Dave Barry's Blog

WE CAN'T BELIEVE WE NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS ARE APPALLED

A middle-aged Taiwanese man tricked up to 20 women into sleeping with him by claiming he had a rare medical condition.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

WE'RE GUESSING HE'S SINGLE

(Thanks to Siouxie)

BOFFINS DISCOVER MAGIC FLESH-FLASHING NUMBER FOR WOMEN SEEKING TO ATTRACT MEN

Forty percent.

(Thanks to catmanmax)

HEPCAT WORLD LEADER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Vladimir Putin in the house.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

IF IT HAD ONIONS, THIS QUALIFIES AS A HATE CRIME

Cops: Man Hits Woman With Cheesesteak

(Thanks to Heather Lubay)

WHOA

Kite-surfer dude jumps over a pier.

(Assuming this is not fake.)

(Thanks to Brian Duval)

NINJA OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Alcohol bolstering may have been involved.

(Thanks to B'game)

WE ARE SHOCKED, SHOCKED

(Thanks to jon harris)

GOOD NEWS FOR FLORIDIANS

The python threat is no longer such a big worry.

(Thanks to Dorakay)

YOU DEFINITELY WOULD NOT EAT IT ALL AT ONCE

Cow sells for $1.2 million

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)

FASHION UPDATE

(Thanks to DavCat)

STAY CLASSY, NFL-TEAM-OWNER BUD ADAMS

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

AN EXAMPLE OF A STORY WE DID NOT READ PAST THE HEADLINE OF

...can be found here.

(Thanks to Don Faber)

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they're taking away our fundamental right to have strippers on a truck.

(Thanks to catmanmax)

THIS JUST IN FROM ABROAD

(Thanks to Layzeeboy)

SURELY THERE'S AN INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Man Comes Home To Find Intruder Wearing His Boxers

(Thanks to Jesse Sarles)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using turkeys on the New Jersey Turnpike.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

HOW REAL GUYS TRIM A HEDGE

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Endless Cake Nightmare

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

Now: Sea Monsters.

Key Eyewitness Quote: "It's either a snake, or a serpent-type thing that looks like a snake."

(Thanks to CJrun)

THAT'S ONE WORD FOR IT

Not since the 1980s have hair bows been this stylish.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

WE SAW THE SERIAL GROIN KICKERS OPEN FOR IGGY POP

B.C. police seek serial-groin-kicker after series of attacks

(Thanks to Stephen MacDonough)

Also on the bill: Irradiated Monkeys

(Thanks to RussellMc)

Who later changed their name to: Drunk Hedgehog

(Thanks to Ralph)

THANKSGIVING IS COMING

There's nothing like a homemade pumpkin pie.

 

(Thanks to the s.b.'s sister Maggi)

NOT WEIRD AND CREEPY AT ALL!

The barnyard yoga guy.

(Thanks to Mark Newsom)

IT'S ABOUT TIME WE STOPPED CODDLING THE DEAD

A Ugandan government official has said that the bodies of people who die from drinking an illicit local gin should be caned six times before burial as an example to the living.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

UPDATE FROM THE SHOW-ME STATE

(Thanks to kibby F5)

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

Now: A truck window.

(Thanks to James)

SEND THE SCULPTOR TO WASHINGTON

(Thanks to B'game)

OH, THE NAKED MAN STANDING OUTSIDE ON THE AIR CONDITIONER? FUNNY STORY!

Romance in Chengdu.

(Thanks to malch)

MUSHROOMS MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

A young Stafford man was arrested last night in connection with an incident during which he was running around naked and got hit by a slow-moving train, police said.

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

NO PROBLEM, AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T SAY 'MEEP!'

Wildlife officer loses alligator in school

(Thanks to Christine)

EDUCATION UPDATE

Mass. principal bans students from saying 'Meep!'

(Thanks to Cynthia)

THEY ACTUALLY LEAVE YOU WITH BETTER-SMELLING BREATH THAN THE REGULAR ONES

Rabbit-poo cigarettes.

(Thanks to DavCat)

WE CAN'T REMEMBER IF OUR STRICT POLICY AGAINST MAKING FUN OF NAMES ALREADY PREVENTED US FROM BLOGGING THIS ITEM

So just in case, we are going to not blog it again.

(Thanks to Another Dave)

HIKERS:

Wear your nappies.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

MEN: FOR THE SAKE OF THE SPECIES, YOU MUST REMAIN IN THAT BARCA-LOUNGER

A study has found that household chores – including using a vacuum cleaner or microwave oven – could reduce a man’s chances of having children.

(Thanks to chicomathmom)

THANKS, SCIENTISTS!

More hermaphrodite worms.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

Update: Here's another important scientific breathrough.

(Thanks to jon harris)

STRUMPDATE

Ridley and I are strumpeting in the Magic Kingdom today. We are endorsing this man for whatever office he chooses to run for.

MIAMI BOOK FAIR AND ORLANDO STRUMPDATE

If you are in Florida, you have no excuse not to be there. Or there. Or you are not allowed to be square. And let's face it, being as we're all geeks, nerds or dorks, "square" is pretty much the go-to status.

SOUTH FLORIDA WILDLIFE FOOD ITEM UPDATE

 
Cock Flavoured Soup,  Pumpkin Beef Soup

Ackees in Brine (we have no idea what this is, but it looks terrifying)

HE NEEDS THAT ROLLOVER PLAN

TAMPA, Fla. — Florida police say a man arrested for repeatedly calling 911 looking for sex claimed it was the only number he could dial after running out of cell phone minutes.

(Thanks to Meani the Blue)

SPEAKING OF SPIDERS

A British man has been arrested at Rio de Janeiro airport with 1000 live spiders in his luggage.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and Ralph)

CSI: HOLLYWOOD

First, officers had to figure out which Spider-Man impostor was which, because they found four of them dressed as the superhero about 12:30 p.m., police said.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE KINKS

Monkey Butler and the Brain-Delving Boffins

(Thanks to DavCat)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using pelicans to deplete our nation's precious strategic supply of Bugattis.

(Thanks to Andy, nursecindy and Cynthia)

STRUMPDATE

Ridley and I had a great event for Peter and the Sword of Mercy last night at the St. Louis County Library. Thanks to all who came out, especially the inflatable pirate, who seemed to know Ridley from somewhere, not that this is any of my business.

GARDENING TIP OF THE DAY SO FAR

Gardeners at a National Trust property in Cambridgeshire are urging people to relieve themselves outdoors to help gardens grow greener.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

STAND TALL, BRITAIN

UK man breaks record for pulling bus with hair

(Thanks to Catherine)

THIS JUST IN

(Thanks to SW)