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February 01, 2018

BOLO, EVERY FARM IN BRITAIN

A pensioner has been banned from every farm in Britain after he allegedly pushed his fist into a cow’s rectum and performed a sex act.

(Thanks to John Finn)

FLORIDA CRACKS DOWN

The move comes after a news conference on Hurricane Irma in Manatee County last year when a sign language interpreter translated about 95% gibberish, including warnings about pizza and a big bear instead of safety tips.

(Thanks to Thayer Conrad)

LIKE HOTCAKES

Elon Musk sells out of his 20,000 flame-throwers

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY ETC.?

Heart-Stopping Arrow Poison Could Be the Key to Male Birth Control

(Thanks to wiredog, who says "sticking me with a poisoned arrow would certainly work.")

We have a sneaking suspicion that maybe we posted this item already. If so, Judi will of course be fired.

WHY THE 'BUT?'

Miami is a sex-obsessed, booze-filled money suck – but we’re pretty happy, survey says

NAME THAT CONTINENT!

Cause of mystery toilet flushing turns out to be snake in the wall

(Thanks to Rick Day)

IT'S BAAAAAACK

The Herald Hunt, people. March 4 in downtown Miami. It's free and it's weird.

HE SOUNDS LIKE WASHINGTON MATERIAL

Hapless Hawaii employee who sent out false missile alert had confused tsunami and fire drills with real life TWICE before and 'just sat there frozen' after he realized what he had done and his colleagues scrambled to fix it

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

FROM THE 'ANNUAL CHICKEN WING REPORT':

AMERICANS WILL EAT ENOUGH SUPER BOWL WINGS TO CIRCLE EARTH 3X

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

BARGAIN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Loaded grenade launcher found in Manatee County thrift store

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Science class attempt to cook calamari evacuates school

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Michael Parry)

WE ASSUME IT ALREADY HAS A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Michigan Man Receives Letter Granting His Dog Unemployment Benefits

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Michael Parry)

 
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