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April 06, 2018

‘TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, IT ISN’T EVEN THEIR POOP’

Right now, dozens of train cars carrying 10 million pounds of poop are stranded in a rural Alabama rail yard. Technically it's biowaste, but to the 982 residents in the small town of Parrish, that's just semantics.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Roberto)

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Seagull steals package of bacon from shopper's cart

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

MEN:

Do NOT click here.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Geoff)

THIS SERVICE COST $700

After watching the footage he discovers the technicians spent a total of 11 minutes with the car on a lift before taking it out to get Frosties at Wendy's.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE ASKED ALEXA ABOUT THIS, AND SHE TOLD US NOT TO WORRY

We will all be forced to serve under an immortal robot DICTATOR whose power we can 'never escape', warns billionaire Elon Musk

(Thanks to John Lobert)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

...for Rogue Chinchilla.

(Thanks to Maryqos)

'FOLLOWING A YEAR OF RESEARCH AND DESIGN'

Danny Ruxton creates Lucky Unicorn Nipples

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

NEVER MIND

A man who robbed a New Orleans bank of $1,100 kept the money for only about 90 minutes before he called the FBI to confess, according to court documents accompanying his guilty plea this week.

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

HE SHOULD SHOW THEM HIS FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A Romanian man who failed to convince a court that he was alive after he was officially registered as deceased by his wife has initiated a new lawsuit to annul his death certificate.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston and Le Petomane)

OR, NOT

Now you can eat off artist’s famous vagina plates

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Burnt quiches were the source of smoke that activated the fire alarm system at Millburn High School today, causing an evacuation of about 1,500 staff and students.

(Thanks to Ralph)

GREEN MEANS GO

Los Angeles International Airport installs 'Tooshlights' to help ease bathroom breaks

(Thanks to MOTW)

PENNSYLVANIA TRAFFIC REPORT

State crews rescue goats stranded on Lawrence County bridge beam

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

'THAT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA'

A man hurt near Houston Thursday morning apparently put the wrong foot forward in a close encounter with a pair of moose, after state officials said he kicked one of the animals and was kicked in return.

(Thanks to nursecindy, Jane Linderman and Ralph)

COLLEGE

It has changed.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who asks "Why do we hear about these things when it's too late to buy tickets?")

IN SPACE, NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU GO 'EW'

Astronauts could 3D print tools from their own processed faeces

(Thanks to Slim Chance)

 
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