« January 2018 | Main

February 23, 2018

WE BET

‘Africa’s answer to Kim Kardashian’ says her 60 inch backside stops traffic

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THE JUDGES DEDUCTED TWO POINTS FOR SHRINKAGE

Watch STREAKER run on to ice with a MONKEY protecting his PRIVATES

(Thanks to Roberto)

DON'T WORRY: THEIR IDENTITIES ARE BEING PROTECTED

Animal smuggler caught trying to bring 12 donkeys and a horse into North Wales

Donkey-smuggler-convicted (1)

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF STUPID?

Students in Louisiana thought this math symbol looked like a gun. Police were called

(Thanks to Glen Page and Peter Metrinko)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Former Freemason, 51, found drunk and naked inside a huge pipe organ with a toy gun and remote-controlled police car says he got lost while trying to hand out cheeseburgers to the homeless

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "In that case, sir...")

'THE MALE G SPOT'

The 63-year-old found himself unable to stop orgasming, a new study reveals, after accidentally discovering prostate stimulation could bring him to climax

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

SO *THAT'S* WHO'S WATCHING THE WINTER OLYMPICS

Moose caught watching Olympic bobsleigh in most Canadian moment ever

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOUR 'ASSETS' JOKE HERE

Argentina's 'sexiest weathergirl' insures her famous bum for a whopping £72,000 to protect it from "all risks"

(Thanks to Ralph)

STAND TALL, DINESH SHIVNATH UPADHYAYA

An Indian man who holds several Guinness World Records has another title to his name after sucking down a bottle of ketchup in under 30 seconds.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THEY'RE PERSISTENT LITTLE BASTARDS

What frustrated squirrels can teach us about perseverance

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR EACH OTHER

Yard Goats cancel monkey rodeo show after complaints made

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER SURRENDERING THE LAUNCH CODES

Four large pythons found in Florida's abandoned missile base

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

OOPS

Escort shows up at wrong house in Cape Coral

(Thanks to Noah Spicker)

February 22, 2018

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Noah Spicker)

ATTENTION, NOBEL COMMITTEE

On Thursday morning, adult entertainment company CamSoda introduced the “RubGrub,” an interactive vibrator that orders food after you’re done using it for its original purpose.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

WHY PENMANSHIP MATTERS

Couple rescued from remote deserted island after writing massive HELP sign in the sand

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IT WAS LABELED ‘EDIBLE’

Kale recalled in 34 states after being mislabeled

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

PLEASE CELEBRATE IMMEDIATELY

It's National Margarita Day.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

STIMULATING

Care home hires pole dancers to keep elderly residents entertained

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

'IT KEPT HIM AMUSED FOR AGES'

Dog finds massive dildo in owner’s bedroom and now it’s his favourite toy

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

FASHION UPDATE

"...an underlying metaphorical feminist message."

TWO WORDS YOU RARELY THINK OF TOGETHER

By the Slimmest of Margins, the U.S. Knocks Canada Off in Curling Thriller

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

SEND THIS WOMAN TO WASHINGTON

California woman sues state for not acknowledging Bigfoot's existence

(Thanks to James Flynn)

Also send Bigfoot.

February 21, 2018

GUYS IN ACTION

Man Burns Down Home In Attempt To Remove Skunks

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Ralph)

UNDOUBTEDLY THERE'S A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

Fire crews called to remove a spanner stuck on man's genitals

(Thanks to Ralph)

O CANNABIS

More Canadians overall smoking pot than in 1985

(Thanks to The Perts)

HE WAS ATTEMPTING TO DELIVER CHINESE FOOD, WHICH IS A GOOD ENOUGH REASON FOR US

Bicyclist arrested after app directs him into Lincoln Tunnel

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THEY SAY IT’S GOOD TO STAY ACTIVE

Fortuna woman, 79, arrested for selling meth out of her senior center home

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

JUST BEER FOR US, THANKS

Video of still-moving seafood at extra-cheap sushi chain startles, entices Japanese Twitter

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADIAN SPORTS REPORT

Could you eat this six-pound donair? Monstrous wrap eludes extreme eaters

“Weighing about the same as a Chihuahua”

(Thanks to The Perts)

UNFORTUNATELY NO ENGLISH TRANSLATION IS AVAILABLE

Left-arm spinner Ashton Agar took 3-27 to lead Australia to a 19-run win over New Zealand on Wednesday under the Duckworth-Lewis system in the rain-affected final of the Twenty20 tri-series.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

GUESS WHO’S NUMBER ONE

2018’s Most Sinful States in America

REMINDER:

The Hunt is back.

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

Mattel, a company best known for its clean-cut Barbie dolls, is set to release a game called Flushin' Frenzy that sends a brown plastic poop flying into the air.

(Thanks to The Perts)

TAKE MY EX-WIFE. PLEASE.

Comedian sued by ex-husband after she brings up their marriage in her routine

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS USUALLY WORKS FOR US

Man arrested on several charges, falsely identifies himself as Matthew McConaughey

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CSI: VERMONT

Snow shovel fight brings police to West Lebanon parking lot

(Thanks to Glen Page, who says "I think the weather around here could be a factor.")

February 20, 2018

‘DOOBIES MKE BOOBIES’

The York Regional Police Service says they are sorry after a police officer told a number of Catholic high school students that smoking marijuana leads to lower testosterone and growth of male mammary areas.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHICH FRANKLY MAKES THEM EVEN MORE DISGUSTING

The Portland Press Herald reports soon after the Unicode Consortium released proposed images of 157 new emojis to be made available this year, Maine residents took umbrage at the lobster emoji's eight legs instead of the correct 10.

(Thanks to The Perts)

IF THAT DOESN’T WIN HIM BACK, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL

Woman Tases man who tries to leave her

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY MAKE ‘JA-JA’ SOUNDS

Snake alert sparks great imagination among great tits

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

UPDATE

Suspected drug dealer has now gone 34 days without taking a poo

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Tourists caught smuggling gold into Japan inside their rectums

(From the Asahi Shimbun! Get it? Ha!)

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IN OUR VIEW, IT DEPENDS ON THE DOG

Bill to prevent minors, or a dog, from becoming Kansas governor moves forward

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

THEY BOOST ATTENDANCE

China wages war on funeral strippers

NIGHTS ARE LONG UP THERE

Saskatchewan family adorns farm fence with nearly 100 colourful bicycles

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Corndog Poke Leads to Criminal Charges

(Thanks to Brian Duval)

THE SCIENCE IS (burp) SETTLED

Drinking alcohol key to living past 90

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

AND STAY OFF THEIR LAWN

Women took axe to truck blocking their driveway

Names We Are Not Making Fun Of: Alongkorn Sirisongkhram, Rachanikorn Lertwasana, Ratanachat Saengyoktrakarn and Ranee Saengyoktrakarn.

(Thanks to Phil McAvity)

SEEMS LOGICAL

Farmer believes this massive poster of a porn star in his field has boosted his crops

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Ralph)

 
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