February 17, 2017

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Woman Tells Police that the Items Found in Her Underwear Did Not Belong to Her

Autoplay.

(Thanks to D.D. Walker)

Posted by Dave on February 17, 2017 at 06:04 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

February 16, 2017

THEY'RE KILLING THE THIMBLE!

Say goodbye to this classic Monopoly token

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 03:18 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

ALWAYS KEEP SOME HANDY

13 pounds of horse genitals concealed in woman's luggage; claimed it was for medicinal purposes

We saw 13 Pounds of Horse Genitals open for the Troggs.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, Michael Moyer, Michael Huber and Puptentacle)

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 03:15 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

FLORIDAAAAAAA

The woman accused of performing a sex act inside the Duval County Courthouse and then posting a video of the act has been arrested.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Roberto)

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 02:43 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

AND YOU THINK THINGS ARE BAD NOW

The Nightmare That Was “His & Her” Fashions

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 09:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (34)

IT WAS A CONSENTING BOTTLE

A MAN got his penis stuck in a plastic bottle and had to call firefighters to get it removed in an embarrassing Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired move.

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 06:05 AM
Permalink | Comments (21)

SURELY THAT WILL WIN HER BACK

Jilted boyfriend, 54, took revenge on his ex-lover by flushing her HAMSTER down the toilet after a row

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 06:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

WE'RE REALLY GLAD AUSTRALIA'S AN ISLAND

Deadly spider kills deadly snake.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on February 16, 2017 at 06:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

February 15, 2017

LOOK OUT BELOW

'Flying bum' to take to the skies once more

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 07:26 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: THE LAST FRONTIER

8:33 p.m. A Whitefish resident called to report that while he was at work, his landlord fixed his door that day and apparently stole some change in the process. But the bigger problem was that the bathroom door inside the apartment was shut and locked. The caller said he was concerned that someone was in the bathroom, even though he couldn’t hear anyone in there. Despite the lack of evidence, the caller was ready to “take them down” utilizing a can of pepper spray and a saw. The caller was advised to leave the house and let police take care of the issue. The man then waited outside, still wielding the pepper spray and saw, for police who checked the apartment and found no one inside.

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 07:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

YOU KNOW WHERE THEY'RE HIDING IT

$1.2M of colonoscopy equipment stolen from Toronto Western Hospital

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 07:18 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Plane hits deer while taking off from North Carolina airport

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who asks "Was it Donner or Blitzen?" and Le Petomane, who says "The buck stops here.")

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 07:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

LOOK, DUDE, UP IN THE SKY!

Drug catapult found attached to Mexican side of US border fence

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 01:52 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

THIS JUST IN

The Toowoomba weather report.

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 01:43 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Untidy toilet seat tiff lands Port St. Lucie mom behind bars

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 12:53 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

'FOOD OR WATER IS A STRICT NO DURING ASSIGNMENTS'

Suspect arrested for smuggling 12 gold bars inside his rectum after customs officers spotting him 'walking in a funny manner' off a plane

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 06:25 AM
Permalink | Comments (27)

LETDOWN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

No Valentine's Day octopus sex show at Seattle Aquarium

Seattle octopus returned to sea after failed sex show

Autoplay.

(Thanks to B'game)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 06:21 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

THAR SHE BLOWS

Beware exploding whales

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 06:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

NO MENTION OF SHRINKAGE

People are freezing their genitals to 'spice up' their sex life - and improve their appearance

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 06:02 AM
Permalink | Comments (24)

WE ARE POSTING THIS AGAINST OUR BETTER JUDGMENT

Meridian man's pet squirrel goes nuts on burglar

(Thanks to John Mayson, Marc, Rick Day, Le Petomane, Dave D and Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on February 15, 2017 at 05:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

February 14, 2017

BOLO

Reward offered after 1,000-pound concrete chicken stolen in Taylorsville

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 04:03 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING THE LAUNCH CODES

Abandoned missile base in Florida Keys found to be housing four pythons

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 04:02 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

THE 2017 WASHINGTON POST HUNT

It's not going to happen. There's no money. Gene Weingarten talks about it in his chat update here. Gene, Tom Shroder and I are bummed about this, but it's pretty much the way things are going in the newspaper biz. We hope there'll be a Hunt in 2018, but at the moment there's not much reason to be hopeful.

To all the lunatics good people who look forward to the Hunt every year: We're sorry.

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 12:33 PM
Permalink | Comments (15)

IS THAT A WHOPPER IN YOUR POCKET?

Burger King Offers an Adults-Only Valentine’s Day Meal, With a Different Kind of Toy Inside

(Thanks to PirateBoy, who says "You want sighs with that?")

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 12:24 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

YOUR TAX DOLLARS ADVANCING THE FRONTIERS OF ASPARAGUS RESEARCH

Researchers at Harvard on two active studies that received over $3 million last year surveyed nearly 7,000 people to determine if their urine smelled funny after eating the vegetable.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 12:19 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Woman calls police ‘Trump-loving pigs’, headbutts officer

Vero Beach DUI Suspect Tells Florida State Trooper ‘Eat Me’

Polk County man arrested after stalking, throwing dog at woman

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 12:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

CSI: NEW ZEALAND

A hedgehog, suspected of drunkenness and with a yoghurt pottle on its head, has been given a stern talking to by police in Arrowtown.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

WE SAW THIS COMING

For 30 years, Donald Lau has been the “Chief Fortune Writer” at Wonton Foods, a manufacturer that touts itself to be one of the world's largest producers of fortune cookies. But now,Lau is leaving his position following a long bout of writer’s block.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (50)

MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

Playboy: Nude photos are back

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:24 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT

...where this motorist is headed.

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Times Square Mickey Mouse charged with stealing from tourist

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that the tourist is a moron)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:18 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

AND IF WE CAN'T TRUST NIGERIAN MEDIA, WHOM CAN WE TRUST?

A woman has given birth to a goat after a two-year pregnancy, Nigerian media has claimed.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:13 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

CUSTOMER SERVICE DOWN UNDER

A PERTH woman involved in a legal spat with a tailor over a $2000 suit she claimed was “swimming on her” was delivered a shirt emblazoned with dozens of ejaculating penises as a “gift” from the company’s boss.

Bonus appearance by: Jason Alexander.

(Thanks to Jim [formerly] of Perth)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:10 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

IT'S A LOT OF FUN UNTIL YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM

Crowd of women with VERY long fingernails dance in a Florida night club as bemused revellers look on

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:04 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

NEW AND IMPROVED

Man finds £11,000 worth of cocaine stashed inside his Nesquik

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 06:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE FIREFIGHTERS

Drunken, pantsless man demands ride home from firefighters

Incredibly, this did not happen in Florida.

(Thanks to Greg Snow, who says "I thought you were a red Uber.")

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 05:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

THE JOKES JUST WRITE THEMSELVES

Young thief captured on pet shop camera stuffing 18-inch boa constrictor in his trousers

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 14, 2017 at 05:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

February 13, 2017

'HE'S ALMOST KILLED HIS OWNERS ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION

'World's most pampered buffalo' called Wild Thing watches action movies in his own room and eats breakfast at table

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 13, 2017 at 11:50 AM
Permalink | Comments (25)

LOOKING FOR ROMANTIC SPOT FOR VALENTINE'S DAY?

Here's one idea.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on February 13, 2017 at 06:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (20)

BREED OF THE WEEK SO FAR

These Dogs Feel Like ‘Warm Bologna.’

(Thanks to PirateBoy, who notes that the dogs require moisturizer.)

Posted by Dave on February 13, 2017 at 06:27 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

EMAIL TO THE BLOG

Hi there,

I just visited your and had to reach out! I've just put together an infographic that I think your audience would really like. It's called 'Ultimate Toothpaste Guide: All You Need to Know to Maintain a Healthy Smile' .

If you are open to it, I'd love to use the infographic to guest post on any blogs you maintain and would be happy to write a unique intro to go with it. :-)

Posted by Dave on February 13, 2017 at 06:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (24)

February 11, 2017

BOLO

Hunt for phantom flushers who are causing huge sewer blockages by dumping M&S granny pants down the loo

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

We saw the Phantom Flushers open for Granny Pants Down the Loo.

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:35 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

COOKED WOULD BE OK

Woman smuggling raw animal brains in luggage detained at DFW Airport

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:32 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

FLORIDA SPORTS REPORT

North Fort Myers resident Tony Aarts used his Cleveland Golf putter to subdue a 10-foot gator that attacked him Wednesday as he was approaching the fourth hole at Magnolia Landing Golf & Country Club.

(Thanks to the Fourth George)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:30 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

GUYS IN ACTION

McEachern said it is illegal to tow a couch through a drive-thru, but the two men were wearing helmets.

Incredibly, alcohol appears to have been involved.

(Thanks to Ralph and Laura)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:26 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Tattooist gets a shock as client's 'boob' EXPLODES in his face during inking session

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Furious wife frogmarches a love rival NAKED through the streets after catching her in bed with her husband

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:15 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

DUDE, PASS THE PUFFER

West Australian dolphins may be using blowfish - or 'blowies' - to get high

(Thanks to Michael Huber, Bill Hudgins, Le Petomane and Roberto)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:10 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

WE CALL IT 'TUESDAY.'

Finland has a word for getting drunk in your underwear at home

(Thanks to funny man, who asks "What if I don't want Finland in my underwear?")

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

GOOD TO HAVE A SKILL

Pro wrestler hammers record 38 nails with his head in two minutes

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on February 11, 2017 at 06:06 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

 
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