September 09, 2017

WE SAW SHOE-THROWING WOMAN OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Shoe throwing woman hops on patrol car in St. Lucie County

You know the state.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 9, 2017 at 10:38 AM
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DEPARTMENT OF THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO US

Man returns home to find naked woman sleeping in his bed

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "And this is a problem, why?")

Posted by Dave on September 9, 2017 at 10:00 AM
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IRMA UPDATE

If we have to get out, we know where we're going.

Posted by Dave on September 9, 2017 at 09:35 AM
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September 08, 2017

HOW FLORIDA HANDLES A CRISIS

People like Ryon are going to shoot at Hurricane Irma

(Thanks to Matt Robare)

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2017 at 04:58 PM
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NORTH KOREA IS NOT FAR BEHIND

Idaho officials designing giant, glow-in-the-dark potato

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2017 at 12:21 PM
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PAGING JAMES BOND

10 sharks found in home's basement pool

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Al Barkafski and Fabian Marson)

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2017 at 12:13 PM
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PERHAPS HE DIDN'T SEE HER

Man fined for driving off with wife on hood of car

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2017 at 12:05 PM
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AS AN ANXIOUS WORLD WATCHES

Berlin court rules on whether farting next to a police officer is allowed

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2017 at 11:40 AM
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THAT WILL DEFINITELY RAISE AWARENESS

Officials announcing outbreak of deadly disease spread by ticks in Japan bring an insect to press conference... and it ESCAPES

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on September 8, 2017 at 11:35 AM
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September 07, 2017

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

6:54 a.m. Someone had questions about their neighbor’s chickens.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 7, 2017 at 04:17 PM
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THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Man has a three-inch-wide glass cup removed from his rear after having it stuck there for two days

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on September 7, 2017 at 02:47 PM
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WE'RE SEEING SOME WIND GUSTS

Weatherman appears to sneak a fart on live TV

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 7, 2017 at 02:45 PM
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THIS JUST IN

Plastic surgery addict develops a permanent erection as unfortunate side-effect of nose job operation

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on September 7, 2017 at 10:40 AM
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NATURE VIDEO OF THE DAY SO FAR

Irish family tackles problem of bat in kitchen.

Advisory: Bad words. (But spoken with a great accent.)

Posted by Dave on September 7, 2017 at 10:39 AM
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UPDATE FROM MIAMI:

We are NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL.

Posted by Dave on September 7, 2017 at 08:13 AM
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September 06, 2017

THIS IS PRETTY GREAT

Summer Blockbusters: 8-Minute Battle Between Convenience Store Clerk And Two Would-Be Robbers

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 05:02 PM
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NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

The Oktoberfest sneaker's design was inspired by Bavarian leather pants and features brown leather that has been treated to be "puke and beer repellent."

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 04:53 PM
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CSI: THE HAGUE

Dutch man imprisoned for stealing plastic duck

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 04:52 PM
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WHERE BE THE UNITED NATIONS?

Krispy Kreme ends popular ‘Talk Like a Pirate Day’ promotion

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 04:51 PM
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"WE WATCH A *LOT* OF 'GAME OF THRONES'"

One Cypress woman promises a fate worse than being shot if any enterprising criminals decide to target her home.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 04:48 PM
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TODAY'S BUSY CONSUMER

Investigators allege that Sessions masturbated while seated at a table in a Cheddar’s restaurant and used a sex toy on herself in a Home Depot parking lot. She also allegedly exposed herself in the Home Depot’s appliance section and engaged in a sex act inside a dressing room at a Kohl’s department store.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 04:47 PM
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STAND BY YOUR MAN

A woman told detectives that her husband could not possibly be the man seen in surveillance video breaking into a Windermere home earlier this month because the couple was at a swingers club in Eustis when the crime was being committed, according to the Windermere Police Department.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "In that case, sir...")

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 04:43 PM
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MEDICAL PROCEDURE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Denver nurses suspended for opening body bag to admire man’s genitals

(Thanks to Jane, near Denver)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 06:13 AM
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*NOTHING* IN AUSTRALIA IS HARMLESS

Peppa Pig Episode Pulled From Australian TV for Telling Children That Spiders Are Harmless

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 06:06 AM
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OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A MAGICAL EVENING

Woman ends Tinder date stuck in window trying to grab her own poop

(Thanks to Ralph, Steve Thompson, Roberto, L. Raymond and Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 06:05 AM
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GIRDING FOR THE STORM

A Florida man performed a sex act on a female companion “in the middle of families” gathered on a Clearwater beach Sunday afternoon, according to cops who arrested the couple.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth and Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 06:02 AM
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SEND THIS WORKER TO WASHINGTON

Shanghai Construction Worker Shoveling A Rain Puddle

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 05:57 AM
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IRMA PREPAREDNESS

You will find these tips to be extremely useful.

Posted by Dave on September 6, 2017 at 05:55 AM in Yes, it's old. But it's important.
Permalink | Comments (12)

September 05, 2017

GIRDING FOR IRMA

Here at the blog we're preparing for Irma by assembling items for the Holiday Gift Guide. Our theme this year is: Let's Be Practical.

IMG_1365

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 02:46 PM
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DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Female hurricanes are deadlier than male hurricanes, study says

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

Update: This item is from last year. Judi etc.

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 11:29 AM
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THERE ARE TOMATO LOVERS

...and then there are tomato lovers.

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 11:27 AM
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THE HOLIDAYS ARE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

The 11 Most Fascinating Things You Can Buy For Your Boobs

(Thanks to Patricia Hall)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 10:56 AM
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HUH

I stopped yelling at my husband and now we have more sex

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 10:54 AM
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WHY CAN'T *OUR* TAX PEOPLE PERFORM USEFUL FUNCTIONS LIKE THIS?

German taxman breaks record for carrying the most beer in one go

(Thanks to Rick Day and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 06:32 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

YOU NEED ONE

Bank invests millions in FLYING motorbikes worth £60k each - and they're absolutely amazing

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 06:24 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

BILL AND BELINDA

Creepy traffic bollards in the shape of children are freaking people out

Screen Shot 2017-09-05 at 6.21.50 AM

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 06:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

AND THERE'S NO WALL TO KEEP IT OUT

Mexico breaks world record with 3-tonne guacamole

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who notes that we're gonna need more chips.)

Posted by Dave on September 5, 2017 at 06:20 AM
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September 04, 2017

THIS HAS TO STOP

Orphaned baby squirrel takes Uber to Boulder County wildlife center

(Thanks to coscolo)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2017 at 02:27 PM
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SOON THEY'LL BE BANNING FISTFIGHTS

Library Asks People To Stop Paying Fines With Chuck E. Cheese Tokens

Autoplay.

(Thanks to funny man and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2017 at 02:19 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

SURE

She was working as a stripper when she realised that men wanted a deep connection, not just to look at boobs

So now she's a "sex witch."

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2017 at 02:17 PM
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DEADLY AUSTRALIAN MENACES UPDATE

Now: Magpies.

(Thanks Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2017 at 02:07 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

BOLO FOR A GIANT WOODEN MAN WALKING FUNNY

Can you solve the mystery of this giant wooden penis found in Sweden?

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 4, 2017 at 02:02 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

September 03, 2017

THE FOUNDING FATHERS DISCUSSED THIS VERY ISSUE

First Amendment Protects Cinema's Right to Show Unicorn Masturbation Scene While Serving Alcohol

(Thanks to L. Raymond)

Posted by Dave on September 3, 2017 at 12:08 PM
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BUFFET ITEM OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Hotel tried to label meatballs in English but ended up killing a man named Paul

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on September 3, 2017 at 12:02 PM
Permalink | Comments (21)

THIS WILL NOT END WELL

Scientists have spiders producing enhanced web that can hold a human

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch)

Posted by Dave on September 3, 2017 at 10:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

ALSO THEY START ORDERING TINY PIZZAS

Smoking marijuana may be making your sperm lazy

(Thanks to The Perts and Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on September 3, 2017 at 10:42 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

At least 1 escaped salmon found in south Puget Sound waters

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 3, 2017 at 10:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

September 01, 2017

IT'S IMPORTANT FOR SENIORS TO STAY ACTIVE

'Out of control' pensioners fined for hotel rampage

(Thanks to William Charles and Richard Getsinger)

100-year-old man is arrested after accidentally shooting himself in the thigh while handling illegal .32 caliber revolver

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 1, 2017 at 02:35 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

CANADA IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

Mystery of the slimy brain-like 'alien blobs' found in a Canadian lagoon that appear to be SPREADING

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, Rick Day and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 1, 2017 at 01:33 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

COLD WAR UPDATE

The U.S. embassy in Moscow has eliminated the program that sent Ridley Pearson and me to Russia in 2014. Relations between us and the Russians are not good. I blame Ridley.

It was a fun trip. Here's a picture of us with the U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Tefft, and his dog Lui, who is giving me a traditional Russian greeting.

Lui Kiss copy

Posted by Dave on September 1, 2017 at 12:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

 
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