Dave Barry's Blog

DUDE, TRY THE BACON

Butcher Feeds Marijuana To Pigs To Create True High-Quality Meat

(Thanks to Ralph

CREEPING FASCISM: THE HOLLER HOUSE FIGHTS BACK

"We've had bras hanging here for 45 years. It's been a charm of the place. So here comes this gal, and she's walking in here like Lady Astor's pet horse, you know, and she says she wants those bras down because they're a fire hazard. Now how can a bra be a fire hazard unless someone is wearing it? Honest to God."

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

YIKES

Here's a close-up, high-def look at the inside of a grizzly bear's mouth.

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

WE HAVE MUCH TO LEARN

Scientists study violent winds of Uranus

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIA DRIVERS' LICENSES

New breed of ‘Crazy Ants’ which nest everywhere and damage electrical systems are taking over southeastern United States

(Thanks to DaninTustin and Jeff Meyerson, who saw them open for Twisted Sister)

PSST, DUDE: WANT SOME CONDIMENTS?

Over 1,000 pounds of marijuana found in load of pickles

(Thanks to David Kirtley)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

New pants hide 'unsightly cracks'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

COMPETITION IS STIFF

Brooklyn Bar Holding Smallest Penis In Brooklyn Contest

(Thanks to Peter [!] Metrinko)

WAIT... THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHERE BABY ANTEATERS CAME FROM?

Birth of anteater has Conn. zoo staff puzzled

(Thanks to coscolo and JD)

LOUISIANA

Man says truck stolen in Metairie by pepper spray-wielding stripper

(Thanks to Alan Glenn)

WE'RE LOOKING AT THE CONCEPT OF TAKING THE TRAIN

Boeing says it is looking at the concept that airliners in the future might have only one pilot on board

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

RIDLEY UPDATE

Ridley has a new thriller. Choke Point, coming out June 4. Buy it, or he will kill you.

CSI: KRAKOW

Polish police probe Portaloo prank

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

Pastor Arrested for Watching Child Porn on the Job -- at Disney World

(Thanks to Ron G.) 

THOSE THINGS NEED TO BE REGISTERED

Aaron Sabbah threatened mechanic with large black dildo over 'lost' Mercedes-Benz

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

INCREDIBLY, ETC.

Man stuck in McDonald’s baby high chair freed by police

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Matt Filar and John)

WHY?

Coffee lovers may be able to get a shot of caffeine right from the toothbrush, if a patent from Colgate-Palmolive goes through.

(Thanks to Matt Filar, Jon Harris and Chuck Cody)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED, II

A man who said he fled an accident scene because he had "bad" Chinese food and didn't want to poop in his pants was arrested on a misdemeanor charge, according to a recently released affidavit.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

Australian politician gets in scuffle with kangaroo

(Thanks to Ralph, and Chuck Cody)

WELL THAT'S A RELIEF

It looks like porn studios have finally figured out a way to integrate Google Glass into their shoots.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

WORKING ON HIS CORE

Man Takes Dump In Background Of Instructional Workout Video

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Investigators said Allison rubbed a packaged stick of pepperoni on his exposed penis inside the Hannaford store at the St. Lawrence Plaza.

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Unholy Slacker)

WHY WE SHOULD LEAVE THE INTERNET TO THE YOUNG

A social media gaffe has left the West Australian Minister for Education red-faced after it emerged he "Liked" a Facebook photograph of a teenager exposing his genitals.

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

OK BY US

Time to say 'Ta-ta' to the bra?

(Thanks to Tash)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Georgia Man Burns Down Neighbor's House Over Unkempt Lawn

(Thanks to Ron G. and Jeffrey Brown)

CUTTING OUT THE MIDDLEMAN

Detroit business paid employees with crack

(Thanks to Ron G.)

CLASSY!

I’ve entered my unborn baby in a beauty pageant

(Thanks to Ron G.)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

A South Carolina state representative's lawyer said a rock in his shoe explains why Rep. Ted Vick was walking funny, catching the attention of an officer who eventually arrested him for DUI, his second such charge in less than a year.

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

THERE IS GREAT MUSIC...

...and then there is this.

(Thanks to manual tomato)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Tasked with finding some way, any way to get people excited for Iron Man 3, the manager of a movie theater in Jefferson City, Missouri, hit upon the idea of having people dressed in full tactical gear and carrying what appeared to be assault weapons storm the screening

(Thanks to Sharon Chapman)

SUMMERTIME!

Poop Prevalent in Public Pools, CDC Says

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

HOW GUYS BOWL

Thusly.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

THAT'S A TWO-DAY SUPPLY FOR OUR HOUSE

Venezuela hopes to wipe out toilet paper shortage by importing 50m rolls

(Thanks to ersinM3 and R & L Stevenson)

GIVE THIS THEATERGOER A MEDAL

Heroic Theatergoer Smashes Cell Phone, Gets Thrown Out

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT

Kanye West’s Lamborghini Trapped In Kim Kardashian’s Electric Gate

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THE #UCKEYE STATE

Ohioans Curse the Most in the Country; Washingtonians the Least

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)

OUR TOWN

Members Terrified As Bounty Hunters Storm Posh Miami Beach Gym

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

The study concluded that tall guys with large penises ended up being most attractive.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

SWELL

Google's new tools aim to read your mind

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

IT'S PROBABLY GOING AROUND AND AROUND ON THE BAGGAGE-CLAIM BELT

A box containing $625,000 in gold arrived at Miami International Airport early Tuesday but disappeared about an hour and a half later, Miami-Dade police say.

FLATHEAD: A COUNTY OUT OF CONTROL

1:48 p.m. People in Bigfork were using profane language.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT SHOULD NOT EVEN BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Man Arrested For Squirting Sun Tan Lotion On Woman After Road Rage Incident

(Thanks to ligirl, Poker and Samuel Sprague)

WE LIVE IN WONDROUS TIMES

Use an app to track clean toilets in Singapore

(Thanks to Jerald Nichols)

REMEMBER THE NORTH MIAMI MAYORAL CANDIDATE WHO SAID SHE WAS ENDORSED BY JESUS?

Jesus did not come through.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A VERY ROMANTIC HONEYMOON

Man arrested for 'soliciting prostitute' on HONEYMOON after he leaves bride in hotel so he can meet hooker who is actually a cop

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Ron G.)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Custom cornhole boards.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

How to Open a Beer

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

EMAIL

Hello,

My name is Vladimir Kupriyanchuk.

I developed an interest in you.

If you have the opportunity then please send me information material and souvenirs.

WHEN NERDS COLLIDE

Rival science-fiction clubs had to be separated by the force last weekend as the Norwich Star Wars Convention descended into a daft brawl.

(Thanks to DaninTustin and Allen at Division)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Human waste spilled on Great Western Highway at Katoomba

(Thanks to Ron G.)