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December 07, 2017

SPORTSPERSONS IN ACTION

Authorities say a 60-year-old northern Idaho man is recovering after being shot in the buttocks with a .50-caliber muzzleloader rifle by his hunting partner who mistook him for an elk.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

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Lately, you can't pick up a paper without reading about some horny old man getting taken down.

Are the elk conspiring with squirrels?

His partner is a crack shot.

He was planning to roast him with Rudolph.

Shouldn'ta worn the antlers. Sure, it was funny, but...

An oldie and a goodie from Tom Lehrer:

"Almost every day during the hunting season, you see at least one item in the newspapers about somebody who has shot somebody else, under the impression that he was... a deer with a red hat, perhaps? Maybe a large, flesh-colored squirrel."

His name wouldn't happen to be Forrest Gump, would it?

These reports remind me of a not so PC story, I'll just give you the punch line:
OK lady it's YOUR deer! Just let me take MY saddle!

As the old joke goes:

"Doctor, is he gonna be OK?"

"Well, he would have been a heck of a lot better if you hadn't skinned him!"

Even older joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

The shooter is vice presidential material.

Another bad hunter joke:

Two hunters were sitting around a campfire drinking beer. One has to pee so he wanders over to a bush and urinates on a big rattlesnake that bites him on the penis. He comes running back to his partner and tells him what happened.
"Calm down" his partner said dialing his cell phone. "We'll see what the ER doc says."
The doctor slowly explains how to make two small incisions and suck out the venom.
"What did the doc say?" His now panicking friend asked.
His partner shook his head sadly, "The doctor says you're gonna die."

He probably doesn't date much if he looks like an elk.

When you have a gun (and a few beers) everything looks like an elk.

What guy wouldn't want a third ball?

He needs higher caliber friends.

Easy mistake to make,My father was a member of the Loyal order of the Moose, I always feared for his safety during hunting season.

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