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October 08, 2018

4:29 p.m. A MEAT GRINDER WAS STOLEN

Cows Gone Wild
3:08 p.m. A Kalispell man called 911 because his neighbor’s cows were drinking out of his cows’ water trough.
4:41 p.m. A Kalispell woman said her neighbor’s cows keep eating her grass.

(Thanks to Roberto)

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7:30 p.m. A Kalispell neighbor had a 'Peace' BBQ with 500 hamburgers.
A used meat grinder was found curbside.

Is Flathead County even real? It has such a "Back in St. Olaf..." quality to it.

1:13 P.M. A Kalispell man said someone keeps stealing guns out of his truck.
Kallispell man advised to quit leaving guns in his truck.

Ah, for the days when rude drivers stuck their tongues out rather than extended their middle fingers...

10:39 a.m. A Whitefish man was sick and tired of his neighbor letting his dog out to “do his business” in his own front yard.

We hear the resident told the paper that the dog probably didn't even have a business license in the first place!

7:14 a.m. A group of school children waiting for the bus entertained themselves by laying in the road and playing chicken with local traffic.

And that news made PETA happy, because no real chickens were involved, right?

Ladies everywhere are in full rebellion.

@AmoebaStampede--My wife and I have been to Flathead County and can assure you it's somewhat real. They have a beautiful lake there complete with it's own monster (Google Flathead Lake Monster).
We were advised to camp some distance from the shoreline as the monster doesn't venture far from the lake to grab a snack. Of course we don't believe in monsters, but since it looked like might rain, we stayed in a motel.

I have a friend lives in Flathead County. He's not happy when we laugh at them. Tomorrow I think we will headline the police complaint report.

7:14 a.m. A group of school children waiting for the bus entertained themselves by laying in the road and playing chicken with local traffic.

Each family must have many children to maintain the population.

6:39 a.m. Someone started their day by pocket dialing 911.

As my people would say:

"Bottom o' th' mornin' to ye..."

Those communist cows without regard to private property should be shot on sight, drawn and quartered.

@ Le Petomane – thank you; your answer went above and beyond the Nessiessary.

It is appalling that the national news devotes so much time and coverage to The Supreme Court Nomination and overlooks atrocities such as these.
Cows. Drinking water. Oh, the humanity.

Has Interpol been notified?

@Mikey123--I understand the Chief of Interpol has been detained in China. Facts are sketchy, but it is reported to have something to do with a missing meat grinder from Flathead County.

Is it just me, or do tensions seem higher in FC this week?
Speaking of which, I would pay to see a cage match featuring The cane vs. hose couple. But then I'm easily amused...

P.s. - Qaz - would that be "drawn and Quarter-Poundered"?

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