What should Dolphins do with Randy Starks? (with poll); plus Anquan Boldin development, surprising NBA, horrific toilet paper & more

     [Twitter.com/gregcote]

     A Nuggets-Magic Finals?: The Lakers and their fans should be very concerned today that Carmelo Anthony felt and played like [bleep] last night and still the Denver Nuggets beat L.A. pretty convincingly. Likewise, over in the East, Orlando is giving every indication it may be a better team than Cleveland. You know that Kobe Bryant-LeBron James duel in the Finals that seemed so inevitable? Looking more like a Denver-Orlando Finals at the moment. Quick aside to TV: Enough with the Chris "Birdman" Andersen (left) fascination, already! Also, I must say the rapper Birdman (right) does not appear very happy about his name being appropriated.

      Sports' latest dumbass: Dolphin Randy Starks: [Click here for new column by me on athletes behaving badly]. At some point over the long Memorial Day Weekend, marginal young Dolphins defensive end Randy Starks (pictured in Miami Beach police portait) apparently thought to himself it would be a good idea to drive the Freightliner (an example of which is pictured) in bumper-to-bumper traffic around midnight on South Beach. With 13 people jammed into a truck cab designed to hold four. Including a woman on his lap. Further it would be neat, thought Randy, apparently, to ignore a policeman's instruction to stop and then to veer into said cop, bringing about a charge of aggravated battery. Did I mention the truck's license plate was not registered to that vehicle? It is difficult to conclude that Randy's only crime was Driving While Black. Although we might agree on Driving The World's Most Conspicuous And Overcrowded Vehicle With A Woman On Your Lap While Black. Professional athletes' capacity for dumbassosity just never ceases to amaze.

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     [Note: The above is our 63rd blogpoll to surpass 1,000 votes within the first day. Thanks as always!]

     Anquan Boldin getting antsy: Agent Drew Rosenhaus confirmed today he has been fired by Cardinals WR Anquan Boldin, an obvious sign that Boldin either wants an extended contract or a trade and wants it soon. Me speculating: The change in agents can't but help to rekindle interest in teams that could use Boldin but had hit roadblocks. I would very much include the team from South Florida.  

     Jose Canseco continues quiet, uneventful retirement: Jose Canseco lost his mixed martial arts debut, losing in 1:17 of the first round in Japan to a 7-2, 330-pound South Korean man. Canseco is why bad reality TV was invented. (That was not a compliment). 

     Marlsox lurking in weeds: My Adler's Marlsox fantasy baseball team stands fifth of 10 teams with 57.5 points, but that's a mere three points from second place. The key: Finally benching Ricky Nolasco, albeit a few weeks too late. I am an anaconda, lurking in the weeds. That's if  anacondas lurk in weeds. Otherwise. I am whatever lurks in weeds.

     Paris Hilton pays quick visit to blog: Gossip writers falsely reported that Paris Hilton had been kicked off a yacht owned by Elton John partner David Furnish for having sex in a bathroom. Two thoughts: 1) It's sad day when you can't trust gossip writers. 2) If you're Paris Hilton, isn't such a report considered a career enhancement? (Pictured at right: Paris expresses concern in officially condemning North Korea's continued defiant nuclear missile-testing).

     Latest thanks...: ...to some of the outlets that have run my stuff lately, including Boston Herald, Detroit Free-Press, Merced (CA) Sun-Star, Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, St. Louis Post-Dispatch and San Antonio Express. Was interviewed at length by author Jeff Carroll for his upcoming book on the UM-Notre Dame 1980s football rivalry. Also thanks as always to 790 The Ticket (Tuesdays 4:20ish).

     An idea either brilliant, or full of crap: A Japanese company has taken to a new level the concept of reading while on the toilet, publishing a horror story by Koji Suzuki on rolls of toilet paper. Somewhere in America, Stephen King is saying, "Why didn't I think of that!"

     Utah boy keeps feet on ground, reaches for snails: An 11-year-old Utah boy allowed 43 live snails to crawl on his face in an effort to set a Guinness world record. Dream big, lad. Dream big.

Comments

[r. duke]

Regarding tarks rolling truck into a cop, DUH!

[r. duke]

Duh I mean Starks who is also a DUH to the power of 1000.

[r. duke]

As punishment Starks should have to go play for the Jets. I know that's harsh but how else are these lunkhead athletes going to learn?

[hande]

You, the team, and you the league, have to start sending a message to the players.

1. You are very lucky to be in pro sports.
2. You are and example to everyone, especially kids.
3. If you (F) up, you are out, period, no matter if you are a walk-on or a HOF'er.
4. You make in a game check, more than the average fan does in a lifetime. DON'T SH:T on them.

[mike1]

Dump him. I'd like to be a fan of a team with class. I agree with R. Duke and Hande's points.

Would we sing a different tune if it was a player who mattered a lot more? I would hope so.

[Jimbo]

handle, good point but unrealistic in todays cut throat pro sports.

Randy Starks apparently has an IQ problem. Coach should make this guy run (extra) every day until the coach gets tired.

The league would be wise to send idiots like this on a "volunteer" mission as police auxillary cops. Sure, let them shadow police to learn how demanding police work really is. Hey, let them work some night shifts at the police lock up dealing with wife beaters, rapists, drunks and whatever.

Paris Hilton gets a bad rap for doing what about 95% of us Dudes would do if we had all that $$$ dropped in our laps. Tell me that all of you would lead a totally clean good citizen life with that $$. To be honest, I'd have the time of my life and not look back.
NBA prediction. One of the favorites and an upset team will be in the finals. Either Lakers or Cavs will be watching finals on TV like shadow.

[r. duke]

Paris knows alittle about EVERYTHING and ALOT about nothing.

[r. duke]

Bet she could teach Randy Starks a thing or three...

[OC Dolphin]

[chorus]
cause we got a little convoy
13 and going strong.
Yeah, we got a little convoy,
f***em if it's wrong.
Come on and join our convoy
Aint nothin gonna get-n my way.
No cop, no coach, no tackle,
roll-in up A1A!

[FZB]

Gletlemen, I don't even know where to start

on the NBA finals, I'm rooting for the Nuggets and the Majic, just to have averyone at NBA's Headquesters jump off a cliff after their Dream matchup goes in the toilet....speaking of toilets, that Jap should be head of AIG...you guys feel in the blanks

Randy Starks---this man has the I-Q of a snail, which measure in very scientific terms is 000.0000000000000000.9 of 1%--need I say more????

On Anaconda's-- Cote, I don't think they need to lurke in the weeds, they're big enough to swallow a freaking cow.

[Jimbo]

lol OC.

Breaking News:
Fins just signed starting CB Will Allen to 2 yr contract extension. He is 30 yrs old, will be a Dolphin for the next 3 seasons.
Parcells & Co continue to make the smart moves that works for the Now and Future.

Randy Starks gets reprimanded financially and publically but not much else. Let him learn his lesson and move on. Team front office needs to make point perfectly clear that you act like an adult or your gone.

Paris Hilton is on my top 10 people to meet on my "bucket list". The other 9 just happen to be female porn actresses.

[Jimbo]

No again to trading the Cards anything for Anquan Boldin. Parcells is smart enough to let some other team overpay for ME ME ME Boldin.

[Jimbo]

Randy Starks is a "B" list backup anyway.

[TheChampionUnderdog]

cote is a douche.

[the shadow knows]

boys,

how far would it be from the truth in saying that today's athletes would be overpaid at twenty % of their salaries in most cases. their absurd salaries are owing to the amount of money the networks are paying for TV rights, of which they demand a substatntial chunk. the way that most sports have devolved to become unwatchable-checked out the NBA, MLB, or even the NFL (they throw more than guys playing touch in the street)lately? GRUESOME, UNBEARABLE, INTERMINABLE!! (how long do the last "two minutes" of an NBA game take in real time?) and ending near midnite with eight thirty/ nine o'clock starts for the baseball and basketball playoffs. at least the NHL starts at a reasonable time and the quality of the matches is decent.

[the shadow knows]

mike1,

manchester united again in the champions league? looks that way to these eyes, although i believe the crowd will be pro-baqrcelona in a big way!

[Jimbo]

That's a good point shadow. even mediocre starting pitchers get multi million $ contracts when they reach free agency. I remember a while back--really not that long ago either-- when superstars were starting to break the $1 mil a season salary.. then it was a big deal.

Cote.. Obviously in your eyes the Fins can't win the Super Bowl unless they somehow procure Mr Boldin's services at WR.......OK, why not do this,,, obtain WR Boldin in a straight up trade to the AZ Cards while giving up promising DL Randy Starks.!!! That is a trade LaTuna would take. As you see I want to be part of the solution not just a grandstander!

[Jimbo]

Randy Starks has his CDL License?
Maybe he aspires to be a trucker when his NFL career is over---which should be in the next 2-3 yrs considering the averages. Heard ginrai is volunteering to his copilot occasionally sitting on Randy's lap.
I say give the fool a 1000 cc motorcycle and let him go.

[r. duke]

Maybe Starks will be Dolphins Leon Lett without Lett's talent or quickness.

[r. duke]

Oh yes or Lett's position. I believe Lett was a NT but I've been wrong before.

[r. duke]

This blog could be in restrooms across country with Japs idea...

[General Jack Ripper, USAF]

COTE! YOU KNOW WHAT LURKS IN WEEDS SON?! PINKOS, YOUR HARDCORE COMMIES AND PERVERTS THAT'S WHAT!!!! WHICH ONE ARE YOU COTE! DON'T ANSWER THAT DOGFACE! IT WAS RHETORICAL heh heh."

[General Jack Ripper, USAF]

Jose Conseco should try to get on Flavo Flavs show...

[General Jack Ripper, USAF]

Birdman looks like he was hit the face with a two by four.

[Dave]

At first I thought Starks was in an SUV and it would be very easy to see where a cop was standing but know that I see what he was driving I think this is a totally trumped up charge. How could Starks see exactly where a cop was standing on the ground? That must have been one hell of a dumb cop to be standing so close to such a large truck. I'd like to challenge anyone to control one of those trucks with precision with a girl sitting on your lap and a stupid cop in your way.

[OC Dolphin]

Strangelove:

Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.

[mike1]

Shadow, 30K arrived from England, 20K from Spain. I'll be watching the Super Bowl of Europe in a few minutes. I don't care who wins, although I did briefly meet some of the Barcelona players (includign Ronaldinho) a few years ago.

[Dave]

What is with the jealousy over athlete pay? Don't be jealous people they get paid what the market will bear just like you do at your job. These guys entertain millions of people and risk their bodies so they deserve every penny they can get their hands on. Look at guys like refrigerator Perry today, great football player and today he is broke with nothing to show for his efforts. If I had the ability to play in the NFL I would get every penny I could too.

[Tom]

The Nuggets and Magic in quite possibly the least watched NBA finals in the history of a sparsely watched event. OMG give me some no doz.......snore.......................

Holy shit to make matters worse you're talking soccer. What a second I have to jump...hey get the phuck out of the way down there, I'm jumping...splat!

[OC Dolphin]

Tom,

If you're indeed jumping, make sure you do it while wearing a Marino #13, or you'll risk the chance no one will notice.

[Tom]

Thanks OC we're thinking along the same lines. I didn't wear a Marino jersey, but I did wear a Tom Brady mask and guess who came to my rescue, none other than Adam Lambert. Go figure.

[SUV protection league]

Was it Paris Hilton on Randy Starks' lap? This is important for judging their "joint iq." We should be told.

[General Buck Turgedson]

OC WHAT WE DON'T WANT IS RUSKIES TO GAIN A MINDSHAFT GAP!!!!!!

[General Buck Turgedson]

Dave perhaps if Private Starks had brought the half-track to a full STOP! That might have made a difference.

[General Buck Turgedson]

yes a full stop what a novel idea when speaking with a policeman...

[General Buck Turgedson]

OR A MINESHAFT GAP FOR THAT MATTER!

[the shadow knows]

mike1,

i am happy that man u didn't win; spanish football is on a major uptick after the last euro and today's champions' league final. it is good when some of the less traditional powers come floating to the top. i am hoping for the most traditional power, england, to come out of their decades long funk and field a healthy enough team to take the world cup after so many misfortunes caused by beckham, who will not be on the pitch for england when the next mundial comes around next summer.

[the shadow knows]

Tom,

brace yourself as mike1 and i talk about futbol quite a bit here. you are correct sir that the NBA is wretched and not worth a look other than to see the incrdeible amount of ink under the skin of the nuggets- they each could probably jump two feet higher without all that dye with which they've been injected; j.r.smith, kenyon martin, the white (?) who really is colored-
GHASTLY!!!

[mike1]

Tom..haven't heard from you recently. I hope you did not really go splat!!

Shadow,

I was torn between thuggish Man U (Ronaldo, Rooney) and divers Barcelona (Henry, etc). Man U came out strong but missed their chances. Barca took over control when they scored first in the 10th. Though it was really bad defensive errors that created the openings. Messi was completely unmarked on his header.

Yeah, Spain is coming on strong of late..however, neither goalscorer Eto and Messi are Spanish. Would be good to see England take it once; but I can see the hooliganism already.

This wasn't a beauty of a Cup Final like the one with Zidane's game winning long distance shot on the half-volley from a long cross; or Man U's stunning two goal late comeback when Bayern Munich seemed to have it wrapped up in 1999.

Beckham is still being procured for the quaklifying matches. England is virtually in already.

[mike1]

Tom, here's a subject you'll enjoy more.

Article in the Herald saying we most likely would not be interested in Burress. I'm quite outspoken about not wanting classless players on any team I support. However, he saved the 72 Phins. What do you think?

[ginrai]

Don't lecture Starks. Just cut him.

Canseco should try wrestling in WWE next. Being a manager of a wrestler like what Rick Rude is doing now.

Boldin honor the two years left on your contract ,and try to get healthy and have a productive year.

I prefer a finals with Orlando and the Nuggets. I'm tired of hearing of the Nba hype of Kobe versus Lebron. Stern and refs call the games right. We all know you are trying to cheat for the Lalas and the Brons Brons to get in. No one outside of those two cities are stupid. We know what you are up to. Stop rigging the playoffs and let the remaining teams play for it ,and see who really wants it more.

Hi there, Flipper Tweeter! I see your fins have turned to wings.

[ginrai]

Canseco should try the WWE soap opera next.
I meant. He has a future in managing wrestling chicks or male wrestlers there.

[Tom]

thank you mike1 for the bone. I'm not much of a Burress fan, but Boldin would be a major upgrade. Knowing what we know now if he were in this year's draft he would have been the first WR picked. So I guess I have to disagree with my good friend Jimbo and say I would like to see Boldin join the Dolphins. Now this of course assumes they can sign him to a nonfranchise destroying contract (a big if).

Just kidding on the soccer (futbol). I got plenty of duct tape to wrap my head so you guys just keep blogging.

[Jimbo]

Just read Armando's column about his educated guess that Burress won't be a Dolphin.

NO SH1# Armando. Go back to your high school paper and write about soccer, girls volleyball.

Ok, Tom, bring in Boldin. What's it going to cost? If your trading a #1 pick, your throwing away a years draft. Dude ain't worth it. Same trade - #1 for Larry Fitzgerald? yeah, you bet. Remember Alvin Harper?? put all those #'s with Mike Irvin and Dallas, goes to Tampa and is average....same situation buddy.

[Jimbo]

Tuna won't trade #1 picks for a guy unless he is Peyton Manning.
All fairness, Boldin isn't the best receiver on his own team.
Burress, Vick aren't players that will appear on Dolphins roster>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Unless they come as cheap as Jason Taylor did.
Dolphins are moving Earnest Wilford around for one last look, trying to justify the big $ contract they paid him. My guess is Fins will cut/waive/release him before regular season.

Question: Did Fins sign all the rookies to contracts already??????

[General Jack Ripper, USAF]

COTE!!!!!! Just checkin' to make sure you're not sleeping at your post soldier.

[Russian Ambassador to Premier Demetri Kissoff]

I say doctor that's an astonishingly good idea you have there.

[mike1]

Tom, We'll try and keep the futbol talk to a minimum, major games like today's super bowl equivalent. On the other hand, next week is more World Cup qualifying. USA vs Costa Rica could be good one.

I think Boldin would be good. But it we ahve to give up too much, might not be worth it. I was just thinking how tough it is to win it all. I was spoiled in my youth with the Phins. They still haven't done it since then.

That Super Bowl of the early 80's...Washington was the better team, but Miami had that in the bag only if Theismann didn't deflect and prevent a 7 point INT in the very last moment. And the 49er game showed our lack of depth and Shula got outcoached. Those were the last chances. Well, we had a chance at getting there next year as well; but that disastrous fumble/INT filled game vs NE.

[mike1]

Does anyone else get that pop up ad of Sofia Vergara, when they open up the Herald? That is a pop that I won't complain about.

[JoeW]

Rick rude died in 1999.