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September 08, 2017

HOW FLORIDA HANDLES A CRISIS

People like Ryon are going to shoot at Hurricane Irma

(Thanks to Matt Robare)

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I'm rooting for him. A modern day Don Quixote.

Obviously shooting bullets is naive. But if enough people farted at the same time in the same direction... It could be the fart heard around the world.

That is too funny, stay safe, and prayer's to you and the family and all the floridans. You always bring laughter to all of us.

Well, sure. After all, he is Florida Man.

I can see Ryon being struck in the head with a wind flung Volvo.

Remember the introductory "Amazing Stories" (produced by Spielberg) where tornados were 'alive'?

Goes for Hurricanes too. You can seed and steer them, but don't piss them off.

Farting won't produce enough energy, but if everyone in Florida turns their fans in the direction of Irma, it will blow the storm out to sea.

Anyone who believes this should go outside during the storm and experiment, then tweet the results.

Hurricanes are afraid of spiders. So what you do is,
hunt up all the spiders you can, and line the coast with them. Irma will scream like a little girl and immediately reverse course. Really!

Hey you guys, stay safe!

I don't tend to think this way anymore, though upon my arrival for a job in Savannah, Georgia (at SCAD) a bunch of us went body surfing during a hurricane. That one was in August of 1998, though offhand I do not recall it's name. Hurricanes seemed fairly routine during that stretch of time. We had some fun with it, anyway. I often took the attitude that I'd try anything once, twice if I liked it, though I Was mostly one to apply that principle to the various culinary temptations of the day. Damn, that was my first night there.

It just occurred to me that we could dump a massive amount of salt into eye of the storm. I figure we'd end up with the world's largest Margarita or we'd all have to buy new cars.

No, salt in the eye of a hurricane would only give you Miso soup.

...Try it you'll like it. So I tried it. Thought I was gonna die.

I'm guessing he's single, ladies.

Just sayin'.

I have a surrealistic pillow that I could toss in.

I've been closely monitoring The Weather Channel. This is what I've learned so far:
1. When the wind blows, palm tree fronds move.
2. Miami has a lot of cranes in the downtown area and they could blow over.
3. It takes 10 days to take down a crane.
4. If you live in a mobile home in the path of the hurricane and don't evacuate, you're a moron.
5. The water is very choppy.
6. Hurricane Jose is following the same path as Irma.
7. They're still not sure about Irma's path.

nursecindy...plus:
8. If you watch water rise to 8 feet, your car will float and hit you in the head.
9. If Jim Cantore stands in a wind tunnel in a harness facing into category III hurricane winds, his wattles flap.
10. Everyone's forgotten entirely about Katia, who is probably sneaking up the Mississippi to Chicago while nobody's looking.

Won't work. They tried that in Houston, and Harvey got really mad.

Honest to Chthulu, the day before this was in the news I was joking with someone who has a place in Florida that I was surprised Miami residents* weren't celebrating the hurricane by shooting guns off in their back yards. I only know of this tendency due to Mr. Barry's writings.

* I originally referred to "Miami natives." I was swiftly corrected. Apparently there is no such thing.

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