January 27, 2016

HEALTH NUT

This 112-year-old woman smokes 30 cigarettes a day

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:33 AM
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YET ANOTHER REASON -- AS IF WE NEEDED ONE -- TO BAN LIGHT BEER

An aerial Bud Light banner fell on a resident's Union County home Sunday after it was disconnected from a helicopter. Monday, the Federal Aviation Administration said they were investigating the incident.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:25 AM
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YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM

Puerto Rican man's corpse embalmed to allow poker fanatic to play one final hand with loved ones

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:23 AM
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NOT WEIRD AT ALL!

Man Who Wanted to Look Like a PLATYPUS Finally Got His Wish

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:20 AM
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CSI: FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Disgruntled Burger King worker steals all the chicken nuggets on last day

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:18 AM
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R.I.P.

We lost Detective Fish.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:17 AM
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DIG HIM UP AND HANG HIM

11th Duke of Bedford blamed for unstoppable grey squirrel invasion

(Thanks to Jerzy Gembura)

Posted by Dave on January 27, 2016 at 08:15 AM
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January 26, 2016

NAME THAT STATE

Woman with no pants leads to driver's arrest

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 10:11 AM
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OOPS

U.K. government misspells 'language' while announcing English tests for migrants

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 10:09 AM
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RESCUE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Newquay air and sea search turns up inflatable doll

(Thanks to Loren Blinde)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 10:08 AM
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ALSO, STAY OFF HER LAWN

NJ woman shoots man who was using her shovel to clear elderly neighbor’s driveway

"...striking him in the buttocks..."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 10:06 AM
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DUI

Santa Claus arrested in N. Idaho

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 09:59 AM
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WE SAW KNIFE-WIELDING CRAB OPEN FOR THE ANIMALS

A crab grabbed a knife and fought its way out of a restaurant in Brazil.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 06:20 AM
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NO MEANS NO

Florida man kisses bird-of-prey, loses part of lip

(Thanks to ubetcha)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 06:10 AM
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SO MUCH FOR SHRINKAGE

Bizarre footage shows driver travelling along busy road with 'huge snow penis' on car

(Thanks to Ralph and Emily, Leslie and w)

Posted by Dave on January 26, 2016 at 06:04 AM
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January 25, 2016

FOR MEMBERS ONLY:

Formal wear.

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 04:07 PM
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SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

Terrifying 7.5 centimetre funnel web spider nicknamed 'big boy' found in bushland with venom dripping from its fangs

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Related: 'Behemoth' Daddy Longlegs Discovered in Oregon

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 03:58 PM
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CSI: LITITZ PIKE

"He then entered her place of employment causing a disturbance by walking over to the victim's desk and emptying a container of mashed potatoes onto her desk."

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 03:57 PM
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GUESS WHERE THEY DID THEIR RESEARCH

Oxford University researchers claim having a local pub makes you happier

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 03:51 PM
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WHY THE HELL NOT?

Scientists have grown a LIVING human ear on the back of a rat

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Dave D.)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 12:21 PM
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IT'S ORGANIC

Kevin Abosch sells photograph of potato for $1.5 million

(Thanks to John Gregg and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 12:14 PM
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WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

New development out of Asia: Cats are being used as hair styling tools

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 12:11 PM
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MEANWHILE IN WOMEN'S ROWING

Coxless Crew reach Australia

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who stresses that we are not going for a cheap laugh here)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 12:00 PM
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FIRST TIME WE'VE HEARD THAT TERM USED TO DESCRIBE IT

Ohio man accidentally shot himself in Chick-fil-A while pulling up his pants

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 11:57 AM
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DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

This woman ‘beat up her husband with nunchucks because he refused her sex’

She also "hurled ceramic figurines."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 11:54 AM
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HERE'S HOPING THE IRS IS ALSO MISSING

Washington's official snowfall of 17.8 inches is way off because weather observers LOST their measuring device during the blizzard

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 11:53 AM
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THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

A "public masturbation booth" in NYC was a publicity stunt for a sex toy company.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 25, 2016 at 11:36 AM
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January 24, 2016

SPORTS UPDATE

If you're a male, you don't want to read the sports update.

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

Posted by Dave on January 24, 2016 at 12:38 PM
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THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT CRACKERS

Wisconsin thieves steal semi-trailer holding $70,000 of cheese

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder)

Posted by Dave on January 24, 2016 at 08:10 AM
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HOW MUCH DID IT SNOW? IT SNOWED SO MUCH THAT....

A yeti was spotted on Vanderbilt Avenue in Prospect Heights during Saturday's blizzard by an eagle-eyed Brooklyn resident.

(Thanks to Madeleine)

Posted by Dave on January 24, 2016 at 08:06 AM
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NOT WEIRD AT ALL!

‘A worm fell into my mouth. I gagged’: my life as a badger

(Thanks to John Gregg)

Posted by Dave on January 24, 2016 at 08:04 AM
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'IT RUNS ON ALCOHOL'

Genius Builds Real Lightsaber And It’s As Dangerous As It Sounds

(Thanks to James in NC)

Posted by Dave on January 24, 2016 at 08:01 AM
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YOU KNOW THE STATE

Woman arrested for stealing Botox

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 24, 2016 at 07:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

January 23, 2016

NOT CREEPY AT ALL

This filmmaker replaced his eyeball with a camera

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 04:57 PM
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BECAUSE IT WASN'T REPULSIVE ENOUGH

A Scottish chef has invented guinea pig haggis

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 03:52 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

NEVERTHELESS THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

We Haven’t Found Aliens Because They’re All Already Dead, Scientists Say

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 02:10 PM
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THEY FORMED A BAAAARRICADE

Flock of sheep helps police end 90-minute car chase in New Zealand

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Allen at Division, who says "One Baaaaadam Twelve...")

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 02:08 PM
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'IT COULD CAUSE TROUBLE IN THE WRONG HANDS'

Nearly $50,000 In Bull Semen Stolen From Turlock Truck

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 02:02 PM
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CSI: DORSET

Drive-by yoghurt attack on crochet teacher's haberdashery leaves her shaken

(Thanks to Jerzy Gembura and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 02:00 PM
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MEN:

You don't want to know.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:56 PM
Permalink | Comments (15)

MAKE THAT BURGER WELL-DONE, PLEASE

A Chinese man who visited his doctor after suffering from severe tummy ache was found to have a giant tapeworm growing inside his stomach - after years of gorging on raw beef.

(Thanks to EricY and Harry Nom de Plume)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:50 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE

Lizzards

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:48 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

CONTROL-ALT-EYE OF NEWT

Californian woman uses ‘witchcraft’ to solve computer problems

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:43 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

WE ASSUME THIS IS A JOKE

But you never know.

(Thanks to Jim Newman)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:41 PM
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THEN CONTACT A DIVORCE LAWYER

Bronx Zoo: Name a cockroach for your Valentine

(Thanks to Ralph, funny man and W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:35 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

IF YOU ONLY READ ONE 911-CALL TRANSCRIPT TODAY...

...make it this one, dude.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Jeffrey Brown and maryqos)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:34 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

IN OUR DAY, THIS WAS KNOWN AS 'HIJINKS'

Hatfield 19-year-old accused of arson after allegedly leaving flaming box of excrement on porch of Northampton home

Key Deduction: Police said the package contained a "substance consistent with excrement," leading to the initial conclusion that the incident had been a prank, police said.

Yes, police said that, said police.

(Thanks to Tom Kopec)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:28 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

HARRY POOTER

Daniel Radcliffe’s Farting Corpse Movie Prompts Walk-Outs

(Thanks to Harry Nom de Plume and Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on January 23, 2016 at 01:24 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

January 22, 2016

THEY FOUND 'A SMALL CORRELATION'

Average penis size revealed: Scientists attempt to find what is 'normal' to reassure concerned men

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Al Barkafski, Dave D and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2016 at 03:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (21)

GUYS IN ACTION

The desperate actions of a man who poked a finger into the bum of an attacking dog may have saved Phillip McLean's leg.

(Thanks to Ross Marks, who asks: "Would this work with alligators?")

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2016 at 03:43 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

 
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