April 16, 2015

'YOUR HONOR, I DON'T RECALL THE EVENTS, BUT I WOKE UP IN JAIL'

Man admits to urinating on Aspen Police car

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 11:59 AM
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FASHION MODELS

They don't get paid enough.

279CCF5800000578-3041136-Environmentally_unfriendly_A_selection_of_models_charged_down_th-m-1_1429163475651

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 08:47 AM
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MEANWHILE IN CHESS

Nigaldze’s opponent, a grandmaster named Tigran Petrosian, initially became suspicious when he noticed Nigaldze consistently running to the toilet after making a move.

(Thanks to Mike Ester)

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 08:45 AM
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VIRGIN MARY UPDATE

She rocks.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 08:43 AM
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FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Dad wants this.

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 08:42 AM
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THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Ada Sheriff deputy patrol vehicle destroyed after hitting cow

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 08:40 AM
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HE'S FALLEN, AND HE CAN'T GET UP

Great-grandmother, 92, hits mugger with mobility scooter

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "And stay off her lawn.")

Posted by Dave on April 16, 2015 at 08:31 AM
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April 15, 2015

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Florida man high on flakka has sex with tree and calls himself Thor

(Thanks to Rob Barry)

You'd be Thor, too.

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 04:39 PM
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CSI: DOUGLAS COUNTY

Man steals cable box, threatens to hurt pet fish

(Thanks to West Coast Rod, who says "Stay back! He's got a guppy.")

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 04:04 PM
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HEY, *SOMEBODY* HAS TO TRAIN THEM

If it wasn’t for the loud parties, the owner of a $2 million mansion in northwest Hillsborough County might have continued operating a training school for strippers next door to an exclusive gated community.

You know the state.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 04:00 PM
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SMOOTH

Seattle burglar tries to bribe cop: 'Like, can I give you cash?'

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 03:42 PM
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A TIME OF MOURNING

Rutgers' Lord Nelson, only horse ever to be penalized in college football game, dies at 42

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 03:41 PM
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ANCESTOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Ancestor of the Week So Far.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 03:37 PM
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UH-OH

Dead humpback whale found stranded on Wash. coast

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 10:56 AM
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FITTING

Supervisor Scott Wiener gets ‘stalked’ to work by angry nudist

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 08:54 AM
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THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Drone delivering asparagus to Dutch restaurant crashes and bursts into flames

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 08:52 AM
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THIS CARRIES A TWO-STROKE PENALTY

A golfer has been bitten on the leg by a crocodile while playing at an Australian tourist resort.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Now that's a water hazard.")

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 08:51 AM
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GUYS IN ACTION

A man was burned inside his rental car after he tried to kill the bedbugs populating it with alcohol, then lit a cigarette, setting the vehicle ablaze Tuesday afternoon outside an Eastport supermarket, police said.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 08:49 AM
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LEGAL STRATEGY OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Oregon inmate flashes judge during court appearance

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 08:47 AM
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SEND THIS TURKEY TO WASHINGTON

Wind apparently propels turkey through law firm window

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on April 15, 2015 at 08:45 AM
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April 14, 2015

NO MEANS NO

Woman breaks up with boyfriend by hitting him with bat

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 03:26 PM
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GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Swedes launch first doughnut into space

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 03:25 PM
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IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ELMO

Charges dropped against man dressed as Cookie Monster for groping teen since prosecutors aren't sure they nabbed right costumed character

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias and Steve K.)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 03:22 PM
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THEY BOTH PRODUCED VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Skateboarding Taco Hit By Car

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 03:21 PM
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TAX DAY

Some thoughts from Shaq and me (and others).

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 12:21 PM
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BECAUSE IT WORKED OUT SO WELL THE LAST TIME

Florida plans to give hunters another shot at pythons in 2016

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 10:43 AM
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AW

Trevor Hotchkiss asked Aziza Radwan to the prom the only way he knew how - with a cow.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 09:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE' DOES NOTHING

Justin Bieber kicked out of Coachella, put in chokehold by security

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 09:12 AM
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'ACCIDENTALLY'

Authorities say a woman was accidentally shot by her son-in-law while he was trying to shoot an armadillo.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 09:02 AM
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THANKS, BUT WE'LL JUST HAVE THE METH

Man's underpants load of heroin worth $61,000

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 08:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

Gang of Flying Asian Carp Mount Aerial Attack on Washington University Rowing Team

(Thanks to manual tomato and Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 08:47 AM
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DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Woman whose boyfriend pretended he had put her dog in a washing machine gets her own back by gluing him naked to a chair with waxing strips

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 14, 2015 at 08:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

April 13, 2015

IN THESE SITUATIONS, THE TRUE ANSWER IS ALWAYS FLORIDA

A North Carolina man faces a DUI charge after he failed a sobriety test and asked police officers at the scene of an accident what state he was in.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 01:45 PM
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IT WAS NOT THIS BLOG. BUT THIS BLOG UNDERSTANDS.

Florida man warned about stalking nuisance squirrels, police say

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown, Gargoyle Socks and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 01:41 PM
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YOU WILL NEVER GUESS THE STATE

Neighbor forced man onto high-rise balcony, microwaved his wallet

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 01:39 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

SOMETIMES YOUR BEST BET IS TO LAPSE INTO A COMA

But when staff started contacting his loved ones, more people than anyone expected showed up at his bedside. Yuan had apparently been dating at least 17 women at the same time—including one who says she has a son with him, the South China Morning Post reports—with no one aware of the others' existence until his accident.

(Thanks to Ray Reese and funny man)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 09:03 AM
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THIS MIGHT NOT BE AS VISUALLY APPEALING AS IT SOUNDS

Get Ready to Hang Out at the Naked Beer Fest in the Pocono

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 08:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

GOD KNOWS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF HE LEFT THE SEAT UP

Police in Tokyo’s Ota Ward said Monday they have arrested a 29-year-old woman on suspicion of attempted murder after she slashed her husband because he didn’t wash his hands after using the toilet.

(Thanks to Albert Mengoni)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 08:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WHOEVER COULD HAVE FORESEEN *THAT?*

Mother dangled toddler over cheetah pit at Cleveland zoo – and he fell in

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 13, 2015 at 08:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

April 12, 2015

YOU LAUGH, BUT THOSE THINGS CAN EMIT SOME MAJOR FARTS

Florida swimmer panics at mere sight of friendly manatee (VIDEO)

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 12, 2015 at 10:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

FUTURE LAWYER OF THE WEEK

A German schoolboy has taken exam preparation to ingenious new levels by making a freedom of information request to see the questions in his forthcoming Abitur tests, the equivalent of A-levels in the UK.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 12, 2015 at 10:08 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WE'RE GUESSING HE HAS A PRE-TEEN DAUGHTER

Judge in Argentina Issues Arrest Warrant for Justin Bieber

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder)

Posted by Dave on April 12, 2015 at 10:06 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

April 11, 2015

TRULY, WE LIVE IN A GOLDEN AGE

Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre – Exclusive Trailer Premiere

Possibly the best movie trailer ever.

"Death may be the only means of escape!"

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 11, 2015 at 03:54 PM
Permalink | Comments (16)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Florida man accused of hitting bus driver with Snickers bar

AUTOPLAY.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

Posted by Dave on April 11, 2015 at 03:51 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

BUT IT'S OK, BECAUSE THEY HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

8-foot-long carnivorous cat-eating lizards are invading Florida

(Thanks to Bill Trent, who says he saw them on tour with the Dead Milkmen.) (Also thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on April 11, 2015 at 03:46 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

A LITTLE MORE REAL TIME

Here's a link to the Overtime segment, recorded after the main show. At the end (11:40) my hairstyle becomes an issue and I say a bad word.

ADVISORY: Bad hairstyle, word.

Posted by Dave on April 11, 2015 at 03:44 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

SOME PICTURES REQUIRE NO COMMENT

This is one.

Posted by Dave on April 11, 2015 at 01:27 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

LAX: A RELAXING AIRPORT

At least I assume she's relaxing.

20150411_073937.jpg

Posted by MiamiHerald on April 11, 2015 at 10:45 AM
Permalink | Comments (19)

April 10, 2015

UPDATE

Washington deputies find cabin that family reported stolen

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2015 at 01:07 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

BOLO

Des Moines man reports stolen bag of dog poop

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on April 10, 2015 at 01:02 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

 
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