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October 09, 2018

THINGS THAT WILL MAKE YOU STOP SWIMMING IN THE LAKE

Wait, what?! Alligator found swimming in Lake Michigan

(Thanks to Dan in Grand Rapids)

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"The caiman's mouth was taped shut,"
I know it's a (type of) gator. But there's a special place in hell for animal abusers.

I'm sensing a theme...

Put on some bunny ears and a cute cotton ball tail -- suddenly you have a really fun pet.

I wonder if it is housebroken.

Put on some bunny ears and a cute cotton ball tail -- suddenly you have a really fun pet.

I wonder if it is housebroken.

Sorry... first time it said there was an error.

The caiman's mouth was taped shut, and Waukegan will conduct an investigation into whether it was abandoned, officials said.

How will the caiman answer questions with its mouth taped shut?

Caimans are not alligators, period. Yes, they are in the same Alligatoridae family, the same way cows and sheep are both Bovidae. It's like confusing Android and IOS, because there are superficial similarities and they are both digital operating systems. The media would be deluged by peasants with pitchforks if they made that mistake. Harrumph.

Ralph — so dressing it up like a bunny isn’t off the table now?

Stay tuned for more news about National Alligator Week.

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