May 03, 2016

BOOK TOUR UPDATE

Almaden Country School in San Jose goes ALL OUT for visiting authors.

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Posted by MiamiHerald on May 3, 2016 at 04:01 PM
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'THEY HAVE NO INTERNET'

Villagers Thought An Angel Had Fallen From The Sky, But It Turned Out To Be A Sex Doll

(Thanks to W. von Papineau and Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on May 3, 2016 at 02:24 PM
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WHOA

Jet-Powered Hoverboard Sets New World Record

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 3, 2016 at 11:17 AM
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IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Wisconsin Fishing Buds Reel in 60-Year-Old 6-Pack of Beer

(Thanks to Mike Ester)

Posted by Dave on May 3, 2016 at 11:14 AM
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SOUNDS SCIENTIFIC

Celebrity massage therapist reveals how she BITES her A-list clients on their backs in a bizarre technique designed to 'tenderise' muscles

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on May 3, 2016 at 11:10 AM
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TIME TO SWITCH TO BEER

Toxic blob from 1970s may be nearing Cleveland water plant on Lake Erie

(Thanks to Harry Farkas, who says he saw them open for Poison)

Posted by Dave on May 3, 2016 at 11:08 AM
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TRADITION

An Arizona student who showed his penis in his football team's photograph was arrested briefly after his high school unwittingly sent the image to hundreds of his Phoenix-area classmates as part of its yearbook, officials said on Monday.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 3, 2016 at 11:02 AM
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May 02, 2016

'ONE STUDENT SAID THAT THE ONLY WORD MOYER KNOWS IS BONJOUR'

High school French teacher doesn't speak French, say his students

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 12:02 PM
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OTHER THAN THAT, IT WENT SMOOTHLY

Patient catches on FIRE while undergoing surgery at a New York hospital

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

If only somebody had written a column warning of this danger.

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 12:00 PM
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CSI: RIVER FALLS

Asked if he was he going the wrong way on the highway, the driver allegedly said, 'Yeah, that was probably me.'

BONUS: The cruiser had to be professionally cleaned for spit, snot and mucus stains, plus a very bad fecal odor.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 11:56 AM
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SOUNDS LEGIT

Gina Lucyfenia Lee, 29, and Anthony Lee Davis, 29, convinced the two women that their money was possessed by evil spirits. The victims then gave the money to Lee and Davis for a cleansing, with the understanding it would be returned.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 11:53 AM
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DO NOT MISS THE VIDEO

North Korean troops use TOY PLANES to prepare for battle in bizarre propaganda clip

(Thanks to Allen at Division and funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 11:51 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

25 Tons of Pigeon Poo Found in Medieval Monument

(Thanks to Chuck Todd)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 11:48 AM
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NATURE

Scientists stunned to find giant female spiders force males to perform oral sex

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 11:46 AM
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A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Drunken driver crashes into Alaska Governor's Mansion

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on May 2, 2016 at 11:41 AM
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May 01, 2016

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

‘Once computers are doing the driving, there will be a lot more sex in cars’

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 01:04 PM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE ARCHIES

'Sleepless slugs' on rise, say experts

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:55 PM
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OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Shortage of ice-cream at a marriage function led to a heated argument between the families of the bride and the groom and resulted in brick-batting in which three police personnel were injured. The wedding was ultimately called off after.

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:53 PM
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UPDATE

Charge against brawling New Jersey mall Easter bunny downgraded: ‘We look forward to the bunny being vindicated’

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:51 PM
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'A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY, HATCHETS AND BEER, THAT SOUNDS REALLY DANGEROUS'

Stumpy’s Hatchet House, the first indoor hatchet throwing venue in the United States

“We talked to a lot of landlords, and they were like, ‘Yeah, no thank you.'"

(Thanks to John Gregg and Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:50 PM
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BRILLIANT

Tinned herring has been recalled from Lidl branches because its label does not warn consumers the cans contain ingredients including fish.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:44 PM
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GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Brooklyn pizzeria serves up a delicious pie inside a box made out of MORE PIZZA

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:14 PM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Driver informs police he's an alien royal and if they tow his car, he will destroy planet Earth

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:13 PM
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WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE PINEAPPLE SLICES

Truck hauling 42,000 lbs of ham bursts into flames near Fayetteville

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on May 1, 2016 at 12:08 PM
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April 30, 2016

CSI: POUGHKEEPSIE

State police nab serial butt slapper in Dutchess County

(Thanks to yak1)

Posted by Dave on April 30, 2016 at 01:01 PM
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YOU TRY TO BE THOUGHTFUL, AND THIS IS THE THANKS YOU GET

Woman arrested in France after she asked police officers to check the purity of her cocaine because 'she didn't want people to die of an overdose'

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on April 30, 2016 at 01:00 PM
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BOLO

Satellite That Hunts for Black Holes in Space Is Lost

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on April 30, 2016 at 12:58 PM
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WORST IDEA EVER

Temptations Made a Collar That Finally Gives Your Cat a Human Voice, So It Can Talk to You

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Bill Hudgins and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on April 30, 2016 at 12:56 PM
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ACTUAL PUB NAME: FLEECE INN

Pub landlady taken to court because trainee barman served customer a pint which was one sip shorter than it should have been

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Related: Australian brewery creates beer using yeast from belly button lint

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 30, 2016 at 12:53 PM
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SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

BRAINLESS SLIME MOLD CAN LEARN QUICKLY

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

We saw BSM open for The Who.

Posted by Dave on April 30, 2016 at 12:50 PM
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April 29, 2016

BUT WE KNOW WHO WAS *REALLY* BEHIND THIS

The Large Hadron Collider particle accelerator at Cern is offline after a short circuit - caused by a weasel.

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve, Jeff in Pittsburgh, Dave Emery, Horace LaBadie, The Perts, Ron W, John Mayson, Fred Rsoenberge, Scott MGS, Sean in Akron, Ralph, Bill Hudgins and Gordon Anderson, who says "When I saw the headline, I assumed it was about a politician.")

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 03:15 PM
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WE CAN SUGGEST A HELPFUL VIDEO

How Do You Move a 70,000-Pound (Dead) Whale?

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 11:28 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY

Sex-Crazed Peacocks Are Terrorising A Village In Durham

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 11:04 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR

“He stated that it’s illegal to beg for money so he became a thief,”  the affidavit states.

You know the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 10:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

The world's first ever armpit sniffing dating event took place at the Alcoholic Architecture bar in central London on Wednesday night.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 10:53 AM
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AS IS THEIR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

A Wilmington couple is facing criminal charges after a woman showed a gun at a local restaurant over a wrong order of chicken wings.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 10:49 AM
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'A PRETTY COOL REMINDER OF THE COLD WAR'

Gallatin County flushing Cold War commodes

(Thanks to Ron G)

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 10:45 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THERE BE NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Arrrrrrr — CBU professor explores whether pirates really said that

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on April 29, 2016 at 10:43 AM
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April 28, 2016

IN THE ONGOING EFFORT BY MICROSOFT TO CONVERT EVERYBODY TO MACS

Windows 10 interrupts a live TV broadcast with an unwanted upgrade

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

Posted by Dave on April 28, 2016 at 08:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (22)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Nashville man ordered to remove zombie statue from front yard

(Thanks to Jeff Schneider)

FYI, this statue was featured in the Holiday Gift Guide some years ago and is proudly displayed in the blog's front yard every Halloween.

Posted by Dave on April 28, 2016 at 08:09 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

SUAVE

Drunk driver crashed into woman he was about to meet for first date

(Thanks to Madeleine)

Posted by Dave on April 28, 2016 at 07:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

Japan wants foreign tourists to avoid 'public flatulence'

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on April 28, 2016 at 07:52 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Man chewing crack cocaine claims it's a Jolly Rancher

You know the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 28, 2016 at 07:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

KEY WEST: WEIRD EVEN FOR FLORIDA

Thursday, the day before he was shot in a Key West home during an argument, artist William Selesnick called police to warn that a series of fires would be set by followers of Hollywood actress Shirley MacLaine.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 28, 2016 at 07:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (21)

April 27, 2016

IT'S TOUGH TO KEEP TRACK

High School Basketball Star Says He Didn't Know He Was 29 Years Old

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 27, 2016 at 04:23 PM
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida man in Superman shirt steals kiddie ride

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on April 27, 2016 at 04:13 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

EVEN BY FLORIDA STANDARDS, THIS IS EXCEPTIONAL WORK

Florida man drives through roadblock, crashes into medical helicopter

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on April 27, 2016 at 04:10 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

FESTUS, MO., DINING REPORT

Half-naked, dancing man makes sandwiches at Subway restaurant

(Thanks to John Mayson)

Posted by Dave on April 27, 2016 at 04:06 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THEY'RE IN LEAGUE WITH THE SQUIRRELS

Florida man tries to feed raccoon, learns valuable lesson

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on April 27, 2016 at 04:05 PM
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AND PEOPLE SAY AMERICANS DON'T CARE ABOUT THE ISSUES

This woman cares.

Advisory: Bad words.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 27, 2016 at 04:02 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

 
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