July 16, 2017

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

UK SURGEON FINDS 27 MISSING CONTACT LENSES IN WOMAN’S EYE

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 09:41 AM
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July 15, 2017

'RUNNING NORTH TOWARD THE GROCERY STORE WITH THE TWO BIGGEST DONGS I SELL'

Novelty Store Heist Suspect Remains At Large

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 01:52 PM
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BUT DAD, IT'S FOR SCHOOL!

Arizona police tweeted an unusual warning to parents shopping for back to school supplies -- pieces of drug paraphernalia are not required for chemistry class.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:42 AM
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino Confirms 'Jersey Shore' Reunion: 'Everyone Is Just So Excited'

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:40 AM
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THE TAIWANESE PARLIAMENT

Send it to Washington.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "I'm looking through my Robert's Rules of Order and see the section about tabling motions, but can't seem to find the section on putting tables into motion.")

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:39 AM
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THINK HOW SWELL YOU'LL SMELL WHEN YOU BOARD YOUR FLIGHT

How to Burn Hundreds of Calories During Your Layover

(Thanks to The Perts)

Look at the photos. Try to imagine yourself doing these things in an airport.

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:37 AM
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'SHE JUST WANTED TO SHOW THE KIDS A GOOD TIME'

A Springfield mother is accused of endangering her two children by towing them in a little red plastic wagon behind her car around a roundabout repeatedly Wednesday evening.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:33 AM
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THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE POLICE

Toronto man calls police because someone didn't flush the toilet at a restaurant

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:23 AM
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July 14, 2017

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Aliens were present at Crucifixion of Jesus

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:46 PM
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WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE WINNING

Squirrels have long memory for problem solving

(Thanks to James in NC)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:45 PM
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JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE HIM HOME

Chinese mall unveils 'husband storage pods' with video games

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:41 PM
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FIRST NORTH KOREA, NOW THIS

Huge cannibal crickets are massing on our eastern border

(Thanks to timbang)

Related: 20 Million Mosquitoes to Hit Fresno

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:40 PM
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THEREBY QUALIFYING TO OPERATE A MOTOR VEHICLE IN FLORIDA

Texas Labrador retriever rides horse like a pro

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:38 PM
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MAKES THE WAIT GO FASTER, DUDE

Man shows up at Lakewood emergency room hauling trash bag full of pot

Autoplay.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:36 PM
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ADVISORY:

How FAKE BOOBS could save your life

(Thanks to Geoff, who says "For some reason I was cussed at for trying to save my wife's life.")

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:16 AM
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'SURPRISED'

Colusa Community Surprised after Mountain Lion Jumps through Apartment Window

(Thanks to coscolo and Not My Usual Alias)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:13 AM
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WHEN IT REALLY MATTERS, WE *CAN* WORK TOGETHER

Nevada moved Thursday to reduce supply problems at recreational marijuana stores that have faced overwhelming demand for newly legal pot and the possibility of their shelves going empty.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:08 AM
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ONE GIANT STAGGER FOR MANKIND

Jimmy Buffett's home state ends ban on Margarita pitchers

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:04 AM
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GO FIGURE

Man with 'DEVAST8' face tattoo says he can't find work

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:03 AM
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WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU KEEP IT?

A Texas health inspector performing a routine inspection at a strip club wrote there was a "breast implant found inside bar utensil holder."

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:02 AM
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TERMS AND CONDITIONS

Thousands sign up to clean sewage because they didn't read the small print

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 11:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

TOTALLY WORTH IT

A woman snapping a selfie at a Los Angeles art gallery ended up falling over and setting off a domino effect that destroyed $200,000 worth of artwork.

(Thanks to Rick Day and Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 10:58 AM
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YOU'D THINK THEY'D CHOOSE VEGAS

Giant flying beetles swarm Arizona in search of love

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 10:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA LICENSES

Crash on Oregon highway spills 7,500 pounds of live slime eels over roadway

Alternative Headline: Slippery 'snot snakes' close down Highway 101 in Oregon

(Thanks to many people)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 10:51 AM
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July 13, 2017

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

Ravens Can Plan Ahead

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 04:48 PM
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NEIGHBORLY

The image, the word "---hole" with an arrow pointing to a house nearby, is mowed into a lawn.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to B'game)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 04:46 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

AUSTRALIANS

They are not normal.

Advisory: Strong ew factor.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 04:43 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

THIS HOUSE BURGLARY...

...was an actual house burglary.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 04:40 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

'I'M STUCK IN HERE'

Contractor finds himself stuck in ATM, slips notes to customers

Autoplay.

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 11:30 AM
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ANOTHER PERSON WAKES UP

Me vs. the squirrels: This is war

(Thanks to Catherine DeLorey)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 10:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

WHY NOT?

Why the HELL not?

(Thanks to manual tomato)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:43 AM
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OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A FINE IDEA

Bride-to-be Sharon Price and fiance Andy Price were left unconscious after their attempt to recreate the famous film in a Weston-Super-Mare pub beer garden spectacularly flopped.

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

NAME THAT STATE!

Man Called Cops 98 Times To Get Drug Money Back

(Thanks to ubetcha and Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:36 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

GUYS IN ACTION

Australian police seek man who did motorcycle burnout in elevator

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Sexual intimacy in couples is associated with longer telomere length

(Thanks to Alan ["I'm going to live forever!"] at Division)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:28 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

WHO AMONG US HAS NEVER MISTAKENLY PAINTED A HORSE?

Mistakenly painted horse brings levity to B.C. wildfire fight

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:25 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Texas man shows up to jury duty with beer, police say

(Thanks to Rick Day and Stan Ruth)

If there was beer, people would be much more willing to serve on juries.

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:20 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

THE SHAME OF A NATION

Compared to others around the world, Canadians don’t walk anywhere near as often, a new study finds.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2017 at 09:18 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

July 12, 2017

ELMO WAS ABLE TO ESCAPE

Florida police find cocaine stashed in Cookie Monster doll

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 04:48 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

FLORIDA DEMANDS A RECOUNT

Where are America's nicest drivers? Survey ranks states by road manners

(Thanks to MOTW)

The recount should be conducted by some other state, since Florida cannot count.

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 04:46 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

AS IS HER CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Police say a New Hampshire woman out on bail following a drug possession arrest returned to the police station hours later demanding the drug’s return and was arrested on another charge.

(Thanks to David Emery)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:41 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THEY ARE ALSO ALLEGEDLY ENGAGING IN HIJINKS AND HANKY-PANKY

Wild primates in Florida park: Monkey shenanigans on rise

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Dave Roe)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:39 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

O'Hare pilot gets plea deal in home castration

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:36 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

FASCISM PURE AND SIMPLE

Australian man fined for bringing fridge on commuter train

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:33 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Don't park here to buy your drugs, your dealer is across the street."

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:32 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT

California mechanical engineer builds world's largest Super Soaker

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:06 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

REALLY HER ONLY OPTION

A Florida woman set her home on fire after she was asked to turn her TV volume down, cops said.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 02:05 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Plane's takeoff delayed by squirrel in the engine compartment

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 11:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

BRILLIANT

Drunk driver arrested attempting to bail out friend for drunk driving

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 11:14 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Five live king cobras from China are found in a package at JFK airport's mail facility

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on July 12, 2017 at 11:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

 
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