Scene in the Tropics

Faux Real & Holy Matriphony: A Real Housewives of Miami wedding & other bamboozlery

If only feigned drama caused faux frown lines, the women of The Real Housewives of Miami would save a lot of time and money on injections. But enough about Botox. We're hearing a whole lotta nonsense going on in an attempt by some of the women to emerge either as relevant or, as they all not so secretly wish, as the coveted 'breakout star'. And what lengths some will go in a vain attempt to achieve that. According to our on and off set sources, a huge chunk of drama once again centers around a blog post we did back when the second season came to a flaccid finish.

It all started back in January when a tweet by a sleuth named Beth from Texas revealed that cast member Adriana de Moura (who, incidentally, was also allegedly married to someone else in Texas) had already been married to her so-called boyfriend, Frederic Marq since November 4, 2008. While the news created a tiny rumble in the Neverland that is reality TV, it allegedly solidified de Moura's place in the show's third season. That wasn't always the case, however.

"Some of the cast members got wind of the fact that they were going to be axed and conspired to try to get Adriana fired from the show for lying to Bravo in order to save their own asses," says our reality television Deep Throat. "They put it out there and it backfired because Adriana was asked back."

Lying is putting it midly, considering the fact that de Moura was moaning and groaning for two seasons on the show as to whether or not marry the man to whom she was secretly betrothed. While she won't win any Oscars for her performance, she did win a third season despite her lying to the network and to her own publicist, who told us back in January that de Moura and Marc got married on a whim and that there was a typo in the marriage certificate.

Let's break this down, shall we? A whim doesn't take 30 days to apply for as does a marriage license. Miami may have its debauchery, but it ain't Vegas. And as for that typo, it had something to do with the difference between her real maiden name Moura and her assumed maiden name de Moura. Semantics is all it was. de Moura is a married woman whether she likes it or not. We can't wait to hear how she spins this on season three. Hopefully she won't bring in her young son as a dramatic device. That would just be tacky.

Now it seems that de Moura, unbeknownst to her, has aligned herself with at least one of the spreaders of the news that has now become her official season three storyline, one that would have Shakespeare rolling over in his grave. What de Moura fails to realize is that her marriage certificate is public record. No leakage necessary. "Adriana blames Lea Black for leaking the story to the press," says our insider. Black, for those who were wise enough to avoid the show's freshman season, was once de Moura's very own Norma Rae. But that was then. Betrayal, only by Bravo.

In the meantime, however, de Moura is going along with her own story, having a May 17 wedding at the Coral Gables Congregational Church, followed by a reception at The Biltmore, despite the fact that she's been married since Beyonce released her women's empowerment anthem 'Single Ladies.' We got our hands on a copy of the lengthy 9-page Evite--er, invitation, which has strict instructions on how to attend a pretend wedding.

"Adriana and Frederic's wedding and the reception are being heavily featured on Season 3 of 'The Real Housewives of Miami,'" begins the "Wedding Reception Dress Code Inspiration" written by "the producers and event producer" Rick Campbell. "We are planning a beautiful affair and your participation is an important part of our special day. Your wardrobe selections will play a significant role in the overall look, feel and ambiance of the scenes, so we have attached an inspiration mood board to give you an idea of the dress codes we are requesting . . . Bravo has become known for their high profile events and weddings on camera, so we want to be sure that Adriana and Frederic's event goes down in the Bravo history books."

Nothing says love and romance like an an inspiration mood board! One that goes on almost as long as this post featuring photos of Sofia Vergara, some unrecognizable royals and assorted Vogue photo spreads. This certainly will go down in someone's book, that's for sure! Oh, and the not-so-newlyweds are registered at Saks. Click here for that invitation, obtained by an invitee who claims they "don't even know these people."

"Adriana is doing whatever she can to become the breakout star," says the source. That even includes her fianc--er, husband, Marq, who has been spotted frantically running around town asking anyone who would listen if they knew of any high end fabulous types who'd be willing to appear at this grand affair. Yep, he's casting for his own wedding. Can you say holy matriphony?

"Frederic is trying to recruit beautiful people as their 'friends' to attend the wedding. Adriana is determined to be the star of the show and outshine Joanna at all costs. She's begging and bartering, all to appear fabulous!" Correction: it's not a wedding and, if anything besides a gratuitous attempt to attract attention, it's more like a vow renewal, if anything.

Speaking of the comely Joanna Krupa, whose own wedding to on again fiance and South Beach club owner Romain Zago will be filmed in Los Angeles, we hear that de Moura has been overheard complaining that RHOM is "becoming the Joanna show," so it sounds like she is going to have to work a little harder than having a faux wedding and a boozy bachelorette party at hip hop hot spot Bamboo, conveniently a client of castmember turned 'friend of the Housewives' Marysol Patton.

Yup, it appears Patton has been demoted. We asked her about it and all she would say is "It is that time of year when RHOM and my life collide." Speaking of colliding, what of Lisa Hochstein, Ana Quincoces and Alexia Echevarria? While Hochstein seem to be on Team Krupa, Quincoces, along with Patton, is on team de Moura. Echevarria seems to be a floater. Good grief.

"It is an extremely orchestrated, fictional account of the demented sense these women call reality," says one insider. Indeed. And one we have no doubt the show's producers will spin into a tantalizing television tizzy.

Watch ex-baller Mike Piazza do his first 'fish dive' with the Miami City Ballet

From baller to ballerina? Not quite, but watch ex Mets catcher Mike Piazza perform his first ballet “fish dive”(insert Beavis and Butthead snicker here, heheh) with Miami City Ballet principal dancer Patricia Delgado. Not such heavy lifting there, but still.  Delgado will be performing opposite Piazza’s The Gangster as The Strip Tease Girl in Miami City Ballet’s production of George Balanchine’s Slaughter on Tenth Avenue on Friday, May 3, 2013 at the Ziff Ballet Opera House/Adrienne Arsht center for the Performing Arts in downtown Miami. Tickets are $20 to $175 and are available by calling Miami City Ballet’s Box Office at 305-929-7010. And, no, Piazza will not be sporting the one nipple look.

N. Korean ambassador Dennis Rodman steals The Real Housewives of Miami's thunder at Blacks' gala

Philanthropist and The Real Housewives of Miami cast member Lea Black is really a mad social scientist of sorts, fusing a motley crew into one big philanthropic Petri dish. Her latest concoction was seen Saturday night at the Fontainebleau at her and her defense attorney husband Roy's haute hootenanny to raise money for a cause bigger than all the egos in the ballroom--children.

And while we expected some people to act like children, the whole scene was surprisingly civilized and drama free. Sure, there were the grand camera-ready entrances of RHOM cast members Lisa Hochstein and Joanna Krupa, in attendance with their RHOM alum, the smart one that got away, dentist Karent Sierra. The other half of that show was busy showing solidarity for each other and took their drama to the gay polo tournament in Wellington. Footage of both forthcoming, only by Bravo. There was also a handful of hilariously colorful women at the party who should have been cast on that show, especially the one who introduced herself to us saying, "I'm not a stripper. I'm not a hooker. I'm a socialite."

But it was nothing compared to the grandest entrance made by erstwhile cast member, drag queen Elaine Lancaster, who entered with long time BFF and recent, unofficial North Korean ambassador and Kim Jong-un idol Dennis Rodman. The duo was joined by former Miamian Lisa Pliner, who seemed to provide the larger than life Rodman with more than his fair share of amusement. Toto, we're not in Pyongyang anymore.

Speaking of North Korea, Rodman spoke to us exclusively on his controversial trip there. "I have been contacted by the FBI and I met with them. They wanted to know what went on and who's really in charge in North Korea. I have been invited back to North Korea in August and I want to go. I'm not a total idiot. I know what Kim Jong-un is threatening to do regarding his military muscle. I hope it doesn't happen because America will take whatever actions to protect America and our allies. I do think, umm, you know, that we have to talk to people who want to cause us harm so hopefully they won't. I've been talking to folks for years who don't get what I'm about but that's cool, 'cause once they walk away they like me. I might be able to keep folks' heads cool. We all going to find a way to get along and keep peace. Peace and love is where it is at, Lesley."

Indeed. But beyond those politics, there were no doubt party politics taking place around the room, as young Miami mixed with not so young Miami (and some famous visitors including Lance Bass and Kardashian appendage Jonathan Cheban, who talked to us about his aspirations to become the "next Simon Cowell," because of his penchant for judging people) for a fun filled night of selflessness despite the inevitable presence of a few party crashing freeloaders who were captured on camera not so surreptitiously lifting a VIP gift bag.

American Idol winner Taylor Hicks provided the dinner music, a mellow, bluesy mix of Doobie Brothers and Elton John, while local fave Flo Rida got the crowd--and some willing and able women--up off their feet, onto the stage and, for some, almost out of their clothes with a powerhouse show of his greatest hits.

So further beyond the politics, baubles, Botox and ballers, how much was raised? "We're still counting," Lea Black told us. "It was a packed house of people partying until one in the morning. Between Taylor Hicks, Flo Rida, DJ Whi5ker5 and his incredible light show, and all the generosity, it was, hands down, one of the best parties yet." We agree. In what universe would you ever expect to see Kim Jong-un in the same blog post as The Real Housewives, Taylor Hicks, Lance Bass and Flo Rida? Now that's so Miami.

The Real Housewives of Miami's 3rd season's gonna be, uh, Off the Hookah

The Real Housewives of Miami may have, by default, made Mynt their official Peach Pit After Dark due to the ownership of the place by the boyf--er, fiance, of cast member Joanna Krupa, but it's not the only game in town, y'know. In fact, sometimes one of the housewives will even cross the border for a little alone time, like Alexia Echevarria did Sunday night when she headed to Fort Lauderdale's Off the Hookah--whose own name almost makes the intentional misspelling of Mint acceptable--to show her face at the wildly popular Life's a Drag party hosted by diva Daisy Deadpetals and a host of queens who could probably give some of the wives a run for their money or at least their Botox.

And while the flyer said RHOM would be filming Echevarria's appearance, no such luck. According to a network insider, "Bravo is not happy with the club using their logo since this was not a network-endorsed event. They're also not happy with Alexia for not following protocol."

The evening's host, Deadpetals, whose description of the evening was anything but wilted, said it didn't matter that Bravo didn't film the event. "She was super nice, taking pictures with whoever asked, answering questions from the audience, who asked if she was going to be a full-time Housewife this season. She said yes. Her husband [Herman] was with her--nice guy, gave me a glass of champagne." 

We asked Echevarria about her road trip and she said "Off the Hookah invited me to do a special appearance. I had an amazing time and I will definitely be back!"

Those looking for some filming and allegedly some more of the RHOM cast, check out the 4th Annual Gay Polo Tournament in Wellington next Saturday, April 13, which happens to be on the same night as Lea Black's big Fontainebleau gala, so we guess she--and her own drag BFF Elaine Lancaster--won't be there, though we're sure the feigned drama will. Oh those poor horses.

Former Mets catcher Mike Piazza making his Miami City Ballet debut in May

On May 3, Mike Piazza, will make his ballet debut at the Ziff Ballet Opera House when he appears as the Gangster in Miami City Ballet’s production of George Balanchine’s Slaughter on Tenth Avenue at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts in downtown Miami. But Piazza won't be doing any pas de deux or even catching ballerinas. According to a ballet rep, he'll be "throwing out a few lines Al Capone-style and then sitting back and watching the stage come alive with dazzling dance routines, a gorgeous Strip Tease Girl, a tap-dancing Hoofer and the colorful Ladies of the Ballet."

So how'd he score this gig? Piazza's six-year-old daughter Nicoletta is a student at the Miami City Ballet School and conspired with the ballet's artistic director Lourdes Lopez to get him involved.

“It’s going to be a lot of fun seeing the reaction of my two little girls,” said Piazza. “My oldest daughter is a student at Miami City Ballet School and for her to have the opportunity to see Daddy on stage is my little gift.  I’m looking forward to it.” 

Piazza starts rehearsals April 14 under the tutelage of Balanchine repetiteur Philip Neal.

More Housewives hype: did Lisa Pliner move from Star Island to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

Now that we've got The Real Housewives of Miami out of the way, we can move on to a glitzier zip code in the form of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which just wrapped up its season with big questions as to who will and won't return and who, if anyone, will replace the castoffs. While most of this is all pretty much out of our coverage range, rumor had it that former Miami resident Lisa Pliner, wife of shoe designer Donald, would very possibly be making her West Coast Housewives debut on RHOBH's next season.

The Pliners left Miami for LA LA Land last April. For those who watched Miami's second season, they'll recall a tiny cameo at Pliner's gigantic former Star Island estate, site of much feigned female drama unrelated to the hosts. Just because Pliner wasn't involved in on camera drama doesn't mean she wasn't involved off camera. So if the shoe fits, why not take your drama to Beverly Hills? After all, Adrienne Maloof is gone and "friends of the Housewives" Marisa Zanuck and Faye Resnick reportedly are, too. So there are a few slots, supposedly, into which Pliner, who was seen lunching at The Ivy with Housewives' lite Camille Grammer, may fit.

Bravo would neither confirm nor deny this rumor, but Pliner, who may end up on Miami's next installment when she attends Roy and Lea Black's big gala next weekend, quashed it immediately, saying that although she did meet with producers, it's a no go. "I'm not going to do it. I don't want to be targeted like these women. They'd tear me apart like vultures! Beverly Hills Housewives needs someone who's been in LA for a long time. I'm still new and no drama." We'll see how long it takes before she sells her soles to the Bravo devil.

Miami's worst kept secret confirmed: The Real Housewives of Miami, Take 3, minus the dentist

Here we go again. Deja vu, or is it? Sort of. And as much as it sounds like one, it's definitely not a bad April Fool's joke. On the eve of the upfronts, when television networks announce their upcoming shows to bribe lure in advertisers, a source thisclose to Bravo tells us that yes, yes, The Real Housewives of Miami is coming back for a third season as anyone with access to Twitter already knew. Also pretty common knowledge thanks to the incessant retweeting abilities of the ladies involved, is that the new season has already started filming around town. Sign those release forms, camera-hogs!

Finally, the official news that has also been out there on the internets is that Karent Sierra, the dentist and subject of one of this writer's posts-turned-season 2's-most-absurd-plotline (or lack thereof), is officially outsky and a Housewife no more. Some would say she's the luckiest, smartest one yet. Others not so much. Sierra, meanwhile, has managed to parlay her unfortunate involvement in season 2 with a few appearances on the CBS medical talk show The Doctors. "I am basically bicoastal the past couple of months, filming The Doctors in LA," Sierra told us. "My focus is now on that and casting for some films. I'm very excited. Looking forward to an exciting future without unnecessary drama."

Extending their 15 minutes of overexposure for round three is: Lea Black, Ana Quincoces, Joanna Krupa, Lisa Hochstein, Adriana Marq--er, de Moura, Marysol Patton, and Alexia Echevarria. If we see drag queen Elaine Lancaster it will be in the same capacity in which we saw her before. Of course, as filming devolves--er, evolves, cast members' roles will do the same. Some will play a lesser role, others will stoop the lowest clamor to be the breakout star. You know how it goes. Maybe they can look to Big Ang, who is filming the next season of her successful VH1 show right here in Miami, for some secrets to huge reality success.

As for why the network would bring back the poorly rated show, well, our well placed source clicked mute for that one. As they say, if you don't have anything nice to say . . .  Let's just hope the third season defies the old Housewives' tale that says bad things come in threes.

Chris Brown's easy, breezy behavior with South Beach sirens may have led to his latest split with Rihanna

(Photo/USWeekly)

Chris Brown  put on a surprise mini concert at the Hennessy V.S event Wednesday at Dream nightclub in celebration of the birthday of super producer Cool, of Cool & Dre fame. After being coaxed by the producer to get on the mic, Brown happily obliged and put on a show performing a slew of his hits including, "Look At Me Now" and "No Bullsh*t". The much maligned singer made sure to showcase his signature dance moves and pulled up his shirt to show off his rock hard abs. More than a few female admirers were clearly impressed. After performing, the singer, who is allegedly off with his on again off again girlfriend Rihanna, was, says our spy, "spotted pulling multiple hot women into his V.I.P section and serving them Hennessy V.S cocktails."

Victoria's Secret models & Hunger Games actor join South Beach Spring Break edition of Harlem Shake

Sure, the Harlem Shake is yesterday's Gangnam Style, but when you throw in some Victoria's Secret models (Elsa Hosk and Sara Sampaio), a Hunger Games star (Alexander Ludwig), DJ Cassidy and scads of scantily clad Spring Breakers reveling blissfully (or boozily, rather) in one of the country's Trashiest Spring Break Destinations (albeit at one of the least trashy hotels ever, The Raleigh), it's a whole different story and one that's probably best viewed via this video by World Red Eye.

Nashville's Hayden Panettiere back with big tipper boxer beau is old news

As we reported back in January, Nashville star Hayden Panettiere and her 36-year-old heavyweight boxing champ Wladimir Klitschko have been back together since they were last spotted at Zuma, so it was no big deal or big surprise when the couple was seen together Monday at Hollywood's Taco Beach Shack.  It was no big deal that the couple was seen "laughing and getting quite intimate with arms around each other," according to a spy witness. What may have been the biggest deal was when Klitschko left a $20 tip on a $20 lunch.

[Photo/PacificCoastNews.com]

Mourning Foundation's Wings & Wine event with Bobby Deen & Jill Scott canceled

The Mourning Family Foundation's inaugural Wings & Wine event February 20 at The Raleigh in collaboration with TV chef and Paula's son Bobby Deen and featuring Grammy Award winning Jill Scott as entertainment has been canceled. And though you'd think it was ixnayed due to the recent DUI arrest of Tracy Mourning, wife of retired basketball player and philanthropist Alonzo, officials say the cancellation is unrelated. "The timing is really unfortunate, though," said a publicist.