[Twitter.com/gregcote One of my latest followers happens to be none other than Ricky Williams with an interesting project of his in support of our military called Fantasy4Charity. Check it out].
[Note: Look for our "PS3: Dolphins @ Tampa Bay" post to be up by mid-afternoon today/Thursday].
D-WADE ON BEASLEY: Dwyane Wade's first comment, via Twitter, brought to you here verbatim: Everyone say a prayer for our lil brother,but please don't judge the man. we all make mistakes,beas i'm here if you need anything fam
HONK IF YOU ARE A DOLPHINS PART-OWNER: Good lord but does any owner in any professional sport love celebrity and thrill to align himself with it more than the Dolphins' Stephen Ross? At least Ross' shenanigans and the football side have been kept separate. Well, I mean other than plans for Serena and Venus both to quarterback one series for the Dolphins at Tampa Bay Thursday night.
CANES LEFT WITH ZERO BACKUP EXPERIENCE AT QB: [Click here for my column on this, online now and shipping to Wednesday's paper]. UM losing QBs Taylor Cook and Cannon Smith, one of whom would have been the No. 2, to transfer on the same day. That leaves true freshman A.J. Highsmith as the backup. None of this is a huge issue if starter Jacory Harris stays healthy and plays well. But if Harris were to be injured, the Canes would have less experience at QB than just about any team in the nation. I'll have a column on this later today. For now, take a dip in our poll -- which is blazin' and shot past 1,000 votes in just a couple of hours -- and share your thoughts.
HEAT'S BEASLEY CRISIS: News broke today that young Heat star Michael Beasley is in a Houston rehab center for substance abuse and emotional issues. Click here for my new column on this, online and in Tuesday's paper (and a national top-10 column today on USSportspages.com). Beasley recently showed this picture of himself on his Twitter site, showing off his new, wing festooned, back spanning 'SupercoolBeas' tattoo. The controversy arose because of an interpretation that, below right in the photo, between the 7-Up bottle and the TV remote, is what when blown up appears to possibly be a baggy of weed. Even more curious: Beasley has since closed his Twitter site, and the photo has been removed. Would he have done that if the object lower-right in the photo wasn't what it seemed? Hmm. Anyway, I have heard a myriad of emotions expressed about Beasley today and wanted to invite your opinion with a new poll. Should a Heat fan be feeling anger? Disappointment? Sympathy? What? Vote and expound!
NUDE WOMAN ON SUBWAY: Only in New York, right? An actress, nude on a subway (left), being photographed. Either that or it's a city of New York stun to increase subway ridership.
EDGERRIN FINDS WORK: Ex-Cane RB Edgerrin James is back in the NFL for probably his last shot, a Seattle Seahawk.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING ERNEST: To the Dolphins, apparently, the importance was minimal. His agent Drew Rosenhaus Tweeted this morning -- and we were the first at The Miami Herald to bring it to you -- that Miami has released Ernest Wilford. A bit of a surprise if only because Wilford caught a touchdown pass in the first preseason game, but not a surprise overall. When you fail at your chosen craft (wide receiver) and you are undersized and don't block well enough to make it as a tight end, you are certifiably a man without a position. (Ernest is pictured here with his wife. Too bad he never looked that good on the field).
MARLINS WIN SECOND STRAIGHT OVER SAD METS: The Marlins, stumbling in the playoff chase, snared another big win here last night, 5-3 over the semi-Mets. Fla's playoff shot has inched up to 8.8 percent, according to the coolstandings site I like. That's 3.5% for the division title and 5.3% for the wild card. If you figure Florida needs 90 wins for a decent chance at the postseason, that would mean a 23-13 record from here. At least. Hey maybe they can figure out a way for Josh Johnson to pitch on one days' rest!
SUEY!: The LeBatard show on sports-radio 790 The Ticket has its annual "Suey Awards" today. Does that have anything to do with the Dolphins' swine flu scare? I'm just asking!
BROOKLYN. WHERE YOU WANNA BE: Here is a photo of Brooklyn Decker, Andy Roddick's wife. I figure Roddick could fail to win a single tennis tournament all season and he's still having a great year.
GET OFF VICK'S BACK: Michael Vick is photographed sipping a vodka with pineapple juice and the condemners come out again? Please. The Eagles say alcohol by itself is not prohibited in Vick's reinstatement terms. That's good enough for me. If he's arrested or is photographed kicking a dog, then we can all start hating again, how's that?
SHOW OF PERSONALITY THREATENS LPGA: LPGA golfer Christina Kim (pictured showing emotion) raised eyebrows during the recent Solheim Cup with her somewhat Happy Gilmoresque displays of exuberance. You know, what? Let her go nuts. Women's golf is in such a black hole in terms of fan and media attention, I'd be all for the LPGA'ers stripping down to bra and panties and cartwheeling down the fairway.
HEALTHY-APPEARING CASTRO MAY BE WAX STATUE: Said not too long ago to be on his death-bed, an apparently healthy looking Cuban leader Fidel Castro is seen here photographed Friday with Ecuador president Rafael Correa. However, the Castro in the photo is believed to be a wax figure, according to totally unfounded speculation in Greg Cote's blog.
"DOLPHINS VOICES": Hey who says the Dolphins are going all hip-hop with their T-Pain song and Flo Rida on the sideline! The team wants to prove it can still be square as Granpappy by forming what amounts to a barbershop quartet times two. "Dolphins Voices" will be an eight-person a capella group that will perform the nartional anthem at home games. Open tryouts will be from 4-8 p.m. Tuesday/tomorrow at the Hard Rock Paradise Live and Thursday at Bongos Cuban Cafe.
TEBOW VIRGINITY CONTINUES: Pictured are a few more of the young women, perhaps potentially willing participants, with whom Gators quarterback Tim Tebow steadfastly has refused to have sex.
LATEST ROUND OF THANKS...: ...for running my stuff include Belleville (Ill.) News Democrat, Los Angeles Times, Philadelphia Inquirer Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, San Antonio Express, Seattle Times, SportsBusiness Daily and Wall Street Journal.
[Know any Brendan Benson fans? Be sure to check out my new side project at Twitter.com/Brendan_News].
Wilford out. Is Kris Williams far behind?
Posted by: OC Dolphin | August 24, 2009 at 11:51 AM
OC Dolphin,
it says here lex hilliard will be running back kicks on thursday and if he is somewhat successful, kris williams will be history. i guess wilford was not up to tight end specs, probably a lousy blocker on a team that needs a TE to block first and then catch the ball in tight space, like our man fasano. that catch he made last year when the ball was behind him was a highlight of a very good year.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 24, 2009 at 12:34 PM
Poor Tebow.
The Dolphins "show" continues to distract.
Posted by: mike1 | August 24, 2009 at 12:38 PM
shadow,
This team is starting; starting mind you, to have the need of cutting some rather good players, so as to keep even better ones. Can't remember back how long that was that any Dolphins team had that luxury.
Posted by: OC Dolphin | August 24, 2009 at 12:46 PM
Looks like the Fins are getting ready to make that first of three Super Bowl runs that I mentioned last year. The team is starting to shape up well. I was worried about the O-Line but it seems like Donald Thomas will be a main stay if he can avoid injury and stay healthy.
My gutt feeling tells me that he will and the Fins will make a huge impact in the running game with Ronnie, Ricky and Cobbs. I think they should keep Hilliard...he has some break away speed and can juke defenders in the open field.
Ernest Wilford gone. Chris Williams gone. It's not surprising but unfortunate for Wilford. I think he will be a good WR for another team, now that he knows what he needs to work on.
Eric Green being cut was the most shocking of all. He wasn't stepping up and was warned several times, so I guess that was that.
I really like the approach that Sparano and the entire coaching staff is taking in regards to holding every player accountable. It will spark a sense of urgency and passion for the game- that maybe some of the guys lost.
The Dolphins will repeat as AFC East Champs with a 11-5 record...march through the play-offs and make history once again by being the first team ever to win a Super Bowl on their own home field. It will be the first of three in a row that I see happening..!!
I can't wait for the season opener against the Falcons....Oh Yhea!! GO FINS!!!
Posted by: Flipper72 | August 24, 2009 at 02:40 PM
OC Dolphin,
i hear you on the fact that the dolphins are keeping better players and letting decent ones go- a great sign for the season to come. thursday night versus tampa we shall see the team that will play the regular season, as the last game will be used to look at those really competitive spots on the final roster.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 24, 2009 at 03:29 PM
Flipper72,
agreed on lex hilliard and on donald thomas. donald thomas actually blocked people saturday night, instead of the pushing and leaning that passes for offensive line play in the NFL these days. the guy is strong, and if he gets off the line quickly should be able to open holes for the dolphins' runners. for the first time in a long while, miami is not reconstructing the offensive line at 4 positions. they are solid at the tackles and with donald thomas, and they imported a "proven" center. looking good up front!!
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 24, 2009 at 03:35 PM
guys, I echo all of your sentiments. I predicted that Wilford would be gone, Williams after dropping punt return.
Flipper, I wasn't surprised by cutting Wilford. He was doomed on draft day when they picked up 2 WR. Hilliard is a keeper but most teams don't keep 4 RB on the roster,, I hope he stays. Donald Thomas is a beast and along with Justin Smiley,, OG is set. Both have a history of injury. Suppose the developement of G Sean Murphy has made the team comfortable in trading 2 linemen today.
I'll take that first of 3 SBowls your preaching this year. In the past seasons I have been cautious and thought your predictions were too high,, but I'm feeling yah now. Were getting there, getting better & stronger & this team is ALWAYS looking for an upgrade.
Dolphins are in a position that some good player going to go,, numbers game. Traded 2 O linemen to Chiefs today.
Mike1. Tebow is a class act and a terrific QB... UM only wishes they had someone a fraction of Tim's talent. Jacory Harris...lol there. Jacory needs to start snacking on a Turkey leg when he's on the sidelines.....ha
Long live the King............Big Fat Tuna!!!
Posted by: Jimbo | August 24, 2009 at 03:51 PM
Beasley has portrayed himself to be the very essence of the overpaid underwhelming nitwit that makes the NBA the third matching shoe in my sports closet. I left the NBA and keeping track of the sport years ago with the antics of the likes of Iverson and Artest. Keep paying them millions per year and expect to continue to receive what you can plainly see.
Posted by: kilobeast | August 24, 2009 at 04:49 PM
Jimbo,
i believe most NFL teams keep at least 4 runners on the roster, if not 5-6; last year the dolphins had ronnie brown, ricky williams, patrick cobbs and polite; they may have even had another guy. i agree that the miami dolphins of 2009 will be better than last year's team, but 11-5 will be a tough accomplishment. defeating atlanta in the opener is a must, and we'll know about the dolphins by how they handle playing a playoff team with some offensive muster in matt ryan, michael bennett, and the newly acquired tony gonzalez. can't wait for the opener to come around and the fellas play for real. also in agreement that the ofensive line is mega-better than it was when last season opened.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 24, 2009 at 09:32 PM
kilobeast,
for the reasons you stated and a few more, it is impossible to take the NBA seriously. anyone who saw the heat last year knew that michael beasley's head was elsewhere when his body was on the court; the fact that they nixed a trade for carlos boozer because beasley was involved was a bad, bad mistake. carlos boozer is an accomplished NBA player who really has gotten much better the last couple of years.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 24, 2009 at 09:36 PM
Good for Tim Tebow. What a fine example for our young people to follow and so handsome too! Oh my I better behave myself. I'm already "married" don't you know...
Posted by: Sister Mary Elephant | August 24, 2009 at 10:20 PM
Cote the almost nonexistent response to your poll question about Beasley comes from the fact that you left off the best choice...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
Unlike Flipper72, I have not figured out the Fish yet. The D seems vastly improved, but the O seems no better than last year. At the end of the day, having no NFL caliber WRs is going to be a huge handicap. Ginn, Camarillo and Bess are 2nd tier players, at best. Put that together with a killer schedule and it may be a very tough year. Not that we won't go 11-5, just that 11-5 this year will be miles better than the 11-5 last year.
Got my tickets for the opening game in Atlanta on Sept 13th. Go Fish!
OC you getting geared up for your annual poll?
Oh one more thing, phuk Eric Holder.
Posted by: Tom | August 25, 2009 at 06:23 AM
Kilobeast you left basketball because of the antics of Iverson? What did Iverson do? Oh no he got tatoos and made a rap record and missed practice. Practice? Good riddance to you beast.
Beasley is a young guy who unfortunately got caught doing what most young people with money will do. Unfortunately we live in an increasingly judgmental society coupled with increasing access into people's personal lives.
Posted by: Dave | August 25, 2009 at 10:19 AM
kilobeast, shadow,
I have never spent a penny on anything NBA licensed. Never will either. I liked Jordan, Duncan, Robinson, Bird, Magic Johnson and a lot other good stories not mentioned. But the good is over trumped by the bad leading me to boycott $ them.
Tom, I have to agree with Coach Sparano on the WR issue you mentioned. He likes this group, they practice & play hard. They also get the job done. I really don't care if the Fins can't line up in the shotgun and throw bombs all day like in the Marino era.
This run D looks stout, the pass rush looks scary good and the DB's added and slated to start look like the best overall talented group the Dolphins ever possessed. Madison and Surtain were great but didn't have the S talent equal to what is here now.
Offensively the Line looks more in sync and stouter pushing people around. Run game should be good and the WildCat is going to be expanded,, adding new kid White.
WR & TE may not have a superstar but as a group they are better then mediocre, they play hard and are reliable. That with a QB who plays smart produces points, not 2 long bomb nice to see on ESPN but still lose 45-38 like many Marino games when it mattered.
This is a championship caliber team and still developing.
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 12:11 PM
Ok Cote, I'll back your plan to get Micheal Vick, should Eagles make him available, only if the Dolphins sign "The Virgin Tim Tebow" to counter Vick's negative karmic influence...
Posted by: r. duke | August 25, 2009 at 01:23 PM
Hmmm, as I was saying when I first saw 100year old Castro take tumble off stage into a bunch of folding metal chairs I thought this guy is a slapstick comedy genius! I never laughed so hard in my life...
Posted by: r. duke | August 25, 2009 at 01:39 PM
Tom,
i don't know about your use of the term "second tier" regarding the WRs. true that there is no andre johnson in the group, but how many larry fitzgeralds and andre johnsons are there? i would suggest most teams in the NFL play with "second tier" wideouts. however, as our good friend Jimbo states, they get the job done and fit into the dolphins' system. same for the TEs- anthony fasano is a very good tight end- blocks and catches the balls within his reach; he may not be tony gonzalez, but few are. whom would you rather have on the dolphins- fasano or jeremy shockey, a talented pascatcher that the giants dumped. kellen winslow, jr or fasano? i'll take fasano over the trouble that jr. brings with him.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 25, 2009 at 01:46 PM
Tom hit it on the nose, if we're 11-5 this year it's a whole lot better than 11-5 last year.
We're talking the Phins toughest schedule in its history, following the easiest schedule in its history. We'll really find out about the team this year.
Posted by: mike1 | August 25, 2009 at 01:47 PM
Jimbo,
i share your sentiments about the 2009 dolphins. as stated previously, my concerns are the run defense and special teams coverage. although the dolphins would prefer not to use #15 in punt return duty, he had a nice year last year, averaging almost 10 yards a return. i am looking at hartline on PR and lex hilliard returning kickoffs-we'll see.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 25, 2009 at 01:49 PM
canes fans,
two QBs bolt the team- rayray armstrong is moving up the depth charts at qb by process of elimination-starting safety and 3rd string quarterback for rayray, one of the best football players i have seen at the high school level.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 25, 2009 at 01:52 PM
Tom,
i read your post on the other thread and i must tell you that i was not a big fan of mark sanchez while he was at USC; he gets flustered easily and runs out of the pocket very quickly. while he can throw while on the move, i don't think that the jets will win many games in his first year.he came out early so that he woldn't be in the same draft as colt mccoy, sam bradford, tim tebow and others. he made the right decision for his wallet, as he would have been the 4th or 5th QB in this upcoming draft.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 25, 2009 at 02:02 PM
THE TRUTH IS THIS IS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. TWO LEFT AND TWO ARE STILL AVAILABLE. THE TWO WHO ARE STILL AVAILABLE ARE OBVIOUSLY TEAM PLAYERS AND WITH THE SCHEDULE THE UM HAVE IN THE BEGINNING. THEY NEED ONLY A U NITIZED TEAM, NOT SOM EONE SECRETLY HOPING FOR AN I NJURY SO THAT THEY CAN START. WE KN OW HOW GOOD JACORY IS AND FROM WHAT I'M HEARING THIS OTHER YOUNG MAN HIGHSMITH WILL BE AN EXCELLENT BACK UP AND IS WILLING TO WAIT HIS TURN AS JACORY HARRIS DID. LET'S GO CANES. UNITY IS CONFORMITY AND CONFORMITY BREEDS A CHAMPION EVERYTIME.
Posted by: RICK THE TRUTH SPEAKER | August 25, 2009 at 02:33 PM
RICK THE TRUTH SPEAKER,
the canes are not deep at QB- jacory harris was very spotty last year and they have a completely inexperienced back-up, same as last year's scenario minus the presence of the overrated robert marve. i hear that harris has bulked up a few pounds which should improve his arm strength, as last year he was throwing ducks. UM has a brutal opening to the schedule and will need optimal performances from all to start 2-2 or better.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 25, 2009 at 04:09 PM
11-5 this year? LOL!
Not happening!
Figure on 8-8.
Remember: Things went your way last season as you could have easily gone 6-10 if not for a couple of breaks. But, good teams make their own breaks. Most of the time. Not all of the time.
Secondly, Pennington had a career year. Didn't turn the ball over much. Same for the running game. Banner season.
All of these things will not repeat themselves so soon in the rebuilding process.
Maybe in 2-3 more years. But your team will look a whole lot different than does this year, roster-wise.
Uou need a couple more good / great trades or good / great drafts in order to sniff a Super Bowl.
Anybody who thinks otherwise is only fooling themselves.
Posted by: Kurt | August 25, 2009 at 06:13 PM
Unfortunately, Kurt is right on pretty much all his points. We saw Pennington fall apart once he had a tough defense on him. However, there can be surprises. Ravens won it all with a spotty QB one year.
For the Canes, it doesn't matter much. Coker destroyed the team and Shannon is no Butch Davis. They can't get top notch players / QBs. The only real bad thing about this is that if Harris gets injured, Miami will get slaughtered vs Oklahoma much more than currently planned.
Posted by: mike1 | August 25, 2009 at 07:13 PM
Jimbo, just came across this
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/25/students.science.math/index.html
Posted by: mike1 | August 25, 2009 at 07:26 PM
mike1,
watched maccabi haifa play a terrific match in the UEFA cup against an austrian side. they will be gone in the next stage but it still is nice for the fans in israel to advance to the next round. best player on their team is an arab teenager!!
what is amazing about the situation at UM is that when butch the liar left for the pros, most of the players lobbied for larry coker to be the head coach. whatever his prowess as an offensive co-ordinator, at the time, didn't strike me as someone who would be a great recruiter; turns out he wasn't.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 25, 2009 at 08:34 PM
I didn't know that game was on. A few years ago, Israel made a good run at the World Cup (or was it Euro Cup) qualifiers; came very close. A couple of Arab guys kept hitting game tieing (tying?) goals. I say "tieing" because Israel beat no one (except twice vs Cyprus I think) and lost to no one. I believe they had France and the Swiss also in their group.
I didn't like that Butch left, but he raised UM from the bottom of NCAA sanctions and did it while removing the thug stigma of the JJ and Dennis E. era. Coker was gifted the most talented team in college football and lucked out; but the very next year you could see the decline in progress on-field discipline fell apart. Talent overcame sloppiness to win the season...but...
The lack of discipline peaked in the Ohio State game. Though there were two bad calls in OSU's OT drive; the dominant UM should have sealed that game in the 2nd qrt but for a ton of miscues, costly and untimely penalties. I don't blame that loss entirely on the ref.
The subsequent years got sloppier and sloppier..while Coker's recruiting did not keep up. The combination of this led to what we have today.
Posted by: mike1 | August 25, 2009 at 09:19 PM
Mike1, your killing me. That article is no surprise, we (U & I) agree on that. concerning indeed. That comment by the Teachers Union being against any premium pay for top teachers...?... If it attracts the best to teach the "hungry" students.. why not? Because , it might create anamosity. Sorry, I don't buy that theory. You pay the best performers the top $, you get better from everyone. Try this, take schools from American inner cities, compare grades with cowboy states out west and see the difference... ALTHOUGH city kids schools recieve way more $ then the others. Who has been the top spelling Bee kids of late? Kids who's parents are Asian decent. Studies have shown that the highest IQ's consistantly are coming from India region. It's not to infer that IQ and overall intelligence comes from race but CULTURE. Some value hard work and education, some value TV, sports & music. Thanks for the article Mike.
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 09:32 PM
Kurt, where yah been? Picking cans on the road side? just kidding.
Honestly tho, there is room on the Miami Bandwagon. We'll even let you stay and forgive all the unpleasantries you preached....let by-gones be by-gones. By hanging on here, it is apparent that 1. You are impressed by us, particularly me and the Duke. 2. You got no real friends. 3. You really love the Dolphins. Bet you even have a Jason Taylor fathead poster above your #3 racecar shaped bed.
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 09:38 PM
Mike1, you mentioned Butch Davis.
Do you think he'll make North Carolina a winner?
I thought he did a great job with the Hurricanes.
Hurricanes are going to be second rate compared to the Gators as long as Urban Meyer stays at Florida.
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 09:44 PM
Kurt, I don't know how many exact games the Fins will win this yr but..... They are going to win the AFC East again.. Just admit it, were there, were staying, were top dog. If Miami goes 10-6, so be it, Patriots will still end up in 2nd place. Betcha Brady ain't too thrilled seeing Taylor back at De/LB and this unstoppable passrush.
shadow, from what I have seen, the Fins D against the run looks good. Good, young, big talent rotating in that line. Also share your concern about the special teams coverage units... Feel like the whole team lets up at tackling sometimes.
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 09:53 PM
Tom,
You got me a ticket for the Falcons vs Fins game 2 right buddy?
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 09:54 PM
joke of the day:
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some "ASSICONS?"
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 10:12 PM
here's another:
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer -- are walking together one day. They come across an antique lamp and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish", says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in
Canada." Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in
Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, most particularly Jews or Americans can come into our precious Islamic state." Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says, "Before I make a wish, I am very
curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
The engineer says, "Fill it with water."
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 10:14 PM
Don't know if you guys have seen this, but it is spectacular:
http://www.maniacworld.com/Phone-Salesman-Amazes-Crowd.html
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 10:21 PM
r. duke, this one's 4 U:
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted!
Posted by: Jimbo | August 25, 2009 at 11:22 PM
Jimbo, it didn't matter where that joke was going. It was funny the whole way. No punchline even needed.
Posted by: r. duke | August 26, 2009 at 01:42 AM
Chappaquiddick Ted is gone.
Posted by: Mary Jo Kopechne | August 26, 2009 at 09:38 AM
Jimbo, Butch has improved UNC. We'll see. Not all one-time successful coaches can make miracles all the time. Schnellenberger first made UM champs, but has never repeated elsewhere. All I know is that Shannon can't do it and I don't know what Shalalalalala's doing.
I like your jokes, but I have to defer the long ones to later when I have time.
Here's a CNN headliner today (it's a video, not an article)
"She survived cancer, now drowns in debt "
Of course, it's from the liberal CNN; but I think it's a valid point.
Posted by: mike1 | August 26, 2009 at 10:58 AM
mike1,
health care is a serious issue- unfortunately no one has the answer that will satisfy all. a person is blessed these days to have health insurance no matter the wait in the doctor's office, which can be a while most of the time. we'll be looking at dolphins 2009 tomorrow night as game 3 of the pre-season is where most of the time the starters play significant minutes.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 26, 2009 at 11:20 AM
shadow,
I've got the answer to the healthcare issue. Not going to happen, but here goes:
1. Eliminate all lawsuits. Your doctor removes the wrong organ - oops! To bad. Next time get a better doctor.
2. Eliminate all insurance.
3. Everyone has access to healthcare. The more you can afford, the better the care.
4. Those that still can't afford the most basic of costs, say, $75 for stitches or $30 for a basic doctor's visit, would be covered by a government program, but would have to repay those costs by working at some government sponsored need until satisfying that expenditure. Say, picking up trash by the expressways.
Posted by: OC Dolphin | August 26, 2009 at 11:50 AM
I guess I'd be picking up trash for a month. My stitches cost me $1000. It was 30 minutes after doctor offices were closed; had to go for emergency care. They said it was $300 up front just to get inside and see a Dr.
I waited for 3 hours. Dr. came in and stitched it up in 33 second flat. Then came the flood of about 10 different types of bills totalling over $3000, of which I had to pay $1000 for a deductible.
When they told me up front how much it "might" cost me, I debated even getting it done or just living with a nasty face scar. By rule, the office could not advise me as to whether I really needed it. So it was up to me to make a quick decision; and of course, in those circumstances you don't want to risk looking like a freak so you just do it and pay later.
This is a small example. Other people face more complicated decisions. Spend a million of which they don't have, or die or be crippled.
The next complication is when folks get laid off; and then have no insurance. Maybe they get another job later..but now if they have a pre-existing condition, they won't be covered for it.
Posted by: mike1 | August 26, 2009 at 12:57 PM
mike1,
those emergency rooms are a minimum of 2-3 hours of waiting unless a guy comes in with a limb hanging by a thread. i hear you about the costs to get in there- at cedars-sinai in LA it is $500 for entrance plus whatever they bill for the treatment. as far as making a patient make a snap decision about having a "phnatom of the opera face"- i mean, who is gonna say yes to that, no matter what the cost. hope you are doing okay, and USC is gonna be in a dogfight in the pac-10; they play oregon and cal on the road and methinks the ducks will wind up in pasadena on new year's!! oregon has a sophisticated offense and the trojans have only 3 starters returning; we'll see what coach pete can do with youngsters replacing NFL draftees that made up our LBing corps last season.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 26, 2009 at 01:59 PM
mike1,
Interesting that you bring up your example. Last week my teenage son tried to scale a pool fence and ripped a 1" gash across his forehead. It was of course, weekend and after hours. After securing the wound I took him to the emergency care down the way. They asked me my insurance card, naturally, to which I told them that I was going to pay for it "out of pocket," and here is my ATM card.
Long story short, same amount of time as yours took, $300 out the door, including taking the stitches out this past Thursday.
The medical industry is central, part and main player in ripping off the masses. They count on insurance abuse. The strategy to use right now is to obtain some form of catastrophic insurance with close to $0 deductible. If, God forbid, a serious issue arises and one has to go into the hospital, you're covered. Otherwise, tell them you have no insurance and are willing to pay out of pocket, right now.
Paying a huge deductible each month, overpaying for every single procedure is playing right into the industry's hands.
Hope I gave you ideas on how to save a few bucks.
Posted by: OC Dolphin | August 26, 2009 at 02:12 PM
OC Dolphin,
that was a good coffee shop on hawthorne blvd.!!! close to where i was living and good food.
i hear/share your concerns about the health care industry. my wife just had a couple of tests done which took an hour and a half and for which the insurance company was billed $8,000!!! which somebody is gonna pay eventually!!!! what a country, huh?
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 26, 2009 at 03:35 PM
mike1,
currently watching arsenal in the UEFA cup; they have celtic way overmatched. the start of the NFL season soon and the premier league already going- man u, chelsea and the gunners look pretty good, even though some of the bottom feeders started quickly.
Posted by: the shadow knows | August 26, 2009 at 03:38 PM
Luckily, I had dissolving stitches and didn't need to go back to pay more to remove them. I'm not sure what the charges would've been out of pocket at this hospital; I still think it would be a lot. I didn't have much time to weigh options.
I had already been to an Urgent Care and they refused to treat me because the Dr wasn't sure he could do a good job. So I wasted time already waiting for 2 hrs just to be sent away.
I sometimes chuckle when I get insurance statements -- I may go see a Dr to presc. renewal. Spend 2 hrs waiting. Dr sees me for one minute, writes the prescription. Tries to get $300 from insurance; they grant him $150. Crazy non-sense.
Ever spent a night in the hospital? 10-20 separate bills come at you later on.
Posted by: mike1 | August 26, 2009 at 03:47 PM
Shadow, it's almost time for another season of the retarded NCAA ranking system and BCS controversy. Sometimes I think I need to brush that nonsense aside and just enjoy watching a few good dramatic battles. First, need to get through the usual powder puff games. Each team really only plays a few challenging games per season.
Posted by: mike1 | August 26, 2009 at 03:50 PM