« September 2017 | Main

October 20, 2017

GOOD TO LET THEM KNOW

7:36 p.m. A Kalispell resident “just doesn’t want to deal with the cops right now.”

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY FEAR

Provincial police say they want to hear from anyone in the Renfrew, Ont., area who has been a victim of underwear theft.

(Thanks to Roberto and Le Petomane)

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM....

Vero Beach Woman Tells Police: ‘I don’t Have To Listen To You’

(Thanks to John Mayson)

BECAUSE RIPPED JEANS WERE NOT STUPID ENOUGH

Presenting: Thong jeans.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

Meth man charges at family with metal pole, claims deputies have implant in his brain

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHICH HELPS WHEN YOU HAVE TO ASK A FOREIGN POLICE OFFICER WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM

Turns out getting drunk can help you learn languages

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THOUGHTFUL!

Woman brings police officer a cake reading: 'Sorry I tried to bite you'

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Bob Brogan, who says "At least it wasn't doughnuts.")

TO SERVE AND PROTECT

New York state trooper hijacks Port Authority police radio to play Akinyele song ‘Put It In Your Mouth’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HARD TIME

Inmate's lawsuit says pain from 91-hour erection was ignored by Pittsburg County jail personnel

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

NAME THAT STATE!

A man named 'Cabbage' sold soap, not cocaine, to undercover detective

(Thanks to Ralph)

FIRST DOPING, AND NOW THIS

Iditarod musher Jason Mackey charged with stealing dog kennels from another musher in Nome

(Thanks to Jane from Kenai, who says "nothing lower than a kennelnapper.")

GUYS IN ACTION

Amorous bull's mating attempt with motor scooter goes awry

(Thanks to Ray Reese, Ralph and Jon Harris)

'WHILE SHOWING HIS GENITAL ORGAN'

Italian Soccer Player Banned 5 Games for Urinating Toward Fans

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

October 19, 2017

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Glam gran claims the secret to her youthful looks is rubbing URINE on her face every day

(Thanks to funny man and Roberto, who says "I use bacon.")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Scientist finally figures out why holes feel larger with your tongue than with your finger.

(Thanks to funny man)

TMI

Taco-eating semi truck driver crashes, dumps load along Blewett Pass

(Thanks to B'game and funny man)

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

Is world's oldest tortoise GAY?

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE CANNOT HELP OURSELVES

How to see Uranus with your naked eye

Autoplay.

(Thanks to John Lobert and DaninDallas)

THE NEWS FROM BALTIMORE

Baltimore workers remove "fatberg" of grease from sewer pipe

This has been The News From Baltimore.

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Iditarod Sled Dogs Test Positive For Banned Substance

(Thanks to Roberto)

WE SAW SPAM HEISTS OPEN FOR THE WHO

Spam heists in Hawaii prompt retailers to put the wildly popular ‘mystery meat’ in locked cases

(Thanks to wiredog and Not My Usual Alias)

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

A California restaurant is proudly serving reheated Popeyes chicken

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

DUI Suspect Tells Police “I didn’t drink enough for you to be able to smell it!”

You know the state.

(Thanks to John Mayson)

ADVISORY II

Doctors beg you not to ‘cleanse’ your vagina with a cucumber

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

CSI: PANAMA CITY

Police called to referee fight over toilet paper

(Thanks to Ralph)

POSSIBLY GARLIC-RELATED

Olive Garden explosion puts massive hole in Maryland restaurant

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GAME OF THRONES BONES

Superstitious villagers convinced dragons are real after discovering 60ft skeleton of 'mythical creature'

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

ADVISORY

HACKED BUTT PLUG CAN BE CONTROLLED 'FROM ANYWHERE'

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer and Michael Huber)

WE WANT A TELEVISED CONGRESSIONAL HEARING

The annual turkey drop in which a turkey is flung from a low-flying plane at an Arkansas festival has prompted a federal investigation.

(Thanks to Roberto)

THEY BOTH HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

Florida woman takes chicken paddleboarding

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer)

SURELY THAT WILL WIN HER BACK

Officials say the 22-year-old son of a Florida sheriff’s lieutenant took his father’s unmarked car and used it to pull over his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

October 18, 2017

WORTH A SHOT

A 21-year-old man wanted for probation violations surrendered at a suburban Detroit police station — with a dozen doughnuts for officers.

(Thanks to nursecindy, who says "Future politician")

NOTED

Too much exercise can kill you - especially if you're a white man

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who says "No problem here!")

THESE VAGABOND HOOVES ARE LONGING TO STRAY

Bull recaptured after running through streets of New York City

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

'IT WILL BE OVERPOWERED BY 16-YEAR-OLDS'

Pole dancing could be on track to becoming an Olympic sport

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT

Uranus Will Look Spectacular This Weekend

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR CREAM

Candidate falls for hoax, proposes drug-sniffing police bunnies

(Thanks to Ralph)

FLORIDA: A FUN STATE

Police said Walker smiled and giggled and called field sobriety exercises fun. In one exercise, she estimated the passage of 30 seconds after 80 seconds, according to the report.

(Thanks to MOTW)

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

4:17 p.m. A Bigfork woman needed help getting her trumpet back from her ex-boyfriend.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

ALWAYS A SOUND PLAN

...firefighters say they suspect a propane torch was used to burn spiders from under the trailer.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

October 17, 2017

ANKLE SPRAINS?

"When it comes to sex, we see everything from neck injuries to wrist fractures, ankle sprains and, of course, back problems. Hernias are common, too, close to where the adductor muscles of the pelvic region become strained.

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck, who says "Be careful out there!") (Also James Flynn, who says "The dismount is critical.")

IN MIAMI, WE CALL THIS 'RUSH HOUR'

Two racecar drivers have been arrested after getting into a fistfight following a crash on an Indiana racetrack that ended with a police officer using a stun gun on one of the drivers.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

IT SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

North Carolina woman accused of assaulting boyfriend with bacon

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NAME THAT STATE!

7-Eleven Patron Busted In Nacho Cheese Attack

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, John Mayson and Suzie Q Wacvet)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

...the voice-activated fridge that “walks” to you when called

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'A TRIBUTE TO THE GREAT STATE OF NEW JERSEY'

Adidas Pizza Shoes

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHERE THEY WILL IMMEDIATELY BE ATTACKED BY VENOMOUS SNAKES

Google drones will drop burritos into people's yards in Australia

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Bill Carver)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fort Pierce man robs gas station with cattle prod

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "I guess he forgot his machete.")

CANADA CONTINUES ITS DESCENT INTO ANARCHY

Limping moose temporarily blocks couple from voting in 2017 Calgary election

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw Limping Moose open for The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID DRIVER'S LICENSE AND IS NOW RUNNING FOR CONGRESS

'Suspicious' iguana captured at Florida restaurant

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

 
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