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March 16, 2010

So here's The Situation: Jersey Shore is Miami's new OJ Simpson

Mike-the-situationIf Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino wants to really get rich, he should find a way to bottle his self esteem, which would probably smell like what would happen if you mixed Axe Body Spray with Summer's Eve and a splash of Drakkar Noir. Oh wait, he's supposedly doing something similar and putting out a cologne which we'll call Yo De Toilet. Anyway, even if it's overcompensation for assorted shortcomings, that pungent esteem was being boosted last night when the Jersey Shore's power tool hosted the party at LIV and then stopped by Mokai around 3 a.m. with a group of friends. According to our Mokai mole, The Situation was appalling busy sipping Grey Goose and bopping along to the sounds of Snoop Dogg and Beyonce as "hordes of girls crowded his table," many even squeezing his only asset well toned abs which, frankly, on South Beach are as common as, well, dudes on South Beach sporting Ed Hardy. After being fawned over for about 2-hours, The Sitch and his minions left. This, uh, situation, sort of reminds us of when OJ Simpson used to party on South Beach, only in this case, the only thing Jersey Shore has killed thus far have been a few billion brain cells. Back in the OJ-era of South Beach there were factions that refused to roll out the red carpet for him and factions that bent over backwards for him. We'd be willing to put brackets around the fact that during Jersey Shore's Very Special South Beach Spring Break, most factions will be in the 'if you can't beat em, join 'em" category. As for those who shudder at the thought of sharing space with people famous for doing nothing besides gym, tan and laundry just like everyone else but without a camera crew or a hefty paycheck, you can at least count on Mynt as a Jersey Shore-free safe house. Or you can always quarantine yourself to avoid this virulent strain of pop culture Ebola and hope that, unlike the flesh eating bacteria, it rips through our city swiftly and painlessly.