October 18, 2014

CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE

In short, this is an actual surveillance video from my security camera earlier today.  A man (solicitor) walks into the office carrying church cookies for sale...

Continue reading "CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE"

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:49 AM
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OMG LOL

A British family were shocked to receive a text message apparently from their dead grandmother, who had been buried with her phone three years earlier.

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:40 AM
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YOU BETTER STAND UP

Star-Spangled Banner played with a rifle

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:37 AM
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YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TUNE THEM?

Tuning '77 - a seamless audio supercut of an entire year of the Grateful Dead tuning their instruments, live on stage.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:35 AM
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BREAKING REALLY, REALLY BAD

Hitler was on crystal meth

Doo-dah, doo-dah

(Thanks to Ross Holley)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:33 AM
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October 17, 2014

NAME THAT STATE!

Police charge man with stealing toilet parts from fast food restaurants

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 01:00 PM
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'SUCTION'

Couple hospitalised after sex in the sea left them stuck together

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 11:14 AM
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YET NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT HELLO KITTY

Mom wants Toys R Us to pull 'Breaking Bad' toys

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 10:03 AM
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HO HO HO

Giant inflatable 'sex toy' sculpture in Paris is meant to be a Christmas tree

(Thanks to Poker, who says "I always said October was way too early for a giant sex toy Christmas tree.")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 10:01 AM
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WHEREVER THIS HAPPENED, WE'RE STAYING THE HELL AWAY FROM THERE

Rumble in the jungle: giant leech swallowing huge worm captured by Telegraph reader

(Thanks to Ron G, who says "Just another day in paradise!")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:57 AM
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BUSTED

A survey reveals that 56 percent of dads pretend to be asleep when they hear their baby crying.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:53 AM
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UNFORTUNATELY,

etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:50 AM
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NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

A Delaware man who says he awoke from a colonoscopy to find he was wearing pink women’s underwear is suing a surgical center.

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:48 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR MOTLEY CRUE

Beavers with parachutes in Idaho?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:45 AM
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STAND BY YOUR MAN'S

When asked by Steve Harvey what body part she would change about her husband, a contestant named Joyce mentioned a certain private body part.

(Thanks to George Buars)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:44 AM
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NEW SOUTH WALES: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

What a whopper parsnip!

(Thanks to Poker)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:41 AM
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WE HAVE BRAINS?

Male brains wired to ignore food in favour of sex, study shows

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says, "But what about beer?")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:32 AM
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BE ON THE LOOKOUT

An Arizona man visiting Seattle implicated a woman who, in his words, looked like "Nicki Minaj before she was famous" in a bizarre early morning kidnapping and robbery that left one Seattle Police Department officer fairly baffled.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:23 AM
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TRICK OR TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Polar bear scare ruins Halloween for kids in Nunavut village

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:19 AM
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NO MATTER HOW STUPID YOU THINK FLORIDA IS, IT ALWAYS MANAGES TO BE STUPIDER

Now we're having Fangate, which is this massive scandal involving the critical issue of whether Charlie Crist, whose blood is at least 73 percent Tang

Crist-charlie

should have been allowed to have a personal electric fan on stage when he debated Gov. Rick Scott, who might also be Lord Voldemort.

Rick_scott

Voldemort

Seriously, this is the issue that we are talking about. Because we have NO OTHER PROBLEMS here in the Sunshine State.

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:13 AM
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HEY, WE'VE ALREADY REMOVED OUR BELTS AND SHOES

Do people really have sex in airports?

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:03 AM
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October 16, 2014

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT STATE THEY MOVED TO

Where are they now: Balloon Boy five year anniversary

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:34 PM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Advert of woman’s breasts posted on side of van causes 500 car crashes in just 24 hours

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:23 PM
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WHEN THE *HELL* ARE WE GOING TO BAN THOSE THINGS?

There has been another burrito assault.

(Thanks to R & L Stevenson)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:17 PM
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YIKES

Doctors extracted a tropical spider that had burrowed itself into the scar from Dylan’s recent appendix removal.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Bali AIIIIEEEEEE!")

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:15 PM
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SERIOUSLY?

An ebola dish.

"Hand washing recommended."

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:13 PM
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KIND OF LIKE FACEBOOK

Study shows lemurs use communal latrines as information exchange centers

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:11 PM
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IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

After all the attention it received, experts have said that the odd-looking organism caught by Ong Han Boon is actually a Basket Star.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Note that this blog is in no way ridiculing the name "Ong Han Boon."

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 09:11 AM
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WE CERTAINLY HOPE SO

Will a Bolivian politician eat his watch?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 09:06 AM
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JOURNOLISM

Spelling error identified on new Ernie Pyle sculpture

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 09:03 AM
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DON'T MAKE THEM USE THE SELTZER BOTTLE

Professional Clown Club Attacks 'American Horror Story' Over Murderous Character

(Thanks to ImNotDave and Ron Weil, who says he saw Professional Clown Club open for Midnight Oil)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 09:00 AM
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THEY DON'T NEED THESE SKILLS. THEY HAVE APPS.

The study found that many more of the baby boomer generation possess skills such as sewing, hemming, button repair and general laundry knowledge than Americans 18-33 years of age.

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 08:57 AM
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October 15, 2014

WITH INTENT TO WAX

Connecticut man accused of 'mopping aggressively'

(Thanks to ubetcha)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 03:01 PM
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ROMANTIC OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Yelm man, Edward Smith, tells Brit TV: I’ve had sex with 700 cars

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 02:57 PM
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WAIT... SHE ORDERED A *DIFFERENT* SNAKE?

Woman Gets Snake She Didn't Order in Mail

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 02:55 PM
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ROMANCE, FLORIDA STYLE

Police said Johnson then used the toy horse to masturbate.

Hey, it was a consenting toy horse.

(Thanks to Focalpoint, Michael Huber and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 11:39 AM
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ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING OUR PRECIOUS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

The "chickens" approached the podium clucking and one of them began to strum a guitar, prompting City Council President Keith King to stop their performance and order them to leave council chambers.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 11:28 AM
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OOPS

Missouri couple’s $680,000 Florida beach house is built on the wrong lot

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:17 AM
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CSI: MURRIETA

Police on Monday asked for the public's help to find a woman and an infant-toting man whom they believe worked together to steal over $1,000 worth of vacuums from a Super Target in Murrieta.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:15 AM
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'IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THAT'

'I Would Love To See My Meat In Your Mouth,' Burger Joint Owner Tells Female Reporter

(Thanks to George Byars)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:13 AM
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YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

Fire Department District Chief David Cooper says the pilot was swatting at a bee in the cabin and somehow forgot to lower the landing gear.

(Thanks to Marcus Kolic and Monique)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:09 AM
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1940 CENSUS UPDATE

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the 1940 Census Update.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:08 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PHISH

Squid swarm attacks research sub in Greenpeace video

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:04 AM
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HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD, AND EITHER WAY HE'LL EAT YOUR FLESH

Drunken Santa zombie enters St. Paul home

(Thanks to Jon Harris, funny man and Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 09:01 AM
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SHE CLAIMED SHE WAS ONLY 109

113-year-old woman had to fake her age to get on Facebook

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on October 15, 2014 at 08:57 AM
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October 14, 2014

ALSO IT NOW HAS A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Grey parrot with impeccable British accent returned to Californian owner after four years... but now he speaks SPANISH

(Thanks to Focalpoint, Bill Hudgins and Gargoyle Socks)

Posted by Dave on October 14, 2014 at 11:32 AM
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MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Rob Gronkowski wants his linemen to get laid

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on October 14, 2014 at 10:28 AM
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WE NEED A QUARANTINE

A dangerous epidemic is sweeping Canada, and it’s called ‘wexting’

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on October 14, 2014 at 10:27 AM
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AND THIS BLOG IS PART OF IT

'Walking Dead' mullet has its own fan base, actor says

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 14, 2014 at 10:23 AM
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FLORIDA EDUCATION REPORT

Teacher Jessica Vanessa Quits To Twerk On Vine, Makes A Buttload Of Money

This has been the Florida Education Report.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on October 14, 2014 at 10:19 AM
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