August 20, 2014

'INCREDIBLE' IS ONE WORD FOR IT

Man Makes Incredible Art By Squirting Paint From His Eyes

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on August 20, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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JOURNALISM

This seems extreme.

(Thanks to Vikki Iwanicki)

Posted by Dave on August 20, 2014 at 08:30 AM
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FRANCE ON EVEN HIGHER ALERT

Seeking Respect From Police, Times Square Mascots Form Alliance

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on August 20, 2014 at 08:28 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

'Drunk' Belgium diplomat specialising in protocol is arrested for tearing full-face veil off a Qatari princess

(Thanks to pjdjmj)

Posted by Dave on August 20, 2014 at 08:19 AM
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NO. NEXT QUESTION.

Could the cravat make a comeback?

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on August 20, 2014 at 08:18 AM
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'SIR, DO YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED YOU?'

He offered no explanation for why he was dragging a tree down the street late at night.

Incredibly, etc.

(Thanks to Robert Mathis)

Posted by Dave on August 20, 2014 at 08:15 AM
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August 19, 2014

NEXT TIME, SIMPLY TAKE THEM HOME

Tonight marks the second time a random person has tried to get in my car because they thought I was an Uber driver. THE SECOND TIME.

(Thanks to pjdjmj)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 05:22 PM
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THERE'S A PECKER JOKE HERE SOMEWHERE

Nudists Scaring Off Rare Birds From Beach

(Thanks to pjdjmj)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 05:19 PM
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TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Woman Beat Man, 64, Over Gas Passing

(Thanks to Michael Huber and Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 05:17 PM
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87 PERCENT OF THE BUSINESS INVOLVES ERASING 'JUSTIN BIEBER'

Tattoo removal business booming as inked teens grow up

Related: Elizabeth Arden shares sink as sales of Justin Bieber fragrance sour

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 05:14 PM
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PURSUED BY 83,500 VIOLENTLY BARKING DOGS

Bacon-fueled motorcycle makes cross-country trip

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 03:43 PM
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MY LIPS ARE CHAPPED, DUDE

New marijuana drug 'Wax' looks and feels like lip balm

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 12:40 PM
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IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING WHETHER WE'RE ALREADY WORKING ON THE HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

We are.

DSCF3427

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 11:04 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Spokane County Sheriff’s deputies said they found the evidence on Kyle Tucker’s cell phone. The 26-year-old was recently arrested and admitted to snapping inappropriate photos of women, but offered an unusual excuse. Investigators said Tucker told them that he only takes the pictures when he is hungover.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 10:25 AM
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THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Man attacked with baseball bat, prosthetic leg

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:56 AM
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HE WORKED IN THE MORGUE

Police discover man's pickled penis collection

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (17)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Cross-dressing Mafia kingpin arrested at Sicily port

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

SHRINKAGE?

With porn producers fleeing L.A. in droves, why aren’t they coming to Toronto?

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:49 AM
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YET ANOTHER REASON WHY WE NEED TO ELECT ROB FORD PRESIDENT

“I’ve had some standoffs with some raccoons,” the mayor told reporters at city hall on Monday.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:48 AM
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WAIT... A TOILET?

Got a spare $133,000? Consider purchasing this entirely edible chocolate bathroom. We’re talking a bathtub, toilet, sink, basin and bidet all made of 100 percent Belgian chocolate.

(Thanks to Poker)

 

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:47 AM
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REMEMBER:

Never get into a highchair drunk.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:44 AM
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WE'RE EXPECTING A LITTLE TURBULENCE

A Saudi Arabian Airlines flight was delayed for hours after a fist fight broke out between the plane's pilot and a flight attendant, according to a report.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:42 AM
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WHAT TIME IS IT?

Time to think of squirrel pie

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

'SPONSORED BY BUD LIGHT'

Maine Man, 19, Poses For New Mug Shot Wearing T-Shirt With Photo Of His Old Mug Shot

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, Allen at Division and Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:38 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

ATTENTION, PETA:

Emerging solar plants scorch birds in mid-air

(Thanks to Paul Dodds)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:36 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Groom fakes his own death to get out of wedding

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on August 19, 2014 at 08:31 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

August 18, 2014

SCOTTISH ANCESTRAL NEWS

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Scottish Ancestral News.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 02:10 PM
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WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Lindsay Lohan penning memoir, planning for it to be a trilogy

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 02:05 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

WHERE THE *HELL* IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

Hazelnut prices soar, fuelling fears of Nutella shortage

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 02:02 PM
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SOUNDS LIKE LAWSUIT MATERIAL TO US

Shocking twist in Texas 'she-cave' heist as burglar contacts local paper to complain that $1M in jewels and designer goods stolen from socialite are FAKE

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 01:57 PM
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BRILLIANT

California Woman Climbs Into Zoo’s Giraffe Pen, Gets Kicked In The Face

(Thanks to Stella Rondo, who says "maybe we should put giraffes on the border," and Tex, who notes that "reader comments were 1000 percent pro-giraffe")

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 09:07 AM
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HAS ANYBODY SEEN CHARLIE SHEEN LATELY?

Naked Man Runs Through Traffic, Shutting Lanes On Hwy 101 In Petaluma

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 09:02 AM
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PLEASE JUST STOP

Man Live Tweets His Vasectomy

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 09:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

A WATERPROOF FLORIDA LICENSE

...is on the way.

Man-crashed-car-pool

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 08:58 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

THERE IS NO HIGHER HONOR

Iowa farm creates corn maze of Al Roker's face

Captain of the corn maze: Farm honors Derek Jeter

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Official State Motto of Iowa: "We Have WAY Too Much Corn"

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 08:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A woman has been accused of stealing a cow and then painting spots on it in an effort to prevent the owners from recognizing it, Peruvian state television reported yesterday.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 08:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

WE SAW JETS OF SLIME OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Voracious Velvet Worm Ensnares Foes With Jets of Slime

(Thanks to funny man, "whose college roomate used to do that also.")

 

Posted by Dave on August 18, 2014 at 08:53 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

August 17, 2014

MAGIC! PREQUEL

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

IMG_3100

Posted by judi on August 17, 2014 at 01:58 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WE'VE BEEN CUT OFF

Sharks have shown an appetite for fiber cables

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 17, 2014 at 09:49 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT ROBBING BANKS

Youth bare all for politics

Advisory: Mildly NSFW.

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

Posted by Dave on August 17, 2014 at 09:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

WE'VE SEEN BODIES LIKE THAT

Ezekial Deanda, 32, was arrested Friday morning after holding up a Rockford, Illinois bank with his naked body.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 17, 2014 at 09:43 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

BRILLIANT

Frustrated Mom Creates ‘Ignore No More’ App To Get Teen Kids To Return Calls

“It takes away texting, it takes away the gaming, it takes away calling their friends."

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston and coscolo)

Posted by Dave on August 17, 2014 at 09:41 AM
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TO BOLDLY GO

Hello Kitty on space mission

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on August 17, 2014 at 09:38 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

August 16, 2014

'HEEL! I SAID HEEL, DAMMIT!'

Guy Claims He Has Tamed a Japanese Giant Wasp, Keeps It on a Leash

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:35 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

'VAPORTINI'

Inventor claims his device offers a safer, gentler way to inhale liquor

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:32 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

GO FIGURE

47 resident doctors at Sion hospital in Mumbai fall ill after eating 'tricoloured barfi'

(Thanks to Katz Ajamas)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:27 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

THERE IS NO WAY THIS WILL END WELL

Engineers in the US have built a swarm of 1,000 little robots that can shuffle into specific formations on command.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:25 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

CANADIAN DRUG PROBLEM WORSENS

Vulcan, Alberta, hopes to build its own working starship. It only needs $2-billion to make it work

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:23 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

TALK ABOUT PERKY

Spanish police say they have arrested a woman who landed at Madrid's international airport with 1.7 kilos (3.7 pounds) of cocaine hidden in her breast implants.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says, "C cups?")

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

A South Florida man busted stealing thousands of dollars- worth of loot from a store told police and a judge his name was "Ima Thief."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on August 16, 2014 at 06:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

 
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