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September 05, 2018

IT WAS

...a dark and stormy night: the wind whistled like an old man with drugstore teeth trying to teach his grandkids to say, "She sells sea shells by the sea shore," causing the little shavers to wonder why Peepaw was suddenly talking like Daffy Duck, whether he'd just had a stroke, and if any of them was in the will. -- Mark Schweizer, Tryon NC

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

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"It was a dark and stormy night, as Dark and Stormy were subbing for Brandi and Tawnee at the Beltway strip club known as the Gallup Pole."


Already cleared a spot on the mantle for my National Book Award!

"Pooh," said Piglet inquisitively, "I don't believe the quantum interplay of dark energy and black holes allows for the anti-matter superposition of a Higgs-Boson vector that you are postulating transported you thru an n-dimensional carbon lattice and got you stuck in the hunny tree . . . just sayin'."

Tim Metz, Kokomo, IN

Oh, and SNAP! High Fives to K, Jon Harris and Judi for this find!

It was a Dark and Stormy night as Pooh and Piglet smoked the reefer, laced with methy, and waited while the Hallucinations began. Suddenly, a crazy Bugs Bunny type of character screamed at them, "We're alll going to DIE!".
Pooh camply smacked the bunny, and said "In the Trumpo era, death is redundant", to which (hal;lucinated) Mary Poppins, Bert, and the children came up and smiled, commenting "Well done, you furry b@@stard!" and other things that dom't belong in children's literature.

[I plan on shopping publishers tomorrow.]

Considering the number of dead authors who keep publishing novels, I'm surprised they couldn't come up with something better.

"Knowing that the end of days did not in fact mean the end of a paycheck, I knew the perp might just be an atheist and wouldn't really care."

If I work hard and practice, I might make this list someday.

Given the amount of terrible ^h^h^h^h great writers we have here, we should enter this contest next year. We seem to have a hack for writing like that.....

"It wasn't a dark and stormy night, but it should have been Detective Frank thought as he pulled his cruiser to a halt in front of the crime scene tape and climbed the stairs to what would be a familiar crime scene, a nude corpse in a bathtub filled with cornflakes, Frank hated cereal killers."

Thank you, jon harris!

We need to recruit these people to the Blog. They're as (creatively) crazy as we are!

And it came to pass that, in those days when the young and powerful Alexander, called The Great, boldly ventured forth on his mighty steed Bucephalus, leading a vast army to conquer, claim, and generally visit the more tourist-y areas outside his empire, there remained at home his lesser-known brother Demetrius the Mediocre, who kept the fires burning and, to everyone's surprise, produced a pretty decent BBQ.

Marsha Engelbrecht, Lafayette, LA

This one's style is very much in keeping with the general tone of our member's typical blog posts.

It was dark and Stormy Daniels, Jack Daniels I mean...

String all these together under a bare chested hunk and a busty babe with a ripped blouse.

I read a lot of YA books and the winner of that category was perfect ;)

Snork also @Le Pet!

Round up the usual suspects: Capt. Crunch, The Rice Krispy elves, the Trix rabbit, the Wheaties athlete, and of course, Tony the Tiger.

Grilling cereal killer suspects used to be Joe Friday's job, until the Captain wrote him up for unauthorized BBQ-ing...

After all that wandering, I was as thirsty as someone named Kirsty in a universe where people's names rhyme with their attributes, as hot as a shaggy sheepdog that's been practicing scales with a metronome stuck on "turbo," and more worn out than Michelangelo's original sealing on the Sistine ChapStick. All rights reserved.

I saw only one set of footprints in the sand, like this was getting on track to be one of those Impossible Mysteries, which are cool when they don't cheat. I wondered why Heaven hadst thou forsaken me, for Heaven's saken. Then came my moment of epiphany. I said to myself, "Say, Morny... I'm on 6th Avenue. What the hell is all this sand doing here?"

That somehow sounds like a cross between Snoopy and a Burma-Shave sign writer.

https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/latest-winners

A haven for all those run-on-sentence-loving-blogsters who disparage college profs who disparage a good cliche.

Dark and Stormy Daniels - indeed...who paid her to "out" a lawyer who wanted to pay cash - what kind of fool pays a blackmailer thru a greedy lawyer slipping cash as a do=between fee - into his own pocket? Possibly a

https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/latest-winners BELIEVER that all printed there is NEWS?

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