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January 03, 2018

SOUNDS LEGIT

Prison inmate claims drugs found in his butt weren't his

(Thanks to Ralph)

Comments

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I suppose the guy may color-blind. Perhaps he thought he'd stuffed a red balloon up there. "Blue? I haven't seen any blue balloons. It must be someone else's."

He was framed!

"Okay, then you'll just keep them there until the rightful owner shows up."

Besides asking the guards if they 'actually saw the defendant put something up his anus' any good defense attorney would question the merits of the prision's 'Anus Searching Training Program'.

Then someone else has some 'splainin' to do.

Manual, That would be the Anus Search System. Lovin' the glovin'.

If the dope is in your anus, you lose your writ of mandamus.

[Defense Attny.] "Your honor, the Defense will show that not only did the contraband NOT belong to Mr. Wylie-Biggs, but that was not even Mr. Wylie-Biggs' anus!" (Courtroom lets out a collective gasp - Dramatic music plays; defendant's fiance looks worried)...
[Judge] "Counselor, I don't know where you're going with this, but I'm intrigued enough to let you continue. But you'd better not be pulling this out of your @$$."
"Your honor - that's EXACTLY what we intend to do!"
[Court erupts into total mayhem; fiance faints; reporters scramble to their iPads]
[Prosecutor] "Objection, your honor! Objection!"

Stixnstonz I think that was an actual episode on either Perry Mason or Matlock.

Bravo, Stixnstonz!

He needs to change his name to Wylie-Coyote.

The "if it doesn't fit, you must acquit" defense isn't going to work here.

When he gets back to prison he'll be the butt of many jokes.

I bet nursecindy have met a lot of people who made the same excuse - "I don't know how that remote control got inside my anus", or something like that.

I had an MD friend tell me when he was an Intern he had the police bring in a drugged up combative man who kept yelling his butt hurt. When they got him in a gown and restrained on an examination table my friend immediately noticed the guy's anus was glowing "like a beady red eye."
It turned out he had a lit flashlight up there with good batteries.
Yes, I'm sure nursecindy has met some really interesting characters. Maybe she can recount some episodes in her future advice column in the Flathead County newspaper.

Le Petomane: Hello, I must be glowing?
Thanks for shedding a little light on, well, never mind!

This little anus light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...


I expected to see the phrase “I was holding it for a friend.” somewhere in the article or comments. Would have to be a very intimate friend....

Wylie-Biggs? You can’t make stuff like that up.

They gotta prove the butt was registered to him.

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