May 16, 2015

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

It's World Whisky Day.

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

Posted by Dave on May 16, 2015 at 09:55 AM
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SPAM EMAIL REVELATION OF THE DAY SO FAR

I have been embarrased about my bingey size my entire life.

Posted by Dave on May 16, 2015 at 09:52 AM
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May 15, 2015

IMAGINE YOUR PRODUCTIVITY, DUDE

Get high every morning with marijuana K-cups

(Thanks to David Emery)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 02:00 PM
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THE BUFFALO HAS RETAINED LEGAL COUNSEL

South African cyclist hits dead buffalo in city suburb

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 01:54 PM
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DRIVES AWAY WITH VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Bear breaks into car, steals stew

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 01:52 PM
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WANT TO FEEL OLD(ER)?

Boy doesn’t know what a phone booth is

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 10:30 AM
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TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT

Japanese porn industry hit by shortage of men

(Thanks to Alberto)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 09:29 AM
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NEW YORKERS WILL FIND THIS AMUSING

Beijing police warn 'strange outfits' on subway may cause stampedes

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 09:27 AM
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FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Now you can send someone a fart in a jar

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 09:23 AM
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CSI: NEW HAMPSHIRE

Merrimack police seek to identify mysterious goats

(Thanks to Poker)

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 09:22 AM
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EMAIL OF THE MORNING SO FAR

Hello Daveblog

You shouldn't wait another minute to order Max Gentleman and gain that confidence in your pants.

Posted by Dave on May 15, 2015 at 09:18 AM
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May 14, 2015

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

According to a reporter in Ramallah, home of the Palestinian Authority, a Jordanian gynecologist supposedly left a cell phone in a woman’s abdomen in April when performing a Cesarean section to deliver her son, prompting a call for the Jordanian government to resign.

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "Hello? HELLO?!")

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 04:32 PM
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YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT, DUDE?

There’s a drive-through that takes weed as payment

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 04:21 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Giant conger eel caught off British coast

63969032_PIC_PLYMO_3304749b

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 04:18 PM
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THOSE THINGS CAN BE VERY COMPLICATED

Police in Barrie, Ont., say two men who took an illicit drug had to call 911 when they couldn’t find their way out of a bush.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 04:14 PM
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FOR RICHARD NIXON

Welsh voter draws penis on ballot paper - returning officer counts it as a vote

(Thanks to Ross)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:45 AM
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SPEAK FOR YOURSEL... LOOK! A TEXT!

Your attention span is now less than that of goldfish, Microsoft says

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:42 AM
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LAND OF MYSTERY

Japanese game show contestants attempt to blow large insect in each other's mouths

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:39 AM
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SMOOTH

"How you doin' a--hole?" David Riffle asked Broward County Judge John Hurley in bond court Wednesday morning.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:37 AM
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MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Tree planted in front of pitcher's mound on high school baseball field

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:32 AM
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OK, BUT THEY'RE STILL RATS

Rats try to rescue others in distress, suggesting they feel empathy

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:29 AM
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CELEBRITY DOG REPORT

Australian quarantine authorities told actor Johnny Depp Thursday to fly his dogs Pistol and Boo out of the country by Saturday or they will be put down.

This has been your Celebrity Dog Report.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:21 AM
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RIIIIIIGHT

Robbery suspect says he was trying to offer safety advice

(Thanks to Poker)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:18 AM
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WITH A 30 PERCENT CHANCE OF SCORPIONS

Millions of baby spiders appeared to be raining from the sky in the Australia earlier this month

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:14 AM
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SHE IS 'ACTIVE ON SOCIAL MEDIA'

Woman wows Internet with world’s longest tongue claim

(Thanks to B'game)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

FLORIDA: STATE OF DIGNITY

Florida funeral home employees fired after Dunkin Donuts stop with veteran's body in hearse

(Thanks to Judy B.)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:10 AM
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SCIENCE DISCOVERS WHAM

‘80s Music is Boring, According to Science

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 09:09 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

Artificial intelligence experts are building the world’s angriest robot.

(Thanks to coscolo and RussellMc)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 08:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Cucumber-shaped dirigible to fly over Houston to promote Hendrick’s Gin

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 08:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

YOU KNOW THE STATE

MAN KILLS IMAGINARY FRIEND, TURNS SELF IN, TAKES WORLD'S SADDEST MUG SHOT

(Thanks to Paul Rodden, Ersin and nursecindy)

Posted by Dave on May 14, 2015 at 08:54 AM
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May 13, 2015

P.R. PITCH OF THE DAY SO FAR

Hi Barry,

Sean “Diddy” (aka “Puffy”) Combs is thinking about bringing back the White Party. In the most recent episode of  Yahoo Style’s “I Yahoo’d Myself”, Diddy talks to Nick Axelrod about his next White Party, discovering Laverne Cox, the sensual meaning behind his new fragrance (and that NSFW ad), 3AM, and how he feels about being the wealthiest hip hop artist in the game.

He even gives Nick a few tips on beauty products and making Anna Wintour laugh. Below is a link to the full video along with the embed code and interview highlights. Please let me know if you are able to share this with your readers.

Thanks! Michal

Hi Michal,

I am unable to do that.

Dave

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 05:03 PM
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'SHE LIFTS OBJECTS INDIGENOUS TO THE LOCAL AREA'

Kim Anami and her ‘legendary’ weight-lifting vagina commence European leg of world tour

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 05:00 PM
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GESUNDHEIT

Man sneezes out rubber end of childhood toy dart after four decades

More British Version: Camberley man, 51, sneezes out childhood toy dart end

The rubber sucker became an object of curiosity that he carried around with him because people were so interested, but has since been thrown out.

(Thanks to Sarah Owens, Bob Brogan, Barbara A. and Jon Harris) 

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 04:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

'THE SINGING SAILOR UNDERWATER DEFENSE SYSTEM'

Swedish group aims to scare off Russian subs with gay sailor sign

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 04:52 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

SCIENCE

Could You Fart Your Way to the Moon?

Advisory: Autoplay.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 04:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

IN FLORIDA, IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE DRIVING

Alligator spotted roaming entrance of drive-thru at South Carolina Taco Bell

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 04:45 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

A small team of researchers from the University of St Andrews and one from the University of Bristol, both in the UK has found, not surprisingly, that snipping a certain bugs' penis caused it to have less success in producing offspring

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 04:42 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Washington woman says she was ‘well within her rights’ to shoot at husband for not doing chores

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CARPENTERS

Attack of the possibly-Nazi clone parakeet invaders

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:42 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Man has sex with car's exhaust tailpipe in viral video

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who wonders whether it was a consenting tailpipe)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (21)

HE ALSO REVOKED ITS DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida Man Fights Off Shark by Punching It in the Face

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:31 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WE'RE STARTING TO THINK SCIENTISTS HAVE TOO MUCH SPARE TIME

Dinosaur-like snouts grown on chicken embryos

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:29 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS LEFT

North Adams police: Don’t drunkenly chase bears

(Thanks to Ron G., Gary Schroeder, Jon Harris, Jay Brandes, Roger Hall, Jan in Grimsby, The Perts, Monique, Ralph, W. von Papineau and Ian Clark)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:15 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

GUYS IN ACTION

Hundreds of bees terrorize subway after man kicks hive to prove it’s safe

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on May 13, 2015 at 09:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

May 12, 2015

WE MISSED IT

Yesterday was Root Canal Appreciation Day.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on May 12, 2015 at 09:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

INCLUDING 'LADIES OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS'

People Strip Naked at Funeral of Hwindi

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on May 12, 2015 at 08:42 AM
Permalink | Comments (19)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

A man who drove a car missing a wheel Saturday morning to a baseball field next to Camp Creek Elementary School was charged with driving under the influence and other offenses, sheriff's Deputy Travis Hoxie said in a report.

(Thanks to David Dudich)

Posted by Dave on May 12, 2015 at 07:48 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Wild boar causes havoc in Hong Kong shopping mall after falling through ceiling

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede)

Posted by Dave on May 12, 2015 at 07:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO BREAK OUT AND RAMPAGE THROUGH THE CITY

Human sperm grown in lab for first time

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 12, 2015 at 06:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

IT WAS A CONSENTING SEA LION

Sailor wakes up to snoring sea lion in next bunk

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on May 12, 2015 at 06:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

 
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