December 06, 2016

AND SHE WANTS THEM BACK

Researchers Confident Mysterious Pair Of Mummified Knees Belonged To Queen Nefertari

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks, who says "Knee-less to Say, She Won't Get Far Without These")

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2016 at 06:12 AM
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THERE'S A PEPPERONI JOKE HERE SOMEWHERE

A Las Cruces police officer was cited for indecent exposure last month after a woman delivered a pizza to his home and he answered the door naked, the Sun-News has learned.

(Thanks to Dave N., who says "It was too hot to cook.")

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2016 at 06:11 AM
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THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING IN THEIR ZEAL TO DESTROY OUR MOST CHERISHED INSTITUTIONS

'Christmas bulb bandit' squirrel steals 150 colorful bulbs in 24 hours

(Thanks to Ralph)

Related: How RACCOONS have taken over USS Sequoia which used to be the President's personal boat but is now rusting away and filled with trash

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2016 at 06:09 AM
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THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

A new study has revealed that women prefer a slightly larger penis in a one-time sexual partner compared to a long-term partner.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2016 at 06:05 AM
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THE ROOSTER WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Northampton officers investigating a robbery in progress at a store at about 3:45 a.m. Sunday quickly found two men and a live rooster in a nearby car.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2016 at 06:01 AM
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December 05, 2016

YOU KNOW WHO IS BEHIND THIS

Shoppers forced to flee and take refuge in their cars after angry goat terrorises store and attacks pensioner

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 12:12 PM
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SPEAKING OF TWEEKING

Huge frozen moose inhales exhaust fumes as man de-ices his car without batting an eyelid

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 12:11 PM
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NAME THAT STATE!

Man 'tweeking' on meth burns family's home, SUV

“He stated a person named ‘Griz’ was telling him through a mobile phone with a special app on it what to do in reference to the crimes. He stated he thought he was ‘tweeking’ at first and then when he asked if this was real a vehicle drove by and threw a pink glow stick out the window indicating to him the phone messages were real.”

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

If you can't trust a person named "Griz," who can you trust?

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 12:07 PM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Man who punched out kangaroo is a ZOOKEEPER

(Thanks to Michael Huber and Dave N.)

For the record, he did not punch the kangaroo "out."

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 12:05 PM
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CSI: MINNESOTA

Stiletto-heel shoe wielded in Mankato strip club fight; 2 dancers charged

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 06:04 AM
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THIS IS WHY GOD MADE BEER

Drinking too much water can kill, report says

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 05:59 AM
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WHY ARE THOSE THINGS EVEN LEGAL?

A third person ended up with an injured arm when he intervened, police said, and both that person and Jenkins were further injured as they rolled on the floor over Legos.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 5, 2016 at 05:56 AM
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December 04, 2016

IDAHO: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

But now organizers of the Idaho Potato Drop are dropping the potato in favor of a hot new one called the glow-tato.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Maybe not as exciting as Australia, however.

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on December 4, 2016 at 04:53 PM
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WE'VE KNOWN GUYS LIKE THAT

How a Fart Killed 10,000 People

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on December 4, 2016 at 10:36 AM
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WILDLIFE

Hidden camera left in a forest to capture pictures of wild animals snaps a naked man high on LSD who thought he was a tiger

(Thanks to Dave N. and Jeffrey Brown, who says "They misspelled 'Florida.'")

Posted by Dave on December 4, 2016 at 10:32 AM
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WE'RE WITH THE DAUGHTER

Mum hauled into emergency school meeting because five-year-old daughter can't stop laughing at teacher's name

(Thanks to Moe Money)

Posted by Dave on December 4, 2016 at 10:28 AM
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WE SAW DRUNK PETS OPEN FOR LEFTOVER TIPPLES

Vets worried by rising numbers of drunk pets as more owners leaving leftover tipples around the house

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Roberto and Le Petomane) 

Posted by Dave on December 4, 2016 at 10:25 AM
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UPDATE

Man, 44, who was fitted with a £70,000 bionic penis says he has had scores of women contact him but admits he is just 'too tired' to be up for anything

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on December 4, 2016 at 10:24 AM
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December 03, 2016

COWARDS

A small-town P.E.I. police department has issued a public apology to Nickelback, and taken down a social media post that threatened to force drunk drivers to listen to the Alberta band's music.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on December 3, 2016 at 02:48 PM
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WE CAN ALWAYS GIVE UP WALKING

Australian study recommends criminalizing drinking and walking

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on December 3, 2016 at 02:42 PM
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NOBEL PRIZE, DUDE

This Machine Grows Marijuana For You And Then Sends You A Text When Your Plant Is Ready

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Posted by Dave on December 3, 2016 at 09:06 AM
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FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jupiter woman throws squid at boyfriend outside bagel shop

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve, Renee the First and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 3, 2016 at 09:02 AM
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December 02, 2016

MEANWHILE IN BIZARRO WORLD

Nation’s worst drivers: Utahns

The study said the nation's best drivers are in Rhode Island, followed by Florida and Mississippi.

(Thanks to wiredog)

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 11:38 AM
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APPETIZING

Shopkeepers caught blowing up raw chickens with their mouths to make them seem more plump

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 11:35 AM
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NAME THAT STATE!

Dead man found inside SUV with pile of parking tickets on windshield

(Thanks to Dave N.)

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 11:33 AM
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FLORIDA WILDLIFE REPORT

Ravenous 14-foot python caught with 3 deer in its gut

It was released after producing three valid Florida drivers' licenses.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "Unfortunately, it didn't eat any squirrels.")

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 11:26 AM
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CSI: BELLEVUE

Is this your dog? Caught by Officer at Robinswood Park. Was wearing a sweater and blue pants, and very angry.

(Thanks to L. Raymond)

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 06:25 AM
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WITHOUT THE MIRACLE OF THE INTERNET, WE WOULD NEVER BE AWARE OF THIS

This campaign will help bring to life a piece of home decor created from the 3d-scanned scrotum of the Balls Contest's third place winner.

(Thanks to ScottMGS, who says "It's probably good that the gift guide is already done.")

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 06:23 AM
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MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Public poo pandemic leads to call for 24-hour toilet services

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who saw them open for Marilyn Manson)

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 06:20 AM
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THE HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Here it is, tasteful as ever.

  Dogcamo

Posted by Dave on December 2, 2016 at 06:15 AM
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December 01, 2016

MAKES SENSE

Naked man says he was looking for a wife at Mormon temple

(Thanks to Gordon Anderson)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 02:13 PM
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THEY HAVE THIS BLOG'S FULL SUPPORT

Women in London protested for Free the Nipple on Sunday

(Thanks to Veee)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 02:11 PM
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YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Beaver walks into Md. store, finds only artificial Christmas trees, and proceeds to trash it

(Thanks to A.C., Steve K and wiredog)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 02:06 PM
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GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

The new company Luminoglow has pathed the way for 21st century innovation in underwear, and have designed a range of lace bras and panties which glow in the dark.

"Pathed?"

(Thanks to Jim [formerly] of Perth)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 02:04 PM
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THE HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

The guide comes out tomorrow, but you can see the video now.

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 10:44 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

“Why? There’s no rules about driving around with cocaine,” Ignasiak declared.

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 06:22 AM
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'WINNIE THE POO'

Angry bear rescued from septic tank

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 06:17 AM
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WE KNOW WHO WE'RE ROOTING FOR

Incredibly vicious SQUIRREL takes on a SNAKE in an epic battle that doesn’t end how you would expect

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Related: Scottish brewery releases $20,000 beer in taxidermy squirrel

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez and Another Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 06:13 AM
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MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

A Texas golfer is recovering in the hospital after a fellow player allegedly bashed him in the head with a golf club for moving his ball during a game.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Irate bodybuilder flattens a judge and whips out his penis in protest after losing international competition

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 06:12 AM
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THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Local residents had stopped the female driver of a vehicle whom they believed was driving whilst drunk. One of the clues that tipped them off was the children’s swing set wedged onto the roof of the vehicle.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on December 1, 2016 at 06:05 AM
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November 30, 2016

WHILE THE DRIVER WAS RETRIEVING HIS CELL PHONE

Police in New York City are looking for a quick-thinking thief who stole an 86-pound bucket of gold flakes worth nearly $1.6 million off an armored truck in Manhattan.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 01:42 PM
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AS IF WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS

America could be about to lift 45-year ban on haggis and Scots are thrilled

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 01:28 PM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Australian Man Mistakes Jellyfish For Breast Implant, Takes It To Police

(Thanks to Rick Day and John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 01:27 PM
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KEY WEST: FLORIDA'S FLORIDA

Tourist demands cop photograph her butt after slap at clothing-optional bar

The bar -- the Garden of Eden -- is featured in the Key West chapter of Best. State. Ever. Which by the way is for sale.

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 10:32 AM
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FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

A parking lot brawl between two women in South Los Angeles quickly escalated into a demolition derby.

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 06:21 AM
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MOO

California regulates cow farts

(Thanks to everybody)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 06:16 AM
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'IT'S LIQUID GOLD'

Mother who turned breast milk into SOAP says demand for the 'creamy and gentle' bar is now so great she's set up her own business

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 06:14 AM
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DUDE

Hunter S. Thompson to Be Memorialized With His Own Weed Brand

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 06:13 AM
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THE GOLDEN AGE

In 1918, California Drafted Children Into a War On Squirrels

Screen Shot 2016-11-30 at 6.06.21 AM

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 06:07 AM
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TEXAS

Argument between grandmas ends in gunfire at Pleasant Grove Walmart

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on November 30, 2016 at 06:02 AM
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