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September 21, 2017

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Vero Beach Man Asks Police To Punch Him “I Deserve It”

(Thanks to John Mayson)

CSI: GENEVA

People in Switzerland Want to Know Who Is Clogging Their Toilets With Wads of Cash

(Thanks to funny man)

TO THE BLOG FOLKS WHO ARE MEMBERS OF THE TRIBE (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE):

L'Shana Tova!

(A Hebrew expression meaning "May the new year be happy and free of squirrels.")

September 20, 2017

HE 'ALSO HAD A BELT AROUND HIS NECK'

A New Mexico man is facing charges after police say he randomly slapped a customer and then stole the man's green chile cheeseburger before dashing away.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

YET ANOTHER ARGUMENT FOR DRINKING BEER AT BREAKFAST

Experts say pumpkin spice addiction is a real thing

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THIS IS OMINOUS

A crab with a strong will to live was filmed climbing out of a pot of heating water and switching off the hot plate to save its comrades.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN OTHER MELON NEWS

An Odessa man has been arrested after allegedly assaulting his wife with a watermelon.

(Thanks to Dorkfish)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF NEW YORK:

Don’t Eat The Random Melons Growing In The Middle Of Amsterdam Avenue

The melons were planted by the “night salad manager” at the store.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

'SHE THEN REALIZED THAT SHE WAS OBSESSED WITH THAT PART OF HER BODY

Swedish woman grows buttocks 70 inches around

(Thanks to Ralph)

TODAY'S AMAZING DUCK FACT

It pays to hang out with the guys.

(Thanks to Art Silverman)

MIAMI TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

Hours After Hurricane Irma, Miami-Dade County Tickets Residents For Code Violations

(Thanks to Ranald Adams)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

Pasco man arrested for driving into person who set bananas on his car

Totally justified.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

September 19, 2017

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Scientists discover Octlantis, an underwater 'city' built entirely by octopuses where they flirt, mate and even have den evictions

(Thanks to Patty Villlanova)

ALWAYS A SHREWD LEGAL MOVE

A crazed woman shouted 'if you can't beat them, eat them,' after biting an officer outside a police station in Ireland.

(Thanks to Roberto)

CLASSY

Burglar steals dead man’s clothes in Kentucky funeral home

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IN THAT CASE, SIR....

Vero Beach Man Tells Police: “I’m not going to fight you, I’m drunk”

(Thanks to John Mayson)

NEWS YOU CAN USE

How to make your way out of a coffin if you were buried alive

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "I like the idea of hoping for a cheap coffin.")

PEOPLE OF NORTH ALABAMA:

I'll be speaking tonight at the University of North Alabama in Florence. It's part of their Distinguished Events Series, but evidently they ran out of distinguished events and so they invited me. Come on out! It's free, and will totally be worth it.

THE LAST DRAWER YOU WANT TO FIND IT IN

Catcher removes deadly snake from resident's underwear drawer

You know the country.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

CSI: MANITOBA

Police were called to a store on 18th St. N on Friday at about 5:20 p.m. Officers found a man wandering the floor in a pig costume he had stolen from the store and decided to don.

(Thanks to The Perts)

ONLY 17 TRILLION TO GO

Mayor of New Orleans: 3 aggressive squirrels 'have been apprehended'

(Thanks to Ralph)

Update: Curiously bold squirrel climbs man's leg in New Orleans

They are undeterred.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

NOT AT ALL!

Woman removes six ribs to look like Wonder Woman and declares: ‘I don’t do this for vanity’

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

TO 'PROMOTE GOOD LUCK'

Wat Bang Khun Thien Nok in Bangkok has stirred controversy as the temple has installed statues of an imaginary creature with wings, the body of a tiger and a phallus for a head

(Thanks to Phil "Swash Buckler" McAvity)

THE BLOG BE QUOTED IN THIS ARRRRRTICLE

Arrr! Fake holidays the likes of Talk Like a Pirate Day are old as me peg leg, savvy?

'IT'S UNCHARTED TERRITORY FOR ME'

The Colorado Springs family has spent weeks trying to get a mystery woman they've dubbed "The Mad Pooper" to stop defecating in their neighborhood, right outside their house.

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Police rescue angry swan after 'road rage incident' in Cambridgeshire

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

NEW ZEALAND STARRRRTED EARLY

The international Talk Like a Pirate Day is held on September 19 every year – but a growing group of pirate enthusiasts have decided to jump the gun and celebrate it earlier with a pub crawl in New Plymouth on the closest Saturday to the day.

TODAY BE THE DAY, ME HEARTIES

Arrrr

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September 18, 2017

GUYS IN ACTION

Man tries to eat rattlesnake; snake bites back

(Thanks to coscolo and Le Petomane)

Man wears clown mask to scare daughter, gunshot is fired

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

'THERE MUST BE SOMETHING BEHIND THIS STORY'

Swiss prosecutors are trying to figure out why someone apparently attempted to flush tens of thousands of euros down the toilet at a Geneva branch of UBS Group AG.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FIRST IRMA, AND NOW THIS

Is the end of the world on September 23?

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

'IT'S REALLY HARD IN CHINA'

Chinese sex doll rental service suspended amid controversy

(Thanks to Howard from Broward)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A Gainesville woman was arrested Tuesday after assaulting another woman in an attempt to “take back” her hair and uterus, Gainesville Police said.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Navy's Most Advanced Subs Will Soon Use Xbox Controllers

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

TOTALLY WORTH IT, DUDE

Canadian man, 31, stands outside courthouse in just his underwear for a MONTH demanding police return his bong and marijuana - and it works!

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Researchers Can Now Make Alcohol Out of Air

(Thanks to Thayer Conrad)

SHE ALSO ENDORSES PORRIDGE

108-Year-Old Woman Claims Avoiding Men Is The Secret To A Long Life

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IN HIS DEFENSE: HE WAS WEARING A HELMET

Naked German masturbating whilst riding unicycle in Pattaya

(Thanks to Ralph)

'CHORUS OF THE DAVE'

A neural network learns to create better D&D spells

And it has invented the name “Dave” which is now, for some reason, its favorite.

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAA

Venomous brown snake found living in family's toilet

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

YOU CAN TAKE FLORIDIANS OUT OF FLORIDA, BUT...

Two Floridians accidentally drove their car into a hotel pool after they fled the state ahead of Hurricane Irma, WSB-TV reports.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

September 17, 2017

NO, THIS DOES NOT REFER TO CONGRESS

A museum of blood-sucking nightmares: the US National Tick Collection

(Thanks to Steve K)

WORKOUT ROUTINE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A German man whose penis became stuck in the hole of a 2.5 kilogram gym weight plate needed the help of the fire brigade and their power tools to remove it.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DOORS

In Ancient Rome flaming war pigs were used to counter elephants

(Thanks to Chris Johnson)

OR, AUSTRALIAN

Aussie in his undies who pulls a beached GREAT WHITE shark back into the sea by its tail is either really brave... or really stupid

In his defense, the shark is not really all that GREAT.

(Thanks to Geoff)

September 16, 2017

'HELP YOU AT THAT TIME TO USE BEAR BIG'

Officials in Manatee County, Florida are under fire after an interpreter for the deaf warned about pizza and monsters during an emergency briefing related to Hurricane Irma.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

ATTENTION, MORONS

Aspen police: Don’t take selfies with bears

(Thanks to Ralph)

CSI: HAWAII

3 women attempt to steal 18 cases of Spam

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUYS IN ACTION, II

Man and cat vs. rat.

(Thanks to Roberto)

KENOSHA TRAFFIC REPORT

“I think we’ve got a kangaroo in the road.”

This has been your Kenosha Traffic Report.

(Thanks to coscolo)

 
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