October 23, 2014

SOMEBODY IS GOING TO BE SO GROUNDED

500 Pairs Of Women’s Underwear, Firearms Found In 18-Year-Old’s Room During Petaluma Burglary Investigation

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks)

Related: Homeland Security agents confiscate Birdies’ Royals underwear

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 23, 2014 at 07:50 AM
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NEWS YOU CAN USE

Your pumpkin can double as a beer keg -- here's how

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 23, 2014 at 07:48 AM
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October 22, 2014

CSI: REGINA

A vehicle that was previously used for Regina's Crime Stoppers program has been stolen, according to police in that city.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 10:34 AM
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'SHE ADMITTED THE UNION WAS NOT SOLIDIFIED WITH A MARRIAGE LICENSE'

An Oklahoma woman allegedly told restaurant workers her husband, Jesus Christ, would soon arrive to pay her tab

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 10:32 AM
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DUDE, 'SLIGHTLY?'

“John the Freak,” a slightly eccentric, easy-going guy who does “joint-rolling demonstrations” for Seattle Hempfest, has done a “how to” video for novices.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 10:29 AM
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NOW WITH ADDED PROTEIN

Man claims he found rodent head in chili at Cape Golden Corral

(Thanks to ubetcha)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 10:26 AM
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GINGERBREAD PAT

The organic genderless gingerbread debate

(Thanks to George Byars)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 10:25 AM
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OR, PLANET

Officials want South Florida to break off into its own state

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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WE DON'T PAY OUR POLICE OFFICERS ENOUGH

Drunken 500-pound Apopka man couldn't fit into patrol car

(Thanks to Bill McGeachen)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 09:51 AM
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BETTER SAFE THAN (burrpppp) SORRY

Drinking a Beer Can Save You From Radiation Poisoning

(Thanks to ken fineberg)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 09:43 AM
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WEST VIRGINIA DINING REPORT

After being directed to not use so much nacho cheese, a man allegedly went into a tirade Sunday night and told a 7-Eleven clerk that he "eats people" and is "the biggest killer in Martinsburg" in an altercation that led to his arrest.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 09:41 AM
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IT WAS RUNNING VISTA. THE BEAR HAD NO CHANCE.

Man Fights Off Bear With Old Computer in Siberia

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 09:38 AM
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BUT YOU KNOW WHO MASTERMINDED THIS

Beaver, ravens cause power outages in the Mat-Su

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 09:05 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Woman wielded hole-punch in office attack

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 08:58 AM
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AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Drunken trombone-playing clown fires gun from garage, police say

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 22, 2014 at 08:53 AM
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October 21, 2014

CSI: FORT COLLINS

Craft Brewer Admits He’s The Guy Responsible For Town’s Mysterious Count Chocula Shortage

(Thanks to James Fitzwilliam)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 05:20 PM
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KIND OF A DEPRESSING LIFETIME, THEN

Here is the opportunity of a lifetime to live in the old stomping grounds of Wayne Newton in Garden City.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 05:19 PM
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PLUS A 250 PERCENT MORON TAX

Second State Will Charge $1 Extra for Artisanal Ice

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 04:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

NAME THAT STATE!

Mother drove son to Holly Hill apartments to commit shooting, police say

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 09:51 AM
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CANADIAN WEATHER FORECAST

Cooler, with a 100 percent chance of dog.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 09:47 AM
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13TH CENTURY ART UPDATE

Yes, this is a tree full of penises

(Thanks to funny man)

We saw them open for Neil Diamond.

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 09:34 AM
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HIGHEST ALERT EVER

Teen convicted as 'armed clowns' spread panic in French towns

(Thanks to Ersin, ImNotDave and ThisMagicalEarth)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 09:32 AM
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DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Woman trapped in chimney dated homeowner after meeting online, he says

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, Claire Martin and Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 08:09 AM
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YOU LOOK... DIFFERENT

Young women who have undergone labiaplasty surgery tell Radhika Sanghani why they were so desperate to have a 'designer vagina'

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 08:06 AM
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HALLOWEEN IS COMING

What's that smell?

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:59 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Sex invented by Scottish square dancing fish

(Thanks to The Perts, Robert Shaw, @OzzieDollar and Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:54 AM
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DAY-O!

Deadly Spider Found in Family's Bananas

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

NAME THAT STATE!

Seven witnesses identified Warrenfeltz from several facial tattoos, including "Misunderstood" in cursive script.

Sfl-misunderstood-photo-20141009

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:50 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Losers Of Beer Pong Match Opened Fire On Fellow Texas Partygoers

(Thanks to coscolo and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:48 AM
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R.I.P

Beyond the sadness of dumping thousands of real books with real paper pages and the poignant example our digital devolution, I'd like to point out that a Dave Barry book is the only one not taking this indignity lying down.  In fact, I think it's trying to make a break for it.  Run, Dave, Run!

Gargoyle Socks
 
Tossed-out

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:43 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

October 20, 2014

WAY TO STAY CLASSY

Bieber reportedly scolded for kicking around ball in Vatican corridors

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:32 AM
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ATTENTION, MEN:

Man Escapes Alimony After Wife Admits She's a Genie

Download

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:30 AM
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YOU ARE NOW FREE TO... WHOA

Pilots on a holiday jet were left stunned when a 'flying man' whizzed past their aircraft at 3,500 feet.

1413618630651_wps_1_Gary_Connery_the_man_who_

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:15 AM
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AND HUGH HEFNER WANTS THEM BACK

Oldest genitals found.

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:05 AM
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CSI: PAW PAW

A Hartford woman was arrested early Sunday morning for drunken driving after she allegedly pulled into the parking lot of the Van Buren County Jail, which she believed to be a bar

(Thanks to Jon Harris, coscolo ["both have bars"] and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:01 AM
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WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

President of Belarus declares country's sausage is free of toilet paper

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

DOWN, BOY!

Puppy-Sized Spider Surprises Scientist in Rainforest
Theraphosa4
(Thanks to Jon Harris, Scott Swalwell, Janice Gelb, Nelson from Michigan and John Gregg)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:51 AM
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UPDATE ON THE GIANT PARIS ART/BUTTPLUG

Paris 'sex toy' Christmas tree sculpture deflated by vandals

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, Loudmouth and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:48 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

VIRAL

Ebola stuffed toys are a sell-out online

(Thanks to funny man and Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

October 18, 2014

ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING OUR PRECIOUS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

NJ man accused of eating raccoons

(Thanks to John Gregg)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 11:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

LADIES, WE'RE GUESSING HE'S SINGLE

Meet the terrifying 'Devil Man' with black eyeballs and horn implants embedded in forehead

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 11:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WHAT IF THERE'S A HOLDUP?

A Poop Bank in Massachusetts Will Pay You $40 Every Day

(Thanks to veee)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 11:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

PARENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Tanya Miller has been jailed for six years after she took her eight month old child along when she acted as the getaway driver in a building society raid

She looks responsible enough.

PAY-BonnieClydeMain

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

BAA, DUDE

Sheep get STONED on £4,000 worth of dumped marijuana

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE

In short, this is an actual surveillance video from my security camera earlier today.  A man (solicitor) walks into the office carrying church cookies for sale...

Continue reading "CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE"

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:49 AM
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OMG LOL

A British family were shocked to receive a text message apparently from their dead grandmother, who had been buried with her phone three years earlier.

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

YOU BETTER STAND UP

Star-Spangled Banner played with a rifle

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TUNE THEM?

Tuning '77 - a seamless audio supercut of an entire year of the Grateful Dead tuning their instruments, live on stage.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

BREAKING REALLY, REALLY BAD

Hitler was on crystal meth

Doo-dah, doo-dah

(Thanks to Ross Holley)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

October 17, 2014

NAME THAT STATE!

Police charge man with stealing toilet parts from fast food restaurants

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 01:00 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

 
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