April 10, 2014

ALWAYS CARRY ONE

Woman bashes man with saucepan after being grabbed in foyer of unit block

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:38 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Police said a Jay man was adamant that the marijuana police found in the car he was driving was not his because he had just stolen the car.

(Thanks to Ned Tugent)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Alert over exploding whipped cream makers

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:24 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Abandoned croc captured at California strip mall

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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'PEER.' HEH.

Britons need to eat fewer baked beans because of impact of “smelly emissions” on global warming, peer warns

(Thanks to nursecindy and Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:17 AM
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AT LEAST NOT DURING THE MATCHES

Brazil Coach Tells Players No ‘Acrobatic Sex’ During 2014 World Cup

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:13 AM
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BAD NEWS FOR THIS BLOG'S DAUGHTER

Selfie Addiction May Cause Mental Illness

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

German Neo-Nazi Party Rocked by Interracial Porn and Penis Cake Scandals

(Thanks to Mary Lyall)

Related: Japan's Annual Penis Festival Is As Phallic As You'd Expect

Key Fact: "...the festival is believed to have roots [Har!] in the 17th century..."

(Thanks to Art Silverman)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2014 at 10:07 AM
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April 09, 2014

IDEALLY, NO.

Will Your Next Toilet Paper Roll Be Made Of Jellyfish?

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:44 PM
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FIRST GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE, AND NOW THIS

They're going to kill Archie.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:38 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

A person wearing a beaver costume entered a nightclub in Swansea and stole a bottle of blackcurrant cordial valued at about 60p.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:37 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

CANADA: WHERE THE NEWS NEVER STOPS

Alberta blogger calculates Hamilton 3rd least likely Canadian city to survive zombie apocalypse

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:07 PM
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TYPOGRAPHY IN THE NEWS

The creator of the sign for the Cornish pub did not leave adequate space between the words ‘pen’ and ‘is’

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and DaninTustin)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:03 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE MONKEES

Sperm Whale Turds Could Temper Antarctic Ocean Warming

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:01 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

EXACTLY THE SAME CLAIM IS MADE ABOUT GOLF

Louisiana lawmaker claims 'chicken boxing' is a sport

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 03:00 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

HIGHER EDUCATION REPORT

Drunk College Student Smashes Through the Walls of a Spa and Eats All Their Hot Pockets

This has been the Higher Education Report.

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 09:29 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

TILAPIANADO

Killer piranhas blocking Telford sewer turn out to be red herrings

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 09:27 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Habanero peppers cause school evacuation

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 09:21 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

ANYBODY SEEN ANTHONY WEINER LATELY?

Rat invades New York subway car, terrorizes straphangers

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 9, 2014 at 09:19 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

April 08, 2014

BEST TO REMAIN INDOORS UNTIL THE DANGER PASSES

Naturalists Ask Residents to Look Out for Box Turtles

(Thanks to Ryan Young, who says "Surely we could outrun them.")

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 04:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (18)

YOU GO, BERNICE

The son of one resident, 85-year-old Bernice Youngblood, was shocked when he showed up for a visit and found a picture of his mom stuffing dollar bills — which are supposed to be locked away in her commissary account — into a dancer’s briefs.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 02:19 PM
Permalink | Comments (16)

IT'S AN EPIDEMIC

Police find 30 stolen GNOMES during stop and search of car

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

Headmaster accused of owning goblins, ordered to leave school

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 02:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (19)

CUSTOMER SERVICE ENGINEER OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately, you know.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 01:49 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

THE LEGEND GROWS

Rob Ford 'Crackathon' video game lights up the web as players collect marijuana leaves, booze bottles

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 01:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

OUR QUESTION IS: WHAT THE *HELL* ARE YOU THINKING?

Squirrel Week 2014: Ask a squirrel expert

(Thanks to Guin, via nursecindy)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 01:44 PM
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JUST TESTING THEIR REFLEXES

Federal investigators say a Syracuse surgeon often slapped anesthetized patients on the buttocks and insulted them before surgery.

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 10:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

FLORIDA DINING REPORT

The shocking moment a crazed topless woman DESTROYS a McDonald's before pausing to enjoy an ice cream cone

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jeff Spotts)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 10:05 AM
Permalink | Comments (19)

ACTUALLY, THIS COULD BE THE WORK OF ONE EXCITED LABRADOR RETRIEVER

Vandals Flip Over Smart Cars in San Francisco

(Thanks to Loudmouth and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 09:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (18)

SOUTH FLORIDA POLITICAL REPORT

Hialeah official stashed meth pipe in his rectum

This has been the South Florida Political Report.

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 09:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

CSI: LUFKIN

Police in East Texas have arrested a woman after she called them to complain about the quality of the marijuana she had purchased from a dealer.

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 09:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Massachusetts home intruder turns out to be duck

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on April 8, 2014 at 09:45 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

April 07, 2014

'A LEVEL 1 HAZMAT SITUATION'

Interstate ramp reopens after beer truck spill

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 05:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

It's International Beaver Day.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 05:31 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

PASTOR OF THE WEEK

Unfortuntately our strict policy etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 11:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

PASS THE FRIES

Being fat may actually make you healthier

(Thanks to coscolo)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 11:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

Iguanas invade Cape Coral, Florida neighborhood: Reptiles dig seawalls causing safety concern

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 10:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

TRIMETHYLAMINURIA

Rare condition means woman has smelled of FISH and ROTTEN EGGS for 14 years - and there's no cure

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 10:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Triathlete Hit In Head By Falling Drone During Race

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 10:50 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

'HEAT.' RIGHT.

Plane makes emergency landing because 390 cows onboard gave off too much heat

(Thanks to Mr. Ted Habte-Gabr and Mr. Art Silverman)

Posted by Dave on April 7, 2014 at 09:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

April 06, 2014

SO 'TWITTER' IS PROBABLY ALSO OUT

Town bans parents from calling child 'Wikileaks'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan, who notes that "it's a very appropriate name until the age of 3.")

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 01:23 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

P Vikram Naidu from Hyderabad had agreed to marry a girl from Machavaram, whose parents had even agreed to pay a dowry of Rs.10 lakh. However, a couple of days before the wedding, Naidu reportedly told the girl he would marry her only if her parents gave him another Rs.5 lakh as she was "heavy". The groom even suggested that she should shed 20 kg if she does not want to pay up.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 01:21 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CARRY A TRASH BAG

A malfunctioning ATM at a bank in Maine has dispensed $37,000 in cash to a man who requested $140.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 01:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WHY THIS NATION IS IN TROUBLE

A disturbing admission from a Supreme Court justice (answer to question seven).

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

 

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 01:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

THE HAMSTER, MEANWHILE, HAS BEEN AWARDED A FLORIDA LICENSE

Woman who drove drunk with hamster on her lap in Beaverton finishes diversion

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 01:03 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

FEDEX EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Oops.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 01:00 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE

'A sting to the scrotum is painful but the nose is far worse,' says scientist who let bees attack his body five times a day for research

(Thank to Jeff Meyerson and Ned Tugent)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 12:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DEAD

Gasoline-loving spiders cause Mazda car recall for second time

(Thanks to Ralph, and Barbara A)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 12:54 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Police hunting 'mystery pooper' defecating on park slides

(Thanks to Dan Barr, coscolo, Charles Cates and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 12:53 PM
Permalink | Comments (1)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Doctors remove skipping rope from man’s urethra

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 12:51 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

CSI: DES MOINES

Man flees with goat; goat eats citation papers

(Thanks to Ralph, and Trent Whitney)

Posted by Dave on April 6, 2014 at 12:49 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

 
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