September 17, 2014

SPECIAL TOPPING

Texas pizza employee who rubbed genitals on customer's order apologizes

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Bill Jones,who says "Who ordered the Meat Lover's Pizza?")

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2014 at 09:06 AM
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CHRISTMAS IS COMING...

'Easy Rider' bike going to auction

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Autoplay.

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2014 at 09:02 AM
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TO BE HONEST, WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE HAD ONE

It’s 5 p.m. Do you know where your vagina is?

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

Posted by Dave on September 17, 2014 at 08:56 AM
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September 16, 2014

STUPIDEST SURVEY EVER

Survey: Idaho has the rudest drivers in America

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 05:30 PM
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MUCH BETTER THAN A POLL

Angry Mob Tosses Ukrainian Politician Into the Trash

Advisory: Autoplay.

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez, who says "Send this mob to Washington.")

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 05:20 PM
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THE GENEALOGY REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Genealogy Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 05:15 PM
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SUAVE

Three girlfriends turn up at airport to confront boyfriend, 20, after discovering he cheated on them all ... so he fled with his granny

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 05:11 PM
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IMAGINE THE PRANKS YOU COULD PLAY WITH THIS BABY

Colossal squid weighing 350kg pulled from Antarctic

Advisory: Autoplay.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 05:02 PM
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THREE DAYS TO GO, MATEYS

Arrrrr.

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 04:53 PM
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OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY WEDDING

'There was blood everywhere'

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 02:34 PM
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COMMENT ADVISORY

Please be advised that the Herald "platform" (whatever that means) is changing this week. 
If you are using the Herald app to post on the blog, your comments will not appear to users (including yourself) who access the blog on a computer or on mobile devices without the app.
We are very sorry for any inconvenience...Honest! But if you think we understand enough about apps to explain why this is happening, or to do anything to change it, you are far too optimistic for your own good.

Posted by judi on September 16, 2014 at 12:55 PM
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FLASHBACK TO RUSSIA

Sometimes all the international tension got to Ridley.

Dave-Ridley2

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 10:31 AM
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DEPARTMENT OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE NEVER ASKED YOURSELF

How long is the average tongue?

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 09:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

EXACTLY WHAT DETROIT NEEDS RIGHT NOW

A new Satanic religious group that debuted in Detroit this month already has encountered outspoken opposition: other Satanists.

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 09:07 AM
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BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS HEROIN

Student ‘entrepreneur’ suspended for selling banned non-diet pop at school

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 09:06 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

SOUND A TASTEFUL HONK OF SYMPATHY

Funeral home offers drive-thru visitation

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie, who says, "If this doesn't say "respect for the dead," I don't know what does.")

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 09:00 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

'A VERY FIDDLY PROCEDURE'

Vet saves goldfish from tumour

(Thanks to Janice Gelb, Jeff Meyerson and The Perts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 08:47 AM
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ADVISORY TO BOISE STATE STUDENTS:

Don't touch the Excellence Bell.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 08:41 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

THEY'RE VERY FLATTERING

The Colombian women's cycling team has new uniforms.

(Thanks to Steve Hooley, Phil McAvity and W. von Papineau)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 08:38 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

AWKWARD

Danica Patrick Runs into Boyfriend Ricky Stenhouse Jr. at MyAFibStory.com 400

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

"MyAFibStory.com 400?"

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 08:35 AM
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CLASSY

Spanish cemetery worker suspended after posing for a photograph with body he had just exhumed... and the dead man's nephew

1410776490980_wps_8_Picture_Shows_Gravedigger

Everyone in this photo has a valid Florida driver's license.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 16, 2014 at 08:32 AM
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September 15, 2014

COLLEGE

Couple Making Out At LSU Game Take Tumble Down The Bleachers

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 04:09 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

GIVE IT UP...

...for Dramatic Saxophone Penis.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:44 PM
Permalink | Comments (18)

SUAVE

Kanye West demands fans stand up at Sydney show, points out person in wheelchair

(Thanks to Poker)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:41 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

NAME THAT STATE

New I-595 warning gates hit 105 times by drivers

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:38 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

FRANCE ETC.

Spider-Man, Batman busted in Times Square brawl

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:36 PM
Permalink | Comments (5)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Designer wins award for underwear that illuminates when touched

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:35 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Welcome to the annual World Gravy Wrestling Championships held a the Rose `N’ Bowl pub in Stackstead, Bacup, Lancashire.

Ad_1439100771

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:09 PM
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THE NEWS FROM CANADA

A statue of Satan with a huge erection has been taken down by city officials in East Vancouver.

This has been The News From Canada.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 02:06 PM
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IN MIAMI WE CALL THIS A 'STREET'

In this Chinese city, phone addicts get their own sidewalk lane

(Thanks to coscolo, who says "Let them collide with each other.")

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:56 AM
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THIS WOULD EXPLAIN THE GEICO GECKO

There could be increased numbers of psychopaths in senior managerial positions and high levels of business

(Thanks to Monique)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:54 AM
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TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Woman chokes husband after he refuses to buy her hat

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:52 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

SEND THIS HORSE TO WASHINGTON

BEREA, Ohio -- A small claims hearing was delayed Wednesday when a woman's miniature horse defecated in a Berea courtroom.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:50 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Man accused of cooking ex-girlfriend's dog, feeding it to her

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:48 AM
Permalink | Comments (14)

THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION, II

A Memphis man was arrested after a human head was spotted in his garbage.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "His wife threw it out.")

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:47 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

SCIENCE!

They brought ten heterosexual couples with healthy spines into the lab and asked them to have sex using five randomly assigned intercourse positions.

(Thanks to wiredog, who says "Worthwhile Canadian Initiative.")

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:45 AM
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THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Dead LION found in freezer during inspection at restaurant near to zoo

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:31 AM
Permalink | Comments (13)

TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL RELIEF AIRLIFT

Plastic surgery-obsessed Venezuela hit by shortage of breast implants

(Thanks to Stella Rondo, who says "If there's a shortage of boobs, they can always borrow a few from Washington.")

Posted by Dave on September 15, 2014 at 09:29 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

September 14, 2014

RUSSIAN CUISINE UPDATE

Ridley ate this. You think you know a person.

Rabbit burger

Posted by Dave on September 14, 2014 at 03:46 AM
Permalink | Comments (23)

September 13, 2014

ART UPDATE FROM RUSSIA

Russia contains a great deal of art, which you can admire.

Art

Posted by Dave on September 13, 2014 at 10:01 PM
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UPDATE FROM RUSSIA

Ridley and I are heading home after a busy week. We met many nice folks, including these, who came to the U.S. Consul residence in St. Petersburg to watch the movie "Big Trouble," which was based on my book.

Consul Redidence

In St. Petersburg we also spoke (mostly through Olga, an interpreter, sitting between me and Ridley) with members of the Russian Writers Union. They are Serious about writing. We did our best to appear Serious also, but at times we failed.

Writers Union

Ridley found a giant sneaker that he liked very much.

Ridley and sneaker

Posted by Dave on September 13, 2014 at 09:56 PM
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GET THE HANDBASKET

Because it's not funny, but we have to post it anyway.

Christ Arrested for Assaulting Muhammed in San Rafael

(Thanks to Ralph K.)

Posted by judi on September 13, 2014 at 12:53 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

GUESS THE STATE

Sarasota bus driver accused of attempting to pick up prostitute while on duty

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

Posted by judi on September 13, 2014 at 12:51 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

September 12, 2014

FINALLY, A REASON TO START SMOKING

Hallucinogen in 'magic mushrooms' can help smokers quit: Study

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:20 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

A western Colorado woman is accused of pointing a rifle at several children in a neighboring back yard because she was upset that an 11-year-old boy was playing his clarinet outside.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:18 PM
Permalink | Comments (17)

MAKES SENSE TO US

Soon only outlaws will carry Chapstick

(Thanks to coscolo and John Harris)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:14 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

UNFARE

Key Quote: Drivers wonder how inspectors determine who reeks.

(Thanks to Stella Rondo and Jon Harris)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:08 PM
Permalink | Comments (7)

PARTY TIME

Excellent

(Thanks to Melanie Homer and Jon Harris)

Posted by judi on September 12, 2014 at 01:05 PM
Permalink | Comments (11)

September 11, 2014

BY REQUEST

Just for Being Americans

On Hallowed Ground

Posted by judi on September 11, 2014 at 03:57 PM
Permalink | Comments (14)

A MOMENT OF SILENCE

Posted by judi on September 11, 2014 at 09:51 AM
Permalink | Comments (27)

 
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