December 19, 2014

BOLO

Somerset police on hunt for stolen sheep lick

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 19, 2014 at 09:24 AM
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WE BET THAT BABY WOULD UNCLOG A TOILET IN A JIFFY

Texas plumber harassed after company truck seen in Syrian war photo

Key Detail: In the photo on the Twitter feed, the name of the company is visible and the truck has been fitted with a tripod-mounted weapon, which is shown firing off a round.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby and Charles Indelicato)

Posted by Dave on December 19, 2014 at 09:23 AM
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December 18, 2014

GREAT TITS IN THE NEWS

This Adorable Bird Is Apparently a Vicious Brain-Eating Zombie in Disguise

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 10:10 AM
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IMAGINE THE PRANKS

Navy creates robotic underwater drone that looks and swims like a shark

7ed37b51f1shark

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 09:17 AM
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WE'RE GUESSING KIM KARDASHIAN'S BUTT

When you lose weight, where does the fat go?

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 09:13 AM
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WOMEN: DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Exhibit A

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Exhibit B

(Thanks to John Murphy)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 09:07 AM
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INCREDIBLY, THIS PLAN FAILED

As Scott moved toward the exit with the merchandise, Dupree dropped to the floor and clutched his chest. With Dupree doing his best Fred Sanford imitation, Scott walked past his sidekick. The fake heart attack, cops noted, “appeared to be done in an attempt to create a distraction long enough for Scott to exit the store, past all points of sale, without paying for the merchandise in the cart."

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 09:03 AM
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IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Ore. man assaulted roommate with 6-foot spiral Christmas tree

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Police had to be called to a toy store in Ireland after a frenzy to buy an Elsa doll from Frozen sparked a fight among parents.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 08:59 AM
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NOT WEIRD AT ALL!

Visitors to a toilet exhibition in Japan are being given the chance to be flushed down a giant toilet wearing a 'poo' hat.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 08:55 AM
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DUDE, WE NEED A CLUE

Denver's First Marijuana Scavenger Hunt on January 17th.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

We assume Andy the Tropichunt.com guy will be there.

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 08:53 AM
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HE WHO SMELT IT...

Curiosity catches a whiff of methane on Mars

(Thanks to DaveM)

Posted by Dave on December 18, 2014 at 08:44 AM
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December 17, 2014

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Over 20,000 bras recalled in Japan due to injury fears

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 02:36 PM
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STAND TALL

St. Louis No. 1 In Nation For Chlamydia, No. 2 For Gonorrhea

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 02:35 PM
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PROFILES IN GUY COURAGE

Man buys porn theater in an attempt to save historic Birmingham community

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 02:34 PM
Permalink | Comments (2)

'OH GOD, IT'S MOM.'

Hero mom calls into CSPAN to berate her arguing pundit sons

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Gordon Anderson)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 09:03 AM
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HEY, THEY ALREADY VOTE IN FLORIDA

Should dogs be citizens? It’s not as crazy as you think.

(Thanks to John Gregg, who says "Dogs, maybe. But not cats.")

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 09:01 AM
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SUDDENLY, YOUR JOB IS LOOKING BETTER

 Beneath London, There's A Revolting Battle To Keep The Sewers Free Of 'Fatbergs'

Afp-london-sewer-cleaners-in-fatberg-fightback

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 08:58 AM
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WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Omaha police arrest man who was driving on 4 flats, had airbag deployed

54905bc020530.image

(Thanks to R. Cink, who challenges you to guess what apparently was involved.)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 08:56 AM
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WE'RE ON OUR WAY

Tanker carrying 7,000 gallons of whisky rolls

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "At least it was over ice.")

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 08:45 AM
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WHERE THE HELL IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

McDonald's Japan rations fries as U.S. West Coast port dispute drags on

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 08:43 AM
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THE NUMBER ONE COMMENT WOULD BE: 'ARE YOU *SERIOUS???*'

Hi,
 
My name is Brandt Cox and I am contacting you because of your knowledge and understanding of the TV program 24. I am trying to determine the most common things that people would say while watching this show as they react to what they see. These would be simple 1, 2, or 3 word phrases that relate to what’s happening on the show. I am trying to come up with 25 to 30 comments that people would say while watching this show. I am wondering if you would be able to help me with a potential list.
 
Please get back to me at your convenience.
 
Best Regards,
Brandt Cox
Marketing Manager
 
Zing Media LLC

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 08:42 AM
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GO ON, KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THEY'RE CUTE AND HARMLESS

Arctic ground squirrels could play a greater role in climate change than was previously thought.

(Thanks to kibby F5, Thayer Conrad Joe in Japan and Nancy Gill)

Posted by Dave on December 17, 2014 at 08:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

December 16, 2014

IT'S CHANUKAH, CHANUKAH

Supply of oil wasn't great (oil wasn't great)
But a miracle took place (miracle took place)
It burned for 8 whole days (mm hmm)

Posted by judi on December 16, 2014 at 11:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

HO HO HO

Ho.

(Thanks to Loudmouth

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

CSI: SUPERIOR

Driver arrested for OWI, marijuana possession after chase across Bong Bridge

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

BECAUSE IT'S BETTER THAN FRUITCAKE

Why This Company Sent Poop to 30,000 People for Black Friday

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

THOSE WACKY GERMANS

Yup, that's people playing table tennis by heading a soccer ball.

(Thanks to dahook)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:39 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Danish artist Uwe Max Jensen recreated Kim Kardashian's butt-baring Paper Magazine cover using his penis as a brush.

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

HAPPY CHANUKAH!

Please celebrate responsibly.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:17 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

AHA!

The magazines in doctors' offices are old because you keep stealing the new ones

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg and Steve K)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:15 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Seattle group wants to compost the dead

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

THIS ONE HAS A NICE BOUQUET, DUDE

Massive marijuana fair sells out in Wine Country

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on December 16, 2014 at 09:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

December 15, 2014

LOOKING FOR A VERY SPECIAL DECORATING GIFT?

Voilà.

(Thanks to Marta Zlotnick)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 03:40 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

GENEAOLOGY UPDATE

Unfortunately, etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 03:38 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

PARACHUTING BEAVERS WOULD ALSO BAGNFARB

This is the story of a beaver named Geronimo and a simpler time of ingenuity, when the rodents parachuted into Idaho’s backcountry.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 10:17 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

7:05 p.m. Things got weird at a party in Bigfork.

Also: 10:49 p.m. Three goats were reportedly loose and loitering in a cul-de-sac in the Columbia Falls area. They were last seen standing on someone’s deck.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 10:03 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

THIS IS NEWS?

Men only listen to their partners for six minutes - but 25 minutes if it's their pals

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 10:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

NOTHING SAYS 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS'

...like the gift of a stuffed bobcat.

00v0v_jby9hdBYuXj_600x450

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 09:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

'...THERE HAVE BEEN REFERENCES TO IT FOR CENTURIES IN MUSIC AND DANCE'

The deep roots of phak boong

Among the appearances that phak boong makes in old Thai music and dance is a song called Tao Kin Phak Boong (The Turtle Eats Phak Boong)

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 09:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

WE SAW ROBOTUNA OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

US Navy developing ‘robotuna’ to spy on enemy

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 09:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Police snap up mud crab thought to be intruder in West End home

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 09:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (1)

FINALLY, A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR FLORIDA

THE BIG BANG MAY HAVE CREATED A SECOND UNIVERSE WHERE TIME RUNS BACKWARD

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on December 15, 2014 at 09:47 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

December 14, 2014

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Shocked docs find metre-long WORM living in man's foot

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2014 at 01:45 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

According to TMZ, porn titan Steve Hirsch has offered Mama June the chance to make a lot of money if she will perform sex on tape with Sugar Bear.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2014 at 01:42 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

GUY CARETAKERS IN ACTION

Dad Gives Baby a Goatee and Moustache After Mom Leaves Him Unsupervised

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2014 at 01:40 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

FOR OUR JEWISH READERS WHO ARE FEELING LEFT OUT, WITH ALL THE CHRISTMAS-RELATED ITEMS

Menorasaurus Rex.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

Posted by Dave on December 14, 2014 at 01:37 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

December 13, 2014

CSI: SOUTH PEORIA

Two teens with a tree limb tried to rob someone in South Peoria on Tuesday, but the victim refused to cooperate and walked away.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2014 at 04:49 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF DIET SPRITE

Canada's navy has imposed a near-total ban on its sailors from drinking while at sea.

(Thanks to The Perts and Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2014 at 04:48 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

FLORIDA SPORTS REPORT

A Largo man was hospitalized overnight after being shot in what authorities said was a game between two men pointing loaded guns at each other.

This has been the Florida Sports Report.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2014 at 04:43 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WAIT... THEY PULLED IT?

South Dakota pulls 'Don't Jerk and Drive' safety campaign

(Thanks to Wiredog, Carl Youngdahl and Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on December 13, 2014 at 04:39 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

 
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