Dave Barry's Blog

THIS IS TOTALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK, OR FOR ANYBODY WITH EVEN A SHRED OF MATURITY. IN FACT, WOMEN IN GENERAL SHOULD LEAVE THIS POST IMMEDIATELY.

First watch this, at least briefly.

Then watch this. (But not if you are at work, or mature, or a woman.)

(Thanks to catmanmax)

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, SOMEONE SENDS IN A NEWS ITEM THAT WE DEEM TOO TASTELESS TO EVEN MENTION ON THIS BLOG

This one, for example.

(Thanks to Adrienne Canzolino)

JOIN US ON THE GEEZER BUS

We are really starting to hate these stories about decrepit "Grandpas" who can still defend themselves even in their doddering, drooling old age (57). But it's true: We have the educational system of the 50s and 60s to thank for our toughness and grit.

Note: We would caution you about that second link, but we realize those films were shown in schools, so we have decided not to.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, and Rayne of the message board)

YIKES

Also ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

18-AND-OLDER NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Key quote: The entire story

(Thanks to Lee Allen)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN¹

(Thanks first to david tarvin)

¹Assuming this was not blogged already

LIMITING YOUR OPTIONS

LESSON ONE

(WARNING: Contains a Bad word)

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

QUESTIONABLE eBAY ITEM

Mr. Gene Weingarten sent in this unusual eBay item. I think it may be too tasteless to put on the blog, but before I make a final decision I thought I should check with you folks. If you do not wish to expose your eyeballs to a questionable eBay item, please do not click on the link. Thank you.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Here's the latest entry in the "People With Unbelievably Comical and Often Filthy Names" Contest.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)

Note: We apologize in advance to those whose places of employment will not allow them to open this item. People under 18 should not click the link. Thank you.

WHY MAYBE WE NEED TO BAN THE INTERNET

This is scary.

(Thanks to the evil geniuses at Something Awful)

NOT THE OLYMPICS

But quite a sporting event. (Yes, it's a repeat.)

NORWEGIANS SAVING THE RAINFOREST

Suddenly, we are more interested in the environment.

ADVISORY: Just be advised, OK?

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

Update: Jeff Meyerson sends this link regarding the legal problems facing the rainforest-saving couple. Note the excellent use of the word "shebang."

THE MAKING OF A MOVIE (NOT FOR SENSITIVE PERSONS)

WARNING WARNING WARNING Do NOT click here if (a) you are offended by the Dick Cheney Word, or (b) anyone within the range of your speakers will be offended by it, OK? We're serious. We almost didn't blog this, but judi said it would be OK.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

FOR ECOLOGY BUFFS

An important new product.

(Thanks to denis mckervey)

MANDATORY CLAIRE MARTIN ITEM: WHY THIS IS THE GREATEST DARNED NATION ON THE WHOLE DARNED EARTH

Because we have guys doing stuff like this and this.

(For the first one, be SURE to watch the video highlight)

(Mandatory thanks to Claire Martin)

PRODUCTIVITY UPDATE

We are NOT recommending that you go here and type in naughty words, OK? Because that is NOT what it is for.

(Thanks to Chris Lucas)