[URGENT BULLETIN!: I am officially a-Twitter. What! You don't Twitter? Join. It's free and some studies indicate Twittering lowers cholesterol. Followers welcome at www.Twitter.com/gregcote]
[UPDATE: Giants just released gun-totin' WR Plaxico Burress. Y'all want him in Miami?]
The latest hill of miscellania, all free and just for you...
"Dear Jeff Ireland": The Dolphins website held a video chat Friday with Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland, who also held a press conference with media, revealing very little in either forum so that inscrutable Big Tuna would't be mad at him. Interest in Jason Taylor? Wouldn't be definitive. Draft priorities? Wouldn't say. Thanks, Jeff! So say you found yourself on an elevator with Ireland. Just the two of you. He's a captive audience, for, say, 30 seconds. What is the one thing you are asking him? Or telling him?
The Cutler Haunting Dolphins Factor: The Dolphins showing no interest in acquiring Broncos QB Jay Cutler (traded to the Bears) suggests a rather profound faith that Chad Henne will be not just solid but a star. That's a gamble, the result of which will play out gradually. Still think Miami missed a chance to get a young, proven QB instead of investing the future in a young, unproven one.
Happy National Cleavage Day, everybody!: I'm serious, yet joyful. Click on NCD if you don't believe me. [Note: This item is not intended to offend or be sexist. If it were, I'd have run the photo ever larger].
Heat, Panthers precariousness: Exciting finishes for the area NBA and NHL squads. Heat sitting with a No. 6 playoff seed with seven games to go entering tonight. Not good. Need to get to No. 5 to avoid near-certain elimination in the first round. Panthers two points off playoff pace with fives games left entering tonight. Its why the phrase "thin ice" was invented.
The Frank Haith lesson: First it was Alabama, now Georgia. Haith keeps saying he has no plans to leave UM's men's basketball team and coach elsewhere. Should we believe him? Yes. To a point. The lesson here, though, is that coaches lie. It is the most upwardly mobile of professions. If there is a higher step, coaches are looking for it. And as long as the Canes are drawing 3,408, there are higher steps a-plenty.
Donte Stallworth's curious faith: The Browns receiver facing a DUI manslughter charge in Miami, offered condolences to the dead man's family and then, curiously, said: "I have full confidence and faith in the legal process." Hmm. Based on his blood-alcohol reading, I would think he hopes and prays the legal system f---- up royally and lets him walk.
Just give the damn trophy to North Carolina why don't they!?: Final Four odds courtesy BetUS.com have North Carolina a prohibitive 4-5 to win it all, followed by the UConn Cheatin' Huskies at 9-4, Michigan State at 21-4 and Villanova at 7-1. Final Four MVP faves are UNC's Tyler Hansbrough (2-1) and Ty Lawson (7-2), then UConn's A.J. Price (4-1). New nickname I have just invented unless somebody else already thought of it: NORTH CAROLINA TY HEELS (patent pending).
Plant your survival garden. RIGHT NOW!!: Something called the Survival Seed Bank encourages the exceptionally paranoid and other camo'd survivalists to begin growing their own "acre crisis gardens" immediately so that when annihilation strikes and the world as we know it ends, at least your family will be getting its greens! What they don't tell you: A new CIA report lists primary terrorist targets as world commerce centers, military outposts, and home survival gardens.
Serena and Venus Williams: The sisters from Palm Beach Gardens are the best thing in tennis at the moment. Click on WTA: Williams Tennis Association for today's column by me. Otherwise, though, a pall falls over the Sony Ericsson tournament with yesterday's ouster of popular Rafael Nadal. A sad, sad day for Capri pants.
NO! I don't believe it!: Ultimate Fighting Championships president Dana White in trouble for an anti-gay slur. Imagine that. A man who promotes the most barbaric, stupid-macho of all sports being a homophobe. NO WAY!
Latest round of thanks...: to American Chronicle (Beverly Hills); Bleacher Report (San Francisco); Los Angeles Times; Regina (Saskatchewan) Leader-Post; and Wall Street Journal.
Check back. Adding more stuff here later. Love, www.Twitter.com/gregcote
Since many of us are fans of the Beaver I thought you might find this Wikipedia fact interesting. Our favorite swarmy bootlick Eddie Hascal grew up to be none other than Richard Speck. Amazing. Life truly is stranger than fiction...
Posted by: r. duke | April 03, 2009 at 12:08 PM
If they were really ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPS they'd use Roman gladiator swords, ninja death stars, chainsaws and uzi's. BUT NOOOOOOOOO! They just use their sissy martial arts, massive bodies and roid rage...
Posted by: r. duke | April 03, 2009 at 12:17 PM
men,
UNC 4/5 to win it all? that is a pretty strong statement- 4/5 against villanova OK, but they'd still have to play UConn or the spartans, whom they destroyed early in the season in east lansing. i hope the experts are correct, but methinks Uconn (or michigan state in detroit) will not be an easy task.
Posted by: the shadow knows | April 03, 2009 at 12:41 PM
Damn, I dropped my keys into that second pic above. Let me reach in there and get them.
Posted by: OC Dolphin | April 03, 2009 at 12:45 PM
OC you could bob for apples between and betwixt those babies. God how could I miss those.
Posted by: r. duke | April 03, 2009 at 12:48 PM
Plus that's a pretty far out dress holding those puppies in place. I say we invite her to Phelpsy's next Electic Koolaid party.
Posted by: r. duke | April 03, 2009 at 12:55 PM
Eclectic Electric Koolaid party that is.
Posted by: r. duke | April 03, 2009 at 12:59 PM
Happy cleavage Day. I luvs me some titties.
Posted by: Dave in VA | April 03, 2009 at 02:21 PM
The hell with getting stuck in an elevator with Ireland. Much rather be in there with cleavage girl!
Posted by: OC Dolphin | April 03, 2009 at 03:56 PM
Phuck the cleavage...no seriously. Now if only I can figure out how.
Posted by: Tom | April 03, 2009 at 05:47 PM
Should we sign Plaxico?
Posted by: Tom | April 03, 2009 at 05:48 PM
What Plaxico hah hah..
Posted by: r. duke | April 03, 2009 at 06:05 PM
If your feeling a little Plaxio you may need to floss.
really tho? the guy is a loser. self inflicted gunshot wound because his hip hop baggy pants were dropping and he didn't wanna spill his foofoo drink. Hard to even call him a man.
Cleavage is nice, reminds me to stop for milk at the 7-11 later.
Williams sisters are the only pro tennis players with a mans body,, that includes the men too. I admit it, I like looking at Anna K.
Stallworth situation: he has no chance at beating this charge. He could save a lot of his own $ with attorney fees and work out a deal with the state and the dead mans family. I would think that $5 mil of HIS $ to that family is fair.
Posted by: Jimbo | April 03, 2009 at 07:29 PM
concur with OC stating he'd prefer getting stuck in elevator with Boobs, I mean Babbs, I mean Barb,, no , no, Barb, I do take you serious,, what did you say? I'm not staring at your boobs, honest.
If I were in elevator with Ireland and could pick his brain for a minute, I'd be much more interested in:
1. Honest assessment of Henne, Beck progress.
2. Can I take a peak at your draft board???
3. Congratulating him on instant success and not caving in to public opinion on NOT signing past - prime players at a kings randsom.
I'll be out of the country on NFL draft weekend but should be able to keep up online.
My guess is the Fins are going CB in RD 1. Then WR, LB in RD 2. The team is setting itself up with being able for the surprise pick of "Best Player Available" not necessarily position.
When the smoke settles I think the Fins will draft 2 CB's sometime in this draft.
Don't rule out some top athlete who failed drug test. Parcells famously took chance on LT, and despite his well known problems he played at a MVP HOF level for the most part.
Posted by: Jimbo | April 04, 2009 at 10:35 AM
would YOU have given up what the Bears did for Cutler? I sure as heck wouldn't.
Posted by: fin fan in buffalo | April 04, 2009 at 11:20 AM
fin fan in God's Country Buffalo NY..
Heck no, no way.
He has proved so far that he belongs in the NFL as a starter and isn't a bust.
He HAS all pro potential
He HAS all the measurable attributes to being a potential HOF player.
Cutler also has serious Diabetes issues. Keeping this under control is NOT guaranteed, he could go down hill physically from this at any time....
He may NOT have necessary leadership skills to carry himself as team superstar.
He has already shown that under scrutiny he acts immaturely.
Denver media and fans are very forgiving and supportive in lean times too.... Not like Chicago, NY, Philly, etc... Ask Rex Grossman. (Grossman does suck tho).
He MAY have turnover issues his entire career.
Chicago losing it's 2 #1's, #3 limits it's potential of supporting players for Cutler while maintaining a superior D.
Bears don't have a Eddie Royal, Brandon Marshall or a high caliber TE in Schefler(sp?).
Cutler won't be playing KC, OAK 2X a yr anymore.
Maybe Bears will bring back Marty "Slow Ride" Booker to catch some.....
You don't use up THAT MANY draft picks for 1 man. I wouldn't even if it meant getting young Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, Peyton Manning.
Posted by: Jimbo | April 04, 2009 at 11:48 AM
Ward don't you think you were a little rough on the Beaver?
Posted by: June Cleaver | April 04, 2009 at 11:54 AM
Ward my Beaver is really, really sore. Maybe you should shave or I should stop shaving...
Posted by: June Cleaver | April 04, 2009 at 11:58 AM
Ward my Beaver is on freakin fire you cockaroach.
Posted by: June Cleaver | April 04, 2009 at 11:59 AM
No to Plaxico:
Maybe we outta have a little fun at the 'Tard's expense. Hey, WTF, he wants to be a celebrity, let's celebrate his stupidity.
I think we should start a Topic on what we would advice Burress to do as a career change:
Here's some of my ideas:
Armored Car Security for Wells Fargo
or
Hollywood movie double/stuntman for Cowboy movies , serve as a double for Clint Eastwood or Russell Crowe.
or
Police Officer
or
Local NRA gun safety instructor
or
NY City Zoo SWAT immediate responder to unruly animals. Armed with a Tranquillizer gun he could save potential victims from dangerous animals. Picture Will Farrell in "Old School" accidentally shooting himself in jugular with tranquillizer gun, staggering off..................
what do you guys think Plax outta do outside NFL?
Posted by: Jimbo | April 04, 2009 at 12:03 PM
Ah gee mom what's burning in here?
Posted by: The Beaver | April 04, 2009 at 12:03 PM
Gee willickers it's me I'm burning in here!
Posted by: The Beaver | April 04, 2009 at 12:05 PM
Heck mom don't you think you should put an icepack or something on the Beaver?
Posted by: Wally Cleaver rhymes with beaver. | April 04, 2009 at 12:07 PM
Why hello Mrs. Cleaver your Beaver smells delicious. May I stay for dinner?
Posted by: Eddie Haskel | April 04, 2009 at 12:10 PM
Hey Beave,
Hey Wally,
Your Mom's cooking mac 'n cheese & hot dogs and Ward is cooking up a batch of Meth in the garage with Larry's Dad "Rico" who just did a 2 yr bit for the state.
Now go down to the corner store and get Pops 2 40's and a pack of Lucky Strikes. Tell Mr Baker to put it on my tab.
Posted by: Jimbo | April 04, 2009 at 12:12 PM
Perhaps you're right June. Maybe I ought to stop by the free clinic on my way to work. Afterall it has been stinging lately when I pee.
Posted by: Ward Cleaver | April 04, 2009 at 12:13 PM
Is there anybody out there?
Posted by: Pink Floyd | April 04, 2009 at 03:30 PM
Oh dear one these days his brain ravaged with syph, Ward is gonna blow up our lovely middle class neighborhood with his meth lab.
Posted by: Ward Cleaver | April 04, 2009 at 06:05 PM
June really is an excessively worrisome unnatural blonde but she brings in alot of business if you catch my drift. All I hear is Ward you're cooking too much meth in a small poorly ventilated area. Ah I just need to remind myself once that yeast infection clears up she'll be ready to pound the pavement and stalk the high schools selling meth and trading BJ's for greenbacks. The girl has alot of energy even if the meth is rotting her teeth and she forgets to bathe between being spun and crashed.
Posted by: Ward Cleaver | April 04, 2009 at 07:56 PM
I betcha June had one hell of a bush.
Posted by: Dave in VA | April 06, 2009 at 10:02 AM