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Shane Battier thinks nicknames on jerseys is a terrible idea. He's wrong, of course.

The NBA appears ready to announce its latest marketing gimmick. According to a report by Tim Reynolds of The Associated Press, the NBA is considering using players nicknames on the backs of jerseys for a Heat-Nets game or two.

At least one player thinks this is a terrible idea ... and that player is Shane Battier, the Heat's resident fuddy-duddy. If only he still had the sensibilities of that rock'n fade in his Twitter picture.

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Bah humbug, Shane Battier! Bah humbug!

While dots on the back of Battier's jersey would probably sell well among the league's substantial fan base of anti-establishment revolutionaries, it's probably too snarky for the company line. Of course, the league isn't moving forward with this nickname idea to sell Battier jerseys. This is all about pricing "King James" and "The Truth" jerseys for $299.99 on NBA.com and in the NBA Store on Fifth Avenue*.

Rest assured that we have the groundbreaking nonsense of Metta World Peace to thank for this marketing campaign. And for that, we should all be thankful. This is a fun idea. And it's not like we won't have surnames for the remaining 80 or so regular-season dates. Since Battier is powerless to stop this, he might as well — in the words of Erik Spoelstra — own it...

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I'm sure this will never make it past the NBA's P.C. police, but here's the best thing that could ever come out of this nickname-jersey deal ...

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Then again, this one might be a surprise hit ... 

Jesus Shuttlesworth is an obvious choice for Ray Allen, but I was thinking of something a little more ... romantic.

Yellow rope

Leaving you with this, obviously ...


*Originally, I put the NBA Store in Times Square. It's actually on Fifth Avenue. This geographical blunder was brought to my attention by Heat fan Kelly Arison, who likes shoes.

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NOTE: Taking suggestions for Michael Beasley nickname-jersey ideas.

ADDENDUM: It has been brought to our attention that Mario Chalmers might have a nickname jersey to rival that of Andrei Kirilenko.

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