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Shane Battier thinks nicknames on jerseys is a terrible idea. He's wrong, of course.

The NBA appears ready to announce its latest marketing gimmick. According to a report by Tim Reynolds of The Associated Press, the NBA is considering using players nicknames on the backs of jerseys for a Heat-Nets game or two.

At least one player thinks this is a terrible idea ... and that player is Shane Battier, the Heat's resident fuddy-duddy. If only he still had the sensibilities of that rock'n fade in his Twitter picture.

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Bah humbug, Shane Battier! Bah humbug!

While dots on the back of Battier's jersey would probably sell well among the league's substantial fan base of anti-establishment revolutionaries, it's probably too snarky for the company line. Of course, the league isn't moving forward with this nickname idea to sell Battier jerseys. This is all about pricing "King James" and "The Truth" jerseys for $299.99 on and in the NBA Store on Fifth Avenue*.

Rest assured that we have the groundbreaking nonsense of Metta World Peace to thank for this marketing campaign. And for that, we should all be thankful. This is a fun idea. And it's not like we won't have surnames for the remaining 80 or so regular-season dates. Since Battier is powerless to stop this, he might as well — in the words of Erik Spoelstra — own it...

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I'm sure this will never make it past the NBA's P.C. police, but here's the best thing that could ever come out of this nickname-jersey deal ...

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Then again, this one might be a surprise hit ... 

Jesus Shuttlesworth is an obvious choice for Ray Allen, but I was thinking of something a little more ... romantic.

Yellow rope

Leaving you with this, obviously ...


*Originally, I put the NBA Store in Times Square. It's actually on Fifth Avenue. This geographical blunder was brought to my attention by Heat fan Kelly Arison, who likes shoes.

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NOTE: Taking suggestions for Michael Beasley nickname-jersey ideas.

ADDENDUM: It has been brought to our attention that Mario Chalmers might have a nickname jersey to rival that of Andrei Kirilenko.

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LMNAO Good One Joe Joe

Beasley NickName:
"Baking Bad"

Since god's son and supercoolbeas aren't original enough, here are a few brainstormin' ideas:

last straw

end of the road


blazer (sorry Portland fans, didn't mean to offend)

if you can read this, my bong fell off my bike

boy in a man's body

entitlement boy

looking for my college game

I owe UD minutes

is Ricky Davis still here?

are there Doritos on the pregame meal buffet?

did Mike Miller leave any hair bands in the locker room?

does anyone have Lamar Odom's phone number?

'D' (cause there is no 'd' in Beasley)

Do I get to wear any of Juwan Howard's wardrobe?

Really a dry heat in Phoenix

Kevin Love's practice dummy

Just give me a fourth chance

Spolestra can't coach

My pre-game warmup will consist of chucking 1/2 court shots

chronically lazy

softer than Charmin

slower than a 'recovering' economy

Done for now. What y'all got?

think his self-given nickname is B-Easy or something

Think his god-given future is Cut Me.

The heat should give him number 20.. then his nickname can be FOUR ... Four - 20

^^^ and by him I meant b-nice beasley... too smooth lol

Also I know im late, bur Larry Drew II was a good pick up by the HEAT. Ive been petitioning for third point guard for a while now, of course that was when billups was a free agent, but hey LDII is pretty good. Decent stroke, good court vision, and he plays defense... Im thinking at the end of training camp, larry drew, and beasley get the final two spots. And if they can ship Joel anthonys contact then Varnado or Hamilton also make the cut.. Would like to see how von waffer is holding up also, he was good last time I saw him, like a worse version of raja bell..

The only one I would take issue with is the AK one. In this life the older I get the more I realize that I can get used to almost anything. However, I can't, for the life of me, get used to the violence all around. I hate it.

We protect our politicians with guns

We protect our celebrities with guns

We protect our military with guns

We protect our school children with a sign that says, "gun free zone"

Millions of guns will not kill anyone today, but people will.

Don't like violence, me either. But let's don't blame the method, hold the people responsible for their actions.

Do fat people get to blame their spoons for their condition?

A third point guard behind Chalmers and Cole, on a team that has LBJ and Wade, has about as good a chance of contributing on the court as Bimbo Coles.

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