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May 07, 2018

IN HIS DEFENSE, HE BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO JOHNNY DEPP ROUGHLY 25 YEARS FROM NOW

Man nicknamed 'Captain Jack Sparrow' huffed glue, kicked Tennessee cops, police say

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

IF YOU DON'T THINK THIS LED TO AN ARREST, YOU HAVE LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT THE GREAT STATE OF FLORIDA

As conversation turned to the price of vegetables, Pamela said she bagged six ears of corn instead of five at Publix, knowing she'd only be charged the $2 rate for five.

(Thanks to ubetcha)

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S UP THERE

Authorities in Michigan said police and firefighters captured a family of raccoons that fell through a home's ceiling into a human family's living room.

We have no doubt who was behind this.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Hey, Calgary: Your free compost is ready for pickup

(Thanks to Roberto)

THE SENIOR PRANK IS GOING TO BE SOMETHING SPECIAL THIS YEAR

Idaho school can't find small bit of weapons-grade plutonium

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

HOOSIER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Indiana man arrested for driving lawnmower drunk for second time, according to sheriff's office

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

IF YOU READ ONLY ONE WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY

Make it this one.

It's difficult to pick a highlight, but consider: "The bride is manager of the SPAMĀ® Museum in Austin, Minn."

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Army researchers are developing a self-aware squid-like robot you can 3D print in the field

(Thanks to wiredog)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Ohio Man Arrested After Flying to Florida to Smoke Joint With President Trump at Mar-a-Lago

(Thanks to Commander McBragg)

WHAT CHOICE DID THEY HAVE?

Angry film fans PUNCH cinema staff after late night showing of Avengers: Infinity War gets cancelled at last minute

(Thanks to Jphn Lobert)

PROUDLY REPRESENTING THE SUNSHINE STATE

Police charged a Florida man with open and gross lewdness Saturday night after witnesses said he tried to pee on them on Water Street.

(Thanks to Ralph)

ON THE OXYMORON TICKET

A MAN NAMED SEXY VEGAN IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

(Thanks to Rick Day)

WAY MORE EXCITING THAN GOLF

Coyote Peterson Narrates Two Dung Beetles Fighting Over A Turd

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BECAUSE HE *CARES*, DAMMIT

Man flings sex toy, flaming shirt at woman during breakup, Denton police say

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Related: Florida man smashes car with frying pan, fills gas tank with sugar, police say

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

 
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