July 21, 2016

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO BASIC AMERICAN RIGHTS LEFT

A couple is facing felony charges after they were spotted riding a stolen lawn mower in the nude at 8:30 AM on a Missouri road, records show.

(Thanks to Todd Lawson and Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on July 21, 2016 at 11:56 AM
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MIAMI: OUR WILDLIFE IS NOT LIKE YOUR WILDLIFE

Loose Lemur Attacks Woman Outside Her Home

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Ralph, who thought Loose Lemur wrote Western novels)

Posted by Dave on July 21, 2016 at 11:51 AM
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TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

An Indiana woman stabbed her husband in the chest with a grill fork after he returned home without her favorite doughnuts, investigators charge.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Jeff Schneider and Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on July 21, 2016 at 11:49 AM
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July 20, 2016

FINAL UPDATE FROM CLEVELAND

Here you go.

Here's presidential candidate Zoltan Istvan:

Zoltan

Here's the Transhumanist Party campaign in action:

Transhumanists

Posted by Dave on July 20, 2016 at 02:02 PM
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July 19, 2016

UPDATE FROM CLEVELAND

There's been an outbreak of actual news.

Posted by judi on July 19, 2016 at 02:20 PM
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TIL DEATH DO US PART

...Or we hit a bump.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by judi on July 19, 2016 at 02:19 PM
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YOU CAN'T BEAT BACON

Bacon-wielding woman, 86, fights off robber in Iceland

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by judi on July 19, 2016 at 01:15 PM
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July 18, 2016

UPDATE FROM CLEVELAND

I missed the naked women.

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2016 at 02:07 PM
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UPDATE FROM CLEVELAND

DB and Vermin

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2016 at 10:44 AM
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July 17, 2016

UPDATE FROM CLEVELAND

Here's my first highly objective report.

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 03:06 PM
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ADVISORY

I'm off to Cleveland today to begin my Summer of Fun coverage of both political conventions and the Olympics. I plan to keep blogging, but it might be random and sporadic. As opposed to the normal procedure, which is random and sporadic.

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 11:36 AM
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CLASSY

Plastic surgeon broadcasts boobs jobs, liposuction and tummy tucks on Snapchat and Facebook Live - and has even hired a full-time social media manager to help

Screen Shot 2016-07-17 at 8.29.46 AM

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 08:31 AM
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TALK ABOUT CLEANSING

Teen student EATS a whole tub of Surf washing powder every week

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 08:26 AM
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AND FREDDY HAD A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Burglary suspect 'had a stolen human brain nicknamed "Freddy" hidden under a friend's trailer in a Wal-Mart shopping bag and used the embalming fluid to get HIGH'

(Thanks to Patty Villnova)

Yes, we posted this item already. But the Brit headline is (as usual) so much better.

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 08:24 AM
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JOURNALISM

Daily Mail Investigates: How to make a pasta rocket engine

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 08:22 AM
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NAME THAT STATE!

Man shot at teens playing 'Pokemon Go'

Key Fact: Officials talked with the teens who said they were sitting in the car hunting two Pokemon—a Marowak and Tauros.

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Peter Metrinko)

In Other Pokemon News:

Auschwitz reminds people its ‘disrespectful’ to play Pokemon Go at a former Nazi death camp

Pair of Pokemon Go players arrested at Toledo Zoo

‘Get a life and stay out of my yard

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2016 at 08:13 AM
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July 16, 2016

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

The local deity active in the priest’s body expressed dissatisfaction saying sewage tanks built for toilets were vitiating the environment all along the path leading to the village temple.

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2016 at 10:56 AM
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'THE POO CAUGHT US BY SURPRISE'

Emoji toy popular at Calgary Stampede

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2016 at 10:50 AM
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AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

Great Yorkshire Show ban following cow tampering

(Thanks to Steve Thompson, who says "I just want to note that Nigel Pulling is the chief executive of the Yorkshire Agricultural Society. Also: Udder Gate.")

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2016 at 10:41 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES AS WELL?

Man says God gave him authority to buy burger with a watch

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2016 at 10:38 AM
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FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Florida man arrested after breaking into ex’s house with backpack of sex toys including handcuffs, whip, sex swing

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2016 at 10:27 AM
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PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

Pokémon GO gets x-rated as players post naked selfies and pornographic images featuring characters

Want to catch them all? Pokémon Go chauffeurs for hire

Can climate affect the Pokémon you catch?

Shawnee man uses dog poop to stop Pokemon Go players from trespassing on his property

Pokemon Go Players Find Naked Woman Vandalizing Church 

(Thanks to Ralph, The Perts and Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2016 at 10:25 AM
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July 15, 2016

WELL?

Do YOU suffer from Lactaboobiephobia?

(Thanks to Geoff)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 07:56 PM
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SOUNDS LIKE A NATIONAL RECALL IS IN ORDER

Boa constrictor pulled from beneath SUV in Pennsylvania

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 03:13 PM
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BRILLIANT, DUDE

Police say man used brain preserving fluid to soak marijuana

(Thanks to RussellMc)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 01:50 PM
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UPDATE

A South Florida man has been arrested after police said they found marijuana in his car while he was playing Pokémon Go.

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 11:52 AM
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AW

Coconut Grove man wants to keep his cookie- and pizza-loving gator

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 11:25 AM
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WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE DAMN CONSTITUTION

Joplin Man & Woman Arrested For Riding Nude On A Lawnmower

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 10:01 AM
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YOUR DAILY POKEMON GO EPIDEMIC UPDATE

Milford man follows Pokemon Go into police custody

(Thanks to Judy B.)

Man quits job to become full-time Pokémon hunter

Pokemon Craze Leads to Trespassing Epidemic

Death by Pokemon? Public safety fears mount as 'Pokemon Go' craze continues

Two fall from cliff reportedly playing Pokemon Go

Pokémon Go player bitten by venomous snake in North Texas

 

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 09:52 AM
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TIME TO CONSIDER THE 'OREGON OPTION'

Dead whale gets a tow back out to sea -- for the sixth time

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 09:44 AM
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THEY RIDE SPECIALLY MODIFIED BICYCLES

Saturday’s Tour de France stage might be infested with llamas

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 09:24 AM
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AHEM

Three-year-old boy 'savagely attacked by angry group of squirrels in country park'

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 09:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

BLESS HER HEART

91-year-old woman fills in crossword at museum - only to discover it was a £60,000 artwork

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2016 at 09:21 AM
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July 14, 2016

BECAUSE IT WAS THINKING, 'WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING *HERE*?'

Minnesota alligator was not aggressive

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 05:05 PM
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A TRAILER OF BROWN SUGAR IS BEING RUSHED TO THE SCENE

Semitrailer full of bananas catches fire in Oregon

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 02:29 PM
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INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Drunk passenger stands up and urinates in the aisle of easyJet flight

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 02:27 PM
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TOW IT TO WASHINGTON

A dead whale that keeps returning to the Southern California coast has been towed out to sea — again.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 10:05 AM
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DANG

A porn star is not the new British prime minister

(Thanks to Kevin Smith and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 09:55 AM
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UPDATE ON WHAT WE CAN ALL AGREE IS THE BIGGEST SINGLE THREAT FACING THE WORLD TODAY

New York man, 28, 'extremely lucky' to walk away barely injured after he drove car straight into tree while playing Pokemon Go

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Possible Glitch Sends 'Pokemon Go' Players to S. Korean City

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "Yes, I downloaded the app, but only because I wanted to discourage my kids from using it.")

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 09:53 AM
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MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Australian man admits to amateur testicle surgery

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 09:48 AM
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MAKES SENSE TO US

Scientists have come up with a solution that will reduce the number of lions being shot by farmers in Africa - painting eyes on the butts of cows.

(Thanks to Gregory Snow)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 09:47 AM
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THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Fort Lauderdale man used guitar as weapon in failed robbery bid, cops say

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Autoplay.

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2016 at 09:44 AM
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July 13, 2016

FLORIDA MARINE REPORT

Florida beachgoer finds pounds of cocaine floating in water

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 05:14 PM
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BOLO

Man Wraps Face In Paper Towels, Robs Gas Station

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "made a clean getaway.")

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 04:35 PM
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ARTISANAL!

According to Knoxville firefighters, a woman melted her tub after she tried to barbecue a brisket in it.

(Thanks to DorkFish)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 04:11 PM
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POKEMON GO WORLD DOMINATION UPDATE

Pokémon GO addict stabbed while playing, refuses to get treatment so he can continue

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Pokemon Go Leads Players Into Intimacy Boutique

(Thanks to Ralph)

Two 'Pokémon Go' players in Fullerton help catch attempted-murder suspect

(Thanks to manual tomato)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 04:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

BIG TIPPER

Van Gogh cut off his whole ear instead of just the lobe and gave it to a brothel maid, new research finds

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 04:03 PM
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SEEMS REASONABLE

TOS agreements require giving up first born—and users gladly consent

(Thanks to Steve @ Secret Location, who says "I have no kids, so win-win.")

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 03:59 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THAT'S ALMOST 50 PERCENT!

Nearly Two-Thirds of Americans Can’t Pass a Basic Test of Financial Literacy

(Thanks to coscolo, who says "And most of them are in Washington, DC.")

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 10:00 AM
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HE IS WELCOME TO DRIVE AT NIGHT IN FLORIDA

Driver arrested for wearing headlamp in place of headlights

(Thanks to William Charles, who says "You don’t want to know what he was using for a horn.") (Also thanks to The Perts and Roberto)

Posted by Dave on July 13, 2016 at 09:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

 
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