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September 08, 2018

NICEVILLE POLICE: APTLY NAMED

Naked Florida man starts house fire while baking cookies on George Foreman grill
"
According to the offense report from the Police Department, the man showed no signs of understanding the danger he was in."

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Gary Schroder, and Jane Linderman)

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Did he toss his cookies?

2 liters of vodka will do that to a man.

Grill responsibly!

The man's caring neighbors chipped in to buy him a return ticket to Flathead County. It was obvious to them the poor fellow was never going to make in in Niceville.

Things like this make Betty Crocker cry.

Believe it or not, this already made the discussion at the Florida Man panel at this week's Bouchercon. The panel had Tim Dorsey, Craig Pittman, Steph Post, and Tamara Lush, whose speciality is monkey stories. Dave and Carl Hiaasen were mentioned more than once.

Hey NC - take good care of yourself. Florence has your name on it.

Snowman, if you look very closely at one of Florence models you'll see she's holding a little map with an X on it. My house is under that X. I have Diet Coke, bread, peanut butter, and chocolate so I'm good. I hope.

It was difficult to keep track of his private parts because he'd named them all George.

"This iz not my EZ Bake Oven?"

Cindy, don't forget the dog and cat food.

I had no idea you could bake cookies on a Forman grill. I'll rush right out and get one.


The Domestication of Florida Man

This news item is a superior example of journalism because it checks all of the important boxes:

Florida
Naked Man
Alcohol
Drugs
Fire

Bonus credit would have been given had it included any of the following

Motor vehicle
Live alligator
Dead shark
Snake
Bees
Fireworks
Firearms


Just stunned to read that alcohol and psychoactive substances were involved here.


And, as he was grilling whilst naked, drunk, and stoned, it's a truism that he had no idea the danger that he was in, as he could have ended up grilling more than his cookies, if you catch my drift (ouch!).

Based on the fire department’s investigation, the man allegedly tried baking cookies on a George Foreman grill which he left unattended. The grill and cookies caught fire, so he put dry towels on top of the grill. Those caught fire, too, causing the fire to spread.

Show me where (in the manual) it says you can grill cookies or towels on the Foreman grill.

Florida Man, keep this up and your days are numbered!

I'm betting Paul Hollywood would have found the cookies overdone.

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