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June 06, 2018

WE'RE NOT SAYING THIS. *SCIENCE* IS SAYING THIS.

Sex is as good for the brain as it is for the body

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

MORE Science: People who sleep 8 hours have more orgasmic sex, top researcher says

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Residents wage five-day war on goblin

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

'SEXTINCTION'

How Big Genitals Can Wipe Out a Species

(Thanks to Mr. Ridley Pearson, who says "I accept all blame.")

FRANCE ON HIGHEST ALERT

KFC will experiment with faux-meat fried chicken in Britain

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who blames Brexit)

IN THE LINE OF DOODY

The police union in the city of Lorain filed a grievance against the city on May 24 after two officers were defecated upon by cliff swallows outside the department's employee entrance this week.

(Thanks to Greg Snow, who says "Spotted nearby: squirrels with binoculars.")

'FORGET ABOUT IT, AND WE WON'T TELL THE POLICE'

A GARDENER who was stunned to discover a human skull while digging up potatoes was left floored when his wife calmly admitted it was her first husband.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

HE CAN SEE FLORIDA IN HIS REAR-VIEW MIRROR

Driver with car problems spotted going in reverse on busy Ohio highway

(Thanks to Ralph)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICERS?

A 29-year-old man is in custody after police say he stole an armored personnel carrier (APC) from Fort Pickett and traveled through downtown Richmond on Tuesday night.

(Thanks to Jon Harris, Jay Brandes, Al Barkafski, Matt Filar and Greg Snow)

LEGAL DEFENSE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man on LSD told cops he thought he was playing Grand Theft Auto when he stole a car right in front of them

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "In that case, sir, feel free to join Nicolas Cage for the next level.")

NO IT'S NOT

Broccoli coffee is a thing

(Thanks to MOTW)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CRICKETS

Massive Cloud of Flying Midges Descends on Cleveland, Visible on Weather Radars

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Sarasota man fires shots at neighbor who says he's Jesus Christ

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

Clarification: If we read the story correctly, it was actually the shooter who said he was Jesus Christ.

AND NOW HE NEVER CALLS

A woman's tongue was 'impregnated' by a raw squid, a medical report claims.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SILVER LINING

Patron shot by FBI agent at Colorado nightclub to receive free drinks 'forever'

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY, DIGNIFIED EVENT

Scuffle Inside NYC Funeral Home Spills Onto Street, Leaves Cops Bitten

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WAIT: AUSTRALIA HAS A LEGAL LIMIT?

Queensland woman charged with riding horse to bottle shop while four times over legal limit

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

 
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