September 13, 2014

UPDATE FROM RUSSIA

Ridley and I are heading home after a busy week. We met many nice folks, including these, who came to the U.S. Consul residence in St. Petersburg to watch the movie "Big Trouble," which was based on my book.

Consul Redidence

In St. Petersburg we also spoke (mostly through Olga, an interpreter, sitting between me and Ridley) with members of the Russian Writers Union. They are Serious about writing. We did our best to appear Serious also, but at times we failed.

Writers Union

Ridley found a giant sneaker that he liked very much.

Ridley and sneaker

Posted by Dave on September 13, 2014 at 09:56 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

GET THE HANDBASKET

Because it's not funny, but we have to post it anyway.

Christ Arrested for Assaulting Muhammed in San Rafael

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

Posted by judi on September 13, 2014 at 12:53 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

GUESS THE STATE

Sarasota bus driver accused of attempting to pick up prostitute while on duty

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

Posted by judi on September 13, 2014 at 12:51 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

September 12, 2014

FINALLY, A REASON TO START SMOKING

Hallucinogen in 'magic mushrooms' can help smokers quit: Study

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

A western Colorado woman is accused of pointing a rifle at several children in a neighboring back yard because she was upset that an 11-year-old boy was playing his clarinet outside.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:18 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

MAKES SENSE TO US

Soon only outlaws will carry Chapstick

(Thanks to coscolo and John Harris)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

UNFARE

Key Quote: Drivers wonder how inspectors determine who reeks.

(Thanks to Stella Rondo and Jon Harris)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

PARTY TIME

Excellent

(Thanks to Melanie Homer and Jon Harris)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:05 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

September 11, 2014

BY REQUEST

Just for Being Americans

On Hallowed Ground

Posted by judi on September 11, 2014 at 03:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

A MOMENT OF SILENCE

Posted by judi on September 11, 2014 at 09:51 AM
Permalink | Comments (27)

September 10, 2014

UPDATE FROM RUSSIA

Ridley and I are on a train (with wifi!) going from Moscow to Saint Petersburg. Be advised that Russia contains many, many trees. If you were to line up all the trees in Russia, end to end, you would have lined up a crapload of trees.

This has been your update from Russia.

Posted by Dave on September 10, 2014 at 12:10 PM
Permalink | Comments (22)

THIS JUST IN

From the Duke University office of News & Communications:

ANCIENT SWAMP CREATURE HAD LIPS LIKE MICK JAGGER

DURHAM, N.C. –- Sir Mick Jagger has a new animal named after him. Scientists have named an extinct swamp-dwelling creature that lived 19 million years ago in Africa after the Rolling Stones frontman, in honor of a trait they both share -- their supersized lips.

“We gave it the scientific name Jaggermeryx naida, which translates to ‘Jagger’s water nymph,’” said study co-author Ellen Miller of Wake Forest University. The animal’s fossilized jaw bones suggest it was roughly the size of a small deer and akin to a cross between a slender hippo and a long-legged pig.
(...)

Posted by judi on September 10, 2014 at 09:17 AM
Permalink | Comments (16)

WHAT'RE YOU IN FOR?

Stole some grass...

(Thanks to the Perts)

Posted by judi on September 10, 2014 at 08:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (18)

AHOY, MATEYS

ARRRRRR you ready?

(Thanks to Vernon B.)

Posted by judi on September 10, 2014 at 08:21 AM
Permalink | Comments (17)

September 09, 2014

MOVE OVER, WIENERMOBILE

Motorcycle fueled by bacon grease makes its way across America.

(Thanks to James in NC, who adds "Mmmm...smell that Hog!")

Posted by judi on September 9, 2014 at 02:59 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

MACGYVER GOES TO DETROIT

Detroit is so broke that firefighters get emergency alerts through pop cans, coins, door hinges, pipes and doorbells. And they make these gizmos themselves — one involving a pop can that gets tipped over by an incoming fax. The clink of the can means there’s an emergency. Then there’s the chain-reaction gadget: a fax hits a door hinge, which then tugs on a wire, which then sets off a doorbell.

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

Posted by judi on September 9, 2014 at 02:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Fort Mill man calls 'base' on police after car chase

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

Posted by judi on September 9, 2014 at 02:48 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

UPDATE FROM RUSSIA

Here I am in Moscow with a famous Russian statue of a famous Russian striking a casual pose (I mean the famous Russian statue is) (although I am, also). The man on the left is clearly a KGB agent monitoring my every move. The man near the car in the background is clearly a KGB agent monitoring both of us, or all three of us, if you count the statue. Not seen is a third KGB agent who is clearly monitoring everything and probably knows that you are reading this blog entry so you should destroy your hard drive NOW.

MoscowStatue

Update: According to Wikipedia, the KGB no longer exists. Wikipedia is SO naive.

Posted by Dave on September 9, 2014 at 01:26 AM
Permalink | Comments (41)

September 08, 2014

SO CUTE

Apparently Ft. Lauderdale officials believe drivers aren't AIMING for the pedestrians.

(Thanks to Steve P.)

Posted by judi on September 8, 2014 at 05:33 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

WE ASSUME SHE HAS A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Our strict policy says nothing about this sort of thing.

(Thanks to PG-13 Wodehouse)

Posted by judi on September 8, 2014 at 05:30 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

YA THINK?

Man calls and texts ex 21,807 times, admits stupidity

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

Posted by judi on September 8, 2014 at 10:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

WHEN PIGS FLY

Whee Whee Whee Whee all the way home.

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

Posted by judi on September 8, 2014 at 10:09 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

LET'S PUT ON A PLAY IN THE BARN!

Though now that we think about it, you're all probably too young to even get that reference. Depressing. Thanks a lot. And get offa my lawn!

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

Posted by judi on September 8, 2014 at 10:03 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Here's a beautiful, sad essay by Ridley about caring for his mom.

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2014 at 01:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (16)

UPDATE FROM MOSCOW

Here's the Kremlin (I think) as seen from the hotel bar. It's good to keep an eye on the Kremlin.

10499521_10101510214664607_657510620198613491_o

 The circular thing over the Kremlin is (I think) the Moon, which apparently they also have over here in Russia.

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2014 at 01:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (22)

September 06, 2014

ADVISORY

For the next week I will be on a secret assignment with Ridley in an undisclosed location about which I am not at ALL nervous because I'm sure everyone will be very friendly. So blogging from me will be sporadic at best. Judi says she might post some stuff if she is not too busy.

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2014 at 10:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (18)

September 05, 2014

THE COW WAS CHARGED WITH A BLOCKING FOUL

Retired college basketball coach Bob Knight escaped injury when his vehicle struck a cow on a dark northern Wyoming highway.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 02:44 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE SPICE GIRLS

Vicious beaver attacks Halifax snorkeler off Nova Scotia’s coast

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 02:38 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

BRILLIANT

Chica the Spider-Dog.

(Thanks to George Byars)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 02:33 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

GUYS IN ACTION

Robot couch can drive you to the fridge and back

(Thanks to Michael Huber, Bill Hudgins, Roberto, George Byars, coscolo and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 02:26 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

USEFUL ADVICE FOR RUSSIA

Don’t go in blind, Dave. Learn a few phrases to break the ice.  For instance, ‘booger’ would be ‘Бугер’

vega driver

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 02:16 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SET FIRE TO THE CONSTITUTION

[The menu] states in bold red letters that the chef has the right to refuse the use of ketchup....

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 02:13 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS SAYS

We hope it's not bad.

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 10:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (29)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE COCKTAIL SAUCE

The Shrimp From Hell.

Gkkrghxetzsnpa3agfk1

You know the state.

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Chinese restaurant worker in Ohio pulled gun on teen who asked for more soy sauce

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

KEEP MOVIN', MOVIN', MOVIN', THOUGH THEY'RE DISAPPROVIN'

2 men steal cow after forcing it into hatchback

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Bonus Points: Name that theme song.

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (22)

THE WORD CAME FROM ANTI-CORRUPTION WATCHDOG WANG QISHAN

China warns again of dark side of the mooncakes

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:15 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

REPORT FROM FLATHEAD COUNTY

I just spent a few days in the area, to tour Glacier National Park and environs, which I strongly encourage everyone to do before the shrinking glaciers disappear entirely in 10-15 years.

Anyway, at the end of my stay, I drove the stretch of Hwy 93 from Whitefish Lake (just north of Whitefish) to Flathead Lake (south of Kalispell). It all seemed pretty normal to me.

I did, however, notice that I woke up early every morning with a splitting headache which very gradually subsided; and, no, I can't blame it on alcohol. So, my theory is that a lot of other folks have the same problem, and the resulting irritability explains all the stories we've been reading.

Hope that clears things up.

Richard Lee

The headaches are caused by the rays being beamed at the area by hostile extraterrestrials.

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:09 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THEY SAY IT'S GOOD FOR RETIREES TO STAY ACTIVE

According to the Sheriff's Office, 81-year-old Fred Reede came to his bedroom window Monday afternoon at the Vista Grand Assisted Living Facility, which overlooks a swimming pool. Reede allegedly was wearing a bright red bra and panties, and he then exposed himself, shaking his genitals at the residents in the pool area.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:04 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

WHAT'S THAT OTHER SMELL?

Colorado Parks and Wildlife rescue owl from toilet

(Thanks to J. R. Absher)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 09:02 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Icky Solution to Diaper Waste: Grow Mushrooms on Them

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 08:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

HEY, SHE COULD HAVE DONE WORSE

Woman in India Marries Dog to Ward Off Evil

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who says, "​He snores, he farts, he hogs the bed at night... What's the difference?")

Advisory: autoplay.​

 

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 08:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS HEROIN

School bans ‘unsupervised cartwheels’ on playground

(Thanks to coscolo)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 08:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

WHEN BRIDAL PARTIES GO BAD

Two friends were beaten up and robbed by a group of women, one of whom was wearing a bachelorette sash, all because one of the victims was apparently careless with a hotdog, according to the Seattle Police Department.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2014 at 08:51 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

September 04, 2014

EW

Seriously, ew.

Advisory: Ew.

(Thanks to Greg M.)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2014 at 12:56 PM
Permalink | Comments (18)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Giant hippopotamus sculpture floats through London

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2014 at 12:54 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

YOU DO *NOT* WANT TO WATCH THIS VIDEO

A Russian hard man has done a parachute jump without a harness - fixing the parachute to piercings embedded in his back.

Advisory: Autoplay video, which you do not want to watch.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2014 at 12:22 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

A South Dakota man who was summoned to court yesterday for failing to complete a mandated anger management class attacked his female lawyer inside the courthouse and ended up behind bars on a felony assault rap, police report.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2014 at 12:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

SO *THAT'S* WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM

Surgery on ailing Great Dane yields 43 1/2 socks

(Thanks to manual tomato, Rick Day, Steve K. and Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2014 at 12:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

YOU MAY APPROACH THE BENCH

Two California judges censured for sex in chambers

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Here comes the judge.")

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2014 at 12:12 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise