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May 13, 2018

THOSE CAN ALSO BE HAZARDOUS

This Massachusetts school had a ‘bomb’ scare after police misheard a caller reporting a ‘bong’

(Thanks to Ralph)

FORGET TO GET MOM A GIFT FOR TODAY?

It's not too late!

(Thanks to Elseabs)

HOLD OFF ON THAT MORTGAGE PAYMENT

Asteroid Possibly Longer Than Football Field Will Soon Have Near-Earth Encounter

(Thanks to The Perts)

HE HAD A TRUNCHEON IN HIS BAG

Giant vegetable enthusiast is stopped at US customs after officials mistook a harmless gardening tool he uses to measure his prized marrows for a TASER

(Thanks to Roberto)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR STING

Angry Hamburgers Riot After Team Relegated For First Time In Club's 99-Year History

(Thanks to Matt Fillar)

ALSO 'A MACHETE AND A SWORD'

Task force investigates 575 Xanax pills stolen from treehouse south of Bismarck

(Thanks to Noah Spicker)

THEY ARE ESCALATING

Power restored at Busch Gardens after squirrel causes outage

(Thanks to John Mayson, Jane Linderman and James Flynn)

ADVISORY:

Women ‘are more likely to have an orgasm’ if they blow their nose before sex

(Thanks to Noah Spicker)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Mysterious hairy sea creature dubbed a 'globster' washes up on beach as terrified locals beg "please pray for us"

(Thanks to Ralph and John Lobert, who says "I saw Mysterious Hairy Sea Creature open for Country Joe and the Fish.")

TO ACCESSORIZE YOUR MAGNET IMPLANTS:

Bizarre nails imitating set of teeth look disgustingly realistic

(Thanks to Le Petomane and John Lobert)

'FOR FUN'

Louis Anderson, a 16-year-old aspiring biotech entrepreneur, eats dinner with an anarchist, a world-renowned tongue splitter and at least 30 people who have implanted themselves with magnets or radio-frequency identification chips, a.k.a. RFID implants, for fun on a recent Friday night in Tehachapi, Calif.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IT IS WELCOME ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

Motorised shed hits 100mph to break speed record at Pendine Sands

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, Noah Spicker and Jay Brandes)

TO THE MOMS:

Happy Mother's Day. We know we don't deserve you.

 
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