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May 01, 2018

BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT SPRY ENOUGH ALREADY

Boston researchers reverse aging in mice, study shows

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

McDonald's customer takes bat to drive-thru window after being denied biscuits and gravy

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL

Jenny's Weather Forecast

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

For you youngsters, here's the reference.

 

WHAT'S THAT SMELL

It's National Asparagus Month.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, who says "celebrate rresponsibly.")

SERIOUSLY?

Sainsbury's launches new 'touch-free' chicken packets for young people 'scared of touching meat'

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

PASS

19-hour direct flight from New York City?

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

WE CAN TOTALLY IDENTIFY WITH THIS MAN

Angry man shoots at his own smoke detector

(Thanks to Ralph)

PICKY, PICKY

Museum disqualifies image in wildlife photography contest after learning it was a stuffed animal

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Stan Ruth and John Criswell)

IN MIAMI, THESE THINGS WOULD LAST PERHAPS 30 SECONDS

China escalates the war on jaywalkers with automated shouting laser/squirtguns tied to motion-sensors

(Thanks to Ralph)

CLEVELAND (TEXAS) TRAFFIC ADVISORY

A massive alligator measuring in at 11 feet, 6 inches was captured in the early morning hours Monday as it crossed US 59 near the SH 105 intersection in Cleveland

(Thanks to John W, Stan Ruth and Le Petomane)

AND OUR FRIENDS ARE ALL ABOARD

Homemade yellow submarine found adrift in San Francisco Bay, owner says it was stolen

(Thanks to Charles Indelicato)

IT WAS A BLUE MORPHO

Ohio woman charged with stealing rare butterfly

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

'FAIRLY LEGAL HIP AND SHOULDER'

Flying dolphin takes out standing paddleboarder

Also Australia, of course.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

IS THERE ANY APPLIANCE IN AUSTRALIA THAT *DOESN'T* CONTAIN A SNAKE?

Snake removed from inner workings of business' oven

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

CRIME OF THE CENTURY SO FAR

Raleigh man steals 'jorts' from sleeping neighbor

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, who says "There is nothing lower.")

YOU KNOW WHO DIRECTED THIS OPERATION

Pelicans crash California graduation, 1 lands on red carpet

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Al Barkafski and John Criswell)

IF YOU'RE DRIVING A TRUCK, AND YOU ENCOUNTER A GATOR...

...yield.

(Thanks to manual tomato)

'WHEN I SAW AVA WITH THE TINY PENIS IN HER HAND, MY HEART SANK'

A mum accidentally bought her two daughters penis-shaped pasta

(Thanks to John Lobert)

 

'MECHANOPHILIA'

Cops: Woman’s sexual attraction to vehicles, machinery causes disturbance in West Norriton

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CSI: MANASSAS (GET IT? "MAN-ASS-AS")

Man suspected of biting Manassas lingerie boutique employee on the behind arrested, police say

(Thanks to Loudmouth, who says "Virginia is for lovers.")

HELLO, GEICO?

A Lamborghini was split in half when it crashed into a concrete light pole in Tysons Thursday night.

(Thanks to Loudmouth, who says, "Lotta really rich folks around here. Many stupid as a box of rocks.")

 
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