Dave Barry's Blog

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY

(oʞuıɹʇǝɯ ɹǝʇǝd oʇ sʞuɐɥʇ)

˙slıɐɯǝ uʍop-ǝpısdn puǝs llǝʍ sɐ ʇɥƃıɯ

IT'S MONDAY

Let's be productive out there.

(Thanks to Matt Filar, who caused this blog to spend a good 45 minutes trying to encircle the damn cat)

ATTENTION, TETRIS FANS WITH A LOT OF SPARE TIME

Here you go.

(Thanks to insomniac, who notes that "the controls seem to be the same, arrow keys move the piece left or right or rotate it.")

CHRISTMASTIME PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

We have faith that you can create an even more hideous festive holiday sweater than our pitiful attempt:

WHILE YOU'RE WAITING FOR YOUR FEDERAL BAILOUT

Might as well be productive.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

HALLOWEEN-THEMED PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY SO FAR

Try to stomp the Flaming Bag of Poo!

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

THE ECONOMY IS IN TROUBLE, AND THAT MEANS...

...you need to be productive.

(Thanks to Bulldog)

THIS IS UNSETTLINGLY ACCURATE

... for Miami.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

IT'S FRIDAY

Time to get some work done.

(Thanks to Layzeeboy)

WHY WE (HEART) THE INTERNET

You can waste huge amounts of time in a productive manner.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT NOBODY SHOULD GET HURT

Go here.

Dave "Twenty Eyes" Barry

(Thanks to Jazzzz)

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN BE EVEN LESS PRODUCTIVE THAN NORMAL THIS HOLIDAY WEEK

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

PRODUCTIVITY UPDATE

It turns out you can make your own productivity-enhancement applications, according to the folks at this site, who claim they made this game in under 60 seconds (a claim this blog totally believes). "Dave Barry Escape" is a very realistic simulation of what happens when this blog is flying around over South Beach pursued by entities. This happens almost every night.

IT'S MONDAY, AFTER A LONG WEEKEND

Time to get productive.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

19,497

(Thanks to Schadeboy)

THANKSGIVING IS COMING

Can we enhance our productivity and do something good at the same time, this week?

WHAT WE HATE ABOUT BLOGGING

What we hate is when people send us impossible productivity enhancers with comments such as "My personal best is 111.197 m" when we very rapidly determine that our personal best (after a frustratingly large number of tries because he seemed so enthusiastic about it) is 6.32 m.

(Gee thanks to Vol)

FOR PEOPLE WHO FOUND SPACE INVADERS TOO INTELLECTUAL...

...we give you Poo Dodger.

(Thanks to W. Scott Smith)

TOPICAL PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY SO FAR

This didn't take long.

(Thanks to Doug)

IF YOU HAVE FAILED TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING MEANINGFUL SO FAR TODAY

Here is your chance to make sure you keep it that way.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

IT'S STUPID, BUT IT'S A START

(Thanks to marfie)

WORK

Who needs it?

(Thanks to Barbara Hayes)

H _ _ _ O _ E E _ I S _ O M I _ _

(Thanks, a long time ago, to TCK)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Not to mention a great name for a rock band.)

(Thanks to Jeff Carrie's friend Jean and Janice Gelb, who sent in this version)

RE-UPDATE 1 (Earworm of the Century)

RE-UPDATE 2 (Productivity Enhancer of the Millenium)

IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY PRODUCTIVE ON COLUMBUS DAY

Remember the helicopter game? Which you got so good at? OK, Mr. or Ms. Eye-Hand Coordination: Try your eyes and hand at this.

(Thanks to J.D. Harper)

SPEAKING OF HAMSTERS

Here's a productivity enhamster. This blog cannot figure out how to line the hamster up with the pillow, so our hamsters keep splatting to the ground. This is fine with us.

(Thanks to Ian Woollard)

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCEMENT ACTIVITY OF THE DAY

Lileks

(Russell Mc sent in a ham from the "Son of Cooking with Seven-Up" section, and the s.b. went on to sob her way through the "Patty Cake" book. Find your own way; the man's a genius.)

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY

You've done enough for one week.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

RUGBY HANDBAG UPDATE

You can play too!

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

SOMETIMES PEOPLE SEND IN THINGS THAT ARE NOT, TECHNICALLY, "FUNNY" BUT WE STILL ENJOY THEM, IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN, SO, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BLOG IS ELSEWHERE, WE SOMETIMES POST THEM ANYWAY AND HOPE HE WILL NOT FIRE US

At least this one has clothes on.

(Thanks to Jessica)

WORKERS OF THE WORLD...

Produce.

(Thanks to John Rowland)

PRETEND-THIS-HAS-SOMETHING-TO-DO-WITH-"24" PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

Don't let stick-figure Jack die!

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

BORED AT WORK?

Get productive with The Blog.

UPDATE: For those who couldn't attend, but would still like to waste some time enhance their productivity.

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY

While The Blog's away.

(Thanks to Schadeboy)

NOTE: Please post LINKS ONLY in the comments section if you make your own.

FOR THOSE WHO LONG TO BE MORE PRODUCTIVE

Don't Shoot the Puppy

(Thanks to Catherine Conner and wolfie)

WE SINCERELY APOLOGIZE

But it's really azred's fault.

GET PRODUCTIVE

Let's touch some balls.

(Thanks to blog king Ken Layne)

POST-OLYMPICS PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

Because it's Friday, and we're bored.

(Don't tell The Blog.)

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)

UPDATE: For those whose productivity can only be enhanced by weirdness, try this one, sent in by Drew Harchick.

YOU HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT TO DO TODAY, RIGHT?

So see if you can get this site (thanks to Claire "Spare Time" Martin) to work. I tried tapping in (My Baby Does the) Hanky Panky by Tommy James and the Shondells, and it responded with the following songs (I am not making any of these songs up): Can't Stop (Red Hot Chili Peppers); How High the Moon (Les Paul and Mary Ford); Walk This Way (Aerosmith); Take Me Home Tonight (Eddie Money); Pour Elise (Beethoven); Norwegian Wood (The Beatles); It Had To Be You (Harry Connick Jr.); 1985 (Bowling for Soup); Danny Boy; and Super Mario (Nintendo).

WE KNEW IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG

But this is fast.

(Thanks to Eli)

ATTENTION, LADIES LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT MAN

You could search your entire life and never find someone like this.

(Thanks to Karen W., who recommends the "hair" option.)

TWO...TWO...TWO POSTS IN ONE

Bloglit #1: I like the posts about 24.

Bloglit #2: I like the productivity enhancers.

<CRASH>

Bloglit #1: Hey, you got your productivity enhancer on my 24.

Bloglit #2: You got your 24 on my productivity enhancer!

Bloglits #1 and #2: HEY! Let's get Mikey! He hates everything!

Mikey: Tastes great!

Mr. Whipple: Less filling!

Kid at the door: Mothers are like that. Yeah, they are.

Bloglits: Come on, geeez, just post the damn link.

(Thanks to Mark Tobin)

I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SING...

But not like this.

(Thanks to Atticusser)

SPEAKING OF BADGERS

This one's a much better song.

ATTENTION, ANYONE WHO CAN READ JAPANESE

Is the yellow ball thingie™ twitchy but benign, or is it some sort of evil force with the power to suck tiny humans into its vortex?

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WORKING THIS WEEKEND?

No doubt you will accomplish a lot.

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

THE MOST DISTURBING PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

EVER

(No thanks to Drew Harchick)

"DENY DENY DENY"

What is "What you do when The Blog asks you if you've been playing Throw Paper for the last 17 hours"?

(Thanks to Blair Keel)

A CHRISTMAS TRADITION

Ho Ho Hwhooaaaa <hic>

(Thanks, this year, to Kafaleni)

AND ON THIS HOLIDAY OF GIVING THANKS FOR THE GOOD THINGS IN OUR LIVES...

Let's take time out to shoot ourselves some turkeys.

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)