Dave Barry's Blog

WE'RE GUESSING HE'S SINGLE

Whatever you do, do NOT click here.

Really. This is not safe for work, or anywhere else.

(Thanks to Chaz Schlueter)

p.s. Really.

ATTENTION, MEN

Don't even bother. Ladies, this one's for you.

(Thanks to Ginger in Las Vegas)

What? The Blog is not out of town? And soon there will be a loud and angry firing of a certain stealth bloggerette??

Hmmmm...

Yeah, It's worth it.

GUYS

Japanese guys.

Japanese guys on tv.

What more can we say.

Except this: Heed the warning.

(Thanks to Todd McLaren)

PLUCK AND DETERMINATION

"I honestly don't know how you will find the strength to go on."

We'll do our best, sir.

FRANCE

Home of The Really Fine Idea

(Thanks to DavCat, who points out they have a video and a website

ATTENTION, LADIES LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT GIFT FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND

Be sure to check all the ads thoroughly before you buy.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

ATTENTION: MEN, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING AT NAKEDIDITY

Do not click this link.

(Women: Happy Halloween from DavCat and the s.b.)

(UPDATE: And make sure you make your next hotel reservation at Travelodge.)

(Thanks to Ginger B.)

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY...

Just following orders.

(Thanks to sthnbelle)

HOW'S IDAHO, SIR?

We here in Miami have solved many problems and are ready for a relaxing afternoon at the beach.

LADIES: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

While The Blog's away, we can concentrate on... um... art appreciation. Yeah, that's the ticket.

(Thanks from annette gaudreau)

DON'T LOSE HEART, LADIES

The day's not over yet.

(In case anyone is unclear on the concept, Dave did not post this. He's away. Note the warning.)

WHY WE NEED CAMERA PHONES

Reason number 739.

(Thanks to DavCat)

ATTENTION, MEN (INCLUDING THE BLOG)

Don't bother clicking this link.

(Thanks to DavCat)

SOMETHING FOR A RAINY DAY

Hi Judi!

I am such a fan of Dave's blog and certainly appreciate all of your "special" posts for us ladies whenever he's gone.  I was doing legitimate research on the internet the other day when I came across this site, and thought I should pass it along:

http://www.allamericanguys.com/

It might come in handy in the future.

-Liz in the City

DON'T WORRY, SIR

While you're away, the s.b. is hard at work taking care of business on the job.

(NOTE the warning, men!)

(Thanks to Clean Hands)

TIS THE SEASON

...to buy a new calendar.¹

¹...while The Blog's away.

THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS SITUATION

And there aren't even any pictures, so we definitely aren't going to blog this.

(Thanks anyway to John Regan)

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY...

We'd better get busy looking at semi-naked men ordering our calendars. You never can tell when you'll need one. Get "your's" now!

MESSAGE TO THE BLOG

Sir --

Thank you for going out of town. We are happy to be able to blog this item while you are away. Do not click the link, please, sir. You are already using fruity shampoo.

In grateful appreciation --

All the ladies of the blog

(Thanks to annette gaudreau)

WE ARE NOT SURE WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT

But we have to blog pictures like this when the blog is away.

(Thanks to Wyo)

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY

There's still time to blog about Speedos. Err... Speedos. Aaaargh... SPEEDOS.

(Thanks to K. Colber)

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY...

We ladies love to have our productivity¹ enhanced.

(Thanks to Qween Puler)

¹(if you catch our drift.)

FOR THAT SPECIAL FATHER'S DAY MEAL

Don't go in the freezer.

(Thanks to Mike Antonucci, who is lucky we didn't click this link any closer to lunch.)

ATTENTION, LADIES WHO ARE LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT GIFT FOR FATHER'S DAY FOR A MAN WHO IS NOT YOUR FATHER

Eventually, he'll love it. If you know what we mean.

(Bonus Shopping Tip: Just keep hitting refresh.)

RUGBY

A sport we are thinking we could wholeheartedly support. As long as The Blog is in England and all...

SPORTS PHOTOJOURNALISM

We're for it.¹

(Sincere thanks to Layla Bohm)

¹Men, including The Blog: Note the warning.

WHILE THE BLOG'S AWAY...

It's the perfect time to get a little cleaning up done around here.¹

(Thanks to Sarah Christianson)

¹OK, so it's an ad. We don't care.

HIPPITY HOPPITY

Easter's on i...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick. We don't want to know what you were looking for when you found this.)

ATTENTION, LADIES

There's wayyyyy too much interest in soccer in this country too, these days, don't you think?

(Thanks to Sarah J. and wolfie)

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG

...to bring you a bittersweet story about naked men a baseball player, written by a friend of mine, Gael Cooper. And I apologize in advance to The Blog, who doesn't really understand my passion for naked men OR baseball, but will probably not fire me for blogging a serious item just this once.

EBAY VEGETABLE PRODUCT OF THE DAY

It's a perfectly innocent item created by Mother Nature herself. (The slut.)

(Thanks to CoastRaven)

WHY THIS IS THE BEST JOB IN THE UNIVERSE, REASON #3

This catalog comes in the mail.

WE ARE NOT SURE WHAT THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT

But we know we don't care.

(Thanks to Sarah C.)

A BLOW AGAINST TYRANNY

It's not so much that we care about student rights... it's that we hope more of them will grow up to appreciate freedom.

(Thanks to rickadjuster)

UPDATE: Freeeeeeeeeeeedom. Right, Jack?

ART APPRECIATION 101

Today's topic: The Art of Montana.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

IPOD JEANS...

Or these?
We report, you make the right decision.

(Thanks to Layla Bohm)

HO

We gotcher stocking stuffer right here.

(Thanks to Bjorn of the message board)

CHRISTMAS IS COMING

And we know what we want.

(Many thanks to Cyndi Schoenbrun)

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

(Thanks again to Mollenkamp)

SPEAKING OF NAKED MEN

While The Blog is still away, we'd better get this done...

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

Go on, get some work done.

No, really, go ahead.

(Thanks to wolfie)

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

Indeed.

(Thanks to wolfie)

Note to Dave and Gene: We are certain that each of these men is not only patriotic, but has a GREAT sense of humor.

BASEBALL IS GREAT

But we are beginning to love tennis.

(Thanks to Michelle Kaufman, sportswriter and friend)

ATTENTION, LADIES OF THE BLOG

While The Blog is traveling: Isn't it time we developed a healthy interest in MotorSports?

(Heartfelt thanks to wolfie)

ATTENTION, LOGO DESIGNERS

Keep "up" the good work.

(Thanks to Rayne from the message board)

IT'S A GUIDE TO GUYS KIND OF DAY

Rise and shine!

(Many thanks to Joshkr)

(The warning is only for the second link)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE PLANNING A SUPER BOWL PARTY

Start with these.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

WHATEVER YOU DO

Do NOT click this.

(No thanks to Dan Coulter)

TODAY'S CELEBRITY NEWS

Still not it. It. can't. be.

(Thanks. Thanks a LOT, Thad Humphries.)

THE BEST THING ABOUT PARTIES

...is finding out what's inside the packages.

(Thanks to Claire "U-Ho" Martin)

ON THE SOMEWHAT DELAYED FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS

The blog afforded the opportunity to post this:

Five (or so) golden rings (or ring-related gratuitous pictures of Orlando Bloom)

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS

The blog gave to me

Four Men Pulling Birds

ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS

The bloggerette provided

Three (or more) French men

Two men with doves

And a semi-naked man in a tree

MORE TO BE THANKFUL FOR

The Jaycees.

(Thanks to Gil Graybill)

OOH BABY

Here's what you've been waiting for....

(Thanks to sookeyjane)

MORE UNDECIDED NEWS

Are these guys attractive or not?

IT'S A GUY THING

Hey Dave,

I was roaming through the G2G (Guide to Guys) Website, and when I got to the
merchandise page, I couldn't help but notice that unlike every other article
of clothing being sold, the "Classic Thong" was not shown on an actual
model. What are the chances of getting Judi Smith, your research department,
to model the "Classic Thong" for the merchandise page?

Sincerely, Mark Owen (John Moons Wanker) Johnson

Sorry, can't do it, but one of these women could fill in for me; the resemblance is uncanny.

(Warning is for the last link, and especially for the ladies.)

TIME TO GO SHOPPING, LADIES

How much?

(Thanks to Naomi, indirectly)

EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE A HOBBY

We're just not sure about this one.

(For the ladies, more or less)

BIZARRE

It is totally beyond the realm of possibility that any actual human being could look like this.

LADIES

Sorry to neglect the primary function of the stealth bloggerette.

OLYMPICS UPDATE

Well, it's actually an outdated update. But it's for the guys. (The warning is for women, for once.)

SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A...

Sometimes you don't.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

SO LONG, DAVE

Let's just go right for the obvious.

STILL MORE RESEARCH

An alternative to Pitman. And the understudy for the movie.

MEATY

AND threadbare. It's two, two, two posts in one.

TOUR DE LANCE

Por favor.

(Thanks to Claire Martin, of course)

SUMMERTIME

...and the blogging is easy.

SORRY, LADIES

Almost forgot.

We may not know what they're saying, but do we care?

THE PEOPLE SPEAK OUT

Democracy in action.

(Thanks to Bangi-Bat-Gurl for first link. The warning is for the second link.)

SEMI-NAKED WORKMEN

Photo of the day.

TODAY'S SEMI-NAKED MAN

King Ka-mana-wana-lei-a.

PRETTY-MUCH-NAKED MEN

Really. Be sure to click on the "Preview," especially page 2b and 4. And thanks to Tetsu for the reminder.

(Bonus points to anyone who can explain why a man can't be "sexy" and also smile. Or at least not look like he's having intestinal difficulties.)

WE REPORT: YOU GET TO SEE PORN ON FOX!

We are not linking to this because it's dirty. We're linking to it because it has already been ON THE INTERNET, and is therefore no longer a brief glimpse of naughty bits but an actual legitimate news story that we are informing you about so that you can be informed. That is the kind of responsible professional journalists we are.

(Thanks to Luis Calvo)

YOU KNOW HOW SOME IDEAS SEEM REALLY GOOD IN THEORY?

And then it turns out they're not so good after all?

(Thanks to Jodi Fox)

RAMPARTS

What are the political ramifications?

(Thanks to Ted, the vowel-deprived field coordinator of the surging Dave-Barry-for-President juggernaut thingie.)

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

"Thanks" to Catherine Conner, resident sadist, who says this shows that "women gotta be brave to be beautiful."

p.s. >>whimper<<

LADIES: NOW YOU CAN GET THAT HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA

You just need to develop better study habits.

(Thanks to Marisol Maldonado)

WHY NUDE SKYDIVING IS NOT A GREAT IDEA

Unless you're just trying to give the world fun stuff to blog.

(Note: the actual skydiving does involved nudity, but the warning is more for the guy with the elephant.)

(Thanks to Lori Bodin)

IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT

We will be waiting in breathless anticipation for the results.

(Thanks to Catherine Conner)

(Whoops; forgot the warning. It's not bad, but you never know, around here.)

SPEAKING OF BREASTS

WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING.

(Thanks to Timothy "They sent vomits" Stevens)

PENGUIN GAME UPDATE

The ladies' version.

(NOT for the men.)

(Or for all the "oh, my poor eyes" whiners.)

(Do you understand? Don't click the link! DON'T CLICK THE LINK.)

(Everybody else, click it.)

p.s. We sincerely hope no penguins were offended in the posting of this link.

(Thanks to Beth Atkinson)

HARD AT WORK

And Mr. Webster thinks Dave has a fun job.

(Careful, boys.)

(Thanks to Jamie Adams)

OK LADIES, HERE'S ONE FOR YOU

Actually, the site appears to be for guys ("For Guys that Care about how they Look & Feel," in fact), but if you click here... don't say you weren't warned.

(Thanks to Leah Bach)

WARNING WARNING WARNING

Do not click this link if you are at work. Do not click this link if you are offended by swear words. Do not click this link if you think a string of swear words with no apparent point is inherently unfunny. Do not click this link if people nearby might be offended by hearing swear words. Do not click this link if you are under 18. Do not click this link if you don't feel like clicking this link. Do not click this link if for any reason that I haven't listed you might potentially not like this link. I'm not (*&W$%^(* kidding.

(Thanks to Marisol Maldonado)

GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Lesbian Lizards. Or Parthenogenetic Unisexual Pseudocopulators.

(WARNING clarification -- the link itself is not dodgy, but nerve.com is)

(Thanks to Jim Petty)

DECISIONS, DECISIONS...

Paint or wallpaper?