September 21, 2016

'SCROTOX'

Would you risk Botox for your BALLS?

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "No thank you.")

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 10:00 AM
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HE SEEMS PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT IT

A man was live streaming his Pokemon Go game when he was mugged in Central Park early Monday morning.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who points out that the guy lost all three of his phones.)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 09:58 AM
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STARDOM

As news of the Brangelina Brexit hit on Tuesday morning local time, a 3.2 magnitude earthquake also hit, just north of Gardena, California.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 09:44 AM
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HE HAS AN 'UNQUENCHABLE PASSION'

A soft-spoken, self-possessed man, Mehoopany native Richard Witter is one of the cattle breeding and Artificial Insemination (AI) industry’s most lauded individuals, but you would never know it—until he begins to speak about his work.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 09:41 AM
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LOOK UP, DUDE

Mexican police: Van with cannon used to shoot drugs to US

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 09:31 AM
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THE JUDGE'S NAME IS PETER DOODY

Canadian Mint employee accused of smuggling $180K of gold in his rectum

(Thanks to Anthon Lund, The Perts and Roberto)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 09:29 AM
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'LOOK WHAT I FOUND'

Little girl picks up big snake.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 06:31 AM
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A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Mom rear-ends son's Harley.

The actual collision occurs at around 3:25.

Advisory: Many bad words.

(Thanks to B'game)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 06:28 AM
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MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Kangaroo caught eating toilet paper in public restroom

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 06:18 AM
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AT LAST

The Complete List of Lewd-Sounding Town Names in America

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 06:16 AM
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DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Seriously, don't.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jeff Schneider)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 06:14 AM
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AMERICA, REJOICE

Cow farts can now be regulated in California

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Rick Day and Dave D)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2016 at 06:02 AM
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September 20, 2016

BRILLIANT

Authorities say a Pennsylvania drug suspect who dropped his cellphone while running away from police took to Facebook to warn his friends not to call that phone number.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 12:44 PM
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WE'RE GUESSING IT WAS THE SQUIRRELS

Dead whale on Oregon coast disappears before experts can determine what killed it

(Thanks to Dave D)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 12:42 PM
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DAILY DINING REPORT

Drunk guy bites friend's ear off after demanding free enchiladas from Texas restaurant, police say

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

McDonald's manager assaulted with burger

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

This has been the Daily Dining Report.

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:49 AM
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POLICE ARE STOCKPILING BOTTLES OF SELTZER

Two more Alabama schools were on lockdown today after a social media posts and phoned-in threat warned "clowns" might show up at two Birmingham area schools.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:39 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

APPARENTLY IT MISPLACED ITS FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

DEPUTIES SEARCH FOR OWNER OF 600-POUND HOG

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:36 AM
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SPAWN OF SATAN UPDATE

Cuddling kittens can kill you, warn scientists

(Thanks to David Kaftal, Le Petomane and coscolo, who says "In that case, I must be dead.")

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:32 AM
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IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, PLEASE BE ON YOUR WAY

Tennessee Woman Drives Into Oncoming Traffic to Avoid Going to NJ

 

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:29 AM
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AND THEY'RE ALL NAKED

5 birds face off for national title of Canada's bird

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:27 AM
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CLASSY

A funeral home director is being accused of taking a selfie while a casket was being loaded into a hearse, KTRK reports.

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:24 AM
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APPARENTLY THIS IS AN ACTUAL THING

Nude birdwatching. (Meaning the bird and the watcher are both naked.)

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:21 AM
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NO WAY

Glass of beer 'makes people more sociable'

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Mark Buckley and Jon Harris)

 

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2016 at 05:18 AM
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September 19, 2016

MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:29 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

Man with 'superhuman strength' wearing only red underpants rams police car into mobile home

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:28 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

IT'S ALMOST THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Father Christmas beheaded as festive countdown proves too much for some

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:26 AM
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WHAT'S THE OTHER WAY?

Pig poop paving one way to cut oil dependency

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:24 AM
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A DAY OF NATIONAL REJOICING

Arizona woman accused of flashing underage boys at bar mitzvah is acquitted

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Japanese inventor creates musical strobe light bra that flashes to beat, adds fills when squeezed

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:17 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

DON'T PULL THAT SHADE, MATEY

Men perform better in bed when put under the spotlight, study finds

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:13 AM
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BEST. STATE. EVARRRRRRR

Tonight I be defendin' Flarrrrrida at 7 in St. Louis for Left Bank Books.

Best State Cover

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 07:06 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

ARRRR

Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, mateys. Although not everybody be excited about it. Too bad for them. They be missin' out on the free doughnuts.

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2016 at 06:59 AM
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September 18, 2016

ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF FLORIDA

Today at 3 I'll be defending our state at the Barnes & Noble at 2051 North Federal Highway.

Best State Cover

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2016 at 10:09 AM
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BETTER THAN SNAKES

Passengers on board WestJet flight 'AirIguana' grounded as lizards escape on plane

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2016 at 10:03 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

CLASSY

Man gives phony $50 bill to girl's charity lemonade stand

(Thanks to Le Petomane and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2016 at 10:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Listen as man calls police as his ex-girlfriend was overfeeding his pet HAMSTER

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2016 at 09:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

September 17, 2016

BAMBI: THE REVENGE

Man enjoying a sex act from his girlfriend while he drove along country road needs surgery after he swerved to avoid a deer and lover bit his penis

(Thanks to Patty Villanova) 

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2016 at 03:57 PM
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AND IN SPORTS

It's the Air Sex Championships.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2016 at 03:51 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THE SHEEP WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Three arrests after police spot sheep in back of car

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2016 at 03:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

NOT TO MENTION THE RISK OF PREGNANCY

Kissing Chickens Can Spread Salmonella, CDC Warns

(Thanks to Violet)

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2016 at 03:39 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

HUH

Unprotected sex is the leading cause of pregnancies in SA, says minister of health

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2016 at 03:37 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

GUYS IN ACTION

Watch man blow up his backyard when he uses PETROL to light a huge pile of rubbish

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Roberto)

 

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2016 at 10:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

September 16, 2016

MY GRANDSON, THE PILOT

Dylan is flying to Florida tonight.

  Image

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 07:22 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

THE NERVE

WISCONSIN APPLE STORE SELLING FRUIT, NOT IPHONES, SPARKS CONFUSION

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 04:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

5:50 p.m. — Caller’s 14-year-old son was in a boat in Umpqua Bay when it collapsed, forcing him to swim to shore where a male was trying to kill him. When asked how the caller received the information, she said she received it telepathically from her husband.

(Thanks to Richard Stratton)

 

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 04:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

AND YOU THOUGHT FLOWERS WOULD BE ADEQUATE

Seven years ago, Dr Charles Runels’ lover surprised him at his office, demanding that he inject blood into her clitoris as a Valentine’s Day present

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 04:10 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

NEVERTHELESS, IT HAS FILED A LAWSUIT

Google Street View's beefed-up privacy blurs out cow's face

(Thanks to Nancy Gill, Ralph and Deeya)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 10:24 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Commonly known as squirrels, these medium-sized rodents have been attempting to stop the university from functioning since its founding.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 10:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

ALWAYS AN EFFECTIVE CAREER STRATEGY

Man accused of mailing dead animals to school job winner

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 08:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE

Novelist runs into fiery home to save laptop

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2016 at 08:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

 
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