Greg Cote's Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog

BRO BOWL! Harbaugh vs. Harbaugh! Ray Lewis! Ravens, 49ers in Super Bowl!; Ravens-Pats next; plus Panthers' big opening night, Jedd Fisch, Earl Weaver, Heat, Lance/Manti & more

[1) It is SUNDAY, JANUARY 20. Click on Lance 'n Manti for my Sunday Random Evidence wiseass notes column, led by a skewering of this week's Liefest. 2) R.I.P., Earl Weaver (pictured), dead at 82. The colorful and cantankerous longtime former Orioles manager, who lived in Pembroke Pines, suffered a heart attack while on an O's fantasy cruise in Caribbean. Also, a farewell to the great Stan Musial. 3) WQAM rightly suspended Dan Sileo two days for cartoonishly sexist Tweets about Erin Andrews. C'mon, Sileo. Don't go so low with the shock-jock schtick. 4) Join us on Twitter @gregcote]

Canes losing offensive coordinator: ESPN's Adam Schefter first reported that Hurricanes OC Jedd Fisch is leaving for the same post with the Jacksonville Jaguars. That's a sizable loss. Be interesting to see what Al Golden does for a replacement, especially now that Mario Cristobal is on the staff.

NFL PREDIX: 49ERS, RAVENS MAKE IT A HAR-BOWL SUPER BOWL: OK, get ready , America, for the onslaught. More Harbaugh vs. Harbaugh than you can stomach. More Ray Lewis farewell than you can stand. Storyline overload! WHOOOOO! Original post: The possibility of a 49ers- Ravens Super Bowl -- Jim Harbaugh vs. John Harbaugh in the Bro Bowl -- is pretty good, but won't happen. John's Niners get in. Jim's Crows do not, which means the end of the line for Ray Lewis. Click on Championship Game Gems for full version of this week's latest NFL picks. And on First Family for my Friday NFL column. I write how the Harbaughs have (temporarily) unseated the Mannings atop league's geneological marquee, and on other stuff that makes this year's Final Four a good one no matter who advances. A synopsis of my picks:

NFC FINAL: 49ers 28, Falcons 24 -- Atalnta just isn't there yet. Almost blew it a week ago vs. Seattle, and today sqaundered a 17-0 second-quarter lead. Niners clearly the better team and proved it, though SF pushed against the spread. Original post: Home dogs always are so tempting in playoffs (especially with ATL 8-1 at home), but Niners are a more physical and better all-round team, and Falcons defense has had trouble defending the kind of dual-threat QB embodied by Colin Kaepernick. SF has too many weapons. My pick was: 49ers (-4), 24-17.

AFC FINAL: Ravens 28, Patriots 13 -- Pats were 67-0 when leading at halftime under Tom Brady ... until tonight. Give Ravens credit. Big defense and three TD passes by Joe Flacco. Original post: I like Baltimore getting nine points but not outright in the first AFC title-game rematch since 1986-87. Ravens usually defend Tom Brady comparatively well, but you just don't bet against Brady at home in winter-time, even missing Rob Gronkowski again. My pick was: Patriots (-9), 34-27.

HOCKEY'S BACK, EH! ROOKIE HUBERDEAU LEADS CATS' BIG IN OPENER: Panthers routed Carolina 5-1 last night here to launch the NHL season, with a goal and two assists from rookie Jonathan Huberdeau,

the player of the game. Click on Earning the Ridiculous Red Hat for my column off the game. This season the Cats are having their guy voted player of the game wear a Three Musketeers-style hat in postgame interviews, and last night it looked more like a playful rookie hazing of the 19-year-old Huberdeau (pictured). Love it! Original post: Better late than never, Florida Panthers open their 19th NHL season tonight vs. Carolina in the Sunrise ice barn. I'll be there battling a deadline column. Cats won their first-ever division title last year to end a long playoff drought, and Carolina is one of the teams they'll have to beat to do that again so it's a big division test out the gate. Every game will seem a little bigger this season with the schedule truncated from 82 games to 48. Honestly I don't follow hockey intently but I do follow the Panthers closely. Love what GM Dale Tallon has done since arriving in 2010, second-year coach Kevin Dineen looks like the real deal, and I'm eager to see if young Jonathan Huberdeau will add needed scoring punch. Cats have a really good mix of veterans and rising talent. I had a nice long conversation with Dineen the other day and from that petri dish arose this preview column.

ALL IS WELL WITH HEAT AGAIN! (UNTIL NEXT LOSS...): Heat, off until Wednesday, ended a 3-3 western road swing on a high in L.A., 99-90 over the Lakers. Blearily I stayed up 'til 1:30 to watch LeBron James net 39 points, Dwyane Wade hit 27, and Kobe Bryant get hot too late. LeBron affirmed his BPE status (Best Player on Earth) for any doubters out there. Miami has struggled on the road and the Lakers are struggling, period, but this game still had an event/marquee feel and it was a nice win for the Heat. Lakers had the inside size to (theoretically) match up well with Miami, but tenacious D (pictured) and 

LeBron at his best were plenty. So it's official, then. All is well and Heat-repeat chances look good again. Until the next loss, of course. With this team, premature panic never quite disappears, right? It just lays dormant ... waiting.

Poll result: Manti Lie'o: We asked in the previous blogpost if you thought Notre Dame football star Manti Te'o was a liar or the victim of a hoax in the bizarre dead-girlfriend-who-never existed story. More than two-thirds, 68.4 percent, said liar, and only 6.7% said victim. Another 24.9% voted "not sure."

Click back. Will be updating/adding to this latest blogpost...

NFL playoffs' boring first round: Seahawks, Ravens advance, join Texans, Packers. What's your rooting interest? Vote!; plus NHL ends lockout, Heat, 'Bama, FIU & more

[1) It is SUNDAY, JANUARY 6. I'm already tired of Rex Ryan's tattoo but this interests me. Sexy Sofia Vergara involved in Miami nightclub skirmish, falls to floor as breast pops out of dress. I couldn't say it if it werent true; this is a blog! Click here for more. 2) Heat waive guard Terrel Harris. 3) Am told Alabama as a team will see a private screening of 'Zero Dark Thirty' tonight to get pumped for Monday's game. 4) Join us on Twitter @gregcote]

NHL, players agree to end lockout: Happened early this morning. A 48-game (or perhaps 50) season is expected to begin no later than Jan. 18. Panthers fans, rejoice! The rest of you, go about your business as usual.

NFL PLAYOFFS: PREVIEW, PREDIX, POLL: Here I offer my predictions for this weekend's first round of the playoffs, which I dislike calling Wild-Card Weekend as the NFL does because half of the eight teams playing are not wild-card teams. Anyway, I like all four underdogs with the points and all four home teams, meaning one outright upset. Click on Playoff Round 1 Gems for the full version of our picks; here is a synopsis, chronologically:

FINAL: TEXANS d. BENGALS, 19-13 -- Arian Foster and big defense carry the day as Cincy held without offensive TD. Original post: Houston backing in, Cincy hotter, but Bengals last won a playoff in 1990, and Texans much more talented. Arian Foster runs big, J.J. Watt harrasses Andy Dalton. [My pick was: Texans (-4 1/2), 24-21. Playoff record: 1-0 outright; 0-1 vs. spread].

FINAL: PACKERS d. VIKINGS, 24-10 -- Aaron Rodgers was great as expected, and Joe Webb in for injured Christian Ponder doomed Vikes' upset shot. Original post: Tough to beat Gee Bees twice in a year, let alone twice in two weeks. Return of Charles Woodson big for Pack defense, and Aaron Rodgers comes up huge. [My pick was: Packers (-7 1/2), 31-24. Playoff record: 2-0 outright, 0-2 vs. spread].

FINAL: RAVENS d. COLTS, 24-9 -- Vintage Baltimore defense reminiscent of past years and a big day by Anquan Boldin carries the Crows. Original post: Lots of emotion here, with Ray Lewis facing his final game and the Chuck Pagano story. I see Lewis' return from 10 games out and the home field carrying the day. [My pick was: Ravens (-6 1/2), 27-23. Playoff record: 3-0 outright, 0-3 vs. spread]. 

FINAL: SEAHAWKS d. REDSKINS, 24-14 -- Thought I was looking foof at 14-0, Skins. RG3's injury didn't help. Original post: Upset! Seattle has not been a very good road team (3-5) and I'll take Robert Griffin III at home in a rookie-QB duel that should make this the game of the weekend. [My pick was: Redskins (+3), 24-23. Playoff record: 3-1 outright; 0-4 vs. spread]. 

Click Logic Vs. Sentiment for my Friday Page column. I rank the playoff teams 1 through 12 based on best chance to win the Super Bowl (Logic) and also based on my own Independent Rooting Interest scale (Sentiment). The column also includes my six end-of-season league awards plus my Dolphins MVP.

OK, your turn. Which team do you most hope wins the Super Bowl? I know 20 of 32 teams aren't in the playoffs, so about 63 percent of all fans including Dolfans aren't as passionately drawn. But don't fans develop a rooting interest in the playoffs even when their team isn't in it? I bet yes. Remember, this poll is not asking who you predict will win the Super Bowl. It's asking who you hope does. You can even still vote for teams that have been eliminated, if you wish. Vote and say why.

FIU RECYCLES, HIRES RON TURNER: Last month FIU and athletics boss Pete Garcia prematurely and unwisely fired bright young football coach Mario Cristobal. Now the school introduces his replacement, Ron Turner, 59 (pictured), a college and pro journeyman coach who is seen as an offensive specialist and quarterbacks guru. My concern is that Turner hasn't coached collegiately in almost a decade, since Illinois fired him after the 2004 season. He was 35-57 in eight years with the Illini. In 2001 he was 10-2 and lost in the Sugar Bowl but apart from that didn't do much. I wonder how a 60ish guy out of the college game so long will be as a recruiter. Turner signed a five-year contract but I doubt Garcia's patience will last that long. The upside? Ron has a more normal first name than his brother, Norv.     

HEAT BIG 5 @ 30: The blog loves bells 'n whistles especially of the nerdy-stat variety and so this season we started this new one we are running throughout Heat season at five-game intervals (except we skipped @25; oops). It's a top-five cumulative ranking of the players having the biggest overall impact this season based on eight statistical categories. We continue with The Big 5 @ 30 Games (22-8, before Friday night's loss to Bulls):

Rank (@20)   Player   Total

1 (1)   LeBron James   1,146.1

2 (2)   Chris Bosh   746.5

3 (3)   Dwyane Wade   703.5

4 (4)   Ray Allen   475.0

5 (5)   Mario Chalmers   447.7

Bubble: Shane Battier, 316.3

Poll result: Sorry, Nick. We still don't like you: I wrote this week that Dolfans should finally forgive Nick Saban, six years later, for the way he left Miami for Alabama, and asked in a poll if you agree. You didn't. Don't-forgive had 70.4 percent to only 21.5% who said forgive, with the other 8.1% undecided. So if you get booed Monday night, Nick, don't take it personally. Actually ... do take it personally.    

Click back. Will be updating/adding to this latest blogpost...

NBA or MLB: Who has best (or least bad) All-Star Game? (vote now); plus Marlins' Big 3 Danica/Daytona, Canes, Oscars, Homeless Voice & more

[Join us on Twitter @gregcote]

NBA AND MLB VIE FOR LEAST-AWFUL ALL-STAR GAME: Thought we'd chew over all-star games as the Heat's Big 3 prepare to play in the NBA's version tonight in Orlando. All-Star Games get slammed by the media, some deservedly. But I actually think two of the four major-sport ASG's are pretty good and legit for what they are. I would eliminate from contention the NFL's absymal, roaring anticlimax of a Pro Bowl and the NHL's utterly forgettable pick-up skate. Baseball at least gives you a game that matters by awarding home-field advantage in the World Series (plus a Home Run Derby that probably is the best of all the ancillary events attached). Basketball simply gives fans what they want: A nonstop display of skills, showmanship and parading alley-oops against a backdrop of barely-there defense. The timing of this little boutique poll favors the NBA stars game but I'm still curious how many of you prefer baseball's Midsummer Classic. Who knows? Might even be a few fans of the Pro Bowl or NHL game floating around. Vote now and say why. [See related 'The List' at end of this blogpost].

MARLINS HAVE A BIG 3, TOO: The current March 5-dated ESPN the Magazine "Analytics Issue" may be the most unreadable, tedious wonk/stats amalgam in the history of magazines, but redeeming it somewhat is an early Top 100 fantasy baseball ranking. Miguel Cabrera and Albert Pujols are 1-2, but the Marlins' own Big 3 emerges, with Hanley Ramirez 12th, Jose Reyes 20th and Mike Stanton 24th ... but no other Miami guy among the hundred.

CANES AT COMBINE: I find it curious that members and entities of the University of Miami athletic department are Tweeting updates on how Hurricanes football players who left early are faring at the NFL Combine in Indianapolis. These are the same handful of players whose ill-advised departures -- only RB Lamar Miller has even an oustide prayer of going in the first round -- has weakened the 2012 team and privately upset coach Al Golden. Not saying they are traiterous enemies of the state now. Just saying it's weird for UM to applaud players whose decisions and departures hurt UM.

DAYTONA 500: Tony Stewart begins defense of his Sprint Cup championship today in Daytona, Carl Edwards is on the pole, Jimmie Johnson tries to get his mojo back, Dale Earnhardt Jr. tries to sate his legion of fans -- a lot going on as NASCAR begins its year. But my main focus of interest will be on the Sprint Cup debut of Danica Patrick (pictured), who is racing against not only other drivers but also all the hype. She has a chance to assert herself today, or to leave doubts. I root for her to do well, but also am amused by her assertion she'd rather the media didn't dwell on her sex appeal. Dear Danica: Are you for real? Seriously? With all the photo shoots you've done (see right) that make your sexiness the main point? And those GoDaddy ads? You can't play the Kim Kardashian hot card and beg to be taken seriously all at once. Well, until you start winning, at least.

HOMELESS VOICE: GET OFF MY INTERSECTION, PLEASE: What I am about to write is politically incorrect and will cast me as heartless to some. But it needs to be said. The people from Broward-based HomelessVoice.org hawking their newsletters for donations at intersections (see photo) should not be there. They are a nuisance and a blight; worse, they are a traffic and safety hazard. The disarming, I'm-no-threat wave they give you and the bright-colored vest they wear does not disguise the simple fact these folks are panhandling at major intersections. That their cause may be good is not the point. They should not be fund-raising at intersections, that's all. I am stunned that liability-conscious cities like Plantation allow it. There are plenty of other, safer ways and locations to help the homeless than for an organization to put them and drivers at risk in traffic.

GUILTY PLEASURE: THE OSCARS: I'm not a huge movie guy. The Help is the only nominated film I've seen that comes to mind (White Woman Solves Racism!), although I'll get around to Moneyball and a couple of others. But I do enjoy watching the Oscars. Ididn't say the pregame show, the "red carpet" nonsense. My least favorite, most annoying question in all the universe is, "Who are you wearing!?" Why are you caring!? might be the proper reply. 

The List bonus: Top 10 Greatest Oscars: My ranking, excluding the Academy Awards icon itself (himself?): 1. Oscar Wilde, writer; 2. Oscar the Grouch, Muppet; 3. Oscar Robertson, basketball; 4. Oscar Mayer, business (hot dog guy); 5. Oscar de la Hoya, boxing; 6. Oscar de la Renta, fashion; 7. Oscar Madison, TV character; 8. Oscar Hammerstein, music; 9. Oscar Peterson, music; 10. Oscar Gamble, baseball. Bonus fact: Oscar is the most popular male name in Sweden.

THE LIST: ALL-STAR GAMES IN FLORIDA: Eight all-star games in the Big Four sports have been played in our state including four in South Florida, in all sports except baseball. A chronology:

Year   Game          Location

1974   Pro Bowl      Miami

1977   Pro Bowl      Tampa

1990   NBA             Miami

1992   NBA             Orlando

1999   NHL             Tampa

2003   NHL             Sunrise

2009   Pro Bowl       Miami

2012   NBA             Orlando

Click back. Will be updating and adding to this latest blogpost...

Peyton Manning to Dolphins is plausible. Here's why; plus Tim Thomas, Prince Fielder, Barack Lincoln, Heat, Fart magazine & more

1) You can still vote in our pick-the-Dolphins-next-QB poll in blogpost directly below this latest one. 2) Best wishes to Mark Duper on his full recovery from kidney surgery. 3) Musical treat: Our friend Brendan Benson drops a new CD, What Kind Of World, on April 24. Click here to listen to the first single, "Bad For Me," courtesy Stereogum. 4) Join us on Twitter @gregcote.

Fore! Herald moving to Doral: The Miami Herald announcing its new corporate headquarters will be on a 15-acre lot in Doral, four miles west of the airport, beginning in May 2013. That's because the iconic current location off Biscayne Bay was sold, alas, to a group that is building a $3.8 billion casino resort. The move is not expected to affect Greg Cote, who never goes into the office anyway.

WHY PEYTON MANNING TO MIAMI IS PLAUSIBLE: Piece together all the little bits of circumstantial evidence and Peyton Manning ending up a Dolphin seems to make some sense. 1) The Colts intend to draft QB Andrew Luck No. 1 overall and would owe Manning a $28 million roster bonus on March 8 unless they release him before then. A columnist I like, Bob Kravitz of the Indianapolis Star, writes compellingly about Manning's awkward situation now in Indy from an exclusive and very candid interview with Manning this week. Click on Manning's Discomfort with Colts for the entire piece. "It's not a real good environment down there right now to say the least," Manning says. The candor upset Colts owner Jim Irsay. 2) Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland indicates very clearly from the Senior Bowl he thinks Miami needs an upgrade at QB. That leads to a strong supposition Miami is unlikely to stick with Matt Moore. (So is Miami unlikely to spend hugely for a major draft trade-up and a shot at Robert Griffin III. 3) Star-minded owner Stephen Ross wants a QB signing with the impact to sell tickets and build instant excitement or, as Ireland said, "Make a much bolder statement in South Florida." Manning would do that. Matt Flynn (of the two career starts) would not to nearly the same degree. 4) Manning as a free agent would have his choice of suitors. But Ross indicated with Jeff Fisher that money would not be an issue and likely would not be outbid for Manning. Miami has a solid offensive line, which would be important to an almost-36-year-old QB recovering from neck surgery. Oh, and the Dolphins have a unofficial lobbyist who would try to persuade Peyton to come here. They are close friends and golfing buddies. The name of the unofficial lobbyist-in-waiting is Dan Marino. In a poll in my previous blogpost I ask Dolfans what their QB choice would be for the team and by a narrow margin you all pick signing Flynn over signing Manning. I respectfully disagree. Manning -- if fully healthy, a critical caveat -- has at least a few prime seasons left and would make Miami an AFC contender the minute he stepped into the uniform. Manning to Miami at this stage in his career would not equal LeBron taking his talents to South Beach and the Heat. But it would be close. If owner Ross agrees, it could happen.

ON TIM THOMAS' WHITE HOUSE SNUB: The Boston Bruins' star goalie was absent this week when his Stanley Cup champion team was honored by President Obama at the White House. It was a protest. Thomas wrote on Facebook he didn't participate because, "The Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties and Properties of the people." It sounds like Thomas was worried he'd be stopped from bringing his shotgun onto the grounds -- you know, the one you'll only get when you pry it from his cold dead hands? -- despite the Second Amendment. Dear Tim: The tea party screed is fine, but I think the biggest statement you made was one of simple disrespect, a statement with no nobility in it. However, you had every right to do what you did (or didn't do). You owe no apologies, but the other side of freedom is fair criticism for how one might choose to exercise those rights.

MIDFIELDER SIDELINED BY SEX: AC Milan star midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng is sidelined for a month with what the club calls a "muscular lesion on his left thigh" and could miss the team's Feb. 15 Champions League round-of-16 match. Girlfriend Melissa Satta tells Vanity Fair the injury was caused by the couple having sex "seven to 10 times a week." Satta is pictured for educational purposes.

PRINCE'S KINGLY SUM: Free-agent slugger Prince Fielder and his luxurious beard get a nine-year, $214 million deal from the Detroit Tigers, just a fraction less in average ($23.8M per) than Albert Pujols' recent 10-year, $240 mill deal from the L.A. Angels. It's silly money. Tigers owner Mike Ilitch, the pizza magnate, must be nuts. (In a related story, a Little Caesar's medium with pepperoni now costs $75). This deal will make anyone but a Detroit fan sort of hope Fielder immediately gains 70 pounds and hits .208. Or settles in on the D.L. with a back strain incurred bending over to pick up a dropped Twinkie.

NFL 'ANY-ERA' TEAM: Latest gimmickry from list-obsessed ESPN is to count down the current top 20 NFL "any era" players. The list so far: 20, future Dolphins QB Peyton Manning (I can dream); 19, Tim Tebow (oh Lord); 18, Ndamukong Suh (I guess stomping an opponent is fashionable in any era); then 17 to 5 in order are Dwight Freeney, Jared Allen, Darrelle Revis, Ray Rice, Ed Reed, DeMarcus Ware, Tom Brady, James Harrison, Aaron Rodgers, Hines Ward, Patrick Willis, Adrian Peterson and Brian Urlacher. Top four out Friday. I'd only bet every penny I have that Ray Lewis is No. 1.

FART MAGAZINE: Fart was a 1950s and '60s car magazine in Sweden, in whose language "fart" means "speed." The coincidence? Both types of fart involve gas. Somewhere in Goteberg, in 1961, a man who just finished the magazine remarked to his wife [translated], "I really enjoyed that Fart." 

D-WADE'S ANKLE: Heat star Dwyane Wade missed a fifth straight game with his sore right ankle last night, and his eighth game this season overall. We caught up with Wade's ankle. "We're fine, getting close, maybe even give it a go tonight in Detroit," said Wade's ankle. "But from now do not approach me directly. Go through my agent or the team publicist, please."

PRO BOWL UPDATE: Because of fake injuries to every available player, I have been added to the AFC Pro Bowl team and so has your neighbor Ed.

ON JORGE POSADA: An L.A. Times blog has a poll asking if retired Yankees catcher Jorge Posada is a Hall of Famer. It's about like asking if I am a presidential candidate, moot in its absurdity. Short answer: No, no way, never, not even close.

DEAR GREG...: "Your blog's OK but would be better if occasionally you would show an artist's depiction of Barack Obama as Abraham Lincoln, especially since Obama referenced Lincoln in his State of the Union speech last night. Thank you." I'm sorry that won't be possible.

Click back. Will be updating and adding to this latest blogpost...

Dolphins land Reggie Bush, still in play for Kyle Orton?: Grade the acquisition and the what-if (with polls); plus FIU hires Rick Sanchez, Butch Davis, Misery Index, MagicJack, cellos & more

[Back tonight/Sunday from a few days' holiday. Look for a new blogpost on Monday. Channing Crowder's Dolphins career epitaph: 'He was a better quote than a player'. Join us at Twitter.com/gregcote].

DOLPHINS ACQUIRE BUSH, QB MATT MOORE: Training camp opened Friday with the Dolphins acquiring free agent quarterback Matt Moore, erstwhile of Carolina. This is not an excitring hire. He has spot- started 13 ganmes across four season anbd last year had a poor 5-10 TDs/INTs ratio. The question now is how much this damages Miami's shot at getting Kyle Orton, a true QB challenger for Chad Henne. Meanwhile Dolfans are still (mostly) celebrating the acquisition of New Orleans free agent running back/returner Reggie Bush. He's a major or at least big signing. Orton would be, too. Moore is not. Orton, 28, would arrive with a chance to unseat Henne and be "the guy" for the next several years. Bush, though not a durable, featured-back type, figures to add value and pop as a third-down guy and returner, seemingly a nice complement to rookie Donald Thomas. Miami was being smart in its quarterback shopping to not think of an older, one-season stopgap. To not try replicate the lightning it lucked to catch in a bottle with Chad Pennington in 2008. To me, Orton or Vince Young were the best available answers. Ther signing of Moore makes you wonder. At RB, would have preferred DeAngelo Williams or Ahmad Bradshaw, but Bush can be a playmaker. Getting Bush also provides ample media fodder, between his USC controversies tainting his Heisman and his Kardashian-esque proclivities vis a vis proximity to South Beach. The player is pictured here during The Kardashian Era. Bush brings the drama, a national celebrity/notoriety that exceeds what he has accomplished on the field. An ESPN SportsNation poll Thursday finds 49 percent of fans calling Bush a bust, and a plurality of 47% saying they most associate him weith the USC scandal. Yet Bush immediately joins Brandon Marshall as the Dolphins' biggest star in terms of Q rating. Miami might have overspent for Bush (two years, almost $10 million), but if healthy he makes this team harder to defend. We invite you to grade the Bush signing and the Orton deal that might happen. (Sorry, Moore does not rate a poll spot). Assuming Orton joins Bush, how much will each help the Dolphins? How excited does each make you? Vote now on both players.

 

FIU HIRES RICK SANCHEZ. NO, SERIOUSLY: FIU is bringing sh--canned former CNN host Rick Sanchez back to Miami to call its football games on radio this fall. Though it is ludicrous enough to be making up, it is true. Sanchez -- known for squatting on world maps, for over-the-top melodrama and for one notorious DUI mishap (Google it) -- was fired from his CNN dream job after a tirade in which he suggested Jews run the media and are not an oppressed minority. CNN to FIU football. Oh my. What a truly, truly bizarre hire. One is first inclined to wonder why Sanchez would want this job, only to realize the far better question is why FIU would want Rick Sanchez.

BUTCH DAVIS FIRED: Ex-Hurricanes coach is out at North Carolina amid NCAA investigation. Story here. I wish Butch well. He'll turn up again in college coaching, but -- like Randy Shannon -- it may be as a defensive coordinator at the major level.

THE MISERY INDEX: Today, online and in the pulp editions, I attempt to put the Dolphins' franchise woes in perspective with a formula I created called The Misery Index. It analyzes the 122 franchises in the big-four sports and ranks which team's fans have the most right to feel miserable. No 1: Chicago Cubs. Dolphins: A surprisingly low 22nd overall. Click on The Misery Index for the column, which includes the top-25 in my Misery Index and top-10s in the five categories. (Included is a full explanation of our formula). Also see the bottom of this blogpost for lists of the top-10 most miserable teams/fans in each sport.

ABBY WAMBACH AND HOPE SOLO'S HARD LANDING: A couple of weeks ago Abby Wambach and Hope Solo were the scoring and goalkeeping stars of the U.S. team in the Women's World Cup -- briefly two of the most prominent athletes in the world. Today they have returned to their team in the Women's Professional Soccer (WPS) league, which happens to be the Boca Raton-based (and ridiculously named) MagicJack, which also happens to be maybe the most dysfunctional club in sports. The team was the Washington Freedom until owner Dan Borislow (pictured) abruptly relocated it to South Florida and named it after his telecommunications gadget. Wambach is the newly appointed player-coach because Borislow had taken it upon himself to coach the team himself, though unqualified to do so, until the league stepped in on July 14 and barred the owner from his own sideline. Meantime, the MagicJack does not have a media relations person and makes little apparent effort to capitalize on the fact six U.S. World Cup players including the two biggest stars are on the team. Tonight, scantly publicized, the MagicJack returns to WPS play at its humble little stadium at FAU. With planning and promotion, they could have played this game at, say, 20,000-seat Lockhart Stadium and filled the place, creating an event. The U.S. World Cup women deserve better than the MagicJack (dis)organization and its oddball owner. So does WPS, and women's sports in general.

JUSTIN BIEBER DOES GOOD: I poke fun a bit at Justin Bieber (and celebrity in general), but must give him credit after reading this story. This is a great use of celebrity.

CELLOS! YES I SAID CELLOS!: Always eager for new sounds, I have happened upon a musical duo called 2Cellos (pictured), who make fierce pop music with instruments normally associated with a symphony, chamber music or the Baroque style. The integration of orchestral instruments into pop is not new (think "Eleanor Rigby") but has become a bit of a trend; it's one reason I enjoy Florence & the Machine. Click here for a YouTube vid of 2Cellos performing Guns n' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle." You're welcome.

THE LIST: THE MISERY INDEX TOP 10 BY SPORT: Number indicates Misery Index, a combination of the number of seasons since a team's most recent championship, championship game/series, playoff appearance, playoff win and winning season:

NFL: 1. Detroit Lions 146; 2. Cleveland Browns 118; 3. Kansas City Chiefs 99; 4. Buffalo Bills 94; 5. Minnesota Vikings 87; 6. Cincinnati Bengals 87; 7. New York Jets 84; 8. MIAMI DOLPHINS 77; 9. San Diego Chargers 66; 10. Atlanta Falcons 64.

NBA: 1. Milwaukee Bucks 89; 2. Atlanta Hawks 86; 3. Golden State Warriors 83; 4. Denver Nuggets 81; 5. Washington Wizards 77; 6. Los Angeles Clippers 69; 7. Sacramento Kings 69; 8. Phoenix Suns 64; 9. Portland Trailblazers 64; 10. Minnesota Timberwolves 64.

NHL: 1. Toronto Maple Leafs 104; 2. St. Louis Blues 99; 3. New York Islanders 80; 4. Los Angeles Kings 69; 5. FLORIDA PANTHERS 65; 6. Buffalo Sabres 55; 7. Washington Capitals 48; 8. Phoenix Coyotes 42; 9. Columbus Blue Jackets 42; 10. Edmonton Oilers 41.

MLB: 1. Chicago Cubs 177; 2. Pittsburgh Pirates 116; 3. Kansas City Royals 107; 4. Milwaukee Brewers 101; 5. Baltimore Orioles 93; 6. Seattle Mariners 87; 7. Cleveland Indians 84; 8. San Diego Padres 70; 9. Toronto Blue Jays 68; 10. Houston Astros 65.

Note: Overall, of the 122 pro franchises, Dolphins rank 22nd on Misery Index, Panthers 31st, Marlins 78th and Heat 108th.

Click back. Will be adding more stuff to this latest blogpost...

Trading LeBron or D-Wade for Dwight Howard: Logical or lunacy? (with poll); plus richest athletes, Jake Long, Marlins' gruesome timing, Stanley's Cup & more

[Twitter.com/gregcote]

TRADING LEBRON OR D-WADE FOR DWIGHT HOWARD: LUNACY OR LOGICAL?: Get it clear that I offer the question here in my blog not because I advocate a trade -- I wouldn't do it -- but as a pretty intriguing talking point, and maybe because I don't think such a deal is as illogically insane as some might. ABC's Jeff Van Gundy casually set the balloon loose late in Game 6 Sunday as the Heat frittered toward elimination. He said: "I think that [with] Wade and James, going forward, they have to evaluate: Is that the best complement they could be? Or should they make a play for Dwight Howard, using one of those two guys, to get a more balanced team?" That JVG is the bro of Magic coach Stan Van Gundy adds an extra layer of hmm. Makes you wonder if Stan asked Jeff to float the idea of a trade. After all a deal makes more sense for Orlando, which has Howard for one more season and then likely loses him to free agency in the summer of 2012. No doubt the Magic would rather trade Howard outside the conference, but I'd bet they'd make the deal for LeBron, though likely not for Wade if only because at 29 he is three years older than James and four years older than Howard. The logic implied by Jeff VG is that James and Wade have similar games and styles and therefore will never perfectly coexist, whereas a Heat nucleus of James or Wade, Chris Bosh and the low-post addition of Howard would give Miami a better balanced team. It isn't nutty thinking. But, bottom line, I would not give up on Wade and James as a tandem. They worked together well this season, will get better and better in the cohesion department, and also help make the Heat a force defensively. But that's just me. What do you say and why?

LEBRON COMEDY DELAYED: Variety reports (click here) that a LeBron James feature-length comedy called Ballers has been further delayed. It was to begin shooting last summer but was shelved because of "The Decision" controversy. It was then to begin shooting this summer but is being shelved because of The Finals disappointment. Cameras are now to roll next summer. Well, so they say.

POSITIVE DOLPHIN NEWS! JAKE LONG!:  A friend at NFL Network tells us Dolphins tackle Jake Long will be ranked between 21 and 30 overall in the net's Sunday installment of its "Top 100 Players of 2011" countdown as voted by NFL players. He'll be the highest-ranked of 13 offensive linemen on the list. That means the Dolphins have one player, at least, who is considered state of the art at his position.

HEAT BIG 3 ON NEW RICHEST-ATHLETES LIST: It's Sports Illustrated's new 2011 "Fortunate 50" list of highest-earning American athletes, including salary and endorsements. The top 5: Tiger Woods (62.3 million), Phil Mickelson (61.2), Heat's LeBron James (44.5), Peyton Manning (38.1) and Alex Rodriguez (36.0). List also includes Heatniks Dwyane Wade No. 11 (28.2 million) and Chris Bosh No. 50 (15.5).

THE MARLINS' ABYSMAL TIMING: The Heat is finished. Hockey's done. Football is a-ways off. Local spotlight swings naturally to baseball ... just in time for the Marlins to be on a 1-13 skid that has sent them from seeming playoff-caliber to looking like one of worst squads in MLB. The team just isn't good enough to withstand its best pitcher, Josh Johnson, being on an extended injury-absence and its best player, Hanley Ramirez, hitting around .210. Too much else is going wrong, too, such as Chris Coghlan's disappointing bat and the unaddressed mess at third base. Manager Edwin Rodriguez's job shouldn't be considered in jeopardy , but will be if this funk continues deeper into summer.

ON GARRETT WITTELS: I touched on the rape arrest of FIU baseball star Garrett  Wittels when it happens, so it is only fair I give space to the dropping of charges against him. It's a reminder that little is black or white. An arrest or charges filed don't always mean guilt. Neither do the dropping of charges always mean complete innocence. We move on, and wish Wittels well.   .

OH (NO), CANADA: Vancouver's Game 7 home gag against Boston last night, an embarrassing 4-0 loss, minted the Bruins' first Stanley Cup title since 1972, the halcyon days of Phil Esposito and Bobby Orr. It also sent stock in Roberto Luongo plummeting and extended to 18 years Canada's drought since the nation that invented hockey last possessed the Cup. Chin up, Canada, eh. There's always curling!

DEAR GREG...: "Your blog's OK, but would be better if occasionally you would show a photo of Mavericks' owner Mark Cuban holding the NBA championship trophy while urinating. Thank you." Dear reader: I would never do such a thing, even though such a photo would be rife with symbolism: the Mavericks p---ing on Miami's (championship) parade.

Click back. Will be adding more stuff to this latest blogpost throughout the day...

NFL lockout sucks. Place the blame (with poll); plus Heat NBA Finals odds, ex-Panthers, wave-runner shooting & more

[Note: Separate Heat-Mavericks/NBA Finals post will debut in blog beginning Tuesday. Join us at Twitter.com/gregcote. Live music. Open bar. No cover].

THE NFL LOCKOUT POLL: I have resisted blogging much about the NFL lockout because frankly the topic bores me and I always figured it would end well before now. But with the ponderous thing in its 78th day, and no end in sight, it is getting serious. The league is close to the point where early exhibition games would be canceled. So -- before we get back to the more joyous occasion of the Heat in the upcoming NBA Finals -- let's take a minute for a temperature read on how fans feel about the lockout and which side y'all blame. I tend to blame both sides equally but, made to get off the fence, probably lean blaming owners more. You? Vote now and say why you think the way you do.

HEAT FAVORED OVER MAVERICKS AS EXPECTED: Bodog has set Miami as the NBA Finals betting favorite at minus-180 to Dallas' plus-160. It lists the most likely results as Heat winning 4-3 in games at 11-4, and Heat winning 4-2 at 13-4. Bodog had Miami its preseason favorite at 17/10 and Dallas as seventh favorite at 20-1. In between were Lakers, Celtics, Magic, Thunder and Bulls. Favorites for Finals MVP are LeBron James 5-4, Dirk Nowitzki 2-1, Dwyane Wade 7-2 and Chris Bosh 11-2. Conclusion: Most people in general will be rooting for Dallas -- or should I say against LeBron and Miami. But most people's money apparently will be rooting for Miami.   

(EX) PANTHERS IN STANLEY CUP FINALS!: It's Vancouver vs. Boston, with the Canucks led by goalkeeper Roberto Luongo and the Bruins in the Finals on a dramatic late goal last night by Nathan Horton. If only the Panthers were as good as the ex-Panthers.

RECOMMENDED BOOK: Just finished Tina Fey's Bossypants, a fun, quick read for anybody who thinks she's great, which I do. Self-deprecation is easy art in her hands. Representative humor, from the back jacket: "Once in a generation a woman comes along who changes everything. Tina Fey is not that woman, but she met that woman once and acted weird aroud her."

WAVE-RUNNER SHOOTING: Young man trying to steal wave-runner shot dead by resident of victimized home. Thief turns out to have been deaf. Justifiable shooting or murder? Read news story here. A tragedy all around but, to me, the question and answer both must start with the truism that the deceased put himself in that situation by trying to steal from someone else. I won't presume to pontificate in advance of more information or any charges but I will say this: My benefit of doubt in a situation like this is rarely if ever with the criminal who dealt the hand in his own demise.

SATURDAY ROUNDUP: A middle-aged, dark-haired women I'll call the Whole Foods Thief stood in front of me in line today around 12:30 at the Plantation store, and accidentally-on-purpose left two small items in her cart. I know it because she carefully placed her bagged groceries over the items she got for free. I said nothing. Now I wish I had. Next time, I would ..... Damian Marley, son of Bob and half-brother of ex-Hurricanes linebacker Rohan, has joined a supergroup fronted by Boss Stone Mick Jagger and Dave (Eurythmics) Stewart (pictured). Group calling itself Super Heavy. Reggae-influenced fusion. Looking forward to hearing it ..... Luther "Luke" Campbell finished a fairly solid fourth of 11 in the the Miami-Dade mayoral election. I'm not sure if that speaks well of Campbell or ill of the state of voter frustration with local politics. 

Click back. Be adding more stuff to this latest blogpost throughout the weekend...

Heat-Bulls. It's on! Here's who thinks Miami has little chance. How confident are YOU? (with poll); plus Beastie Boys, peeping on Serena & more

[Note: Our separate Heat-Bulls Game 1 playoff post will publish right here in the blog at 4 p.m. today. Twitter.com/gregcote].

MIAMI VS. CHICAGO: JASON WHITLOCK WEIGHS IN AGAINST HEAT: Many of you know Whitlock (left) is a writer at FOXSports.com. He writes in this column that the Heat pretty much have no chance against the Chicago Bulls in the next round -- which begins Sunday in CHI after the Bulls steamrolled Atlanta last night. Jason's website description, eschewing humility, humbly notes he writes things "other writers can't imagine or can't muster the courage to address." I might add that apparently he occasionally also writes things that "...other writers simply think is too silly to put in print." To me CHI-MIA is even, with Miami having the two best players in the series (sorry, Derrick Rose), and Chicago countering with better depth/bench and the home-court edge. I think Chicago's defense and rebounding are formidable, but also wonder if the Bulls have the offense, beyond Derrick Rose, to match up. They'll need the reawakened Carlos Boozer we saw most of last night. Charles Barkley also said he thinks Chicago will win. I see Miami as a slight favorite. I can respect seeing it too close to call. But to dismiss Miami's chances is just silly. Therefore I hereby decree that Whitlock, for disrespecting the Heat, will from this point forward be haunted by the ghost of Pat Riley's early-'70s pornstache. Take a dip in our poll and give us a reading on how confident you are in the Heat advancing past the top-seeded Bulls. As always, I'm counting on you to try to set the fan hat aside for a second and be totally honest.

[Poll analysis: Very interesting poll trends. The number of votes for "less than 50 percent" are trending up to a degree I checked into where most votes are coming from and, sure enough, after Florida, the second-most by far are coming from Illinois. Obviously our poll has been linked to Bulls fans in Chicago. Hey they call it the World Wide Web. Democracy! Up to Heat fans to stave off the attack from outside].

OUR SECOND-GREATEST EDWIN?: Sorry gotta go with Miami Herald sports legend Edwin Pope first by an uncatchable furlong, but Marlins manager Edwin Rodriguez is on the rail, charging. Catch this piece on ESPN.com for some rightful praise of the job Rodriguez is doing.

THRILLER ON ICE: Not a huge hockey fan I'll admit but you had to be a little mesmerized by the Detroit-San Jose Game 7 last night, won by the Sharks 3-2. I wanted the Red Wings, who'd toughed it back from three games down. Great stage for the NHL.

I RAN A 5K RACE THE OTHER DAY: The preceding headline alone should be good for a chortle from those who know me or have seen first-hand my girth. I am not quite Whitlockesque but neither am I svelte. I stay in some semblance of shape with tennis, biking and so forth but am not a gym guy and not, per se, a runner. The race was the Run For the Roses 5K (3.1 miles) at TY Park in Hollywood, which I did on a lark, and my time was around 36 minutes. That was mostly running interspersed with interims of medicinal walking. It's a really bad time. The good news? I'd have finished first in my age group had I been a woman over 80.

DAD LIKES THE BEASTIE BOYS: One of the small pleasures of my being a parent is that I unintentionally mortify my 19-year-old son by enjoying rap music, not all or most, but some. It isn't my preferred genre (classic rock, country), but I like Eminem, Dre, Snoop Dogg and others. My most recent CD purchase: Beastie Boys' Hott Sauce Committee Part Two. Have followed those guys (pictured) since the early '80s. Click on Make Some Noise for their new song/video (rap kicks in at 1:15) and picture me bappin (yes, bappin, not boppin) along in my car if you can stand the unsettling incongruity of that image.

SERENA, SERENA, SERENA...: Palm Beach's Serena Williams continues to make news for everything but tennis (which she hasn't played since last summer due to injuries). The latest: She tweeted a photo of herself (far right) in silhouette, wearing what appears to be only bra and panties. The photo is rather benign, sort of artsy, even. The problem: It invites the suggestion we are peeping through her bedroom window. The problem with that: This is a woman who has had a problem with a crazed fan recently arrested for stalking. Oops. Hence the photo immediately leaving her Twitter site.

BIKINI FLASH MOB!: Click here. It's OK, Ma. G-rated because it's a PacSun stunt. The flash mob phenomenon strikes me as something without legs. Ten years from now the term will be archaic.

AND IN OTHER NEWS...: Quietly, the Miami Heat has changed its name to Miami Heats.

Click back. Be adding more stuff to this latest post on Friday...

LeBron and "retarded" (with poll); plus D-Wade Fantasy Camp, J.J. vs. Halladay, Dolphins pay cuts, Barcelona, nude in an airplane & more

[Today's live chat unfortunately had to be canceled due to McClatchy system errors that messed with MiamiHerald.com. Plan to return next Wednesday 1-2 p.m. as usual. Click HERE to post questions any time. No topic off-limits, except Song Stylings of Irving Berlin. Note: Heat-Celtics playoff post is directly below this in the blog and will bump back on top late this afternoon. Also, join along at Twitter.com/gregcote. No cover, live music, open bar ].

LEBRON AND "RETARDED": LeBron James softly muttered "That's retarded," about a postgame question put to Dwyane Wade, and of course it got overblown. He apologized, because that's what you do. I think LeBron should not have said what he said but also think the context is important. Words change over time. Granpappy remembers when "gay" used to mean happy, for example. People whose condition once made them called "retarded" are now properly called "mentally challenged," so, over time, as the word retarded gradually becomes extinct as a derisive toward the mentally challenged, it might maintain (perhaps grudging) life in the alternate, generic connotation in which LeBron obviously used it. That time apparently is not now, however. Not yet. If you are aghast at LeBron using that word, you probably don't appreciate the image at right, either. Whether one may acceptably say "retarded" without meaning to disparage the mentally challenged is not so dissimilar from a hard-core rapper arguing that his use of the N-word is not intended in its primary, insulting, taboo connotation. Is "retarded" as LeBron used it still hurtful and just always wrong, or are we collectively too politically correct? Take a dip in our poll and have a civil discourse. I am fascinated by etymology and semantics. I believe in free speech and the elasticity of language. Then again I'm a white guy not subject to a lot of prejudice, except perhaps by those who are against fat people.

D-WADE LAUNCHES FANTASY CAMP: Are you over 35? Do you have silly money? Would you pay big to have Dwyane Wade pretend you're pretty good? Then this is for you! CNBC.com breaks the news (story here) that Wade will host a fantasy basketball camp Aug. 18-21 at the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach. It's for guys 35 and older and costs (gulp) $12,500. Joining Wade as camp "counselors": Charles Barkley, Erik Spoelstra and Marquette coach Buzz Williams. Loaded and wanting to swap sweat with Wade? Click here to register at the camp's official site. 

BASEBALL HOLIDAY: JOHNSON VS. HALLADAY: Phillies at Marlins last night. More important: Roy Halladay vs. Josh Johnson. Delicious! Aces wild! And it lived up to hype in a 2-1 Marlins win. How good was this duel? See 'The List' below. And click on Johnsonville for my column off the game. Great night for baseball, and, for me, a brief but needed break from the Heat.

BARCELONA COMING, BUT IS MESSI?: As a soccer fan I am happy that FC Barcelona will be in Miami on Aug. 3 for a friendly at Dolphins' stadium vs. Mexico's Guadalajara. Barcelona is one of the biggest, most popular and premier teams in the world -- in any sport. Unfortunately there is an out-clause that will allow a few stars, notably Lionel Messi, to skip the game. It will be a major spectacle regardless, but to some, watching Barcelona without Messi would be like finally getting to Yankee Stadium only to find Jeter and A-Rod aren't in the lineup.

ON DOLPHINS EMPLOYEE PAY CUTS: Dolphins announced across-the-board 10-to-20 percent pay cuts for employees during the NFL lockout, which means owner Stephen Ross has done the seemingly impossible: Become even less popular. The lockout is blamed. Then again, considering the franchise's diminished stature, decreasing season-ticket sales and no playoff win since Dec. 30, 2000, maybe the pay cuts are otherwise justified. That reminds me. You know how teams and players are not supposed to be in contact with one another during the lockout? The national group, People Who Believe That Rule Is Being Obeyed And Not Routinely Violated, will be meeting tonight at the Waffle House. Corner booth.

ODD MARLINS FAN SITE OF THE DAY: We happened upon a Marlins fan site called stripclubwithstanton.blogspot.com, which makes it either a creepy adoration of Mike Stanton or just a blog with a bizarre name.

NAKED WOMAN AT 30,000 FEET: A woman thought to be in her late 20s caused a disturbance on a Delta flight (click here for story) when she stripped naked and adamantly refused to be covered with a blanket. This is just me, but I have one word for such behavior: "Encouraged."

HOCKEY AND SAME-SEX MARRIAGE: New York Rangers star Sean Avery recently said he supports same-sex marriage. Quickly, an agent, Todd Reynolds of Uptown Hockey, Tweeted this: "Very sad to read Sean Avery's misguided support of same-gender 'marriages.' Legal or not, it will always be wrong." I dunno, again, maybe it's me, but if you're that guy's boss do you really want it out there that one of your representatives is a raging homophobe? Dear Todd: It's the 21st century. Feel free to step into it at any time.

STEVEN TYLER: I like Steven Tyler. Like Aerosmith. Like him as a judge on American Idol. So it is without rancor and with great nuetrality that I suggest to you that the man pictured at right appears to be gradually morphing into a woman.

ROYAL WEDDING UPDATE: Princess William and Kate have divorced! Naw just kiddin'. Actually they are headed to their honeymoon on the Seychelles Islands in the Indian Ocean. I still can't get over the lavishness of that wedding and all the luminaries there. Of course those luminaries included the queen of England. But enough about Elton John.

THE LIST: WINNINGEST PITCHERS: Best active pitchers' winning percentages, minimum 1,000 career innings, including this season:

Roy Halladay   .667

Tim Hudson   .655

Roy Oswalt   .646

C.C. Sabathia   .640

Jered Weaver   .631

Others above .600: Cliff Lee .619; Carlos Zambrano .615; Chris Carpenter .610; Justin Verlander .610; Josh Beckett .603; and Freddy Garcia .601. Note: Marlins Josh Johnson would lead at .676 (48-23) but has only 771 career innings.

The Tiger Column; plus Brandon Marshall in aqua (with poll), Winter Olys, Dalai Lama, Serena nails new career & more

[Thanks to all who tapped into Live-Chat Wednesday! Do it from 1-2 p.m. every week. Click here to join live or to post questions any time throughout the week].

THE TIGER COLUMN: Today's column by me defending Tiger Woods -- not on the philandering (!), but on his Friday mea culpa -- is drawing a huge response. It is the most-read thing on all of MiamiHerald.com today, and it is generating a ton of email as well. Therefore I thought I'd invite commentary in this blog forum as well. Click here to read the column. Weigh in if you'd like.

HANLEY RAMIREZ: GENTLEMAN RANCHER: The Marlins star alerted the media today at spring training that he has built a working ranch 35 miles outside Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. Pictured at right is an exclusive photographic depiction of what Hanley would look like overseeing his Dominican ranch if he looked like this guy.

[Joyful Tuesday update: Tamiami has been named the safest neighborhood in Greater Miami by neighborhoodscout.com. Tamiamians have only a 1 in 370 chance of being a crime victim in any one year. I didn't say this was an intersting update. Only a joyful one]

THREE AND A HALF QUICK DOLPHIN THOUGHTS: 1. Peter King, who knows as much about the NFL as anyone, says estranged Broncos wide receiver Brandon Marshall (pictured) can be had for a second-round pick. Miami happens to have both a second-round pick and a throbbing need at WR. Snap! Get it done, Tuna. Remember, a big talent who's high maintenance is preferable to Ted Ginn with a great attitude. Git'r done! Your thoughts welcome. Take a dip in our poll.

Online Surveys & Market Research

[Blognote: The above is our latest poll to blast past 1,000 votes in its first day. Thanks and keep 'em coming!] 

2. Chad Pennington is a wanted man. Various speculative reports indicate he could be wanted as a backup by the Jets, Lions or Bucs, and possibly as a starter in St. Louis or Arizona, where trust in Matt Leinart would fit in a thumble. Part of that is that this year's free-agent QB crop is so weak that Pennington looks good by comparison. The thing is, Miami had better compete to keep him as Chad Henne's backup, because the alternative is two of the scariest words imaginable to a Dolfan: Pat White.

3. Cornerback Will Allen, arrested for DUI after allegedly driving drunk up to a police blockade and mentioning he needed to get past. Wow. If the bust is legit, I think ol' Will has just provided a fresh new answer in the category, How To Know If You Are Driving Impaired.

3.5. The Pats franchise-tagging nose tackle Vince Wilfork and removing him from free agency is not a huge loss for the Dolphins, in that Miami likely would not have spent the millions required to sign a guy turning 29 this season.

P.S., Chargers released LaDainian Tomlinson late this afternoon. Don't go there, Dolfans. Guy's on fumes.

SORE-LOSER CANADIANS: There are media reports that some bitterly disappointed Canadian fans were chanting "[Bleep] USA! [Bleep] USA!" toward the end of Sunday's 5-3 upset hockey loss to the Americans in the Vancouver Olympics. I am surprised the Canadians are such sore losers, having had so much practice at losing and all.

WE HATE THE WINTER OLYMPICS: The Miami/Fort Lauderdale TV market ranks 54th of 55 monitored U.S. cities/regions in Vancouver Games viewership. Dead last is New Orleans because, between Super Bowl hangover and Mardi Gras, the entire city is too drunk to find the remote. Loved this line by Jimmy Kimmel: "Skiing. Snowboarding. Ice skating. These are not sports. They're vacation activities. I feel like I'm watching someone's home movies."   

AND YET, SUDDENLY, I LOVE CURLING: Used to hate curling like anybody else, because nothing involving brooms and women five months pregnant can possibly be considered a sport. But now I love curling. That's because I now have a favorite player, Madeleine Dupont of Denmark, who has raised eyebrows by posing topless for a European curling-federation calendar. I personally do not care to know the dates of any upcoming curling matches, but would be pleased to have the calendar just in case.

MORE BIG NUDES: MICHAEL VICK: Nude curling. That reminds me. Playgirl magazine has offered a $1 million donation to PETA if Michael Vick will pose nude in the magazine.

DALAI LAMA ON TIGER WOODS: Tibet's exiled spiritual leader said (click here) that he had never heard of Tiger Woods in a brief weekend interview from his hotel suite in Beverly Hills. Still trying to decide what's more ludicrous: That anyone who spends a great deal of time in the U.S. hasn't heard of Tiger Woods. Or that a spiritual leader would require the lavish trappings of a Beverly Hills suite. (Pictured left, apropos of nothing, a Tiger Mardi Gras float lampooning his infidelity and fall from grace).

SERENA'S FALLBACK CAREER: Palm Beach-based tennis star Serena Williams reveals on her Twitter site that she is taking classes (pictured right) to learn how to be a nail technician. As in giving manicures. As in trimming other people's toenails. This is either an inventively orchestrated gag or just about the most bizarre thing I can recall a millionaire athlete doing since Ricky Williams quit the NFL to go live in a tent in the Australian outback. Either way, points to Serena.

CAN DOWN SYNDROME EVER BE FAIR GAME FOR HUMOR?: This is about a scene from Family Guy in which Chris is dating a young woman with Down Syndrome -- the voiceover done by an actress with Down Syndrome, if that matters. Click here for a bit of the scene, which needles Sarah Palin, and for Palin's reaction.

HEADLINES YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D SEE (one in a series): Click here. The other possibility is to keep the design like it is, and teach your young child the concept of taking small bites and chewing.

DEAR GREG...: ..."Your blog's OK, but would be better if occasionally you would show an airline safety-card depicting Willy Wonka making an emergency exit. Thank you."

Twitter.com/gregcote