Deborah Cox, Chris Bosh and Clinton Sparks. (Photo/David Manero Restaurants)

 
• As much as this image makes us want to watch Growing Pains reruns, Robin, the son of Alan Thicke, brought the house down at the Fendi Casa Beats by Dr. Dre (not there) party in the Design District in a way that would make devout Christian Kirk Cameron blush. (Photo/Patrick McMullan)

The list: celebby Art Basel parties you can and can't get into

 

The list is growing longer than the collective facial hair on the neo hippies at Occupy Wall Street. But this is no hacky sack tourney, folks. This is Art Basel Miami Beach, where the 1% rub exfoliated elbows with the 99%, or, rather, the 10% of that 99% that manages to get into the parties and events. Says one Manhattan-based art world insider who preferred to remain anonymous, "Art Basel is just another thing ruined just like Sundance." Speaking of all things wrecked, what follows is by no means a comprehensive list of Basel-bombast, but, rather, a list of celebrity-related parties, concerts, events and kibbitzing opportunities for the haves and have nots in no particular order. Keep checking back as the list is guaranteed to go on endlessly.

The Have Nots (Strictly Invitation)

In celebration of its Design District pop-up shop, UK brand Pringle of Scotland, featuring the never-before-seen 'liamgillickforpringleofscotland' Capsule Collection by Liam Gillick is throwing a cocktail party on December 2nd from 8:30pm - 10pm that will be co-hosted by actress Tilda Swinton, who happens to be the face of the brand. Location not yet revealed.

Bing, the official sponsor of Art of Night events at the not yet completely renovated Shelborne, will host what they are calling the hottest Basel event, a party 8 p.m. on December 2 featuring a special DJ set by hip hop artist Theophilus London, who opens for the night’s main event, a performance by Young the Giant.

A swank, chichi party at Mr Chow at the W on Friday, December 2 hosted by Vista Jet will honor gallerist Andy Valmorbida, artist Raphael Mazzucco and Executive Editors Jimmy Iovine and Sean “Diddy” Combs with a presentation of works from their new book, Culo by Mazzucco. Yes,you read right, Diddy Daddy Combs is now an editor, too.

Having not too much to do with art in the classic sense, Diddy, Usher and Mary J. Blige are celebrating the 29th birthday of the producer and songwriter Rico Love on Friday, December 2nd at Vic & Angelo’s in South Beach.

Rupert's wife Wendi Murdoch is an investor in Art.sy, the so-called Pandora for art, and will be co-hosting a Louis Vuitton-sponsored beachside barbecue for the site Wednesday, November 30 at Soho Beach House along with Russian philanthropist, entrepreneur, model, and more Dasha Zhukova and artist and site's founder Carter Cleveland.  

New York real estate tycoon Aby Rosen and socialite psychiatrist wife Samantha Boardman are hosting their A+ list art world dinner on Thursday, December 1 at The Dutch at the W South Beach. 

More socialite mayhem, this time sponsored by Dom Pérignon and hosted by young socialites including curator Alex Dellal, Stavros Niarchos (yes, Paris Hilton's ex) and Vito (son of artist/director Julian Schnabel, Thursday, December 1st at WALL at W South Beach. 

Artist Nick Cave will be honored at a private party on Friday, December 2 at FENDI Casa in the Design District. And although the event is hosted by Beats by Dr. Dre, which, according to Google, are just headphones, Dr. Dre will not be there. 

On Thursday, December 1st, at 6pm, The Shelborne's beachside taco and tequila bar, Lucy's Cantina Royale, will host a screening of Limelight, by its subject Peter Gatien's daughter, Jen, and Alfred Spellman & Billy Corben of Miami-based media studio, Rakontur. Following the screening, there will be a swank St. Tropez-themed dinner for celebrated design duo and HGTV reality show subjects Bob & Cortney Novogratz, who have enlisted 10 artists to reinterpret 10 iconic chairs in a program called THE CHAIR PROJECT. The dinner will feature a performance by genre-transcending pianist, ELEW,  who toured with Josh Groban and will perform an hour-long set of jazz, rock and pop on a custom-created Yamaha piano.

Also at the Shelborne, this time November 30, is a photo exhibition by Miami-based celeb (don't call him a paparazzo) photog Seth Browarnik, who will celebrate his opening with a splashy Susanne Bartsch-produced spectacular following a private dinner by magazine publisher and man-about-towns Jason Binn.

Actress Shenae Grimes will show Travelers, her photo exhibit benefiting My Friends Place, a homeless shelter in Hollywood, CA,  at the Sanctuary hotel (the sister to its original venue, the Shelborne, which isn't entirely ready for its close up) on Saturday, December 3.  Also appearing: Mark Singer, director of Dark Days, an award winning documentary about a group of people living in NYC's underground railroad system also known as the Freedom Tunnel, which will be screened at the event. Music by the aforementioned Theophilus London. 

  Designer Gareth Pugh and actress/model Byrdie Bell will host a dinner celebrating 10 years of Art Basel Miami Beach at Baoli Vita on Saturday, December 3. We're told this one have a high celeb to non celeb ratio.

Twin brothers, Dean and Dan Caten of fashion label DSQUARED are hosting a cocktail confab and dinner on Friday, December 2 at Of the approximately 75 so-called VIP guests, several are expected to be famous.   

Interview magazine is hosting a big party along with Ferrari, mogul Peter M. Brant and Sotheby’s Tobias Meyer, in honor of Ferrari’s Chairman, Luca di Montezemolo, on Tuesday, November 29th at a private home on Indian Creek Island. The party will feature the unveiling of the new Ferrari 458 Spider; a premiere screening of RPM, the new 3D video installation by artist Marco Brambilla; and a surprise musical guest.

Uber producer Timbaland has a fancy for Bollywood and as such, has teamed up with artist Amrita Sen, whose Bollydoll label and artwork based on it will debut along with Timba's B-wood inspired tunes at a private party (sponsored, of course, by illy) Wednesday, November 30 at the B Bar at The Betsy. "I’ve always wanted to bring Bollywood music to America and Europe and make it mainstream,”  Timbaland explains, “Bollywood music is really different  - song structure, chords and vocal techniques - so it’s hard to make it work in music as we normally hear it on the radio. When Amrita came to me to talk about what she was doing with Bollydoll, I thought now this is the best way to present this sound.”

Last year, ping pong aficionado Susan Sarandon was at the Delano for the first ever MOCA Spin Galactic party and ping pong tourney. This year, Sarandon will be back to sit in a cabana while hipsters go head to head at this year's party and tourney Saturday, December 3, this time at The Standard.

Russell Simmons and his brother Danny along with (sponsor alert!) Bombay Sapphire will host the finals of the Artisan Series, which seeks out the next big things in visual arts, at the DuPont Building downtown on Friday, December 2. 

Montblanc is honoring CEO of DACRA and Co-Founder of Design Miami Craig Robins with the Montblanc de la Culture Arts Patronage Award presented by Pharrell Williams at a chichi dinner Thursday, December 1 at the Moore Building. Here's the list of "anticipated" guests: Christian Louboutin, Russell Simmons, Elle Macpherson, Nadja Swarovski, Silvia Fendi, Zaha Hadid, Mayor Tomas Regalado, Ella Cisneros, Stefano Tonchi, Didier & Clemence Krzentowski, Patrick Seguin, Patrick Houel, Carlos Ferrater, Borja Ferrater, Lord and Lady Foster, Rikrit Taravanjia, David Adjaye, Nick Pritzker, Konstantin Grcic, Maarten Baas, Campana Brothers, Jack Tilton, Rosa de la Cruz, Alistair Gordon, Maarten Baas, Mickey Wolffson and more.

One of the most anticipated parties of Art Basel is Jeffrey Deitch and LA MOCA's Beach Party at The Raleigh, Wednesday, November 30 featuring DJ set by 2MANYDJS and a performance by Soulwax.

Also at the Raleigh for celebs and VIPs only, Architectural Digest is converting the back Oasis area into a lounge with free food and drink from Friday through Sunday. Must have bold faced name and proof of such to even go near it.

Andre Balazs, who is a celebrity and model magnet himself, hosts the Dzine Installation launch at his very own hotel, The Standard, Friday night (December 2).

Artist Domingo Zapata, whose 10 pieces of work were purchased by Johnny Depp at an October showing in LA, will present his show, Dangerous Things, at the Delano Saturday, December 3, and a decent celebrity turn out is expected. Besides Depp, Sofia Vergara, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Orlando Bloom own Zapata originals.         

Can't get into Le Baron at The Florida Room? Then try your luck at Le Baron's second pop up club, this time in the bowels of the Shelborne Hotel in the once dingy space we fondly know and love as Studio, the place where karaoke was cool before it was cool--that is, if it ever was cool. Paris-Paris, a cabaret-themed club, is said to recreate the Parisian club of the same name that closed its doors in 2005. Makes us want to belt out a few bars from the Catherine Deneuve/Maclolm McLaren tune of the same name.

The Haves (No invite necessary)

A free concert by Special Disco Version (James Murphy & Pat Mahoney of LCD Soundsystem) at 10 p.m. Thursday, December 1 at Grand Central thanks to TOYOTA. Also on the bill: The Black Lips, a DJ set by Midnight Surfer and a special, yet to be announced surprise guest. To get in, RSVP at www.uptheantics.com/discobasel.

Spotify’s “Art Loves Music” (sponsored by Perrier and 42Below) at Ricochet Lounge featuring performances by Nas, Theophilus London, TV on the Radio, and Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings December 1-4. No cover and open to the public. For more information,contact 305.673.3873 or visit www.ricochetlounge.com.

Steinway Piano of Miami presents a Pop Up Piano Miami launch event featuring live performance by Jacob Jeffries Band at 11 p.m. at Louis Bar Lounge. Thursday, December 1. Cover is $25

SCOPE opening party hosted by the aforementioned Byrdie Bell with sounds by DJ Mick Boogie, 11 p.m. Thursday, December 1 at SET. Cover is $25.

“Dreams will not be Forgotten” Screening Afterparty hosted by producer, America’s Next Model’s Nigel Barker along with Belvedere RED. Sounds by DJ N’Dy 11 p.m. Friday, December 2 at SET. Cover is $25.

SCOPE closing party with sounds by Silver Medallion & DJ Equal, 11 p.m. Saturday, December 3 at Mokai.  Cover is $25.

Moby will spin at 11 p.m. Saturday, December 3 at Mansion. Cover is $30.

HGTV personality David Bromstad of Color Splash Miami will celebrate his first open-to-the-public art exhibition, titled “Body, Money, Death,”  from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. December 2 and 3 at the Z Ocean Hotel.  

DEWAR’S Scotch Whisky  honors International Vanity Fair editors Ingrid Sischy and Sandra Brant as well as  15 years of MOCA and 10 years of Art Basel Miami Beach from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. Wednesday, November 29 at at the museum. Also happening there that night: the opening of Donna Karan's Urban Zen pop-up shop. Non MOCA-members can get in for $25. 

Although there'll be a private reception for the opening on Tuesday, November 29, Lincoln Road design store NEST, along with owner Sara Colombo, will debut Jazz & Models, a collection of works by legendary photographer Marco Glaviano, who, in his two decades, has snapped shots of Cindy Crawford, Paulina Porizkova, Stephanie Seymour and, on the jazzy side, Chet Baker, Sonny Rollins and Dizzy Gillsepie, among others. Exhibition is on display at the store through the Spring.

From 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Friday, December 2, the Arsht Center is hosting an art-themed version of their Food Truck Fridays, featuring food, art, and a free performance at 1 p.m. on one of Steinway's Pop Up pianos by the aforementioned ELLEW.

Tickets are on sale at www.bardotmiami.showclix.com for Bardot's Basel line up which is as follows: DJ set and performance by Macy Gray, Martin Luther and the Roosevelt Collier Trio on Wednesday, November 30; MillionYoung and Neon Indian on December 1. Tickets are $47; Intimate Session with Moby (Live Acoustic Band) & Art Presentation from his book Destroyed Sounds by Gigamesh on December 2. Tickets are $48; and, on Saturday, December 3, DFA's (Death From Above) Official "Art Basel Bash" celebrating 10 years of Music DFA Secret Show.

From midnight until the following day on Thursday, December 1 (technically Friday the 2nd), Scissor Sisters frontman Jake Shears will perform at an Art Basel all nighter, the Boffo + David Mason Chlopecki Slick It Up Party at the Lords South Beach. Joining Shears will be Jeremy Ingvall in a duo known as Crystal Pepsi. Gender bender Amanda Lepore hosts. Bar is open from midnight until 1 a.m.  No cover, just show up, they tell us.

Same goes for the party Friday, December 2 from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Friday night at Lords South Beach Gold Bar hosted by Tom & Abi of Gayletter.com.

Not quite a party but a respite from exactly that, YogArt is a mashup between, yep, yoga and art, featuring live music by Trevor Hall from November 30-December 4 at the Loews. Expected at one of the sessions is Lenny Kravitz. There are both sunrise and sunset sessions and a portion of the proceeds will go to benefit DASH--no, not the Kardashian boutique but the Design Architecture Senior High. For tickets and schedule, go to www.yogartevent.com.

The Miami Art Museum is actually allowing you to pay to crash their gala after party Saturday night, which sort of defeats the purpose, but it would be nice to see if they can actually squeeze $150 out of some of Miami's more shameless party crashers. Taking place from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. in the Fontainebleau's Glimmer Ballroom, the Crash the Ball after party will feature DJ duo Andrew Andrew and a motley crew of guest hosts includng Steve Ross, owner of the Miami Dolphins. Oh, and art too. For ticket info, call 305-375-5935 or events@miamiartmuseum.org

British hot spot Cirque du Soir will take over Mansion on Wednesday, November 30 . One night only. Go to www.mansionmiami.com or www.cirquedusoir.com for more info.

 

Art Basel Miami Beach invites: the real works of art

It's not long before the who's who in the art world swarms to Miami like Kardashians to TV cameras. And while there will no doubt be a motley crew of A-list celebrities, indie bands whose songs play on Gossip Girl, and real life, big money socialites out and about, remind yourselves that it's all about the art. Just 12 days away from the big opening and we've already received a year's worth of emails touting all sorts of exhibitions, parties, parties, parties and, oh yes, exhibitions as the ones to be at. The ironic hipster gathering at the 7-11 on Alton and 15th sounds particularly stellar. But again, it's about the art. And discovered in those emails—the 30 or so that we've spared from the recycle bin, was the inspiration to create our own art. Presenting the Scene in the Tropics Running Art Basel Miami Beach Invitation Word/Name Tally Spectacular, in which from now until the big event is over, we will list a count of the most used and overused words and phrases in each and every invitation. We'll also list celebrity names, because name dropping is indeed, a true form of art, which is different from those pieces of work who are otherwise known as name droppers. We're especially hopeful that we get to use the (non) word/name Sucklord in the coming days. Check back from time to time to see which words and names are debuting and, of them, which are most ubiquitous.

iconic 2

famed 1

exciting 1

reimagined 1

rebranded 1

private 3

invite only 11

VIP 5

DJ 15

fashionable 1

tastemakers 4

the who's who 15

pop up 3

original water of disco 1

official sponsor 10

Tilda Swinton 1

Moby 1

Special Disco Version 1

The Black Lips 1

Midnight Surfer 1

surprise guest 1

Nigel Barker 1

Theophilus London 1

Young the Giant 1 

Silver Medallion 1

Mick Boogie 1 

beats by Dr. Dre (as in the headphones, not the man) 1

Nick Cave 1

Alex Dellal 1

Stavros Niarchos 1

Vito Schnabel 1

Aby Rosen 1

Samantha Boardman 1

Dom Perignon 1

Ruinart 1

Veuve Cliquot 1

The Z's--Beyonce, Jay & Baby Bump, house hunting in Miami?

In town while her hubby Jay-Z convinced fans he was the Bard of hip hop and Kanye West was, well, not, Beyonce and her baby bump chilled out at Alex Rodriguez's house. We have it on excellent authority that the Z's were house hunting in Miami. Who knows, maybe they'll be neighbors of Real Housewives of Atlanta's Nene Leakes, who was also house hunting out of her league down here, too, but certainly only for the cameras. Jay Z can buy the entire city if he wanted to, but not, of course, on any profits from his ill advised Occupy All Streets venture. No word on location of alleged house hunt, though some say they may be sniffing around the predictable North Bay Road, but we'll let you know if we hear anything further.

Sofia Vergara to stand by her Senate-seeking man tomorrow at Sagamore Hotel

Last time we saw Modern Family's Sofia Vergara, she was dating club guy Chris Paciello. How things have changed. While Paciello has returned to his former stomping grounds to take a second spin in the Miami club biz, his ex will also be back, but only to stand by her man, Nick Loeb, who will hold a press conference on Thursday, November 17th at the Sagamore Hotel to announce his decision regarding his candidacy for U.S. Senate. Loeb, a Republican and the trust funded son of John Loeb, Jr, who was Ronald Reagan's ambassador to Denmark, pulled out of the race for the Palm Beach-Broward legislative seat in 2009 because he was going through a divorce from Swedish ex-wife Anna. Loeb also lost out on a 2005 bid for Delray Beach city commissioner. Nothing like a Pepsi pin up Charo redux sitcom star to bolster your chances for a seat in the Senate. There are worse ways people have won.  Politics aside, it would be fun to see him win if only to be able to write that Vergara has come a long, long way from late nights at Liquid to the stodgy Senate. On second thought, the last thing senators need today is more distraction.

Something only Real Housewives of New Jersey fans will care about

For the politically inclined, Blackwater elicits images of the scandal-plagued security firm with dealings in Iraq. For others, black water is just the stuff that comes out of the sink in a schlocky old Art Deco apartment. But for the Manzos of The Real Housewives of New Jersey infamy, blk.Water, as it's spelled, is a way for sons Albie and Chris to make a living that doesn't involve strippers, car washes or the LSATs.  One of the young Men-zo--Albie--will be at the Hotel Breakwater on Ocean Drive Friday night along with mom Caroline and aunt Jaqueline Laurita to celebrate the launch of this bizarre dark liquid. For famewhores, no, the cameras won't be rolling, and for RHONJ fans, no, arch enemy Teresa Guidice won't be there either, as she's busy famewhoring herself on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice.

Art Basel, forget you! Cee Lo Green, Ne-Yo & more headline South Beach NYE

Art Basel is so 2011, plus you can neither afford nor understand the art, not to mention snag an invite to the swankiest, most party crasher impenetrable private parties. Christmas? That started the day after Halloween, so that leaves us with, well, New Year's Eve. Yep, plans are already for the "Orange Drive Miami Beach Music Festival," taking place December 30 through January 1 between 7th and 9th Streets and Ocean Drive and featuring performances by Cee Lo Green, Ne-Yo, Boyz II Men, Jermaine Dupri, and Pete Wentz, along with DJs Samantha Ronson and Irie in a "lavish and state of the art amphitheater will be constructed and placed on the sand which can hold up to 30,000 party goers each night." Yikes. For ticket information, go to www.orangedr.com or follow them on Twitter @OrangeDriveFest.

Reggie Bush rebuffs a gaggle of randy women at the Delano

Just after his ex, whose name is more recognizable by America's youth than the Vice President's, announced her divorce from a different athlete, Miami Dolphins player Reggie Bush was seen at Tuesday night's long running meat market at the Delano. But the NFL player was in no mood to play this field, say our sources, who witnessed him rebuffing the advances of a bevy of buxom, willing and eager women. "He couldn't be less interested in these women," says one witness. Bush, who's no stranger to some of South Beach's finest (allegedly tapping into the market even when he was with that ubiquitous reality show person), instead focused on the dinner he ate with teammate Anthony Fasano and 2 other male friends. As a group of girls approached the table to flirt with him, Bush remained unmoved as his friends asked them to leave. But he wasn’t in a bad mood, seen leaving solo but with a big smile on his face. Envisioning a Dolphins' win, perhaps? Doubtful. 

Free tix to MTV's Sucker Free Awards at the Fontainebleau

So it's not the VMAs, but nonetheless, MTV is taping its Sucker Free Awards at LIV on November 11 and they are "casting" the audience---in other words, they need to fill seats and are giving away free tickets. For those of us for whom anything remotely MTV these days is a foreign language, here is the official translation: "MTV's longest running franchise and #1 weekly Hip-Hop countdown show, Sucker Free is crowning the Kings and Queens of hip hop. The Sucker Free Awards will honor the year in hip-hop with a unique look back at the music, moments and personalities that made 2011 so memorable. Seven categories will be determined by a combination of online and social-media voting and tallies from tastemakers throughout the music and entertainment industry." Expected to appear at these awards are "the biggest names from the YMCMB (Young Money Cash Money Billionaires)." Show will air on December 4. Tickets are for those 21 and older and available at http://onsetproductions.com or  www.onsetproductions.com.