October 21, 2014

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Woman trapped in chimney dated homeowner after meeting online, he says

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, Claire Martin and Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 08:09 AM
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YOU LOOK... DIFFERENT

Young women who have undergone labiaplasty surgery tell Radhika Sanghani why they were so desperate to have a 'designer vagina'

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 08:06 AM
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HALLOWEEN IS COMING

What's that smell?

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:59 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Sex invented by Scottish square dancing fish

(Thanks to The Perts, Robert Shaw, @OzzieDollar and Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:54 AM
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DAY-O!

Deadly Spider Found in Family's Bananas

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:52 AM
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NAME THAT STATE!

Seven witnesses identified Warrenfeltz from several facial tattoos, including "Misunderstood" in cursive script.

Sfl-misunderstood-photo-20141009

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:50 AM
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TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Losers Of Beer Pong Match Opened Fire On Fellow Texas Partygoers

(Thanks to coscolo and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:48 AM
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R.I.P

Beyond the sadness of dumping thousands of real books with real paper pages and the poignant example our digital devolution, I'd like to point out that a Dave Barry book is the only one not taking this indignity lying down.  In fact, I think it's trying to make a break for it.  Run, Dave, Run!

Gargoyle Socks
 
Tossed-out

Posted by Dave on October 21, 2014 at 07:43 AM
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October 20, 2014

WAY TO STAY CLASSY

Bieber reportedly scolded for kicking around ball in Vatican corridors

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:32 AM
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ATTENTION, MEN:

Man Escapes Alimony After Wife Admits She's a Genie

Download

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:30 AM
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YOU ARE NOW FREE TO... WHOA

Pilots on a holiday jet were left stunned when a 'flying man' whizzed past their aircraft at 3,500 feet.

1413618630651_wps_1_Gary_Connery_the_man_who_

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:15 AM
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AND HUGH HEFNER WANTS THEM BACK

Oldest genitals found.

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:05 AM
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CSI: PAW PAW

A Hartford woman was arrested early Sunday morning for drunken driving after she allegedly pulled into the parking lot of the Van Buren County Jail, which she believed to be a bar

(Thanks to Jon Harris, coscolo ["both have bars"] and Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 09:01 AM
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WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

President of Belarus declares country's sausage is free of toilet paper

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

DOWN, BOY!

Puppy-Sized Spider Surprises Scientist in Rainforest
Theraphosa4
(Thanks to Jon Harris, Scott Swalwell, Janice Gelb, Nelson from Michigan and John Gregg)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:51 AM
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UPDATE ON THE GIANT PARIS ART/BUTTPLUG

Paris 'sex toy' Christmas tree sculpture deflated by vandals

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, Loudmouth and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:48 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

VIRAL

Ebola stuffed toys are a sell-out online

(Thanks to funny man and Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 20, 2014 at 08:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

October 18, 2014

ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING OUR PRECIOUS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

NJ man accused of eating raccoons

(Thanks to John Gregg)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 11:58 AM
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LADIES, WE'RE GUESSING HE'S SINGLE

Meet the terrifying 'Devil Man' with black eyeballs and horn implants embedded in forehead

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 11:41 AM
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WHAT IF THERE'S A HOLDUP?

A Poop Bank in Massachusetts Will Pay You $40 Every Day

(Thanks to veee)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 11:01 AM
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PARENT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Tanya Miller has been jailed for six years after she took her eight month old child along when she acted as the getaway driver in a building society raid

She looks responsible enough.

PAY-BonnieClydeMain

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:58 AM
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BAA, DUDE

Sheep get STONED on £4,000 worth of dumped marijuana

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:53 AM
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CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE

In short, this is an actual surveillance video from my security camera earlier today.  A man (solicitor) walks into the office carrying church cookies for sale...

Continue reading "CSI: MANUAL TOMATO'S OFFICE"

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:49 AM
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OMG LOL

A British family were shocked to receive a text message apparently from their dead grandmother, who had been buried with her phone three years earlier.

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:40 AM
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YOU BETTER STAND UP

Star-Spangled Banner played with a rifle

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:37 AM
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YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TUNE THEM?

Tuning '77 - a seamless audio supercut of an entire year of the Grateful Dead tuning their instruments, live on stage.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:35 AM
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BREAKING REALLY, REALLY BAD

Hitler was on crystal meth

Doo-dah, doo-dah

(Thanks to Ross Holley)

Posted by Dave on October 18, 2014 at 10:33 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

October 17, 2014

NAME THAT STATE!

Police charge man with stealing toilet parts from fast food restaurants

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 01:00 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

'SUCTION'

Couple hospitalised after sex in the sea left them stuck together

(Thanks to Focalpoint)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 11:14 AM
Permalink | Comments (18)

YET NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT HELLO KITTY

Mom wants Toys R Us to pull 'Breaking Bad' toys

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 10:03 AM
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HO HO HO

Giant inflatable 'sex toy' sculpture in Paris is meant to be a Christmas tree

(Thanks to Poker, who says "I always said October was way too early for a giant sex toy Christmas tree.")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 10:01 AM
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WHEREVER THIS HAPPENED, WE'RE STAYING THE HELL AWAY FROM THERE

Rumble in the jungle: giant leech swallowing huge worm captured by Telegraph reader

(Thanks to Ron G, who says "Just another day in paradise!")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:57 AM
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BUSTED

A survey reveals that 56 percent of dads pretend to be asleep when they hear their baby crying.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:53 AM
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UNFORTUNATELY,

etc.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:50 AM
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NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

A Delaware man who says he awoke from a colonoscopy to find he was wearing pink women’s underwear is suing a surgical center.

(Thanks to Ken Fineberg)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:48 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR MOTLEY CRUE

Beavers with parachutes in Idaho?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:45 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

STAND BY YOUR MAN'S

When asked by Steve Harvey what body part she would change about her husband, a contestant named Joyce mentioned a certain private body part.

(Thanks to George Buars)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:44 AM
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NEW SOUTH WALES: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

What a whopper parsnip!

(Thanks to Poker)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:41 AM
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WE HAVE BRAINS?

Male brains wired to ignore food in favour of sex, study shows

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says, "But what about beer?")

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:32 AM
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BE ON THE LOOKOUT

An Arizona man visiting Seattle implicated a woman who, in his words, looked like "Nicki Minaj before she was famous" in a bizarre early morning kidnapping and robbery that left one Seattle Police Department officer fairly baffled.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:23 AM
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TRICK OR TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Polar bear scare ruins Halloween for kids in Nunavut village

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:19 AM
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NO MATTER HOW STUPID YOU THINK FLORIDA IS, IT ALWAYS MANAGES TO BE STUPIDER

Now we're having Fangate, which is this massive scandal involving the critical issue of whether Charlie Crist, whose blood is at least 73 percent Tang

Crist-charlie

should have been allowed to have a personal electric fan on stage when he debated Gov. Rick Scott, who might also be Lord Voldemort.

Rick_scott

Voldemort

Seriously, this is the issue that we are talking about. Because we have NO OTHER PROBLEMS here in the Sunshine State.

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:13 AM
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HEY, WE'VE ALREADY REMOVED OUR BELTS AND SHOES

Do people really have sex in airports?

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on October 17, 2014 at 09:03 AM
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October 16, 2014

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT STATE THEY MOVED TO

Where are they now: Balloon Boy five year anniversary

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:34 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

GUYS IN ACTION

Advert of woman’s breasts posted on side of van causes 500 car crashes in just 24 hours

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:23 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

WHEN THE *HELL* ARE WE GOING TO BAN THOSE THINGS?

There has been another burrito assault.

(Thanks to R & L Stevenson)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

YIKES

Doctors extracted a tropical spider that had burrowed itself into the scar from Dylan’s recent appendix removal.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Bali AIIIIEEEEEE!")

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:15 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

SERIOUSLY?

An ebola dish.

"Hand washing recommended."

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:13 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

KIND OF LIKE FACEBOOK

Study shows lemurs use communal latrines as information exchange centers

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 12:11 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

After all the attention it received, experts have said that the odd-looking organism caught by Ong Han Boon is actually a Basket Star.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Note that this blog is in no way ridiculing the name "Ong Han Boon."

Posted by Dave on October 16, 2014 at 09:11 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

 
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