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May 31, 2013

Best/worst: Miami having both LeBron James & Jeffrey Loria is our deal with the devil; plus Birdman suspended!, Prancerise, Exxxotica & more

1) It is SATURDAY, JUNE 1. Watch for our Heat-Pacers Game 6 post from Indianapolis by early-mid- afternooon. 2) In The Previous Blogpost (ITPB): Heat Game 5 win, Heat biggest-problem poll, LeBron fined, Hands-Free Whopper Holder, Armando Salguero, Sad-O-Meter.

TWITTER: @gregcote. INSTAGRAM: upsetbird. VINE: Greg Cote.

Birdman suspended by NBA from Game 6: David (Gramps) Stern did not like Chris (Birdman) Andersen shoving Indiana's Tyler (Annoying) Hansbrough last night. He "should have been ejected," the commissioner said Friday. "A serious review of his activities is called for." That suggested a possible suspension from Game 6 Saturday -- which the league handed down today. Will likely mean more minutes for Joel (Forgotten) Anthony.

Click on The Heat's Big 1 for my column off Game5.

THE BEST AND THE WORST. MIAMI HAS BOTH ON FULL DISPLAY: Mentioning Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria in the same sentence as Heat superstar LeBron James is a bit like spooning a pile of dog poo onto the plate beside the filet mignon, but it occurs to me Miami has the absolute best and worst in all of sports -- the greatest of all and the most vilified of any -- and that both men are on full display right 1aa1jameslebnow, doing what they do. Last night, LeBron's 30 points and tour de force third quarter were carrying the Heat to a 3-2 Eastern Conference finals lead over Indiana and closer to a second straight NBA championship, just the freshest evidence that nobody in any American sport is greater or more dominant than LeBron right now. Around the same time, the 1aa1loriajeffMarlins team ruined by the hated owner Loria was losing a ninth consecutive game and is now on pace to lose more than even the woe-standard '62 Mets. (See our Sad-O-Meter feature below for the unfortunate quantification). Loria somehow thought he could get away with betraying the public who built him a new ballpark by decimating his team payroll again. He either thought his cheap, minor-league-quality roster would somehow win or that fans would blindly show up anyway. He's been dead wrong on both counts. Loria has made the Marlins a laughingstock and left fans no choice but to count days until he is gone. Sports' two extremes -- both ours. You know what, though? If this is our deal with the devil, we'll take it right? If I told you the new stadium had transformed Loria into a big-spending, likeable owner of a competitive ballclub but that meant LeBron never took his talents to South Beach ... would you make that trade? Joy is more powerful than heartache in the sports arena. Happiness trumps anger. Among all of the benefits and pleasures of calling LeBron James our own, there is this: The success he embodies and pride he brings to South Florida make it a little easier to stomach -- or better yet ignore -- Loria and his kingdom in ruins.

SAD-O-METER: NINE LOSSES IN ROW HAVE MARLINS HURTLING TO IGNOMINY!: We have this new blog 1aa1bbsadfeature we update as long as Marlins' winning percentage is under .300 -- as long as the New York Mets' infamous 1962 record of 40-120 (.250) is within dubious reach. Well, nine straight losses now have the S-O-M exploding on record pace. Updated Sad-O-Meter: Current record, 13-41 (.241). Season projection, 39.0 wins, 123.0 losses.

1aa1pranceMEET 'PRANCERISE': A strange-looking woman with 1970s Texas hair (pictured) has developed an exercise program called Prancercise. It is the marriage of slow jogging and fey dance steps to a little bit of an equine beat. (Or is it a cameltoe beat? OY!) Click HERE for the video but be warned: It as as creepy as it is unintentionally funny, and you may never be the same for having watched it. It would be bizarre to see a woman in a park actually doing this. The word has not yet been invented for what it would be like to see a man doing this.

1aa1teaganpEXXXOTICA EXPO: The annual festival devoted to sex (and if necessary, love) moves from South Beach this year to the Broward County Convention Center in Fort Lauderdale today through Sunday. Pictured: Adult-film star Teagan Presley rocking the Birdman-like tats. Odds Teagan Presley has heard of Chris Andersen: 15-to-1.   

Click back. Will be updating/adding to this latest blogpost...

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