September 24, 2014

TRY THE LO MEIN, DUDE

Chinese restaurant admits to selling 'opium-laced noodles'

(Thanks to Focalpoint, John Gregg and coscolo)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2014 at 09:04 AM
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WHERE THE *HELL* IS THE CONSUMER PRODUCT SAFETY COMMISSION?

Adult film star Missy Martinez says a Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator shot off sparks inches from her genitals while she was using it during a porn film shoot.

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2014 at 09:03 AM
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TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Two suspects were arrested in connection with a BB gun shooting at the  McDonald's restaurant in Anderson.  Police said they were disgruntled because ketchup was not included in their order.

(Thanks to Mike)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2014 at 09:01 AM
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SEND HIM TO WASHINGTON

Minnesota House candidate sued for sawing garage in half

(Thanks to Tash)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2014 at 08:53 AM
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THEY'RE ALSO BIG FANS OF THE KARDASHIANS

Frog TV.

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

Posted by Dave on September 24, 2014 at 08:52 AM
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September 23, 2014

'PERSISTENT GENITAL AROUSAL SYNDROME'

Wisconsin Man Suffers 100 Unwanted Orgasms A Day

(Thanks to Michael Huber)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 02:47 PM
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JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN

Barry Manilow Halloween Surprise: “I Sing with Dead People” Duets with the Deceased

(Thanks to Dad-O-Lot, nursecindy, Carolyn and The Amazing Steve)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 02:44 PM
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THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Sorry to break it to everyone but the woman who claims to have surgically implanted third breast is a self-proclaimed HOAXER

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 02:42 PM
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CSI: SANDPOINT

A northern Idaho woman has been charged with a felony after police say she chewed up the upholstery of a patrol car seat.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Woozy Barnes)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 11:08 AM
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WE SAW VICIOUS DOG'S BOTTOM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Woman stuck finger up vicious dog's bottom to stop attack on her pet Jack Russell

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 11:05 AM
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THINK WHAT HIS JOCKSTRAP WOULD COMMAND

Yankees SS Derek Jeter's Game-Used Sock Going for $409

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 11:04 AM
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ALL THE ELEMENTS OF A CLASSIC

SyFy’s ‘Lavalantula’ Is A Movie About Fire-Breathing Spiders Starring The Cast Of ‘Police Academy’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 11:02 AM
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SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS LEFT

Man arrested after trying to pet moose, fighting with officer

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 11:00 AM
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HOME DECOR CONCEPT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Dutchman fought to keep amputated leg, made a lamp

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 10:56 AM
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YIKES

Deputies: Woman assaulted boyfriend, smeared fake blood on herself

Johne-jpg

You know the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 09:04 AM
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FRONTIERS OF SCIENCE

New mushroom species discovered in London grocery store

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 09:02 AM
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OLD SCHOOL

Man caught on surveillance smashing SunTrust Bank ATM with hatchet

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 08:59 AM
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SPIRITUAL

Two Cambodian Buddhist monks have been arrested in the popular tourist city of Siem Reap for smoking crystal methamphetamine along with two women in their pagoda.

(Thanks to Tex)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 08:57 AM
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WE ARE OF COURSE WITH THE CHICKENS

Chickens vs. Squirrel

(Thanks to Moe Money)

Posted by Dave on September 23, 2014 at 08:54 AM
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September 22, 2014

FOLLOWED BY STUNNED SILENCE FROM THE ANCHORETTE

Alaska TV Reporter Quits on Air: ‘F**k It, I Quit’

Advisory: F-bomb.

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Jennifer Folstad and Richard)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2014 at 02:51 PM
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YOU WILL NEVER GUESS THE STATE

A woman has spent $20,000 on surgery to get a third breast and her dream is to become a celebrity.

(Thanks to Larry Martell, Allen at Division, coscolo, Roberto and Spotsie)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2014 at 02:46 PM
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'...ATHLETES HELPED MARCH THE BUN DOWN A MAIN THOROUGHFARE, MAKING A WIDE TURN INTO A PARKING LOT...'

Residents in the southwest Illinois city of Belleville celebrated its 200th birthday with a 200-foot bratwurst, complete with a 200-foot bun.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2014 at 02:44 PM
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OOPS

A confectionery company is dealing with a sticky situation after penis-shaped gummy lollies made their way into some of its packs, costing the company thousands of dollars in recalls.

(Thanks to Joe Hicks)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2014 at 08:16 AM
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THE DAILY BUSINESS REPORT

Traders see goat price going up this Dashain

This has been the Daily Business Report.

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2014 at 08:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Italian army to grow medical marijuana

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Related: Peyton Manning says legalized pot has been good for his pizza business

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on September 22, 2014 at 08:10 AM
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September 21, 2014

WHEN THEY HATCH, THEY WILL ALL PRODUCE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Surfers and early morning walkers were stunned to find thousands of 'alien eggs' on a Sydney beach this weekend.

Article-2763283-21820E8F00000578-270_634x335

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 12:07 PM
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THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Ninja sister wives busted in violent Utah burglary

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "They opened for the Osmonds.")

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO RAMPAGE ABOUT THE CABIN

A Sydney-bound Qantas flight has been diverted because of a drunk passenger who allegedly broke through all four sets of plastic handcuffs on the flight after repeated attempts to steal whisky.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 12:00 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS HEROIN

California boy gets detention for sharing school-prepared lunch with another student

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 11:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man who hid fake moustache under water valve waits five months to finish terrible pun

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 11:47 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Man gets 4-month sentence for poaching geoducks

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 11:45 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

UNFORTUNATE STEREOTYPE REINFORCED

Police Car Slams Into NJ Dunkin' Donuts

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on September 21, 2014 at 11:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

September 20, 2014

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

School alcohol counsellor crashed car at nearly 4 times drink-drive limit

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2014 at 10:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

CSI: SOUTH CAROLINA

Brothers attack each other in fight over stolen okra

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2014 at 10:28 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

GUYS IN ACTION

Tipsy Australian fights off crocodile with eye-poke

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2014 at 10:27 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

A NATION IN SHOCK

Honey Boo Boo's Parents 'Taking Time Apart'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "There is nothing left to believe in.")

Posted by Dave on September 20, 2014 at 08:19 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

September 19, 2014

THIS BE THE 1940 CENSUS UPDATE

Arrr strict policy be preventin' us from linkin' to the 1940 Census Update.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 03:26 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

HOISTING THE YARDARM?

What In The Heck Was This Woman Doing During A Falcons Game?

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "She be raising his topsail.")

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 03:22 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

CELEBRITY LIFE BE HARRRRD

Demi Lovato was farted on by a fan at a meet and greet.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 03:16 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

(APPROPRIATE PIRATE EXPRESSION GOES HERE)

Bat-wielding woman in her underwear storms elementary school

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 03:13 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE BE DEAD?

Michigan couple’s threesome goes awry, results in meat-flinging choke attack

(Thanks to Mr. Jeff "Trip Advisor" Greenfield)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 09:47 AM
Permalink | Comments (16)

WE BE LOSING OUR FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS, MATEYS

Oklahoma City man arrested for washing himself with mayonnaise in public fountain

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 09:18 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

WAL MARRRRRT

Wal-Mart de Mexico SAB, the country’s biggest retailer, is being probed by local officials after shoppers complained that a store hosted a cockfight to promote a soda company.

(Thanks to Focalpoint, who says "Cleanup on aisle 9.")

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 08:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

IT BE VIRAL, MATEYS

Ahoy! It's Talk Like a Pirate Day

Get ready for Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Aargh! Free donuts at Krispy Kreme.

Get free treasure on Sept. 19 for saying 'Avast, ye mateys!'

Shiver me timbers! International Talk Like a Pirate Day is on the horizon

Talk Like a Pirate Day in NYC: Where you can celebrate

 Ahoy! Your 'Talk Like a Pirate Day' primer 

Get The Most Out Of 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' With This Guide For Landlubbers

Video: Learn how to Talk Like a Pirate

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 08:13 AM
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THESE ITEMS BE VAGUELY RELATED

Rat runs along an escalator like a treadmill in LA subway

(Thanks Steve Hooley)

Hamster Wheel Standing Desk

FTKMBJJHZ13FDUC.MEDIUM

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 19, 2014 at 12:21 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

September 18, 2014

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Cops say man used banana to rob store

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2014 at 12:07 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

APPARENTLY SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT KEN AND SKIPPER

'Swearing' Barbie doll shocks mother as it blurts out ''What the f***?''

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Permalink | Comments (18)

IT ALSO LOOKS KIND OF LIKE JESUS

Man finds piece of KFC chicken that could be shape of new UK

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2014 at 11:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS THE STATE

Masturbating sex offender disrupts yoga class, cops say

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2014 at 11:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

BECAUSE WE'RE NOT OBESE ENOUGH ALREADY

Krispy Kreme offer box of 2,400 doughnuts

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on September 18, 2014 at 11:51 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

 
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