July 20, 2017

OF COURSE HE WOULD

O.J. Simpson says he would return to Florida if granted parole

Florida says it would return to Spain.

Posted by Dave on July 20, 2017 at 02:13 PM
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CSI: APPLETON

Naked burglar consumed victim's whiskey and muffins before falling asleep

(Thanks to Bill Ostroot)

Posted by Dave on July 20, 2017 at 11:04 AM
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OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY DINING EXPERIENCE

Rodents Fall From Ceiling of Dallas Chipotle

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 20, 2017 at 10:55 AM
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WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT, SIR

Blackmon, 35, of Fort Walton Beach, called deputies Sunday morning to report that someone had stolen a bag of cocaine and some cash from his car, according to a statement from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s office. He told a deputy who responded that he was a drug dealer and that someone had broken into his vehicle while it was parked, taking about $50 and a quarter ounce of cocaine.

You know the state.

(Thanks to Karen T)

Posted by Dave on July 20, 2017 at 10:54 AM
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July 19, 2017

NOW THERE'S AN IMAGE

Snail Slime Hits Beauty Mainstream After Taking Korea by Storm

(Thanks to coscolo and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 04:33 PM
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THE SQUIRRELS ARE BEHIND THIS

Bear wanders into Wyoming house, poops in living room

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who says "Apparently they don't all go in the woods.")

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 04:26 PM
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THEY'RE PASSING LEGISLATION ALL OVER THE PLACE

Monkeys cause chaos inside government building in New Delhi

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who says "We have the same problem here.")

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 04:24 PM
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HE WILL DO HARD TIME

A man who told police he took five times the recommended dosage of erectile dysfunction medication was arrested for DUI after investigators said he crashed into a Seattle parking garage.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:45 AM
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JUST TOAST FOR US, THANKS

Unusual cooking utensil choice makes amateur chef's poached eggs look very creepy

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:43 AM
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FLATHEAD COUNTY, WHERE THE WEST IS STILL WILD

11:49 a.m. A Bigfork man who frequently rides his horse into town called police because someone had complained to him about his animal defecating in the middle of the street.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:39 AM
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'HE ALSO SAID HE HAD BEEN IN FLORIDA ONLY A FEW HOURS EARLIER'

'Cereal' burglar hog-tied on Lewis Co. roadside after stealing a bowlful

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:35 AM
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IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER DUDE?

Results from a blood test on a driver arrested in May by the Washington State Patrol show he had 54 times the legal limit for marijuana's most active ingredient in his bloodstream - the highest level recorded in Washington state in at least eight years.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:29 AM
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CSI: SOUTH YORKSHIRE

The prosecutor said: "You may hope that the police helicopter is chasing down criminals and keeping the community safe. You may never imagine that in fact it is being used to film a pair of swingers in the throes of sexual passion for the entertainment of the crew."

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:23 AM
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SOUNDS LEGIT

The now infamous Thai Breast Slapping technique where women have their breast slapped for up to 10 minutes is claimed to increase cup size.

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:15 AM
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SHE HAD 'UNUSUAL BULGES'

Woman Fails to Smuggle 102 iPhones Strapped to Body into China

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:13 AM
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THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON LIVING

Auction of Madonna's panties, love letter from Tupac halted

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on July 19, 2017 at 10:08 AM
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July 18, 2017

NO MEANS NO

A flame-thrower that can hurl a stream of fire half a metre long is being marketed in China to help women fend off unwanted advances.

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 05:01 PM
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AFTER WHICH -- THIS BEING FLORIDA -- IT DROVE ITSELF TO THE HOSPITAL

Raccoon breaks into car to give birth

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 12:22 PM
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SOME GUYS WOULD HAVE SIDED WITH THE CANS

Man who's collected over 9,000 beer cans in 40 years is finally getting rid of them - and it's down to his wife

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 11:05 AM
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ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET. ALWAYS.

A neighbour was left with a meat cleaver embedded in his skull after the weapon was thrown out of a window during a fight between a couple living next door.

(Thanks to Jan in Grilmsby)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 11:01 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR WHITESNAKE

Extremely Unruly Goat Smashes Office Glass Door, Comes Back for Seconds

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:57 AM
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WE ASSUME THE SQUIRRELS ARE BEHIND THIS

15 pounds of frozen Italian sausage crashes on Florida family's roof

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Patrick Groulx)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:55 AM
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WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Man snaps photo of iceberg off N.L. with distinctly masculine feature

(Thanks to The Perts and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:52 AM
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AND IN SPORTS

Larry conquerors World Snail Racing Championship held near King’s Lynn

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "Later that evening the escargot was enjoyed by all.")

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:51 AM
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PIGLET IS BEHIND THIS

Winnie-the-Pooh, the beloved children's icon, has been blacklisted in China following comparisons between the pot-bellied bear and China's president, the Financial Times reported.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:45 AM
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WE FEEL ITS PAIN

DC security robot quits job by drowning itself in a fountain

(Thanks to wiredog, Dave Emery and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:38 AM
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TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE

Manitowoc police subdue naked man, accidentally light him on fire

(Thanks to Car Ramrod and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 18, 2017 at 10:36 AM
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July 17, 2017

FORTUNATELY IT WAS BUD LIGHT

Semi driver dumps 42,100 pounds of beer on Wolf Creek Pass

(Thanks to Bryan)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 04:54 PM
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URGENT UPDATE

NEWS American Airlines insists farty passenger wasn’t cause of emergency

(Thanks to mezrap)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 03:43 PM
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THIS JUST IN

One Chelmsford mother was left taken aback after her children spotted a rather rude inflatable in the River Chelmer.

"The poor hen is now missing her giant willy," she said.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 10:39 AM
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EW

Seriously: Ew.

("Thanks" to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 10:38 AM
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TACO BELL: THE CHUCK E. CHEESE OF THE SOUTHWEST

The woman and shirtless manager continue to argue in the kitchen and the woman arms herself with a metal spatula.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 10:36 AM
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'PIZZAKINI'

This $10,000 bikini is made of actual pizza

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 10:31 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

‘Passed gas’ forces passengers from plane at RDU, spokesperson says

(Sent in by 3.7 million concerned people)

Posted by Dave on July 17, 2017 at 10:27 AM
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July 16, 2017

AS OPPOSED TO YOUR ROUTINE URINAL-CAKE HEIST

Bizarre urinal cake heist under investigation in Germany

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 11:35 AM
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FUN GAL!

Obsessive woman jailed after chasing police car that was helping boyfriend escape her

The second picture.

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 09:58 AM
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IMAGINE THE SHRINKAGE

Hundreds of naked swimmers have taken to the water in Finland in a bid to break the world record for the biggest naked swim.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimbsy)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 09:50 AM
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SO DON'T SWEAT THE MOLD

“Tsunami of human waste” destroys homes

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 09:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WENT WELL

Father of Bride Struck by Lightning During New Brunswick Wedding Toast

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 09:43 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

UK SURGEON FINDS 27 MISSING CONTACT LENSES IN WOMAN’S EYE

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

Posted by Dave on July 16, 2017 at 09:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

July 15, 2017

'RUNNING NORTH TOWARD THE GROCERY STORE WITH THE TWO BIGGEST DONGS I SELL'

Novelty Store Heist Suspect Remains At Large

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 01:52 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

BUT DAD, IT'S FOR SCHOOL!

Arizona police tweeted an unusual warning to parents shopping for back to school supplies -- pieces of drug paraphernalia are not required for chemistry class.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:42 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino Confirms 'Jersey Shore' Reunion: 'Everyone Is Just So Excited'

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

THE TAIWANESE PARLIAMENT

Send it to Washington.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "I'm looking through my Robert's Rules of Order and see the section about tabling motions, but can't seem to find the section on putting tables into motion.")

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:39 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THINK HOW SWELL YOU'LL SMELL WHEN YOU BOARD YOUR FLIGHT

How to Burn Hundreds of Calories During Your Layover

(Thanks to The Perts)

Look at the photos. Try to imagine yourself doing these things in an airport.

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:37 AM
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'SHE JUST WANTED TO SHOW THE KIDS A GOOD TIME'

A Springfield mother is accused of endangering her two children by towing them in a little red plastic wagon behind her car around a roundabout repeatedly Wednesday evening.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE POLICE

Toronto man calls police because someone didn't flush the toilet at a restaurant

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 15, 2017 at 10:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

July 14, 2017

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Aliens were present at Crucifixion of Jesus

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:46 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE WINNING

Squirrels have long memory for problem solving

(Thanks to James in NC)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:45 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE HIM HOME

Chinese mall unveils 'husband storage pods' with video games

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on July 14, 2017 at 03:41 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

 
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