March 30, 2015

A TRADITION IS BORN

Michigan State students celebrate Final Four by throwing bagels

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 30, 2015 at 10:02 AM
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LEGAL TACTIC OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A suspected California bank robber reached into his pocket while on the witness stand, pulled out a handful of his own feces and ate them, grossing out everyone else in the courtroom.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on March 30, 2015 at 10:00 AM
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'I'M DOING IT FOR ME'

After uproar, well-endowed statue in S. Utah loses prominent feature

(Thanks to wiredog and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 30, 2015 at 09:55 AM
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AW

Family Reunited With Mini Cows

(Thanks to the Konyhas)

Posted by Dave on March 30, 2015 at 09:52 AM
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ONE RESIDENT 'IS COVERED ONLY BY A LARGE EXERCISE BALL'

Elderly Ohioans expose bare shoulders, toes in suggestive calendar for assisted living center

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on March 30, 2015 at 09:48 AM
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March 29, 2015

IDAHO STATE SALAMANDER UPDATE

Student's state salamander bill passes Idaho Senate panel

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on March 29, 2015 at 05:47 PM
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THE FASHION REPORT

Men are going nuts over Lululemon's 'anti-ball crushing' pants

This has been The Fashion Report.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on March 29, 2015 at 12:18 PM
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March 28, 2015

DUDES

The police of Palmerah—which is sub-district of West Jakarta—accidentally got their residents high as kites when they burned a 3.3-ton pile of marijuana.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

Posted by Dave on March 28, 2015 at 02:03 PM
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ALL THEY KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT THE RESIDENTS WILL HAVE FLORIDA LICENSES

Scientists at Large Hadron Collider hope to make contact with PARALLEL UNIVERSE in days

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on March 28, 2015 at 01:59 PM
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FLORIDA:

Even our fish are insane.

Audio Advisory: Annoying shrieking woman.

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

Posted by Dave on March 28, 2015 at 01:53 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

March 27, 2015

ACTING ON ORDERS FROM THE SQUIRRELS

Goose causes downtown outage, crash

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on March 27, 2015 at 05:52 PM
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EAT YOUR HEART OUT, ANGELA MERKEL

Taylor Swift Tops Fortune’s List Of World’s Greatest Female Leaders

(Thanks to Ray Reese and Mark Schlesinger)

Posted by Dave on March 27, 2015 at 05:50 PM
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THERE'S NO FUN LIKE BIOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGY FUN

Medieval Parasite-Filled Poop Found in Jerusalem Latrine

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on March 27, 2015 at 11:22 AM
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RIBBIT

Frog Enzyme Clears Genital Warts

(Thanks to Bill)

Posted by Dave on March 27, 2015 at 11:20 AM
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GRESHAM CRIME REPORT

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Gresham Crime Report.

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 27, 2015 at 11:11 AM
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WE DON'T KNOW WHY CIVILIANS ARE EVEN ALLOWED TO POSSESS THOSE THINGS

An Australian woman was denied bail after she allegedly squirted breast milk on a police officer’s head, arms and clothes.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Related: Ariz. woman flashes kids at bar mitzvah, lets boys fondle new breast implants

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on March 27, 2015 at 11:06 AM
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March 26, 2015

THIS IS APRIL FOOLS', RIGHT?

McDonald's clothing.

BN-HP484_bigmac_G_20150326125809

You almost had us there, McDonald's.

BN-HP488_bigmac_D_20150326130509

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 05:03 PM
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IN FLORIDA, HE WOULD HAVE SIMPLY DRIVEN AWAY

California bulldog, left alone in vehicle, blows horn for several minutes

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 02:38 PM
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WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

A jury today found a Michigan woman guilty of firing a shot into a McDonald’s drive-thru window after employees failed to put bacon on a cheeseburger she ordered.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 02:12 PM
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NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT

Saudi man divorces wife over her love for camel

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 02:11 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT GARLIC BREAD

Cops Hunt For Hefty Armed Robber Who Stole Cash, Then Pizzas, From Long Island Domino’s

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 02:07 PM
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THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Did someone just fart in front of the Duchess of Cambridge?

Ad_163262210

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 10:15 AM
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WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME, DUDE

Willie Nelson Is Launching His Own Brand of Weed

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 10:13 AM
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WE'RE ISSUING DRIVERS' LICENSES AS FAST AS WE CAN

Termite species mix in Florida, reproducing at breakneck rate

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on March 26, 2015 at 10:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

March 25, 2015

THIS JUST IN

Political Storm Looming in Denmark Over Huge Dong Deal

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 02:10 PM
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BEER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Bottoms up.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 02:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Man Punches Williamsburg Resident for Having a ‘Pussy Dog’

(Thanks to Judy B.)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 02:06 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

EROTIC FICTION: HAS IT GONE TOO FAR?

Yes.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 02:03 PM
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SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

'Minesweeping' pig banned from drinking in a pub for headbutting customers

(Thanks to Ron G. and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 02:00 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

Restaurant sign featuring bull’s extra-large genitalia sparks outrage, city petition

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 10:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

GUYS IN ACTION

On Saturday, I took my daughters and their children out for a little quality family time. We drove out into the west desert and blew up their mother's washing machine.

(Thanks to wiredog)

Posted by Dave on March 25, 2015 at 10:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

March 24, 2015

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Lack of orange juice leads Louisiana man to shoot son in buttocks

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 11:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

NOTED

Ejaculating On Your Colleagues' Food Is Not A Sex Crime In Minnesota

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 11:10 AM
Permalink | Comments (19)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

A man in Norway faces jail after cutting off his own hair and beard and then gluing it to another man’s head in an apparent attempt to create a toupée.

(Thanks to Art Silverman, who notes that "this is the country that hands out the Nobel Peace Prize.")

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 11:06 AM
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WISCONSIN

Huge $50 Bloody Mary features vodka, Worcester sauce, prawns, celery sticks... and a WHOLE fried chicken

26F0D26A00000578-3008978-image-a-5_1427188569538

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 11:02 AM
Permalink | Comments (20)

CSI: AKRON

The suspect has several distinctive face tattoos, including one that looks like Hello Kitty.

Ryan_maholm_with_border

(Thanks to Harry Farkas)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

'THERE ARE METALS EVERYWHERE'

Scientists Want to Mine Our Poop for Gold

(Thanks to Dad-O-Lot, Charles Cates and DaveM)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:57 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Scientists splice mammoth genes into unsuspecting elephant

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Lebanon seizes half a ton of radioactive sanitary towels

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

EVIL

Watch 'ghost' cause man's pint to explode in pub

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:51 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

NOW THE PALEONTOLOGISTS ARE JUST MESSING WITH US

Super-salamander with 'toilet-seat' head terrorised Earth 200 million years ago

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

HUH

A Chicago fire extinguisher manufacturing building collapsed after burning Thursday.

(Thanks to Ron G.)

Posted by Dave on March 24, 2015 at 10:47 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

March 23, 2015

THEY WON'T GET FAR

British police hunt thieves who stole 38 pythons

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 05:21 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

WE THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER SEE A PRICE THIS REASONABLE

You can buy a hyper-realistic human foreskin sculpture for $1,000

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 05:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (19)

GUYS IN ACTION

OK, we don't know what this is. But it's the greatest thing EVER. 

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 10:43 AM
Permalink | Comments (25)

BROS

My little brothers Sam and Phil were in Miami over the weekend. When we get together we like to all stand in a line facing the same direction, except for Phil.

Bros copy

 

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 10:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

These won't last long.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 10:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR TONY ORLANDO

Undead Labs Finds Tons Of Hidden Penises In State Of Decay

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 10:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Oregon man cited after trying to board plane with bear paws

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on March 23, 2015 at 10:27 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

March 22, 2015

MIRACULOUSLY, IT TURNS OUT MANKATO IS NOT IN FLORIDA

'Pocket Dial' Leads To Triple Arrest In Mankato Burglary

(Thanks to TheOtherKevinSmith)

Posted by judi on March 22, 2015 at 03:04 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

 
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