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February 16, 2011

And so it begins: Real Housewives of Miami DUI #'s 1 & 2. But here's what..


The show hasn't even aired yet and already dirt is starting to emerge like Charlie Sheen after a weekend bender of crack and hookers. Take, for instance, this tip we received from Latin gossip blog Guanabee, not on a "real" Housewife per se, but on the mother of one--Elsa Carrera Patton, mother of hype hocker Marysol, and the one we keep hearing is the show's real breakout star. Even Bravo's boy(ish) wonder Andy Cohen gushed about her on his Watch What Happens Live show Sunday, saying he's "obsessed." After looking at the pictures and the preview clip, what's not to be obsessed with?

Anyway, apparently the elder Patton, who calls herself a clairvoyant witch of sorts, was arrested for DUI and driving without a license in Miami back in October after a night at her fave hangout, the Coral Reef Yacht Club.  And while the arrest is, indeed, true (anyone who can manipulate Google can see that), apparently Patton, who is in her 70s, couldn't care less.

Oh, and she wasn't drunk, either, claims a source close to the, uh, colorful character. "She was pulled over for a broken light and and, because she's old, her hands shake," says our well connected source. She also has a handicapped tag because of a bad knee. Add to that the fact that Patton indulged in one of her favorite pasttimes--a laser peel--earlier that day, and, well, red face, shaky hands, a few martinis and what would you think?

After refusing a breathalyzer, Patton was taken, despite her protests, to jail, en route to where our source says she suffered from bruised wrists from the handcuffs. That was all she suffered, it seems. In jail, Patton befriended an African American hooker, with whom she emerged when she was eventually released. "Elsa gave the hooker $50 and a ride home," laughs our source. As for the charges? "She doesn't care. She thinks it makes her more fabulous." Andy Cohen, we finally may share something here besides my mother's maiden name.

Momdaughtermugs Update: In the Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree Department, it seems that the DUI charges are a mother daughter affair, as Marysol was also popped for DUI last year, pleading guilty to lesser charges of reckless driving and escaping with a $1000 fine, plus $581 in court costs. So now that that's out of the way, what's next on these ladies? We can only imagine...Stay tuned. Photo: Radar Online


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I'd knock a few back too if I saw that in the mirror every morning.

Oh!!! SHut up. You know I am right.....Come on!!!


Thanks, I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

Lily B.

What the heck is UP with her raised eyebrows?? Too much cosmetic work, booz and late nights abuelita. Stay home and knit a sweater or something. LOL!


seriously what is wrong with her face? does she have a disease?


I thought it was drag queen! Yikes!!!

Buck Winthrop


Dr. Morris Fishbein

The Coral Reef Yacht Club membership consists mostly of drunks.

caelos suarez

so what everybody have a dui in miami

Mr. Woodcock

La bruja esa le metio miedo al susto. Cuando la vieja salio por primera ves en el show porpoco me da un patatun y mi mujer tuvo que llamar al rescue.


This is not funny, but did they get caught on the same night? Why do they look like someone who's had the same shirt on for 100 years?

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