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January 19, 2018

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER

Dr Pepper-Drinking Donkey Returns Home After Missing For 2 Years

(Thanks to MOTW)

WE STAND CORRECTED

I've gotten a number of hits from your blog, and I will never turn down traffic from someone I've admired for as long as I can remember, but unfortunately my site is pure, hyper-local satire.

"Cold enough to chip a nipple" is something people in Maine say. I wrote the piece expecting it to bomb on the site, and only appeal to a limited number of my personal friends. It's now my biggest performing piece by a long shot. Orders of magnitude. Hopefully I can be linked from your blog again because you find my work completely hilarious, but in the meantime, I am oddly sad to have to report Maine is not actually suffering an epidemic of chipped nipples.

Thank you so much,

Seth Macy

HE WAS TAKING THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE TO FLORIDA

“He bought a vehicle this morning and as he was leaving, he accidentally drove the vehicle into the showroom through a large window,” Timmons said.

(Thanks to Dave Emery)

YIKES

Toxic Extract Used in Poison Arrows Could Be The Future of Male Contraception

(Thanks to S.M.L. fractalist)

LEGAL TACTIC OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Maine man punches self in face to avoid sobriety test

(Thanks to Bill Carver and Le Petomane)

IF IT'S ONLINE, IT MUST BE LEGIT

Man Claiming To Be Time Traveler From Year 6000 Releases Video Online

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

GUYS IN ACTION

Guy Breaks Buddy's TV Trying Virtual Reality For The First Time

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Five-foot long tapeworm came 'wiggling out' of man's body after he ate sushi

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "So even tapeworms can't stand sushi.")

WE'VE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS DAY TO ARRIVE

THE FACE OF FRANK ZAPPA HAS MIRACULOUSLY APPEARED ON A DOORKNOB

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE BLAME PORN

Florida man arrested for DUI after mistaking bank drive-thru for Taco Bell

(Thanks to Ralph)

OFFERING WARMTH AND NEAR-TOTAL IMMOBILITY

$1,000 thigh-high Uggs hit the runway

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BECAUSE WE'VE SOLVED ALL OUR OTHER PROBLEMS

Florida Legislature could declare pornography a health risk

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

 
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