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April 03, 2018

MATCHING FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

A 24-year-old Virginia woman allegedly driving drunk in New Jersey over the weekend smashed into two parked cars, then switched seats with her also allegedly drunk friend, who crashed into another two vehicles, authorities say.

Always a Shrewd Legal Strategy: They allegedly told cops they were trying to figure out who was "less drunk"

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

BOLO

Police are hunting for a man who appears to have a particularly large mouth in connection with a distraction burglary in Stratford.

Thanks to Le Petomane)

AND IN SPORTS

Man filmed having sex with ninth hole of golf course

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IN THE OPENING BRIEF

"Anal Cleft" Is Actually Easy to Define, City of Everett Argues in Bikini Barista Case

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

FLORIDA TRAFFIC REPORT

A driver on a Florida highway captured video of a 7-foot alligator being chased out of traffic by a sheriff's deputy wielding an umbrella.

(Thanks to Slim Chance)

TALK ABOUT DEVOUT

An Arizona mother was arrested Sunday after police say she used a taser to wake up her 16-year-old for an Easter church service.

(Thanks to Rick Day, Slim Chance, who says "The family that tase together, stays together," and Michael Huber, who says "He is risen!")

TERRORISM UPDATE

"Investigators learned family had brought Harrison a pack of ham to eat and she didn't want the ham," police Chief Floyd Johnson said today. "After (the family) left, she set the ham on fire and put it in the garbage can."

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THEY SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED WITH THE OREGON STATE HIGHWAY DIVISION*

Gigantic ice explosion to clear a frozen shipping route backfires as 1,322 lbs of dynamite blows windows out of homes and leaves several people injured

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Ralph)

*We refer to this event.

SPEAKING OF FLORIDA...

Florida sheriff shares photo of arrested spring breakers being happily carried to jail

(Thanks to Ian Sirota)

BUT IT'S FLORIDA

How Not To Unload Your Mustang From A U-Haul Trailer

(Thanks to John Lobert)

PRIORITIES

Man gets stabbed in pub fight then orders pint with knife stuck in his back

(Thanks to Ralph)

 
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