April 23, 2014

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

TN man arrested attempting to sell panties at bus station

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 23, 2014 at 08:46 AM
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LEADING THE WITNESS

Dog testifies in court in French murder case

(Thanks to Ned Tugent)

Posted by Dave on April 23, 2014 at 08:44 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Suspect uses potato in attempted robberies

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, funny man, Rob Simbeck and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on April 23, 2014 at 08:41 AM
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April 22, 2014

IF THAT DOESN'T REFUTE HIS POINT, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

A Fort Campbell woman leaving an Easter service with her family was arrested Sunday after allegedly trying to run over her husband in the church parking lot because he disapproved of her driving skills.

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 03:31 PM
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'THE DISPATCHER PROMISED TO SEND SOMEONE TO CHECK IT'

Florida woman calls police over sun halo in the sky

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 03:26 PM
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DYNGUS DAY UPDATE

Buffalo, N.Y., Gathers Pussy Willows for Dyngus Day

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 07:07 AM
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GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Powdered Alcohol ("Palcohol").

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 07:05 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PHISH

Killer Sponges

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 07:02 AM
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THAT'S A LOT OF EMPTY BUNS

Kraft recalls 44,000-kg of Oscar Mayer wieners

(Thanks to Jon Harris and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 07:00 AM
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APPARENTLY 'WI-FI HOTSPOT' IS SLANG FOR 'DOUCHE'

A onesie that can turn you into a wi-fi hotspot has been developed by a Dutch fashion designer.

Onpaste.20140421-111934-1-522x293

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 06:52 AM
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WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE BLOG?

We have been unable to post anything for the past few days because Typepad was hit by -- and here we are quoting the Typepad people -- "a distributed denial of service (DDoS)." This is technical jargon: It means "squirrels."

Posted by Dave on April 22, 2014 at 06:48 AM
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April 19, 2014

AUSTIN UPDATE

So here I am.

20140419_144950

The locals are VERY excited.

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Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 04:16 PM
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THERE IS NOTHING LOWER

Mass. men busted with 20 pounds of illegal elvers

(Thanks to wiredog, who says he saw the Illegal Elvers open for the Wu Tang Clan. "Heckuva show.")

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 12:45 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

CSI: YPSILANTI

The search for the poopetrator may soon be over

(Thanks to Ned Tugent)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 12:41 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

NO HANDS, BUT A *LOT* OF CONTACT

Bubble soccer.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 12:39 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

IT SELLS THE CLOTHES ON EBAY

The Asian Jungle Crow, a large-billed crow, actually builds its nest out of coat hangers that it steals from people’s homes!

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 12:36 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

WE HOPE SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING RASH

Husband fears diaper-cream heiress, 83, is being duped by her personal trainer

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 07:31 AM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Drunken Murfreesboro man mows someone else's yard

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 07:25 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

MOVE OVER

Sheffield shopping centre introduces overtaking lane

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 07:24 AM
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TERRORISM UPDATE

Suspicious ticking package revealed to be metronome

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 07:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

YIKES

Centipede tears through viper’s stomach after being swallowed alive

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 07:21 AM
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AUSTIN

I'm heading to Texas today for a show tonight in Austin. Austin is known for many things, including bats. I am sincerely hoping not to see any.

Posted by Dave on April 19, 2014 at 07:18 AM
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April 18, 2014

TO CATCH A PERVERT

Male cop dressed as Amish woman for two months

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(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:55 PM
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THEY WERE ALL USED TO MAKE RAFTS

Condom shortage hits Cuba

(Thanks to Loudmouth and Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:53 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THOSE THINGS CAN ALSO BE DEADLY

Man 'armed with bar of TOBLERONE tried to hijack plane to Sochi Olympics'

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:45 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THOSE THINGS CAN BE DEADLY

'Explosive' turns out to be old diaper

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:36 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Fake fingernails fitted with LEDs and a tiny antenna - causing them to light up when close to a smartphone - have been shown off by a Japanese toy maker.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:34 PM
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*SOMEBODY'S* GOING TO BE SLEEPING ON THE SOFA

A Warrenville man allegedly took his wife’s clothes to the dump because she allegedly took his NASCAR cars from their bedroom.

(Thanks to Charlie Law)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:32 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Soccer fan arrested for dumping several kilograms of anchovies on team’s bench before a game described as a ‘disgrace to Greek football’

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:29 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

SPAWN OF SATAN UPDATE

Pet cat attacks Roseville family, 3 taken to hospital

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:25 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

WE MUST DO EVERYTHING WE CAN TO SUPPORT HIM, INCLUDING THE USE OF ATTACK DRONES

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford kicks off reelection bid

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:22 PM
Permalink | Comments (3)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

Females have penises in sex-reversed cave insects

(Thanks to Craig Roberts, RussellMc and Rich Steurer)

We saw them open for the Toxic Moths.

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:19 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR GERRY AND THE PACEMAKERS

Britain has been invaded by toxic moths.

(Thanks to DaninTustin, who says "France etc.")

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:16 PM
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WE'RE BACK

Sorry the blog was down earlier. We blame the squirrels.  

Posted by Dave on April 18, 2014 at 04:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

April 17, 2014

IT'S RELEVANT TO *EVERYTHING*

How Breast Implant Size is Relevant to Tax Policy

(Thanks to John Gregg)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 12:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (19)

ALWAYS CHECK YOUR ENCHILADAS

Knife Found Inside Woman’s Enchiladas At Sonoma County Airport

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 12:36 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

THERE WOULD BE NO PROBLEM IF IT SPOKE SWEDISH

Residents panic in Markurdi because chicken speaks in Arabic

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 12:34 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

BELUSHI ALREADY DID THIS

Man with samurai sword arrested at New Jersey deli

(Thanks to Bill Jones)

Belushi here.

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 12:27 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WHY WE STICK TO BEER

Portland water supply to be flushed after teen urinates into reservoir

(Thanks to Charles Cates; Emily, Leslie and W; Kibby F5; Craig Roberts; Jon Harris and Poker)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 12:25 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

MOTHER'S DAY IS COMING

IF YOU ever wanted to pick up some rhino dung on the cheap, you could be in luck.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 10:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE

Guy Tries to Take Selfie Near Oncoming Train; It Doesn’t End Well

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 10:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Scary' public loo drenches locals

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 10:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Cow Fartpacks Are Here

Cow-fartpacks-option-dos_fe

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:36 AM
Permalink | Comments (16)

THEY GO GREAT WITH A DAB OF WASABI

Cockroaches Rain From Ceiling at Blue Ribbon Sushi

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (2)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR MUTANT RAT MEAT

Classes at southern Kyrgyz school suspended due to onslaught of snakes

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE GIANT ASIAN HORNETS

Mutant rat meat could have made its way into British kebabs

(Thanks to DaninTustin and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:30 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

FRANCE ON ETC.

Deadly giant Asian Hornets could be on their way to Plymouth

We saw them open for the Troggs.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:27 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT ADHESIVE

Dentures stolen from woman's mouth in South Richmond

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:25 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

GET READY

Dyngus Day 2014: Your complete guide to the Polish party that will take over Cleveland on Monday

(Thanks to Sean in Akron)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT

Suns ballboy: ‘Whole Spurs team gave off a nice fragrance’

(Thanks to zamasama)

Posted by Dave on April 17, 2014 at 09:03 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

 
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