July 03, 2015

STAND TALL, WISCONSIN

Or at least try to stand.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on July 3, 2015 at 10:21 AM
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July 02, 2015

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies responding to “shots fired” reports on the old Seven Mile Bridge in Marathon Monday night found a man in full pirate costume packing operational black-powder pistols in holsters on each hip.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 06:20 PM
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NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT

Australian lizard changes sex in high temperatures

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 06:18 PM
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WHERE THE *HELL* IS THE SO-CALLED DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE?

Revamped Bubble Wrap Loses Its Pop

(Thanks to Dave Roe and Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 05:40 PM
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GUYS IN ACTION

This is about some dudes who built a giant robot for paintball battles because they could, and then challenged a giant Japanese robot to a giant robot duel.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 09:35 AM
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AN ANXIOUS WORLD HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF

Counterfeit popsicle stick gang busted in Turkey

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 09:21 AM
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HE WILL IN FACT DRIVE THIS BUTT TO WASHINGTON

Comedian Kurt Braunohler Is Driving A Giant Butt Across The Country, Because America Needs This

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 9.17.44 AM

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 09:20 AM
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WE ARE STAYING THE HELL OUT OF ARKANSAS

A Saline County teenager woke up Tuesday morning with excruciating pain in one of his ears. Grant Botti, 14, says he felt something strange in his ear and decided to grab hold of it.  What he pulled out, would shock everyone. It was a 4-inch long centipede.

Which was of course released after producing a valid Florida driver's license.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Related: Hades centipede, deepest cave-dwelling centipede, discovered by scientists

(Thanks to The Perts)

This has been today's edition of Centipedes Making News.

Posted by Dave on July 2, 2015 at 09:17 AM
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July 01, 2015

BE ADVISED THAT WE MAY NEVER TIRE OF THIS PICTURE

295858a53bd38ff692edf8d813589d12700965a6e80642579b0557f0d94f90e2

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 07:55 PM
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WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET

This.

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 05:44 PM
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THERE IS NOTHING LOWER, ALTHOUGH 'POTATO SABOTEURS' WBAGNFARB

Canadian potato farmers offer reward to catch saboteurs

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 05:39 PM
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AND THIS BLOG AGREES WITH THEM ALL

Plastic surgeons from different countries prefer different breast shapes

(Thanks to A. Wheeler)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 05:36 PM
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YOU KNOW WHERE SHE WAS HEADED

A woman without any pants on allegedly stole a North Carolina police cruiser and crashed it into a wall.

(Thanks to Nurse Cindy, who says "North Carolinaaaaaaaaaaaaaa")

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 05:34 PM
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STATE RANKINGS

Number Fifty, baby.

(Thanks to many people)

Not to be defensive, but these rankings are so stupid that being last is basically a compliment.

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 04:58 PM
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...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Man points gun at clerk because bathroom was out of order

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 12:42 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Ripe mango in the road leads to shots fired at a vehicle

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 12:39 PM
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GUYS OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

These flatworms plunge their penises into their own heads to inject themselves with sperm (when they must).

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Your dickhead jokes follow.

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 11:52 AM
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CSI: EXETER

Man 'tries to steal money from woman's vagina'

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 09:36 AM
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THEY'RE PEERS, ALL RIGHT

Peers discussing Eurostar's ban on animals on their trains were told that 68 ferrets had entered the UK last year under the terms of the European Union's Pet Travel Scheme.

(Thanks to Barbara A)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 09:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (2)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

United Airlines Is Going to Power Its Jets with Animal Poop Now

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 09:31 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

SEND THIS FUNDRAISING CONCEPT TO WASHINGTON

The raffle winner will get the chance to use a Taser on City Administrator Jake Anderson or Councilman Bob Lacy at the Van Meter Fire Association Street Dance on July 18.

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 09:30 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

IT ALSO DRIVES THEM TO THEIR DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS

Therapy Tortoise Comforts Residents at Florida Nursing Home

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

Autoplay.

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 09:27 AM
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GUYS IN ACTION, CANADIAN DIVISION

A British Columbia man who decided to use this sword to cut through a watermelon managed to shatter a glass table and leave the melon intact.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 1, 2015 at 09:21 AM
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June 30, 2015

STATE PRIDE, BABY

Famous people, famous places: Reflecting on the best parts of Florida

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 05:06 PM
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THIS IS ACTUALLY PART OF THE FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE TEST

Car jumps Flagler Bridge

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Dawn Valley)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 04:03 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

GUYS IN ACTION

Watch bizarre moment firefighters hose down 'randy bulls' so RSPCA can rescue cow

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 03:19 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

THIS NEEDS TO BE AN OLYMPIC EVENT

Swedish synchronized swimmers attempt routine drunk

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 03:06 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

IN OUR ONGOING QUEST TO ACHIEVE PEAK DOUCHE

Merman colour is the next big thing in men’s hair

Merman-hair

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 03:04 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

YOU KNOW THE STATE

A 65-year-old woman accused of stabbing her son in the nipple with a pencil after he complained she bought too much stuff at Walmart got locked up, an arrest affidavit states.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says we need to get pencils out of civilian hands)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 03:01 PM
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DUDE

I Got A Marijuana Prescription And Pot In Minutes Without Leaving My Couch

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 02:59 PM
Permalink | Comments (2)

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW

How much urine are YOU swimming in?

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 02:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

ALERT LEVEL: VERY VERY RED

1,000 people possibly sickened by fecal matter in French mud run

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 09:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

MAYBE WE SHOULD CHARGE ADMISSION

Reason for recent spike in shark attacks: Too many people in the ocean

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 09:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

After three frenzied days of working to repair and reinflate the world's largest known rubber ducky for the Tall Ships Festival, crews gave up on her Sunday

062615_lameduck_600

(Thanks to Al Batkafski and Jeff Meyerson, who says "Oh the humanity.")

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 09:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Doctors remove FIVE FOOT hairball from Indian teenager's stomach

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 09:39 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

'DISCHARGED' HEH HEH

A New Zealand real estate agent who mailed poo to a rival agent has been discharged without conviction.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 09:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

YOU MAY NOW WHACK THE TUNA

Make your wedding a day to remember, by cutting the head off a tuna together

(Thanks to Joe Green)

Posted by Dave on June 30, 2015 at 09:36 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

June 29, 2015

HE'S TAKING IT WELL

Jilted lover ‘drives his truck on to rival’s car and posts pictures on Facebook

Advisory: Salty language.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 03:37 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

BOLO JERSEY

Serial poop smearer on the loose in Ridgewood

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 03:34 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

DATELINE: THIRUVANANDHAPURAM

India's next weapon against climate change? The heat-tolerant dwarf cow

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who claims they toured with Meat Loaf) (Also Jeff Schneider) (We mean thanks also to Jeff Schneider, not that he toured with Meat Loaf) (As far was we know)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 02:35 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

YES

"Get back from the Queen's Guards!" 

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 11:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

A FLORIDA ETC., DUDE

Driver plows through Renton pot shop

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 11:06 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THEY EVEN HAVE A T-SHIRT, WHICH SEEMS WRONG SOMEHOW

Don't miss the AANR 2015 Skinny-Dip to be held on July 11 at 3 p.m. Eastern Nudist Time

(Thanks to J.R. Absher)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 11:05 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

BUT ONLY AFTER IT PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Alligator gets police escort in St. Charles County

635710195004347076-DSCN1796

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 11:03 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

DUDE

Pope plans to chew coca leaves in Bolivia

(Thanks to Alberto Mengoni)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 11:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

SEND THIS BLINDFOLDED MONKEY TO WASHINGTON

The average hedge fund has produced a worse investment performance in the first half of this year than a portfolio consisting of a savings account at your local bank and a random collection of stocks picked by a blindfolded monkey.

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 10:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

JUST FRIES FOR US, THANKS

Pulsating Frankenstein Meat

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider, who saw them open for Zappa)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 10:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE

DRINKERS can get fit with the world’s first muscle-boosting beer mug

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 10:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (2)

'BE A MAN!'

Artificial Intelligence Machine Gets Testy With Its Programmer

(Thanks to DaninDallas, Another Ralph and Jeff Schneider)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 10:45 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

LESSON: CHEW BEFORE SWALLOWING

Python Eats Porcupine, Regrets It Later

(Thanks to Charles Cates and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on June 29, 2015 at 10:36 AM
Permalink | Comments (2)

 
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